scared soul
06-12-13, 21:57
I don't really know how to start and I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes:
I have been feeling really low recently. I would say that I've always been a bit of a worrier but not like this. My mother passed away earlier this year and since about Christmas I've been feeling like this. I hate it, I get very irritable and worked up with my family so as much I hate to say it I don't particularly enjoy the time I spend at home. Work used to feel like a break and a bit of a safe haven but just recently I am not enjoying it so much. I get on very well with my colleagues and I really respect them but I seem to have little confidence and I feel the need to constantly check on things and ask questions. I'm sure this irritates my boss, (although I do really like her and get along with her). I have been told over and over again that I have excellent judgement and I need to trust it but I am really scared of messing up and causing the company problems or even just getting shouted at. When I do get snapped at I don't tend to hold a grudge and I don't snap back but it preys on my mind for the rest of the day and just recently I have started to feel really tearful with it. One day this week I was particularly close to tears and I had to rush out of the office, but luckily it was the end of my day there so I don't think anybody noticed.
I also feel very worried about death but not about me dying, I am terrified of other people I care about dying, my colleagues, friends and family. Even if one of my colleagues is off for a couple of days with a cold I keep thinking what if it's something worse. (As I think I've said, although I feel increasingly uncomfortable at work lately, I do really respect and like my colleagues. My dad also has been away a lot recently and if him or my brother are slightly late home I start to think what if something's happened to them and how would I cope.
I also tend to think that if I do something wrong or bad then somebody I care about (again family, friends, colleagues and members of their families) will get hurt or sick because of what I have done. I know this surely can't be and yet I am so sure it is going to happen. It really does frighten me.
I have had similar feelings in the past, a few years back but they were not as bad as this and they went away a lot quicker.
I confided in somebody I really trust earlier this year and she encouraged me to seek further help. I eventually went to the doctors (she went with me) and I told the doctor some of my feelings (some of them have only come on recently). He told me it sounds like anxiety and gave me a number to call to get further help.
However I'm too scared to call it. I haven't told my family I really don't think that they would understand, as nice as they are. We don't really talk about our feelings and although they have noticed my behaviour can be a little weird, they think I'm just being stupid.
Does this sound like anxiety?
Sorry if this doesn't read very well, I had to get it out.
I have been feeling really low recently. I would say that I've always been a bit of a worrier but not like this. My mother passed away earlier this year and since about Christmas I've been feeling like this. I hate it, I get very irritable and worked up with my family so as much I hate to say it I don't particularly enjoy the time I spend at home. Work used to feel like a break and a bit of a safe haven but just recently I am not enjoying it so much. I get on very well with my colleagues and I really respect them but I seem to have little confidence and I feel the need to constantly check on things and ask questions. I'm sure this irritates my boss, (although I do really like her and get along with her). I have been told over and over again that I have excellent judgement and I need to trust it but I am really scared of messing up and causing the company problems or even just getting shouted at. When I do get snapped at I don't tend to hold a grudge and I don't snap back but it preys on my mind for the rest of the day and just recently I have started to feel really tearful with it. One day this week I was particularly close to tears and I had to rush out of the office, but luckily it was the end of my day there so I don't think anybody noticed.
I also feel very worried about death but not about me dying, I am terrified of other people I care about dying, my colleagues, friends and family. Even if one of my colleagues is off for a couple of days with a cold I keep thinking what if it's something worse. (As I think I've said, although I feel increasingly uncomfortable at work lately, I do really respect and like my colleagues. My dad also has been away a lot recently and if him or my brother are slightly late home I start to think what if something's happened to them and how would I cope.
I also tend to think that if I do something wrong or bad then somebody I care about (again family, friends, colleagues and members of their families) will get hurt or sick because of what I have done. I know this surely can't be and yet I am so sure it is going to happen. It really does frighten me.
I have had similar feelings in the past, a few years back but they were not as bad as this and they went away a lot quicker.
I confided in somebody I really trust earlier this year and she encouraged me to seek further help. I eventually went to the doctors (she went with me) and I told the doctor some of my feelings (some of them have only come on recently). He told me it sounds like anxiety and gave me a number to call to get further help.
However I'm too scared to call it. I haven't told my family I really don't think that they would understand, as nice as they are. We don't really talk about our feelings and although they have noticed my behaviour can be a little weird, they think I'm just being stupid.
Does this sound like anxiety?
Sorry if this doesn't read very well, I had to get it out.