please give me hope

[worried 101]

Just feel like I've got now where else to turn, I know people on here will understand...
I'm exhausted, quite literally exhausted. My head is just full of intrusive thoughts that are just horrible.Some people may have seen my previous threads but I have just got engaged and keep having horrible thoughts that I don't love him and that we shouldn't have got engaged etc.
I have had relationship anxiety all throughout my relationship and its always come and gone. When I don't have the anxiety I feel fine and all is good, but my anxiety is always based around my relationship and I just hate it so much.
The thing is these intrusive thoughts are so bad that I'm struggling to know whats reality and whats not.
Everyday is such a battle,I would give anything not to feel like this.
Please if anybody has any positive comments that they can make I would be so glad to hear of them, if nothing but to just cheer myself up but to also give me hope.

[Andrea2607]

Hi Worried, I too suffer from GAD and intrusive thoughts but I have managed to get them under some sort of control with medication. Are you on any medication?

[worried 101]

hey there.
Thanks for your reply. I am on meds and am currently seeing a counsellor, I just hate the fears so much and just cant escape them.

[Bamadfw]

Hi worried. What meds are u on? For how long? Is it more anxiety or depression that is bothering you?

[worried 101]

Hi there.
I am on venaflaxine..am on 300mg but they want to raise it today to 375mg from tomorow. before I was on citalopram which did help alot for 2 years but stopped working and I had a very bad period so they put me on the venlaflaxine. At the moment it is the anxiety that it is giving me the problems, but then that leads into depression for me.
I'm just so exhausted from this but dont want to let it beat me.

[worried 101]

Anyone that can relate?

[MrAndy]

Anyone that can relate?
I suffered terribly from intrusive thoughts and anxiety ,I was so bad i was sectioned twice once for 3 months now im almost anxiety free and leading a normal life
It proves you can get over this and get better with hard work and the correct support ,hope this helps
take care :)

[worried 101]

thanks Andy.
I sort of feel weird at the moment, haven't been really bad but feel like i'm sort of just existing rather than actually living, sort of like i'm on auto pilot.
Sometimes the thoughts will come and I literally say out loud shut up or if around other people more quietly but its more just a constant feeling now of anxiousness i'm feeling.
The psychiatrist upped my meds a week ago so hopefully that will bring some sort of comfort.
If anyone else out there suffers from similar stuff then feel free to post.

[Mrs Anxious]

Totally get where u are coming from... I have been having suicidal thoughts of late and feeling I am about to die, it's overwhelming and I feel like I am totally going mad... The voice I hear in my head is my own voice but it scares me so much I have a panic attack, this happened at 4am this morning..... I posted on here feeling I am going to die imminently and got 1 response... So maybe I am going mad after all :(( not on any meds and off cit in September really don't want to go down that route again I want to sort this out with a therapist cos all the meds do is numb me they don't get to the route of the problem....so ur not alone but I'm afraid I don't know what advice to fine as I am seeking it myself but don't seem to be getting many responses :( take care

[Bonnibelle]

I know how you feel. I have anxiety that causes intrusive thoughts where I fear I may harm myself. Well, that's a new intrusive thought after reading the OCD board, but I have had intrusive thoughts on and off all year about what if I hurt my children, myself..... but I knew they were just thoughts and learnt to just get on with my life and not fear them. Only recently though one about jumping off a bridge after reading the OCD board stuck and it took over my life for a month. I was terrified to move, to go out for a drive and be alone. It is amazing how anxiety can suck you in and you start to fear what is reality and what isn't. I have questioned whether all this means I am suicidal for weeks.

I can now honestly say that I know I'm not wanting to end my life, anxiety plays on our worst fears and in time you will realise that.

A great booklet I have been using is the CBT4Panic course by Robin Hall. His workbook on intrusive thoughts has been a life saver.

Also my GP is right, as soon as I got the anxiety down the intrusive thoughts also calmed. They still niggle but I now don't add the severe rush of adrenaline and anxiety to it.

I think meds do have their place with anxiety, aswell as CBT and counselling to get to the root of the cause. Meds have helped calm me, which really was what I needed. I take Mirtazapine 15mg which has helped alot so far, and with my counselling and CBT course I am realising how these intrusive thoughts hit.

I was also just on auto pilot. Not enjoying my days with my children, dreading Christmas.... but now I feel a little happier and optimistic. I know I have a future and this will get easier.

Try the CBT course, if you google it, it should come up. Robin Hall wrote it. It's a great course to follow for anxiety and such thoughts.

I wish you well x

[worried 101]

hi guys. thanks for the replies. at least even though it does suck we are not alone!
Mrs anxious, i'm sorry to here that you have been having such a hard time of late, but don't worry you are not going mad I'm sure there are plenty of people that can relate to you, but sometimes messages do get missed within the forums. Do you feel like you would ever carry out any of those thoughts you have? If so then tell somebody, anybody that can be with you and help you quickly. I've had very dark thoughts as well and you just have to try your very best to remember that they are just thoughts.
I would agree meds alone are not the answer, though a mix of both of them and therapy can help tremendously. I would really recommend going back to the doctor and seeing if they can direct you to some sort of talking therapy group. I hope that you get the help you need.
Bonibelle I'm glad to hear that you are feeling in a good place :) i will definitely have a look at that course. Thankyou for the advice.

[cheshirecatqee]

I can relate to everything written here and found the only thing that worked for me was mindfulness.

I tried everything - ignoring anxiety, fighting it, forcing myself to do things that made me feel ill, exposure techniques and none worked until I learnt through mindfulness to accept and live in the moment which gets you off auto pilot and enjoying life again.

[worried 101]

Hey chesirecat.
Did you suffer from relationship anxiety? That sounds amazing the mindfullness course,would love to be free of even just a smidgen of my anxieties would be lovely.think my cousin did that or something similar and said it was amazing. i am down to do cbt therapy.is this something like mindfullness?

[cheshirecatqee]

I have had anxiety about relationship as used to worry about bf leaving because of agoraphobia/anxiety/depression even tho he has been v patient and has had to reassure so much.

Mindfulness has got rid of most of that as I have become more calm and it teaches you not to dwell on the past or constantly worry about the future as you stay more in the present.

cbt isn't much like mindfulness as its more about exposure and proving to yourself the anxiety has no reality. Mindfulness helps you accept the anxiety, which for some reason makes it fade. I still get anxious moments but they are more normal reactions to new or difficult situations