Reddevil1982
16-12-13, 01:03
Ok I'm new to this type of thing so please bare with me!
I've always been a worrier but around 2 years ago I had an extremely scary experience. Whilst on a stag do in Spain I got split up from my friends at the end of a night out whilst being very intoxicated. Walking back to my hotel I vaguely remember meeting 2 Spanish who asked me to follow them to there flat. Not knowing what I was doing I just remember one of the girls reaching into my pocket and taking money from my pocket, thinking this would be for a taxi fair or something..after reaching the flat I can't remember anything else except waking up in a bed half naked with vague recollections of having sexual intercourse with these 2 girls (working girls). The girls were no where to be seen and the only people in the room were a couple of guys doing drugs. I managed to get my things together and make it out of the flat back to the hotel.
For a few days I just put this down to a bad experience and thought "that'll teach me for drinking so much!" And at least I'm still alive. I was with my girlfriend at the time and confessed what had happened and told her how upset I was. As you can understand she was really angry at me but after she could see how mentally traumatic the whole episode had been to me. Anyway a few days pass and I decide to get checked out at the gum clinic which was my first visit and something I never want to do again. So anyway then the week long wait for my results which included a bout of glandular fever and days on days with no sleep. Week later I get my tests back and there all clear although I hadn't been tested for HIV. Thinking there's no way I've got that I carry on with life as normal until out of curiosity I Google HIV symptoms and notice early signs include a fever! OH SHIT IVE GOT AIDS! So straight to the GP bursting out in tears convinced. He gave me a physical examination and told me to relax and put it down to anxiety and told me to have a test for peace of mind.
There was no way I could have a test as I'd already convinced myself I had so I thought what's the point I'm ending my life! My girlfriend talked me into counselling which I agreed to but nothing could put my mind at rest.
Over the next 2 years with the help of medication I struggle on through work feeling like a ghost of my former self trying to put an act on that everything is ok. That is until 2 weeks ago when I just broke down at home. Enough was enough I had to do something whether it be end it all or seek urgent help. In the end I finally agreed to take a HIV test which I paid 165 pounds for to get an instant result. The test was booked on the next day so the next 24 hours were probably the worst and most anxious I have ever experienced.
So I get to the clinic and after a long wait I get called in shaking. The doc was brilliant he looked at me and talked through the experience and reassured me that I was really low risk after one exposure whilst talking to me he pricks my finger and says those magic words NEGATIVE.
2 years of my life wasted worrying about something that isn't real. My health anxiety is still there but what I did learn is the need to face your demons. Strength comes from within and we should no worry about a future that isn't real. Easier said then done I know but try to live life learn from our mistakes. Life is precious so get on with it!:yesyes:
I've always been a worrier but around 2 years ago I had an extremely scary experience. Whilst on a stag do in Spain I got split up from my friends at the end of a night out whilst being very intoxicated. Walking back to my hotel I vaguely remember meeting 2 Spanish who asked me to follow them to there flat. Not knowing what I was doing I just remember one of the girls reaching into my pocket and taking money from my pocket, thinking this would be for a taxi fair or something..after reaching the flat I can't remember anything else except waking up in a bed half naked with vague recollections of having sexual intercourse with these 2 girls (working girls). The girls were no where to be seen and the only people in the room were a couple of guys doing drugs. I managed to get my things together and make it out of the flat back to the hotel.
For a few days I just put this down to a bad experience and thought "that'll teach me for drinking so much!" And at least I'm still alive. I was with my girlfriend at the time and confessed what had happened and told her how upset I was. As you can understand she was really angry at me but after she could see how mentally traumatic the whole episode had been to me. Anyway a few days pass and I decide to get checked out at the gum clinic which was my first visit and something I never want to do again. So anyway then the week long wait for my results which included a bout of glandular fever and days on days with no sleep. Week later I get my tests back and there all clear although I hadn't been tested for HIV. Thinking there's no way I've got that I carry on with life as normal until out of curiosity I Google HIV symptoms and notice early signs include a fever! OH SHIT IVE GOT AIDS! So straight to the GP bursting out in tears convinced. He gave me a physical examination and told me to relax and put it down to anxiety and told me to have a test for peace of mind.
There was no way I could have a test as I'd already convinced myself I had so I thought what's the point I'm ending my life! My girlfriend talked me into counselling which I agreed to but nothing could put my mind at rest.
Over the next 2 years with the help of medication I struggle on through work feeling like a ghost of my former self trying to put an act on that everything is ok. That is until 2 weeks ago when I just broke down at home. Enough was enough I had to do something whether it be end it all or seek urgent help. In the end I finally agreed to take a HIV test which I paid 165 pounds for to get an instant result. The test was booked on the next day so the next 24 hours were probably the worst and most anxious I have ever experienced.
So I get to the clinic and after a long wait I get called in shaking. The doc was brilliant he looked at me and talked through the experience and reassured me that I was really low risk after one exposure whilst talking to me he pricks my finger and says those magic words NEGATIVE.
2 years of my life wasted worrying about something that isn't real. My health anxiety is still there but what I did learn is the need to face your demons. Strength comes from within and we should no worry about a future that isn't real. Easier said then done I know but try to live life learn from our mistakes. Life is precious so get on with it!:yesyes: