depersonalization

[Alexocelix]

Well, my recovery from anxiety continues. I have managed to keep seeing off the anxiety that is still around from my panic attack, and at times I have begun to feel really happy and content. The trouble is, the times I feel like I am relaxing, I seem to be a little further away, and end up feeling very distant.
This starts inducing a mild anxiety, and I'm sure is basically what ended up causing my panic attack. This feeling of depersonalization, when it's around, I'm sure that's what made me felt like I was loosing control. Now I realise that this is also a result of my anxiety, but I can't seem to find advice to help me work at overcoming it. I really want to be able to work at everything, and simply achieving a state of depersonalization isn't satisfaction.
Has anyone found any helpful thought patterns or whatnot to help? Sometimes I feel like this when the Sun is going down - which is so early now, maybe it's a bit seasonal. I used to run a lot but now feel like I can't due to the poor light.

[honeybee3939]

Hi Alex

Take a look at these posts they may help:

depersonalization
D/Personalisation (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2304)
derealisation/depersonlisation (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2512)
Hi new member mom w/ panic and dp/dr (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1239)
Disassociation (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2732)
when will this feeling leave? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2971)
FEELING SPACED! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4079)
?Derealisation (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4682)
My mind and depersonalisation (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5345)

negative thoughts – dealing with
Dealing with negative thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7821)

Love

Andrea
xxx

[Alexocelix]

Cool thanks, I'll read through them, all positive I hope? ;)
I just made my mind up to go for a quick run, and the wind and rain certainly helped me wake up a bit!

[Alexocelix]

It's hard reading other people's accounts because it stirrs up my negative thoughts, but this from Meg I thought was great, even made me chuckle. I need to keep relaxing!

"Depersonalization is thought to be the brains way to protect itself from too much stress. It kind of filters out unecessary stimulii which gives us that awful unreal feeling either in place or person- depersonalization or derealization.

It also happens when you've just had a adrenalin surge and the brain is awash with stress chemicals.

What is clear is that as you calm down and your body and nervous system recovers - this subsides and you come back to normal . This can be hours for some people and days for others. It can also continue intermittantly whilst you are recovering over some months. Yoga and meditation can help teach you to relax quicker.

Neither sort can harm you and you are not going mad or forgetting who you are and neither are you dying.

I was so convinced I was forgetting who I was I wrote out a luggage label and attached it to myself whilst driving about the country at work competely depersonalised but still achieving targets and having what I think were reasonable business meetings. Noone said anything anyway apart that I was very pale.

I can chuckle about it now but I was deadly serious about it at the time. I had a label on so did my car and work bag."

[Alexocelix]

If anyone happens to be interested in my own personal take so far; I've come to realise that this is just another way my anxiety effects me, and I see that a lot of people are very scared about this symptom. Like wishing it away, or wishing you could be slightly dumber. However, I feel like everyone daydreams, self confident or hugely anxious.

I certainly don't think I should view this as a problem anymore, because with that mindset I am never going find happiness. I am never going to stop thinking so much, so I would rather turn it to something that brings me happiness as opposed to something I am scared of. I know that is what anxiety has made it feel like. Reading around a little, I think the 'Western' (I'll make a huge generalisation there because of my lack of knowledge) view of anxiety is a little stifling.

Telling yourself you have anxiety and will always suffer from it seems like a very bad start, but that is the way I see people trying to accept it. I prefer to think that everyone suffers from anxiety, so simply noticing, as many have here, that our anxiety has become unbearable, does not make us any diffferent from the person who has not yet reached this point. Telling yourself you are different and worse off from the next person will make you feel like you are suffering more than them. Now I am just a begginer at these things and if you don't agree, that is fine, but I am choosing to accept that I have suffered greatly from anxiety, but choosing not to accept that it has to continue forever.

What has helped me is reading a little about Buddism. I'm not going to fling myself into it just yet while I am still so vunerable, but if you fancy reading what has really calmed me down just recently...(It was the first google result for Buddism + Anxiety!!)
http://www.brown.edu/Students/Buddhism_Society/profiledir/thubtendir/dealingwithanxiety.html

[Alexocelix]

Let me elaborate slightly further what has led me to this and why I find it useful; I read somewhere else on here another person who always felt they were trying to understand their place in life, the universe and so on.

That is basically what my thoughts always came back to, and because I had no sensible structured way of thinking about it, a lot of the time I would come out with very negative conclusions. Over time these thoughts became scary to the point where the mention of death or god etc. would actually trigger anxiety, because it reminded me of my own personnal struggle on the subject.

Now I realise that I don't have to suppress these thoughts and therefore always be scared by them, rather I can adjust the way I think about these thoughts and regain happiness. Rather like a do it yourself C.B.T. Being untrained in such things, I wont place total faith in it, but I know it's a good start.

[Fly2Freedom]

Alex.
Fantastic.
Im buddhist and its great for dealing with life in general.
Now I know why I felt drawn to your posts.
Birds of a feather and all that.:)
Here is a link for anyone interested in learning some basics.
http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/8foldpath.htm
Please dont worry about it being a religion,it is not,its a philosophy to help deal with what causes suffering.

Love xFlyx

[Alexocelix]

Hehe, good good. Yeah, I like it. I can definately see similarities between it and C.B.T, about retraining and relaxing.

[jos]

hi Alexocelix

Last year I had many months of being really hyped on anxiety - pretty much constant with odd patches of wierd extreme calm before the hightened state came back - I was getting back to work and one week I felt really spaced but calmer like I was sedated - it scared me because it was like previous states of depersonalisation when I was very distant and couldn't think or do anything challenging - this time I was still functioning at work despite feeling distant

I came to realise that I was calming down and the quiet and distance was just a contrast to the hyperaware adrenalin fueled state i had been living in - the key difference was that I was still functioning and nobody saw there was a problem from outside - i came to embrace and enjoy this calmer state and now try to accept that really switching off every day is a rest my brain needs

before I had been frightened to let go for fear of sinking further but in fact I found that I just floated and had a much needed rest - now I regularly chill in my lunch hour outside in the sun (or at least daylight) and let all my focus and tension go - i try to not even focus with my eyes - just be for a few or 10 mins - I do go distant but find I can then get back to the job in hand refreshed - i'm no longer scared of letting go as i had been previously

good luck jos

[cfury]

I didn't really know what Depersonalization really was, but after reading about it I know I feel it every week. Somtimes I'm sitting in class and get the feeling like nobody really exists and wonder if all of my friends are real or just in my head, especially when I worry about going crazy. I usually get it at night though while I'm at home and wonder if the entire world is really out there or if I am the only person who is real (I'm pretty sure not lol.)

[Fly2Freedom]

When the therapist explained to me what CBT was.
I said "ah so its buddhism really"
With me being one..I saw the similarity.
Buddha was way ahead of his time.[Wow!]

[Alexocelix]

Hi guys, thanks for your replies. Well, after reading around a lot, a couple of things have really started making a difference to me...
* Really trying to focus on the present, I know it sounds silly, like it's too stupid to work, but try to relax and focus on what is around you right now, and not the anxieties you may be feeling.
* Being mindful of others. I always felt like a good person, but looking back a lot of the thoughts I had about people were very negative, and not with any real substance. When I begin to treat them with real respect and empathy, I realise they are doing the same to me at least at a basic level.
* Talk to people with this is mind, I have become more and more chatty and outgoing in one day and feel much better for it.
* If you get too buzzy, like I am now, remember to relax!!
I know this isn't over, not by a long shot. I am learning to appreciate though, that no matter how much you accept your anxiety, you really have to want to enjoy life to come to terms with it. This means accepting that you may lose things you cling onto, which is scary but important nonetheless, because it helps you focus on the present. I never thought I could crack so many jokes in one day, and it's mainly because I'm starting to concentrate on what's going on around me and the feelings of others, so I can actually keep up with conversations for once!!
I know it's hard, I know it feels impossible, but please try. You wont miss out on anything by trying, and it may get the ball rolling for you.