spowle10
14-12-13, 16:15
Hi everybody, first time posting (I guess that's obvious) and I've not tried anything like a forum before so bare with me.. There may triggers ahead..
I've suffered from Social Anxiety and Depression for over 12 years now (I'm 28). At first, it was so bad that I found myself struggling to do even the simplest of tasks. For example talking to the bus driver to get a ticket, going to the shop to buy something because it meant I would have to interact with a cashier. Going to classes at college was nearly impossible. My attendance was so low at one point I was expelled, I had to beg for my position back.
It was so bad I ended up going through a period of self harm, hands, arms, legs. And I basically spent the better part of a year of my life huddled away in my room, seldom having the energy to venture off my bed and I was dangerously underweight because I just didn't care enough to eat.
I saw some doctors I got some therapy and I got some drugs, all of which helped to an extent. I can now easily go to the shops, I can go to the pub with my brother (my family are immune to my social anxiety, I guess because I've been around them all my life), I can do a lot of things now that I was never able to back then. I even managed to have a wonderful (albeit short and ended badly) relationship, although this was so far removed from the normal circumstances of my life that sometimes I don't even really consider that as having been something I done, but rather its like it was someone else.
The problem is that all the therapy I've had all the doctors I've seen and drugs I've had I feel like I am now stuck in this horrible position where I am unable to socialise with people and make new friends or more.
There is one friend I socialise with every so often but even seeing her is a trial with my anxiety. It means I'm alone a lot and my depression gets too much sometimes as I look at those around me getting on with their lives and I'm left feeling like I'm being left behind or that I'm destined for loneliness and a pointless worthless life.
I struggle on a daily basis just to get through the day with the hopelessness on my shoulders, and I wonder if it will ever get better, or easier. Some people tell me it will but then I take a quick look around online forums and support groups and what is the impression I get anyway is that no, it wont. If you have anxiety thats it, youre marked for life and all you can do is hope to manage it enough that you can get by.
I don't really know what I am doing here. I hope to meet some new people and make some friends.
Thanks for reading.
I've suffered from Social Anxiety and Depression for over 12 years now (I'm 28). At first, it was so bad that I found myself struggling to do even the simplest of tasks. For example talking to the bus driver to get a ticket, going to the shop to buy something because it meant I would have to interact with a cashier. Going to classes at college was nearly impossible. My attendance was so low at one point I was expelled, I had to beg for my position back.
It was so bad I ended up going through a period of self harm, hands, arms, legs. And I basically spent the better part of a year of my life huddled away in my room, seldom having the energy to venture off my bed and I was dangerously underweight because I just didn't care enough to eat.
I saw some doctors I got some therapy and I got some drugs, all of which helped to an extent. I can now easily go to the shops, I can go to the pub with my brother (my family are immune to my social anxiety, I guess because I've been around them all my life), I can do a lot of things now that I was never able to back then. I even managed to have a wonderful (albeit short and ended badly) relationship, although this was so far removed from the normal circumstances of my life that sometimes I don't even really consider that as having been something I done, but rather its like it was someone else.
The problem is that all the therapy I've had all the doctors I've seen and drugs I've had I feel like I am now stuck in this horrible position where I am unable to socialise with people and make new friends or more.
There is one friend I socialise with every so often but even seeing her is a trial with my anxiety. It means I'm alone a lot and my depression gets too much sometimes as I look at those around me getting on with their lives and I'm left feeling like I'm being left behind or that I'm destined for loneliness and a pointless worthless life.
I struggle on a daily basis just to get through the day with the hopelessness on my shoulders, and I wonder if it will ever get better, or easier. Some people tell me it will but then I take a quick look around online forums and support groups and what is the impression I get anyway is that no, it wont. If you have anxiety thats it, youre marked for life and all you can do is hope to manage it enough that you can get by.
I don't really know what I am doing here. I hope to meet some new people and make some friends.
Thanks for reading.