Bean

[ben esgate]

Depersonalization

Hi there. I have had anxiety problems for as long as I remember. Recently though, depersonalization has been so bad for me that I am too afraid to sleep. I cant identify who I truly am any more. It happens in stages. As I am drifting off to sleep I lose identity of myself and it gets worse and worse over the course of a couple of minutes until I completely cant feel in touch with who I am? I know my name is Ben and where I am physically but I am scared of my own body and voice because I have no real feeling or sense of reality.

Recently I have been waking up again with a fright after about an hour of falling asleep (when I eventually can) and jumping out of bed screaming as I cant work out who I am or were I am. Its got so bad I have hurt myself and bruised myself on things in my house. I cant cope with it any more. I am exhausted and have thoughts of suicide to end it all. I am scared of death and being conscious of my own breathing scares me as I think I am going to stop breathing. I am stressed all the time with my jaw clenching all the time and my shoulders are tense.

I feel adrenaline running through my body at the most inconvenient of times. I have been put on beta blockers to help with this and also take escitalopram but feel worse these days.

I have joined this site for some support.

[Brodie2005]

Hi
I am probably not much help to you as i am new here myself, but all i do know is that no matter how bad things feel, you are not alone. None of us are ever alone, that what this site is for, to interact with people with similar problems, who understand, as hard as this may sound, try to think of something positive, a time or place when you felt safe, try to imagine you are in that place and you will learn to find your way out. This site will help you if you read some of the advice and info on here, just try to remember you are not alone and people will help you.

[ben esgate]

Hi Brodie

Thank you, that means a lot. Do you know if many people speak of depersonalization on this site?

Thank you once again.

[nomorepanic]

There are loads of posts about DP/DR - you are not alone

[Brodie2005]

To be honest with you i really dont know, but if you can get on to check, try the chat rooms, i am new to this myself and so i really dont know. All i do know is that most people with similar if not the same the problems will be there to support you and help you out if they can
take care for now

[Tanner40]

Welcome to NMP. You will find a great deal of support on here from like minded folks. I know that I have. Welcome and good luck on your journey.