harasgenster
14-12-13, 23:34
I should probably say that 'triggers' usually make me feel angry and defensive, rather than anxious, although I've been told the anger is kind of 'covering up' anxiety.
This is a weird trigger for me to start feeling angry, defensive, then self-loathing, then depressed...and I don't have a clue where it's come from. It's about people suggesting or expecting me to make myself more attractive - so wearing make-up, or wearing nice clothes, or putting any effort into my image at all. I'm ok when it's my idea to do it (sometimes I'm in the mood and then I enjoy it), but if it's somebody else's idea it makes me really angry. It's not just when people actually say it to me either, it's when I see it given as advice to anybody - for instance, on the internet. It still triggers the same reaction of anger, then eventually depression.
The reason it's so weird is because my parents never put me under pressure to 'look good'. I was a tomboy growing up. My mam would have preferred I wore pretty dresses, because she loves clothes, but she said from a very young age I showed no interest and much preferred wearing dungarees, so she just let me wear what I wanted. There was no pressure there at all. I then hung around with tomboys at school, who were very accepting of anything I wanted to wear and of however I wanted to look. No pressure again. I've never had any criticism from men, and no boyfriend has ever told me how to look (except one, but he was controlling in several ways, and I was like this before I met him) So why is this such a trigger for me? And more importantly, do you think it's possible for me to stop following this pattern of getting angry etc without knowing why I'm angry? I've only just noticed the pattern, to be honest. I've noticed that I get angry and depressed when reading certain newspaper or magazine articles, or surfing the web...it's whenever anything comes up about looking good. I don't consider myself to be particularly ugly, and certainly no one has ever called me ugly. I'm ok with the way I look. So I'm confused by this.
Sorry if this was long and vague, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to tackle this? I don't want to be getting angry and upset everytime I see anything about 'improving yourself' or 'making yourself look better', because those kind of messages are everywhere!
Thanks
This is a weird trigger for me to start feeling angry, defensive, then self-loathing, then depressed...and I don't have a clue where it's come from. It's about people suggesting or expecting me to make myself more attractive - so wearing make-up, or wearing nice clothes, or putting any effort into my image at all. I'm ok when it's my idea to do it (sometimes I'm in the mood and then I enjoy it), but if it's somebody else's idea it makes me really angry. It's not just when people actually say it to me either, it's when I see it given as advice to anybody - for instance, on the internet. It still triggers the same reaction of anger, then eventually depression.
The reason it's so weird is because my parents never put me under pressure to 'look good'. I was a tomboy growing up. My mam would have preferred I wore pretty dresses, because she loves clothes, but she said from a very young age I showed no interest and much preferred wearing dungarees, so she just let me wear what I wanted. There was no pressure there at all. I then hung around with tomboys at school, who were very accepting of anything I wanted to wear and of however I wanted to look. No pressure again. I've never had any criticism from men, and no boyfriend has ever told me how to look (except one, but he was controlling in several ways, and I was like this before I met him) So why is this such a trigger for me? And more importantly, do you think it's possible for me to stop following this pattern of getting angry etc without knowing why I'm angry? I've only just noticed the pattern, to be honest. I've noticed that I get angry and depressed when reading certain newspaper or magazine articles, or surfing the web...it's whenever anything comes up about looking good. I don't consider myself to be particularly ugly, and certainly no one has ever called me ugly. I'm ok with the way I look. So I'm confused by this.
Sorry if this was long and vague, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to tackle this? I don't want to be getting angry and upset everytime I see anything about 'improving yourself' or 'making yourself look better', because those kind of messages are everywhere!
Thanks