hopethishelps
09-12-13, 16:53
Hi,
I am 38 year old man living in the UK.
2 years ago I met the love of my life. I am divorced with a gorgeous daughter of 6.
My marriage of 10 years was not a good relationship, every year was marred with anxiety, jealousy & paranoia.
The marriage ended when I uncovered the affairs that my wife & mother of my child was having. I had to uncover it by becoming private investigator, phones, following, threatening her sexual partners (not with violence, but with exposing them to their families)
At the same time, I lost my business of 10 years and my partners / friends / co-owners also went behind my back.
So by the end of the process, I was truly broken.
Over the next 2 years, I got back on top of my life, I was happily single with good arrangements with my daughter. The only way I managed this was to forgive everyone, as I realised it was only me that suffering the pain of harbouring grudges.
I had a few new relationships, nothing serious, until I met the girl I am now with, and have been for 2 years. This is true love, I can feel it, she can feel it , we both know it and we love it.
BUT .. Since we first started dating, slowly but surely I started to become jealous, suspicious, paranoid, anxious.
The level of anxiety and pain I experience is the same as when I was going through the final stages of hell with my ex wife & business etc.
My partner is very understanding, and will do anything to better my situation.
But, whatever she does is not helping.
I am in therapy, which helps, but still .. the pain and anxiety survive.
As I was meeting my new partner, I found out that I am HIV positive. This happened because a previous non serious relationship had flagged clamydia so I had to get checked.
Phew …. Its not easy to right this without it being an essay sorry!
So my current Partner, the love of my life, has put up and handled so much hard stuff to help me, and yet still, my feeling os mistrust and jealousy overwhelm me.
My partner also has limit and as time goes on this limit is being reached over & over again.
Therapy, anti depressants, mirtazipine, effexor, dizipam, zioplicone … All seem to help .. But when the darkness come it makes it all seem useless.
I am a socially confident person, I get on with everyone, I have good family and I have enough skills to work.
Yet I feel totally useless, stupid, weak, unable to deal with day to day life, unable to eat sleep or relax once I'm overcome with fear and anxiety.
Does anyone have any magic spells? I would give everything I own to be free of this .. I am going to loose the love of my life unless I can sort this out.
Many thanks for reading
A
I am 38 year old man living in the UK.
2 years ago I met the love of my life. I am divorced with a gorgeous daughter of 6.
My marriage of 10 years was not a good relationship, every year was marred with anxiety, jealousy & paranoia.
The marriage ended when I uncovered the affairs that my wife & mother of my child was having. I had to uncover it by becoming private investigator, phones, following, threatening her sexual partners (not with violence, but with exposing them to their families)
At the same time, I lost my business of 10 years and my partners / friends / co-owners also went behind my back.
So by the end of the process, I was truly broken.
Over the next 2 years, I got back on top of my life, I was happily single with good arrangements with my daughter. The only way I managed this was to forgive everyone, as I realised it was only me that suffering the pain of harbouring grudges.
I had a few new relationships, nothing serious, until I met the girl I am now with, and have been for 2 years. This is true love, I can feel it, she can feel it , we both know it and we love it.
BUT .. Since we first started dating, slowly but surely I started to become jealous, suspicious, paranoid, anxious.
The level of anxiety and pain I experience is the same as when I was going through the final stages of hell with my ex wife & business etc.
My partner is very understanding, and will do anything to better my situation.
But, whatever she does is not helping.
I am in therapy, which helps, but still .. the pain and anxiety survive.
As I was meeting my new partner, I found out that I am HIV positive. This happened because a previous non serious relationship had flagged clamydia so I had to get checked.
Phew …. Its not easy to right this without it being an essay sorry!
So my current Partner, the love of my life, has put up and handled so much hard stuff to help me, and yet still, my feeling os mistrust and jealousy overwhelm me.
My partner also has limit and as time goes on this limit is being reached over & over again.
Therapy, anti depressants, mirtazipine, effexor, dizipam, zioplicone … All seem to help .. But when the darkness come it makes it all seem useless.
I am a socially confident person, I get on with everyone, I have good family and I have enough skills to work.
Yet I feel totally useless, stupid, weak, unable to deal with day to day life, unable to eat sleep or relax once I'm overcome with fear and anxiety.
Does anyone have any magic spells? I would give everything I own to be free of this .. I am going to loose the love of my life unless I can sort this out.
Many thanks for reading
A