Waves of dread about poorly pet

[Dying_Swan]

Hi all. It's been a long time since I last posted here but am feeling dreadful and wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom.

I've been feeling quite anxious for a while, but knowing I am not good in the winter, I assumed it would pass. I was then ill with a stomach bug which made me more anxious. Last week I noticed my cat's gums were a little pale and she wasn't eating a lot. The vet found she was anaemic, and my anxiety notched up a gear. 2 days later she looked awful and was admitted to the vet hospital and I went to work. I couldn't focus on anything and kept bursting into tears, so had to come home. I saw my GP who diagnosed anxiety and signed me off for a week.

That night, my cat was rushed to a specialist vet hospital with worsening anaemia and no known cause. She has now been there a week, and following all sorts of horrid tests, she has been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease where her body is killing her own red blood cells. They have started treatment but it will be 2 weeks before we know if she's responding. If not, she will have to be put to sleep. She's 6 years old.

My problem is that I am getting these awful waves of dread and nausea. It is particularly bad in the morning. It's as though the ground has been removed from under me and I'm falling. It isn't the same as panic attacks, but these awful sensations of doom.

I am terrified about going back to work, and terrified of not going back to work too. I'm terrified people will judge me, as I know she's only a cat but I love her to bits. I also think it's been building up for a while and this was just the final nail in the coffin. I lost my dad and a close friend a few years ago and suppose it's this overwhelming fear of loss. But loss is part of life and I want to learn to cope with it.

I've been on citalopram for years and have had lots of CBT. I've booked for telephone counselling so will wait and see.

Thank you for reading xx

[Elen]

Aww honey my heart goes out to you.

She is NOT only a cat, she is part of your family and it is totally natural for you to be worried sick about her.

Remember your CBT, at the moment you are imagining the worst and it may never happen.

I don't really have any words of wisdom but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Elen

[Dying_Swan]

Thank you Elen. Thanks for understanding. I appreciate your kind words xxx

[nomorepanic]

Hi again M and welcome back but sorry it is under these circumstances.

One of our cats doesn't have long to live either and I know it is very upsetting when they get ill and I can't even think about when she does die.

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you at this time

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Nic. Thanks for your reply. I'm really sorry to hear that your cat is also ill. It is so awful to see them go through it. I will keep everything crossed for you xxx

[Elen]

Its so horrible when you think that you are going to lose them.

From my experience it doesnt make any difference if that happens too young or after a long and happy life.

The only consolation is that it is you that feels the worry, the upset and the dread, your pet is living for the day and a good day is always a good day in their book.

Hugs to you both

Elen

[Dying_Swan]

Thanks Elen. I think you are right that it doesn't matter if they are young or old, it's still awfully sad when old pets die. I am sure I am worrying more than she is, although she is a nervous little thing and I can't bear seeing her suffer. I am keeping everything crossed and hoping to wake up without that terrible feeling of dread tomorrow. Thank you for replying xxx

[nomorepanic]

Thanks Elen

We were told she has 3-6 months in September so we are on 3 months already

I hope your puss recovers soon M xx

[pas74]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. As you say her illness will definitely have worsened your anxiety. We love our pets with a passion. They're a huge part of our lives our family. They listen when others won't, comfort when others can't and never judge us if/when we get it wrong. I still have sad moments over the loss of my old dog15 years ago. I do hope kitty recovers but if the worst happens always remember she's had a happy life and has been loved.

[Dying_Swan]

Thank you pas74. I just don't know what's the matter with me. Can't seem to shake off this gloomy, anxious feeling. I am sorry to hear about your dog too. It's so hard. Thank you for being so understanding xx

Nic, really sorry to read about your cat. Let's hope she beats the odds and proves them wrong. Will be thinking of you xx

[nomorepanic]

Thanks :hugs:

[Dying_Swan]

Dear all

I wanted to let you know that my lovely little Molly passed away on 22nd December, at just 6 years old. She spent 2 weeks in the specialist hospital before I decided to bring her home to see how she went. After 2 days at home I felt she had no quality of life and made the agonizing decision to have her put to sleep.

Whilst the grief has well and truly set in, the anxiety is slowly subsiding, knowing that I no longer have to make horrible decisions for her, and most importantly, that she is at peace.

I just wanted to thank those of you who took the time to reply to my thread, and for giving me somewhere to let out my anxiety when I did not know where else to turn.

Best wishes to all for a happier 2014 :hugs:

[LucyR]

I read your story and likened it to what happened to my cat 2 years ago on exactly the same date too being 22nd December, 2011. She was perfectly healthy looking, then I noticed she was not eating and she vomited yellow and had to be taken to the pet hospital. They didn't think it serious and put her on a drip to hydrate her. I took her back home and she was going off her legs and would walk only a step and then stop and hide behind the sofa and she had to be readmitted to the pet hospital where she was for the next 2 days but they advised me to have her put down as she was suffering. They said she suffered acites water bloating in her stomach, it was so sad. She was four years and eight months.

[pas74]

Dear all

I wanted to let you know that my lovely little Molly passed away on 22nd December, at just 6 years old. She spent 2 weeks in the specialist hospital before I decided to bring her home to see how she went. After 2 days at home I felt she had no quality of life and made the agonizing decision to have her put to sleep.

Whilst the grief has well and truly set in, the anxiety is slowly subsiding, knowing that I no longer have to make horrible decisions for her, and most importantly, that she is at peace.

I just wanted to thank those of you who took the time to reply to my thread, and for giving me somewhere to let out my anxiety when I did not know where else to turn.

Best wishes to all for a happier 2014 :hugs:

Oh goodness, I'm so sorry to read this. It's such an awful decision to have made and I do feel for you. You did the right thing though and Molly no longer suffers. Remember your good times with her. She will always be in your heart. Hope the new year is hopeful for you.

[Dying_Swan]

Thank you Pas74, I really appreciate your kind words. I wish you a very happy new year too x

Thank you LucyR for sharing your story, and I am so sorry to hear what happened to your little cat. It's a really horrible thing to go through, and your cat was even younger than mine. So strange that they passed on the same date. Hugs to you, I know just how hard it is x

[Brunette]

I hear you DS.

I had a lot of anxiety for several months about my ill cat and I have to say that pretty much from the day after he was put to sleep I began to feel better.

The worry, and not being able to explain to him what was going on was the hardest part, far harder than losing him, because once he was gone I know he was out of pain.

Hoping you feel better soon.

xx