View Full Version : Will this ever end
Well most of you will know I have been trying to act really positively over the last few months but at the moment I feel I have fallen further back than ever. I'm trying to see it as a blip but it's not getting me anywhere.
Since I went on hol five weeks ago, I have slowly started to feel worse and worse, headaches everyday, dizziness etc. But I coped and was positive. Last week it got so bad that I just felt awful all the time. Then Sunday it culminated with the scariest of attacks.
I was doing the Race for Life with Dave's mum. I felt dizzy before it but tried to ignore how I was feeling. Halfway round the course I suddenly felt like my heart was stopping and my chest was tight, like when you get indigestion. At the same time my vision went smoky and I felt like I was fading out. I nearly had to sit down. I carried on walking though but was sure I was going to die on the spot. I started to sweat and my head was hurting/mouth tinglng.
I told myself it was some sort of anxiety but still it didn't ease. Even half an hour later I was still feeling like it, though not quite as faint. I went home, and then got a really upset stomach. Even four hours later I was feeling bad and in the end I went to bed. I was so annoyed with myself though for giving in.
Things only lightened up a bit that evening when I had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner.
I had had similar symptoms whilst we were shopping on Saturday too, though nowhere near as bad.
Ever since I have felt horrible. Everyday I tell myself it's anxiety but I am having so much trouble believing it.
My head hurts as though there is pressure on the top. I feel off balance, sick, shooting pains in my head and my legs are so weak. Also keep getting tingling surges in my mouth and head. Well that's just some of it.
I'm trying to be strong but am having those horrible gremlins saying to me, you have something wrong with you.
Guys bring me back down to earth. I feel as though I will never get better. I'm so fed up of things easing for a while and I only mean easing. They then come back within a few months to knock me off my feet again. This must be about the fourth time this has happened. Why can't I break the cycle like everyone else?
Jules
Hiya jules
First of all dont beat yourself up about not being 'cured' quickly. Some people on here post a few times, tell us they feel better and then dissapear from the site because they dont need us anymore. Others - like myself have been using the site practically from day one and are still here needing help and reassurance. There is no timeline for getting better with this, it goes at different paces for everyone so you cant compare yourself to others. I know how frustrating it is - believe me but it will happen at its own pace.
You have done really well to come this far already...do you remember how you were when you first joined? Well I think you are definately making progress!!!!!!
the thing with panic and anxiety is that its rarely a continuous upward climb. We ALL get to a good stage of feeling like we are finally getting somewhere and it comes back and slaps us in the face to remind us it hasnt gone yet.
I think that once you havent had a really bad PA for a while, you never forget how bad they are but you arent as used to dealing with them on a daily basis so when a bad one comes along it feels like you have gone right back to the beginning, when in fact you just arent quite as ready to deal with it like you used to be.
I hope this babble has 'brought you back to earth'...lol
take care
we are here for you anytime!!!!!
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Good for you for doing the Race for Life. A few months ago you wouldn't have even considered it
Did you eat before you started and did you have a snack when you got back ?
You didn't give in !! Giving in would have meant stopping half way round the course. Bed that afternoon is probably what many of the other competitors were doing too.
Was this one scarier than the vision thing in Cornwall ?
None of the other symptoms are new for you and you cope well with them.. Glad Saturday was a tad better.
When we first knew you, you were not having any easing up periods at all and were hardly making it to work , never mind going to court etc.
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi Jules,
I hope you are starting to feel better now, i like you have just been going through a bad time at the moment after feeling good for a while. No matter how hard it may seem you have to remember that youve felt like this before and youre still here to tell the tale, this is what i tell myself. I also can sympathise with the dizziness as i suffer from sinus problems and have felt the same over the last few weeks i think its down to the weather. You did really well on the race for life well done:D my wife took part in that as well.
You will come through this and be stronger for it!
take care
malc
Sarah, yes feet back on the floor a little. It's odd isn't it how I don't see the progress at the moment. Think it's because the fear factor has kicked in again.
Meg, yes I had a large bowl of rice krispies before the race and a cup of tea. Wonder if this was enough. Though I only walked it. I felt so ill after that all I could manage was an oatcake biscuit and then a sweet one.
And yes it was as just as scary as in Cornwall. In fact more so in a way because I really thought I was going to die and was in the middle of all those people. Dave's mum was with me and was also making me walk slower than I would have done normally, which didn't help. I guess it was an emotional day all round, as I did it in memory of my Dad, but I thought I had got it together. Maybe not.
Thanks for reminding me of what I am doing. I did agree to do it when I felt a bit better. If someone asked me now I would probably say no, he he.
Malc thanks for your words of support they mean a lot.
My counsellor and CBT are on hol for three weeks at the mo, so this isn't helping.
On a positive note, despite feeling bad today I did go out at lunch with a girl at work. That was tough for me and definitely worsened how I was feeling. So you can imagine how bad I got when in the same coffee shop was our boss of the whole area. Of course we had to sit with her. Boy was I dizzy, fidgety and sweaty. But I did it and neither of them had a clue. Onwards and upwards eh.
Just Rome to get through now!!
Jules
Meg, yes I had a large bowl of rice krispies before the race and a cup of tea. Wonder if this was enough. Though I only walked it. I felt so ill after that all I could manage was an oatcake biscuit and then a sweet one.
I wouldn't say it was very useful. Nothing there for long term energy at all . Most of that will have been processed and used within 2 hours of eating leaving your body having to walk and convert stored glycogen to ready glucose at the same time. Not fun for a stressed body.
Ditto the biscuits.. you didn't replace what you'd used until supper.
I'm not saying its the only answer but looking after yourself nutritionally is more important that you give it credit for.
Become friends with bananas and nuts .
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
I know Meg. I had been doing a detox diet until friday and so had cut out wheat and dairy. Hence the rice krispies and not a wheat based cereal.
I had planned to have a banana ( I love them) but Dave ate the last one before I got up.
I have started to include nuts in my diet too.
Thanks though for reminding me. I really do see your point but I get worried that I feel like this even when I think I have eaten well. I am really monitoring what I eat at the moment, so as to try and get everything in proportion, yet still lose that final bit of weight. I think I am on the right track though
With hindsight doing a detox the week before probably wasn't such a good idea!!
Jules
Porridge (that doesn't look right - note to check spelling with Lucky)
Food really does have a huge effect. Do you want me to mail you the GI diet book?????
And Yes Yes Yes Yes it WILL get better. The thing is that it's such a gradual and steady progress, it's really hard to measure. As Meg said, you actually went to do the Race for Life. Also, you came to Meg's. And you said quite categorically that you wouldn't be able to do it when we first started discussing the idea.
Detox diet? ? You are mad. When I met you at Megs, I thought what a lovely sorted attractive funny warm person you were. Outwardly, you seemed so much better. Did you ever start a diary? If so, re-read some of the very early entries. I bet you'd be surprised just how much you've come along.
Don't forget, planning a wedding is a stressfull time, before you've even included work, family life etc etc etc.
If I can do it, anybody can. If you are finding it hard to be positive some days, then stay neutral - just don't let yourself get negative!!!! When I'm doing my business plan, everything seems ok. If I start to think about money, and having to drum up trade, and whethere I'll be able to make a living etc. etc., then I get all anxious, and put work off. And NOT doing anything about it is a pretty sure fire way to ensure that I don't succeed! So I just try very hard to focus on this exact project, task etc, and not worry about tomorrow until it happens.
Please believe me - you ARE getting better - you just don't believe it yet!
Take Care
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Charlie
Thanks for the encouragement. Yes porridge was the right spelling. I had been eating that some of the time but now the weather is a bit warmer, I don't fancy it.
I detoxed to see if it would make me feel any better, but to be honest it didn't. Though my stomach wasn't as bloated as normal.
I know I am ok at the weight I am but I just want to be back at the weight I used to be. I know vanity isn't good for you,but I want my flat stomach back. Also I want to pig out when I go to Rome, so it's not all in vain.
I have been reading about GI foods a bit. Is that the sort of diet you follow. It would be great if you could mail me the GI book. Either that or give me the details so I can go out and buy it. I really don't want to put back on the weight I have lost and want to carry on eating healthily. Think I have it pretty sussed but maybe not .
I do keep a diary but when I read it I get disheartened cos I don't see that much of a difference in my self. It just seems like all the old symptoms and more are back. But I am going to keep plugging on. Good idea, about staying neutral, hadn't thought about that.
Thanks again
take care
Jules
Caz Fab Pants
20-07-04, 23:34
Jules,
You sound as though you're struggling a bit honey and I know exactly how that feels. You're just about able to push yourself to do things but because you haven't done them with ease you feel as if you've failed. I view things in the same way but do try to tell myself that accomplishing something is a success whether it was easy or hard.
Think you did incredibly well by finishing the Race for Life. I would NEVER be able to do something like that, or at least not the way I'm feeling at the moment. I worry about walking places because I know how crippling a panic attack can be and hate the thought of physically not being able to get myself home.
Keep up with the good work, (like the lunch thing etc) and I'm sure things will ease.
Caroline :)
x
Hi Jules
Can appreciate how you are feeling, and know it isnt nice. But you are still pushing yourself.
We have all heard it a thousand times but it is a blip and you will overcome it.
I really hope things start to improve for you soon and you get back to how you were feeling.
Remember you got there before and can do it again.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Caroline, thanks. I have no idea how I finished the race feeling how I did. Believe me if I can do it anyone can.
Sal, Hope it is a blip, though don't remember feeling better, well perhaps just a bit. Hope you are doing well and work has calmed down a bit.
Love
Jules
Hi Jules
Being out of work seems to have given me even less time than normal, hence my delay in replying.
Will forward GI book this week. Have a look through it and see what you think. I got mine of Amazon, but you may as well look at mine, before you decide if it's worth buying your own copy.
Stop being so down on yourself - you are going through a lot of difficult and stressfull things at the minute, and it is perfectly understandable that things aren't 100% for you at the minute.
Allow neutral or positive thoughts at all times - no more negatives! (And if you can work out how to do this, maybe you can let me know) LOL
YOu take care and wait for the mystery package!
Love Charlie x
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
nomorepanic
24-07-04, 16:47
Hiya Jules
Somehow I missed this post and now Charlie has replied it is back on the active list so I have just read it all.
Well done on doing the race and sorry to hear you had such a bad time but like others have said on here, you still did it and didn't give in atall.
How are things going now?
I am still wheat free but like you I am not sure if it is helping or not. I don't feel as bloated so will stick with it a bit longer to see what happens.
As for the weight issue - are you doing any exercises like abdominal sit-ups for the flat stomach? I know that I need to do more cos even my swimming routine has been disrupted the last few weeks with one thing and another going on in the evenings.
Hope is all well now as your originally posted this some time ago - sorry for missing it.
xx
Nicola
Ooh Charlie, I love packages - looking forward to it. Still working on the positive/neutral thoughts. Not worked out how to do it yet.
Nic, things are still very up and down. At the moment. I feel so weak, dizzy, headachey all the time. Of course partying all weekend hasn't helped me much today!!!
I'm back on some wheat, just cos I really do miss it, but I'm not having much. It def does bloat you though. My stomach was loads better when I stopped it. I am doing sit ups etc but not that often. I really do need to be more determined. I still can't face the gym at the moment. Though bought myself a calorie counting skipping rope on Sat. So that might help my general fitness levels. Oh if only I could remember all those playground rhymes....
Jules
oh dear... Im sure we all have our set backs Jules. I remember being really really positive for about 6 months when i was 15 only for my panic to come back with force!! Hope you are now starting to feel better. Good luck, my fingers are crossed for you
H
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