AnxietySufferer
13-12-13, 20:26
Okay, well this is a relatively hard post to start off. Basically I am home alone which has given me time to think about things more, and I just cant stop crying because of this fear of death (I had been trying to disract myself by wrapping christmas presents), but anyway it seems logical to start from childhood.
So when I was a kid, I had no fear or understanding of death. I knew people died, but i guess i associated it with old age. SO, since my anxiety has got really bad and I have felt so ill physically it has made me think a lot more about life and death. i have been convinced I have cancer and other diseases and I havent really known how to cope, but anyway it was as though my whole conception of life span and death had changed. I guess it made me realise that life isnt a gurantee and my idea about a guranteed life untill my 90s where I would die peacefully in my sleep is unrealistic. I remember when I was younger thinking, what is my place in the world? whats the point in life, but i never considered the fact that one day I will die.
So anyway this is all causing me to have an intense fear of death, to the point where I am unable to enjoy the now. I guess I am looking for an understanding of why we are born, live and die, and for someone elses take on it? maybe someone that doesnt have this fear?
I guess its a fear of the unknown, i think this is one of the worst fears for anxiety sufferers to deal with because its that one fear where people are unable to say its going to be okay because they dont know themselves. I mean no one is able to talk to someone whos been through death and then be told it is going to be alright. We just dont know, and i know thats life, i know thats what religion is for, but being into biology I find it hard to manitain faith in an after life, i cant help but think its just a way of our brains trying to make sense of something so hard to get our heads round. I guess its also related to the fear of my life getting cut short and being unable to achieve what I want out of life. I mean.. ive heard people say things like, everyone dies for a reason, its to teach others and allow them to learn from it.. but how can cot death or other tragedies be considered deliberate lesson from life?
Also, i came to a realisation that for some reasons humans think they are so superior to other species, i mean ther ehave been so many species before us, we certainly werent the first. So how can we be so important compared to others that we will be the ones who get to live another life after death? this just doesnt seem possible to me and I find it really hard to get my head around.
I also have a horrible fear of my family dying, the thought of being left on earth without my parents or grandparents makes me extremely worried. I feel like my parents are getting older and I start to get these worries that they will die withough seeing my children or watching me get married. I dont know how I would cope without them (especially my mum, i literally rely on her so much with my anxiety issues especially).
I guess its also to do with the fact that I just cant see my fututre life, what if i am forever alone or somthing? I feel like my fearof death is making me increasingly miserable. I so so so badly want to be able to enjoy life and get the most out of it but i am just finding it so hard.
Oh and another point. Has anybody ever wondered if maybe this life is an equivalent to hell? i mean yes there are spectacular bits, but there is also intense suffering, i mean we get given great times with people, only for those people we love around us to be in pain or even die.
I am sorry for this, i just dont really have anyone I can talk to this about.
I am really sorry for this really long post I was just looking for someone elses take on this :)
So when I was a kid, I had no fear or understanding of death. I knew people died, but i guess i associated it with old age. SO, since my anxiety has got really bad and I have felt so ill physically it has made me think a lot more about life and death. i have been convinced I have cancer and other diseases and I havent really known how to cope, but anyway it was as though my whole conception of life span and death had changed. I guess it made me realise that life isnt a gurantee and my idea about a guranteed life untill my 90s where I would die peacefully in my sleep is unrealistic. I remember when I was younger thinking, what is my place in the world? whats the point in life, but i never considered the fact that one day I will die.
So anyway this is all causing me to have an intense fear of death, to the point where I am unable to enjoy the now. I guess I am looking for an understanding of why we are born, live and die, and for someone elses take on it? maybe someone that doesnt have this fear?
I guess its a fear of the unknown, i think this is one of the worst fears for anxiety sufferers to deal with because its that one fear where people are unable to say its going to be okay because they dont know themselves. I mean no one is able to talk to someone whos been through death and then be told it is going to be alright. We just dont know, and i know thats life, i know thats what religion is for, but being into biology I find it hard to manitain faith in an after life, i cant help but think its just a way of our brains trying to make sense of something so hard to get our heads round. I guess its also related to the fear of my life getting cut short and being unable to achieve what I want out of life. I mean.. ive heard people say things like, everyone dies for a reason, its to teach others and allow them to learn from it.. but how can cot death or other tragedies be considered deliberate lesson from life?
Also, i came to a realisation that for some reasons humans think they are so superior to other species, i mean ther ehave been so many species before us, we certainly werent the first. So how can we be so important compared to others that we will be the ones who get to live another life after death? this just doesnt seem possible to me and I find it really hard to get my head around.
I also have a horrible fear of my family dying, the thought of being left on earth without my parents or grandparents makes me extremely worried. I feel like my parents are getting older and I start to get these worries that they will die withough seeing my children or watching me get married. I dont know how I would cope without them (especially my mum, i literally rely on her so much with my anxiety issues especially).
I guess its also to do with the fact that I just cant see my fututre life, what if i am forever alone or somthing? I feel like my fearof death is making me increasingly miserable. I so so so badly want to be able to enjoy life and get the most out of it but i am just finding it so hard.
Oh and another point. Has anybody ever wondered if maybe this life is an equivalent to hell? i mean yes there are spectacular bits, but there is also intense suffering, i mean we get given great times with people, only for those people we love around us to be in pain or even die.
I am sorry for this, i just dont really have anyone I can talk to this about.
I am really sorry for this really long post I was just looking for someone elses take on this :)