Tanner40
12-12-13, 12:12
Good morning from a sleepy Tanner. I just needed to share my experience and vent this morning. Not looking for reassurance, as I know it's just a blip and is all anxiety related.
I had a fairly nice night last evening and went to bed to read at about 10:00 P.M. I was excited to get back to my book, Wally Lamb's new novel, We Are Water. He is my favorite author and so far, the book had been great.
I started having some uncomfortable burning in my arms and chest while I was reading but put it off to anxiety and muscle tension. By 11:00P.M. When I turned off my light and laid down, I was feeling my arms and chest burning and a fluttery feeling in my chest. I tried to ignore the feelings and to go to sleep. Within an hour, I knew sleep was evading me so I got up and took a low dose clonazapam. Within thirty minutes, I fell asleep, which tells me once again, nothing but anxiety.
I woke up four and a half hours later with all of the same feelings. It has taken an hour and I still feel rough, but I am determined to not fuel this into a panic attack.
I think that I finally figured out that there were parts of the novel that I found to be deeply disturbing. Childhood abuse, physical, sexual and emotional. I knew I had an uncomfortable feeling while reading parts of the book, but was not consciously relating it to my own childhood. Nor was I recognizing that it was deeply disturbing to me. It's only upon awakening that I think that it may have been a trigger for my anxiety attack last night and this morning.
It never fails to amaze me how tiny things that I am not really conscious of can kick in my anxiety. It takes me time and perspective to put it together. I'm hoping that this blip is short lived and I'm hoping for a good day, in spite of very little sleep.
I had a fairly nice night last evening and went to bed to read at about 10:00 P.M. I was excited to get back to my book, Wally Lamb's new novel, We Are Water. He is my favorite author and so far, the book had been great.
I started having some uncomfortable burning in my arms and chest while I was reading but put it off to anxiety and muscle tension. By 11:00P.M. When I turned off my light and laid down, I was feeling my arms and chest burning and a fluttery feeling in my chest. I tried to ignore the feelings and to go to sleep. Within an hour, I knew sleep was evading me so I got up and took a low dose clonazapam. Within thirty minutes, I fell asleep, which tells me once again, nothing but anxiety.
I woke up four and a half hours later with all of the same feelings. It has taken an hour and I still feel rough, but I am determined to not fuel this into a panic attack.
I think that I finally figured out that there were parts of the novel that I found to be deeply disturbing. Childhood abuse, physical, sexual and emotional. I knew I had an uncomfortable feeling while reading parts of the book, but was not consciously relating it to my own childhood. Nor was I recognizing that it was deeply disturbing to me. It's only upon awakening that I think that it may have been a trigger for my anxiety attack last night and this morning.
It never fails to amaze me how tiny things that I am not really conscious of can kick in my anxiety. It takes me time and perspective to put it together. I'm hoping that this blip is short lived and I'm hoping for a good day, in spite of very little sleep.