katesa
16-12-13, 14:45
**warning - may be a little upsetting to some as it involves me reflecting on what a git I was when at my worst in HA**
I'm sorry everyone but the unpleasant truth about Health Anxiety is that some of it IS our fault.
It is our fault if we google despite KNOWING what it will do to us.
It is our fault if we are not doing anything at all to get better.
It is our fault if we are so busy googling/checking our hurty bits that our loved ones get neglected and pulled down.
Yes, we have an illness. Yes it sucks enormous quantities of donkey. Yes I have done all of the above and worse. But while we can't help having this illness, we sure as hell can help what we do with it.
My husband became less attracted to me and my baby missed out on a lot because I was too busy engaging in the counter productive googling/reassurance seeking cycle without doing a damn thing to help myself
It was all me, me, me, everyone should understand how I felt, that it wasn't my fault etc etc
And no, it wasn't my fault that I was terrified and suffering from anxiety. My actions, or lack thereof, were though.
I was angry that the NHS couldn't give me a magic cure that took no work on my part. I was full of self pity. I didn't notice that I was my own worst enemy. It didn't even occur to me that I could control any of my actions, I thought I was nothing but a victim with no choice.
I am still guilty of the very same behaviours sometimes. We all slip up and HA is hell. But I think that this "We can't help it" makes us feel powerless and trapped.
We CAN try self help (Skippy's book is a great start as are many techniques mentioned by Honeylove on here)
We CAN keep pushing for help from our doctors, even try to scrimp the money together to go private if need be.
We CAN keep trying new things until we find something that helps.
We CAN stop Googling - yeah it's hard but ban medical sites from your computer if need be.
We CAN stop the reassurance cycle - again, it's freaking hard but nobody else can do it for us.
We CAN minimise the effect on our loved ones by doing all the above.
I will accept full responsibility for my actions, HA be damned. It will not control me anymore.
I'm sorry everyone but the unpleasant truth about Health Anxiety is that some of it IS our fault.
It is our fault if we google despite KNOWING what it will do to us.
It is our fault if we are not doing anything at all to get better.
It is our fault if we are so busy googling/checking our hurty bits that our loved ones get neglected and pulled down.
Yes, we have an illness. Yes it sucks enormous quantities of donkey. Yes I have done all of the above and worse. But while we can't help having this illness, we sure as hell can help what we do with it.
My husband became less attracted to me and my baby missed out on a lot because I was too busy engaging in the counter productive googling/reassurance seeking cycle without doing a damn thing to help myself
It was all me, me, me, everyone should understand how I felt, that it wasn't my fault etc etc
And no, it wasn't my fault that I was terrified and suffering from anxiety. My actions, or lack thereof, were though.
I was angry that the NHS couldn't give me a magic cure that took no work on my part. I was full of self pity. I didn't notice that I was my own worst enemy. It didn't even occur to me that I could control any of my actions, I thought I was nothing but a victim with no choice.
I am still guilty of the very same behaviours sometimes. We all slip up and HA is hell. But I think that this "We can't help it" makes us feel powerless and trapped.
We CAN try self help (Skippy's book is a great start as are many techniques mentioned by Honeylove on here)
We CAN keep pushing for help from our doctors, even try to scrimp the money together to go private if need be.
We CAN keep trying new things until we find something that helps.
We CAN stop Googling - yeah it's hard but ban medical sites from your computer if need be.
We CAN stop the reassurance cycle - again, it's freaking hard but nobody else can do it for us.
We CAN minimise the effect on our loved ones by doing all the above.
I will accept full responsibility for my actions, HA be damned. It will not control me anymore.