View Full Version : Last post on here
Hi
Sorry for post but I'm not going to post on here anymore. I'm sick of this battle. I hate this country, I work hard have a family, have never done any harm to anyone yet I'm suffering like this. I don't care if it sounds selfish anymore . 14 trips to doctors in 2 months and they have done nothing....NOTHING
CBT in 3 months, great. They don't see it as a bloody illness and it's sickening no wonder people kill themselves in this country.
3 times today I've had that thing where I'm thinking something. Get distracted and then complexly forget what I was thinking. There's a problem yet the doctors don't want to know. I just want to know if I'm like that all the time as are most people that's all I want to know but because if my health anxiety pick up on the issue.
Anyways thanks everyone for all your help and everything. I can't do anymore and just want to live another life. I appreciate everything. And some of you are incredible people. But f*** it all now and the doctors etc
jimbobrooney
15-12-13, 17:41
Hey man. Don't do anything silly. Think of your family
Hi Sean,
I was about to email you because I dropped my phone in the bath Friday and it's broken but something told me to check here instead and I'm glad I did.
Sean, seriously now, if you mean this post the way it sounds (and me and jimbob seem to have read this the same way) then please please please call 111 from your phone and tell them - I guarantee they will push things on your behalf.
If you don't want to do that then call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.
Gah I wish my phone was working or I'd ring you now and tell you not to be a stupid, daft pillock and think of your lovely little twins
I REALLY hope I'm misreading this
Hi Kate have pm'd you.
Sorry post came out wrong. I am beside myself but not seeking attention. I just need to take desperate measures now and going to speak to someone Tommorrow. Every second is a living hell no matter how many books I read, what online things I do or anything, I cannot help myself. I listen to everything but doesn't help. I just need to come off the internet now. I'm scared beyond of way I'm feeling. But honestly this isn't a cry for help just to say I have listened to all the posts and now need to fight this on my own.
Sean,
Your words:
Is this really baseless, I want to put it to one side.
I feel like finishing it all I'm sick of this life now
Last question I'm going to take some time to get better and come back to show everyone I can do it
There will be no more, I'm taking a break
I am going to stay off google and i am working hard.
TEN MINUTES LATER
I googled and it could be dementia or a tumour I'm shaking I've had enough.
It IS seeking attention and reassurance and nothing has changed at all for months.
Every day it's the same thing. What do you expect? What is it you think anyone here can do? What do you expect people to think? You've been given all sorts of assurance and advice and it's like a slap in the face that you don't do anything for yourself.
Good luck to you. I'm done.
Gotagetthroughthis
15-12-13, 19:12
Sorry to here your going through such a hard time and I really do feel for you. Most doctors seem utterly useless in this country when it comes to mental health and I do know it is a major struggle to try and get any help.
Hope things start to get better for you soon. You will get there and recover from this and get back to feeling good.
I saw you say nothing helps etc and I was the same. The only thing I can say helped me was this http://nothingworks.weebly.com/ Someone may have even shown you the link before but if not its worth a try. Good luck.
Oh and by the way, I have had all the memory brain issues you mention, there all just part of your anxiety trying to attach to anything that will make you worry. These things happen to people who aren't suffering with anxiety so of course we are going to forget things and stuff like that when our brains are constantly over analysing every single little thing. Check my old posts of you want to see. Now you dont need anymore reassurance read that link I have put above and get your life back.
First off, please try to remember that forgetfulness is literally SO common in anxiety and before you say 'yes, but im young i shouldnt be forgetting things so much' yeah, well im 27 and ive been in the middle of typing a web address into the url bar and forgot half way through typing what i was typing. Its because your brain is focussing on other things, and yes, you could well be concentrating at the time, and yes you might have nothing else on your mind at the time, but i can assure you, ive been there, ive done it, ive bought the tshirt- the first thing you need to do is take the stress out of forgetting. If you forget something, encourage your mind to move onto something else, dont try to remember what you forgot, move on to something else, and sometimes you will remember what you forgot without even trying, sometimes you wont, sometimes when youre half way through doing something else, youll forget that aswell, just keep on moving on, trust me, your mind is like a sponge, it will absorb what you let it and right now all youre allowing your mind to absorb, is forgetfulness, panic and anxiety, try it even just for a day and see how you feel then,
youre not alone, you can do this and you are being taken seriously, anything that is important to you is important to us and to your doctors. If you dont trust anyone else, trust yourself, your sub conscious is telling you this is anxiety - try listening to yourself.
You can do this.
x
Sean, does "will speak to someone tomorrow" mean you've decided to go private to get treated earlier? I hope so, because I think that's a great idea. I was thinking your wife's resistance may be because it sounds like yet another quest for a specialist, but it really is different to treat the health anxiety itself rather than to seek a diagnosis for its manifestations.
As somebody in the US, where you pretty much always "go private," I would certainly encourage you look beyond the NHS if that stricture is making it hard for you to get help. It would be great if you could find a therapist who can be a real partner in your recovery in a way that an internet board can't really be.
I'm a bit unsure what to say at the moment but I will say that I am very glad that I misunderstood the tone of your first message Sean.
Sean,
You are one of the posters on here that I have probably spoken to the most, and I know that some of my posts seem harsh, but you did say once that you wanted people to say it how it is.
The irony of your post is that you don't have to do this alone. Tanner didn't, Katie didn't, I haven't. I am quite sure Fishmanpa didn't when he was going through the hell he did. Everyone here is here to support you, and anyone else who needs it on here. I have no problem at all with people asking me for help, but I can't help with reassurance as I have no basis on which to do so.
Yes, logically your posts are irrational, but aside from the fact that I know that reassurance is folly and actually feeds anxiety, I have absolutely no qualification with which to say whether anything is normal or not. Even if I tell you that I have experienced x y or z then I am only acting on some very brief and online details, which not even a doctor would do.
There is nothing more certain in life that each and every one of us will die one day. It is also exceptionally likely that many of us at some point will face adversity (I have a man cold on the way). The reality is though that the vast vast majority of people come through adversity relatively unscathed and occasionally with a different perspective. We have to learn to live with uncertainty, because sure as anything few things in life are certain.
My advice would be to get help now, by any means available to you. If that means paying privately then so be it. If it means rocking up on the door of a mental health unit then so be it. Or if it involves leaning on your friends and making very real and tangible steps towards recovery then that is fine too.
You have had a 'last post' post in the past and you were soon back. Why not strike a compromise and set yourself some goal over the next couple of days and the come back and report in. Something simple like:
1) no googling
2) no seeking reassurance
3) do one thing each day that is just for you, something you enjoy
4) no logging on to here - even to read
I am sure you have the will power to manage two days.
When you are in the depths of health anxiety it is huge and feels utterly insurmountable. I believe one of the tricks is to realise that health anxiety is really just a number of smaller issues all coming together in a cruel concoction that leaves us completely lost. By breaking those things down into smaller problems and tackling them one at a time, and then recognising that each change makes you feel a bit better then I believe you can get there.
For example. When you experience a symptom you react very very badly. So what can we do to tackle the reaction. Let's not worry about the symptoms for a while. If they are drastic (which they almost certainly are not, just by simple probability) then a few days/weeks isn't going to make a difference.
How you tackle your reaction is up to you. Some people choose distraction, personally a chose exposure and worked on the idea that over time if you expose yourself to a stimulus then over time you will get bored of it, or at any rate less anxious about it.
If you break down your thought processes and problems into chunks then they become manageable, you will notice small steps of progress and they will spur you on to achieve more.
You are not a lost case, you are not worse than anyone else, you just need to get to grips properly with what you are tackling.
For what it is worth, I hope you continuer to hang around here, but with a different approach. That will require discipline, but there is a wealth of expertise far greater than my own who can help you through it.
Good luck Sean, I may have been direct with my thoughts, but I do genuinely hope you start to make some positive steps - you know you can because you have done before.
Take care,
Chris
Sean,
You are one of the posters on here that I have probably spoken to the most, and I know that some of my posts seem harsh, but you did say once that you wanted people to say it how it is.
The irony of your post is that you don't have to do this alone. Tanner didn't, Katie didn't, I haven't. I am quite sure Fishmanpa didn't when he was going through the hell he did. Everyone here is here to support you, and anyone else who needs it on here. I have no problem at all with people asking me for help, but I can't help with reassurance as I have no basis on which to do so.
Yes, logically your posts are irrational, but aside from the fact that I know that reassurance is folly and actually feeds anxiety, I have absolutely no qualification with which to say whether anything is normal or not. Even if I tell you that I have experienced x y or z then I am only acting on some very brief and online details, which not even a doctor would do.
There is nothing more certain in life that each and every one of us will die one day. It is also exceptionally likely that many of us at some point will face adversity (I have a man cold on the way). The reality is though that the vast vast majority of people come through adversity relatively unscathed and occasionally with a different perspective. We have to learn to live with uncertainty, because sure as anything few things in life are certain.
My advice would be to get help now, by any means available to you. If that means paying privately then so be it. If it means rocking up on the door of a mental health unit then so be it. Or if it involves leaning on your friends and making very real and tangible steps towards recovery then that is fine too.
You have had a 'last post' post in the past and you were soon back. Why not strike a compromise and set yourself some goal over the next couple of days and the come back and report in. Something simple like:
1) no googling
2) no seeking reassurance
3) do one thing each day that is just for you, something you enjoy
4) no logging on to here - even to read
I am sure you have the will power to manage two days.
When you are in the depths of health anxiety it is huge and feels utterly insurmountable. I believe one of the tricks is to realise that health anxiety is really just a number of smaller issues all coming together in a cruel concoction that leaves us completely lost. By breaking those things down into smaller problems and tackling them one at a time, and then recognising that each change makes you feel a bit better then I believe you can get there.
For example. When you experience a symptom you react very very badly. So what can we do to tackle the reaction. Let's not worry about the symptoms for a while. If they are drastic (which they almost certainly are not, just by simple probability) then a few days/weeks isn't going to make a difference.
How you tackle your reaction is up to you. Some people choose distraction, personally a chose exposure and worked on the idea that over time if you expose yourself to a stimulus then over time you will get bored of it, or at any rate less anxious about it.
If you break down your thought processes and problems into chunks then they become manageable, you will notice small steps of progress and they will spur you on to achieve more.
You are not a lost case, you are not worse than anyone else, you just need to get to grips properly with what you are tackling.
For what it is worth, I hope you continuer to hang around here, but with a different approach. That will require discipline, but there is a wealth of expertise far greater than my own who can help you through it.
Good luck Sean, I may have been direct with my thoughts, but I do genuinely hope you start to make some positive steps - you know you can because you have done before.
Take care,
Chris
:yesyes::notworthy:
Perfectly put.
AuntieMoosie
16-12-13, 04:43
Sean hang in there. Don't fall into the trap of giving up. You will succeed in the end it's just sometimes it's a hell of a journey to get there.
What you're having now is a meltdown, it will pass and then you can get back to working on it.
I can't tell you the amount of meltdowns I've had over the years, not long just getting over one, I've said the same as you, I've had it! I'm giving up! I hate the World and everyone in it!..........to me this is normal and nothing out of the ordinary.
It is the pits when we feel like this, and, yes, it's very easy to just say enough is enough!
But you know, it may not be a bad thing, it's probably a positive thing, you are getting angry because you're fed up of feeling so unwell all of the time, anger can be a good thing if it's used in the right way, it may spur you on and give you a bit of "kick"...........that fact that you're angry means that you care about yourself and what is happening to you, so don't let it become negative, make that anger work, make it spur you on forward, you can do it, you know you can. :hugs:
Part 2......this is not directed at you Sean.
I'm going to just add a little piece on this alleged "attention seeking"
I find myself getting pretty angry and peed off with people who throw this at others.
So, if you were suffering a physical illness, were in real bad physical pain, would you like to receive attention?........I think you'll find the answer to that is yes..........would you not go to the doctor or the hospital and shout for help? once again, I'm sure you would, I know that I would........
So, then my next question is, what's different about somebody in psychological pain?.........are they not worthy of receiving attention? and if not, then, why not??
Psychological pain is just as bad, if not worse, than physical pain.
Yes, sure, Sean does want and need attention............so what?? He is suffering, and he is crying out for help in just the same way as anyone would if they were in physical pain.
I find it both patronising and unhelpful, to say the least, when this is thrown at people who are seeking help!
I spend an awful lot of my time trying to get people who are suffering from a depression/anxiety/panic attacks to do just what Sean is doing, it's healthy to ask for help otherwise people become isolated and very alone with their illness.
So, is everyone who starts a thread on NMP attention seeking.............hell yeah!...........that's exactly what they're doing!..........I thought this was what NMP was all about, people seeking help, advice, guidance, comfort, support and understanding?
Please think twice before attacking someone for trying to reach out for help, they are doing nothing wrong, they are, in fact, doing everything right!
Right, having said all of that, I will now dismount my soapbox, sorry, but I needed to say it and it needed to be said, I mean no offense to anyone, just saying my bit, that's all :)
tracy butler
16-12-13, 06:50
I feel the same as you I dead waking every day in a panic I just try to get through everyday feeling like crap wondering what I have done to feel like this I am on meds and they can help are you on meds have you been on them long please take care
and I hope you get some peace when all elers fails for me I pray to god for peace sometimes works
Sean hang in there. Don't fall into the trap of giving up. You will succeed in the end it's just sometimes it's a hell of a journey to get there.
What you're having now is a meltdown, it will pass and then you can get back to working on it.
I can't tell you the amount of meltdowns I've had over the years, not long just getting over one, I've said the same as you, I've had it! I'm giving up! I hate the World and everyone in it!..........to me this is normal and nothing out of the ordinary.
It is the pits when we feel like this, and, yes, it's very easy to just say enough is enough!
But you know, it may not be a bad thing, it's probably a positive thing, you are getting angry because you're fed up of feeling so unwell all of the time, anger can be a good thing if it's used in the right way, it may spur you on and give you a bit of "kick"...........that fact that you're angry means that you care about yourself and what is happening to you, so don't let it become negative, make that anger work, make it spur you on forward, you can do it, you know you can. :hugs:
Part 2......this is not directed at you Sean.
I'm going to just add a little piece on this alleged "attention seeking"
I find myself getting pretty angry and peed off with people who throw this at others.
So, if you were suffering a physical illness, were in real bad physical pain, would you like to receive attention?........I think you'll find the answer to that is yes..........would you not go to the doctor or the hospital and shout for help? once again, I'm sure you would, I know that I would........
So, then my next question is, what's different about somebody in psychological pain?.........are they not worthy of receiving attention? and if not, then, why not??
Psychological pain is just as bad, if not worse, than physical pain.
Yes, sure, Sean does want and need attention............so what?? He is suffering, and he is crying out for help in just the same way as anyone would if they were in physical pain.
I find it both patronising and unhelpful, to say the least, when this is thrown at people who are seeking help!
I spend an awful lot of my time trying to get people who are suffering from a depression/anxiety/panic attacks to do just what Sean is doing, it's healthy to ask for help otherwise people become isolated and very alone with their illness.
So, is everyone who starts a thread on NMP attention seeking.............hell yeah!...........that's exactly what they're doing!..........I thought this was what NMP was all about, people seeking help, advice, guidance, comfort, support and understanding?
Please think twice before attacking someone for trying to reach out for help, they are doing nothing wrong, they are, in fact, doing everything right!
Right, having said all of that, I will now dismount my soapbox, sorry, but I needed to say it and it needed to be said, I mean no offense to anyone, just saying my bit, that's all :)
Hi AuntieMoosie,
I see what you are saying but I think that if people imply they will hurt themselves to either get attention or manipulate people in to reassuring them, then it will upset people - especially people who have tried and tried again to give help and support over a prolonged period.
I am NOT saying that that is what Sean did - I know him quite well and he is just a very troubled and scared guy who needs a lot of help - but I think it may have come across that way and added to the frustration of all the help given seemingly been thrown down a pit, I can see why people reacted in this way.
AuntieMoosie
16-12-13, 15:35
Hi AuntieMoosie,
I see what you are saying but I think that if people imply they will hurt themselves to either get attention or manipulate people in to reassuring them, then it will upset people - especially people who have tried and tried again to give help and support over a prolonged period.
I am NOT saying that that is what Sean did - I know him quite well and he is just a very troubled and scared guy who needs a lot of help - but I think it may have come across that way and added to the frustration of all the help given seemingly been thrown down a pit, I can see why people reacted in this way.
Hit there,
Yes I agree and understand what you're saying hun :)
Fishmanpa I know I have apologised to you via PM, but I'd like to publicly apologise that my post lead you to believe that I was having a personal issue with you, that is not the case, and having re-read my post, I can see that you could easily take that as personal to you.
My post was supposed to be a general post about attention seeking and my views on it and was not meant to be a dig at anyone. :hugs:
All is good Auntie M! As I said in my note ... Mooey Christmas and a Happy Moo Year to you ;)
Positive thoughts
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