Raphaels
09-12-13, 09:17
Hi all
This is my blog for a week today I'm having a CT scan and beta blocker. Anxiety at high levels. Don't know how I'm going to cope. Started to feel anxious yesterday. My stomach has flared up which doesn't help. That alone makes me worry incase it's my heart. Then the wonderful thoughts. The what ifs.
Same old nonsense. I'm afraid of taking Beta Blocker. Why am I afraid well?
What if my heart rate falls so low I die. What if it has a residual effect on my heart afterwards. What if I make things worse. Afraid of meds. I'm afraid. Afraid of death afraid of living. So I'm in torment. My CBT was short and not helpful. So now I'm waiting for a referral to another clinic.
I'm having this test to help me finally know for sure that I haven't got heart decease. My biggest fear. So I'm electing to have this scan. Yet why does my fear of hospitals kick in and raise my heart rate. Why can't I be more chilled about it. The fear of BBs is so out of control. I made the mistake of looking up the facts. Then I found a bad sight that one person said you could die. This has made me paranoid. Idiots on this site. Cannot remember which site as I was in a panic. But it's an America forum. Never again. I rarely do this. I stick to this site normally. How on earth I'm going to get through this I don't know. A week is so long. I wish they would put me to sleep and get it over with.
All this is my stupid thoughts which I listen to. The normal me just accepts it. But the flight and fear mode has stepped in. So now I'm trying very hard to control these thoughts of danger. Because that's what it's all about. I feel I'm in danger. So my response is to protect myself. But I'm not protecting myself, I'm letting it do more harm than good. Our natural responses to run are out of control. See what tomorrow brings.
This is my blog for a week today I'm having a CT scan and beta blocker. Anxiety at high levels. Don't know how I'm going to cope. Started to feel anxious yesterday. My stomach has flared up which doesn't help. That alone makes me worry incase it's my heart. Then the wonderful thoughts. The what ifs.
Same old nonsense. I'm afraid of taking Beta Blocker. Why am I afraid well?
What if my heart rate falls so low I die. What if it has a residual effect on my heart afterwards. What if I make things worse. Afraid of meds. I'm afraid. Afraid of death afraid of living. So I'm in torment. My CBT was short and not helpful. So now I'm waiting for a referral to another clinic.
I'm having this test to help me finally know for sure that I haven't got heart decease. My biggest fear. So I'm electing to have this scan. Yet why does my fear of hospitals kick in and raise my heart rate. Why can't I be more chilled about it. The fear of BBs is so out of control. I made the mistake of looking up the facts. Then I found a bad sight that one person said you could die. This has made me paranoid. Idiots on this site. Cannot remember which site as I was in a panic. But it's an America forum. Never again. I rarely do this. I stick to this site normally. How on earth I'm going to get through this I don't know. A week is so long. I wish they would put me to sleep and get it over with.
All this is my stupid thoughts which I listen to. The normal me just accepts it. But the flight and fear mode has stepped in. So now I'm trying very hard to control these thoughts of danger. Because that's what it's all about. I feel I'm in danger. So my response is to protect myself. But I'm not protecting myself, I'm letting it do more harm than good. Our natural responses to run are out of control. See what tomorrow brings.