View Full Version : Anxiety after buying a house
Hello all. Newbie here. Wanted to see if anyone has experienced what's been happening to me over the last few months
I bought my first flat in October. Was excited leading up to it, though a bit nervous at the same time. The day after I moved in I found a few problems with the place which triggered what Ive been told by the doctor is basically episodes of severe anxiety.
It started with worries about the plumbing. Then woodworm. Then dry rot. Then I worried about the place getting cold because of rubbish windows. You name it, any kind of home related problem, I have likely worried about it at some point.
I was on Mirtazipine (for depression) up until April last year. I had been on it for 7 years and came off it because I felt like I didn't need it anymore. Because the worrying got so bad and because I can't take sick leave at the moment I went to the doctor to see what I could do. Was given beta blockers at first, which didn't do much. Then they tried fluoxetine and citalopram (separately), both of which made the anxiety ten times worse in the first few weeks and I didn't feel like I could risk keeping on with them. I was also given sleeping pills (zopiclone and tamazepam, again separately) because I wasn't sleeping, at one point I didn't sleep for 4 or 5 nights in a row. The sleeping pills didnt work so I decided to ask the doctor to put me back on Mirtazipine as I knew that atleast that would put me to sleep.
So its December now, I've been on the Mirtazapine for a few weeks and it seems to be doing the job. No severe anxiety episodes and I'm sleeping again. Unfortunately I still worry about the flat. I don't know if what I'm worrying about is rational or irrational but sometimes it gets to the stage where I just want to sit and cry. I'm so miserable at the moment. The place is freezing and when the wind gets up (its been pretty windy lately) I can't even bare to be in the place. I've gone from being a bit of a loner to desperately relying on friends and my partners mum and dad to give me a bed for the night.
I'm basically at the stage now where I want to sell the place because I've had enough. I know its early days for seeing the full benefit of the Mirtazipine but I cry when im driving home from work because I know I have to go back and if im lucky enough to have an excuse not to be there for a few nights I cry when I get back because I know I'm back to reality.
Anyone been through this? Some words of wisdom would be great.
Hi
Sorry to read that your having a rough time at the moment it can take a while for any one to call a new place home and its not good to be on your own, your mind can go into over drive. You need to do what you feel comfortable with but give it time (easier said than done I know )
Hope it works out for what ever you decide :)
Ray
Look at it this way...these are things that can be fixed. Plumbing problem-get a plumber. Woodworm- get a joiner. And if money's an obstacle then do what you can when you can and patch up the rest.
Is it really things wrong with your flat that's the problem or is it about being alone possibly?
Its strange, one of my friends suggested that. I've always been a bit of a loner and never had a problem with being alone (lived alone for about 5 years). Lately I've been struggling with being by myself, particularly when I'm at home. If the place is warm I'm quite happy there. If its not I start worrying about all the potential problems and beat myself up for what I see as a mistake in buying the place.
And your right. Its mostly all fixable. I seem to get my head around one thing and accept that its okay, then some other demon crops up and I start fixating on that.
Buying your first home is stressful on anyone. With a history of anxiety and then all those unexpected issues, well it's understandable you are struggling.
I'm glad the mirtazapine seems to be helping. Give it a chance to really kick in. It sounds like maybe you came off them prepaturely - hindsight is a wonderful thing!
I hope you can settle in your new flat soon and start getting better again.
Hi Begone,
I have been suffering from anxiety for a long while now and lately depression. I have tried the SSRI route and like you had an awful time with extreme side effects which didn't really go away, so I quit them after 12 weeks.
I have been really quite down over the last few weeks and my anxiety is now waking me throughout the night and although I am doing CBT it feels like things are getting worse.
So, I went to the GP today and admitted that I am struggling really badly at the moment and have accepted that I may need some help. She has prescribed Mertazapine which I have never tried before.
I am quite anxious about side effects and wondered what kind of experience you have had using this drug.
I am desperately disappointed that I need to try medication again but anything will be better than the place I am right now.
My main problems at the moment is waking every couple of hours in the dark, with high anxiety. Mornings are the worst time for me, and loss of appetite. In addition I have become very emotional and find it hard not to break down when the anxiety hits.
I am retired so I am not in any kind of stress, except dealing with the anxiety disorder which has been diagnosed as GAD. This also seems to add a sense of guilt about being anxious, but it have lost a lot of social contact since retiring.
Phil
AndrewNolan
17-12-13, 17:03
I had similar anxieties when I purchasd my first home. Not helped by my roof leaking within the first few days of arrival. However, addressing the problems as they arise and patching up what I can't afford to repair properly has helped ease my anxiety. It does get better as you get more used to your surroundings and end up realising that the house/flat isn't going to collapse - I think of the fact that it's been there a long time and will continue to be there for a long time.
In terms of the specifics of your worries - did you have a survey done before purchase - because the majority of these issues will have been picked up by the surveyor if there was anything major. Presumably as well you the appropiate building insurance is in place so if the worse does happen then the buildings insurance will cover it :-)
I hope the above helps.
Phil - It sounds like you've had a big change in your life! Its understandable that its gotten you a bit down. I wouldn't feel guilty about having to take pills, from talking to people I have been surprised at how many people I know that have had to take them at one time or another and kept it quiet. And the way I look at it is when I get back on my feet maybe I can come off them again.
Don't worry about mirtazapine side effects, its a breeze compared to SSRI's. The only side effects ive had are the sedative effect (not a problem when I havn't been sleeping anyway) and the increase in appetite. I was hesitant going back to them because of the weight gain but in the end I decided id rather eat and be happy than feel rubbish! Be prepared to feel "dopey" for the first few weeks (the sedative effect). Its at its worst in the morning. And whatever you do don't drink too much! You will want to sleep for the whole of the next day!
Andrew - Glad I'm not the only one. That's exactly how I feel, like the place is crumbling around me. I went by the sellers home report (im in Scotland) which is what everyone told me was fine. Think I would have worried less if I had got my own survey done though. I'm not sure if I can settle here TBH, gonna give it a few months but right now feel like I just want rid of it even if it means getting less money back than what I paid. It sounds ridiculous but im so jealous of all my friends who are renting because they aren't tied to where they are if something went wrong, when I should be chuffed that I have managed to buy my own place. And its so cold in here some nights that its horrible to come home too. Maybe things will change after winter, who knows.
I don't think I have ever bought a house that didn't need work doing to it. Even surveys don't cover everything, and owning a house is an ongoing repair project as there is always something that needs doing.
I would try and stick it out as if you sell after owning it such a short time it will probably end up costing you a lot. Just make a list of the jobs that need sorting and get them done one at a time.
Also, you may feel jealous of your friend renting, but if they carry on doing that, in 5 years time they will have nothing to show for it, and you will have 5 years of a mortgage paid off and equity in your place
Yeah. That's basically what everyone has been telling me. I think the reason why I get so anxious about the whole thing is that its a big commitment and I have a fear that I've made a mistake, wont have the funds to make major repairs or will end up in financial ruin if something catastrophic happens. It doesn't make it easier that I've had horrendous quotes for new windows and I would have to stretch myself to afford them and everything else.
I feel a bit more positive today though. Was really windy last night but I had no choice but to stay there. The place is still standing and I am still in one piece! Stronger gales forecast tonight which I am not too worried about but am hoping one of my mates will offer me a bed for the night...
You won't end up in financial ruin if something catastrophic happens. As you have a mortgage you must have had to take out insurance, so if the house did fall down the insurance would cover the cost and you wouldn't end up with no home and a massive mortgage as well. If you ran into financial problems due to, say, losing your job, you could sell the house.
Of course, that doesn't mean you have plenty of money to play with! You need to prioritise the most important jobs. Maybe you need to wait a while before you can afford to replace the windows. Maybe there are cheaper ways to keep your house warm while you save up, for example, getting some really thick curtains. An electric blanket is very cheap to run, though obviously that only helps while you're actually in bed.
It certainly sounds like normal first time homeowner issues and it doesn't sound like a money pit by any means. The thing is, it's "YOURS" :) Like folks are saying, do what you can when budget provides and make it a home. That's the best part of home ownership. When you're renting, no matter how much you do to make it cozy and such, it's not yours. You have mortgage insurance so you're covered should something happen out of your control.
In the mean time, go rent/download the movie "The Money Pit" with Tom Hanks and Shelly Long. It's an 80's comedy flick and will make you think your place is 100% trouble free and laughter is the best medicine and diversion ;)
Positive thoughts
Thanks all for your words of wisdom, its much appreciated and has definitely made a difference :) was feeling really positive earlier but late afternoon I started worrying again, am bloody sick of this. Would give anything to be normal again.
Hi- I see this was a while ago- how did everything work out (I am suffering in a very similar way)?
Hi let me share my advice and story. Much like you I purchased a house and found one problem after another, from day one I found the roof was asbestos and that just triggered a wild emotional state which in turn had me finding more and more issues, damp, no earth wires, leaks, unvented boiler, lead water pipes, timbers in roof floor cut, unsafe electrical work, the entire ordeal made me extremely ill. As a result I part exchanged with a house builder who really put the hard sell on me and made me feel that a new house was the answer. I ended up moving out after only 3 months and its the biggest mistake I have ever made, I think about leaving that house every single day and inly now realise how much potential and how easily fixed the issues were. It has quite frankly ruined my outlook on everything leaving it and I pray daily that ill be able to get it back. As ling as foundations are good EVERYTHING can be fixed an our horrible anxiety plays tricks with our minds. Stay put and fix up...it will be worth it I promise bro
Fitzroyalty
09-02-18, 11:00
Hi begone and everyone, first time here, I found this post after searching for buyers regret and anxiety after buying a home. Begone, my experience (and perhaps some personality traits) has been very much the same and I sympathise. I had what I have been calling a ‘meltdown’ right after I won my house at auction. Panic attacks (physical) and insomnia, total fear and loss of a sense of perspective. The ‘what if?’ catastrophizing, imagining all sorts of things that could go wrong. I recovered somewhat while I was staying with family in another city while I waited for settlement. I’m now a couple of days after settlement, I’ve partially moved in to the new place and all I can see are all the things wrong with it, that are going to cost even more money - having bought an old apartment in a sellers’ market I feel like a total fool.
I’m having (mild) panic attacks again and am not sleeping. I found out today that the hot water system is in the roof above the unit above me and flipped out - beating myself up for not knowing it was there, worrying at the money it could take to fix it.
I too have been alone a long time and I am just finding this overwhelming, to do everything on my own and not have someone else to share the load.
Basically I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake and I’m going to lose a whole lot of money.
I know this is an old post but begone I hope you feel better about your place now. I really hope others out there read this if they are in a similar situation and know that others have gone through the same thing. I have no way of knowing if I will in fact lose money, or have made a mistake, I guess time will tell.
I just know I can’t see myself living with this misery for a long time.
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