james2013
18-12-13, 21:31
I've always been a nervous person but until recently I've kept it under control. I tend to bite the skin at the side of my nails when I'm nervous, often to the point of bleeding.
I'm a teacher by trade. I worked in the sixth form sector and I was promoted to head of department within three years. Over five years I significantly improved results and gained a very good reputation. Then the cuts came. Management was restructured and I was faced with the choice of applying for a job overseeing three different departments, one of which I had no knowledge of at all or stepping back down to teacher level with the sure knowledge that one of my team would be made redundant as a result.
I couldn't live with that possibility so along with applying for a couple of other jobs I applied for the new role. I didn't get the other jobs but I did get the new role. So for a year I tried my best to run three separate departments with no managers below me. Shortly after this the dreaded Ofsted came and we got a 'requires improvement' with a certain inspection the following year.
The department that I had no experience in was deemed to have been failing for quite some time. I threw every I had at it including several techniques I had used to improve results in my own team. Nothing worked. I was miserable. I started to look for other jobs and went for a couple of interviews. I ended up getting a management job at a new 14-19 school. I hadn't taught 14 year olds before (except during PGCE, now about ten years ago) but I thought the job would be an interesting challenge.
It was soon clear that I was out of my depth. Schools had changed a lot since I had last been in them and the level of monitoring was much more than I was used to. I had a bad experience with a Y10 group that I was teaching for a triple period and that night I completely broke down, sitting in the kitchen crying.
Somehow I managed to go in again the next day. I mentioned my worries to others and got a little bit of advice. However things did not improve and my worries started to get out of control. I was sure I was on a certain path to being fired. I broke down again and offered my resignation explaining I couldn't teach the Y10s. I was told to try to calm down and come in the next day. The next day I was told my timetable would be changed at half term to focus on sixth form only. However the negative thoughts did not go away. I was sure I was one observation away from being fired. I worried about failing my family, my wife and two children, who are so dependent on my income.
I went to the doctors during the half term holiday. She recommended that I take two weeks off and take medication. I stupidly refused and got a self help booklet.
I started the new timetable. It was easier but I was still sure I would be 'found out' as a 'bad' teacher. We interviewed for new teachers. One was so good that I felt completely inadequate. The next day I was asked how I was going to develop innovative practice within the department. I fell apart. I got my dad to give me a lift home and I spent the night crying.
I had learned that my old place had two teacher jobs going so the next day I went to the doctors and got a sick note and medication and contacted my old place to see if I had a good chance of going back. I was told I did so I resigned, explaining the problems I was having. I ended up not taking the sick leave and kept going in and teaching. I was determined not to leave the kids without a teacher.
However my old place decided there wasn't enough interest in the teaching jobs and got consultants to run the process. The jobs turned into a head of department job and a teacher job. I didn't get interviewed for the head because of the number of outstanding applicants who applied. I interviewed for the teacher but despite doing well didn't get it. Because the head of department hired had a similar skill set to mine, they decided to go with something different. My current place has offered me a monthly rolling contract but they will not be able to do so for long.
I have ended up with nothing. I have some savings that will last a while but I have thrown my career away for the fear that I may lose it.
I'm a teacher by trade. I worked in the sixth form sector and I was promoted to head of department within three years. Over five years I significantly improved results and gained a very good reputation. Then the cuts came. Management was restructured and I was faced with the choice of applying for a job overseeing three different departments, one of which I had no knowledge of at all or stepping back down to teacher level with the sure knowledge that one of my team would be made redundant as a result.
I couldn't live with that possibility so along with applying for a couple of other jobs I applied for the new role. I didn't get the other jobs but I did get the new role. So for a year I tried my best to run three separate departments with no managers below me. Shortly after this the dreaded Ofsted came and we got a 'requires improvement' with a certain inspection the following year.
The department that I had no experience in was deemed to have been failing for quite some time. I threw every I had at it including several techniques I had used to improve results in my own team. Nothing worked. I was miserable. I started to look for other jobs and went for a couple of interviews. I ended up getting a management job at a new 14-19 school. I hadn't taught 14 year olds before (except during PGCE, now about ten years ago) but I thought the job would be an interesting challenge.
It was soon clear that I was out of my depth. Schools had changed a lot since I had last been in them and the level of monitoring was much more than I was used to. I had a bad experience with a Y10 group that I was teaching for a triple period and that night I completely broke down, sitting in the kitchen crying.
Somehow I managed to go in again the next day. I mentioned my worries to others and got a little bit of advice. However things did not improve and my worries started to get out of control. I was sure I was on a certain path to being fired. I broke down again and offered my resignation explaining I couldn't teach the Y10s. I was told to try to calm down and come in the next day. The next day I was told my timetable would be changed at half term to focus on sixth form only. However the negative thoughts did not go away. I was sure I was one observation away from being fired. I worried about failing my family, my wife and two children, who are so dependent on my income.
I went to the doctors during the half term holiday. She recommended that I take two weeks off and take medication. I stupidly refused and got a self help booklet.
I started the new timetable. It was easier but I was still sure I would be 'found out' as a 'bad' teacher. We interviewed for new teachers. One was so good that I felt completely inadequate. The next day I was asked how I was going to develop innovative practice within the department. I fell apart. I got my dad to give me a lift home and I spent the night crying.
I had learned that my old place had two teacher jobs going so the next day I went to the doctors and got a sick note and medication and contacted my old place to see if I had a good chance of going back. I was told I did so I resigned, explaining the problems I was having. I ended up not taking the sick leave and kept going in and teaching. I was determined not to leave the kids without a teacher.
However my old place decided there wasn't enough interest in the teaching jobs and got consultants to run the process. The jobs turned into a head of department job and a teacher job. I didn't get interviewed for the head because of the number of outstanding applicants who applied. I interviewed for the teacher but despite doing well didn't get it. Because the head of department hired had a similar skill set to mine, they decided to go with something different. My current place has offered me a monthly rolling contract but they will not be able to do so for long.
I have ended up with nothing. I have some savings that will last a while but I have thrown my career away for the fear that I may lose it.