Hey there...

[Booties]

Nice to meet you all!

I'm not sure what to write here, but I really feel I need somewhere like this. I need someone who understands me without being paid to pity me and tell me "sweet nothings".

I'm 20 years old from the South West, and I've had panic disorder with agoraphobia (and emetophobia) for around 4 years now, officially. I've had my days, like I'm sure you all have- I even managed to go on a small holiday in 2012... But now I've relapsed quite badly.

I'm home alone over the holidays and I haven't been feeling well. I'm terrified, I can't sleep, can't eat, can barely breathe. I'm trying all my usual things, but nothing's taking the edge off, not even hurting myself (which I shamefully admit to doing). I'm just about surviving, though very shaky, right now, but as soon as it gets dark and quiet, I'll be a goner. I just want to disappear for 2 weeks, if not forever.

Thank you all for reading my introduction, sorry if it's a downer... I'm off to browse the rest of the forums and take my mind off of things!

[teej]

not even hurting myself (which I shamefully admit to doing).

Half my problems stem from shame. You are who you are.


I'm just about surviving, though very shaky, right now, but as soon as it gets dark and quiet, I'll be a goner.

My doctor prescribed me an anti-depressant. It's done wonders for dealing with the darkness.


I just want to disappear for 2 weeks, if not forever.


It's that time of year sadly. I'm plotting out how I'm going to get through the next two weeks. You're not alone here.

... and :welcome:

[Booties]

Thank you both so much- it's impossible to describe just how much that little bit of understanding and acceptance means to me.

I've had some light beta blockers but they didn't seem to do much for me at all. They were a low dose, though, so who knows? Other than that, I just rely on peppermint, water and Bach's flower remedy. I have a psych appointment next week to re-assess my needs, but I'm frightened of medicine side-effects too :(

[teej]

Booties,

I was scared of the side effects of the medication for a decade and finally took the plunge this November. Nearly two months later I'm still here and feeling much improved.

There's lots of medication success stories on here you can check out including my own journey.

I'm around this place quite a bit if you need any more reassurance.

T

[teej]

i have heard Magnesium supplements work well to, try some of those =] x

I'm trying out Inositol at the moment (there's a sticky post in the natural remedies section about it) and I'm a habitual user of Hops Powder, Valerian and Passionflower too. All natural over the counter remedies.

[Booties]

I'll have a look for the things you mentioned next time I can get out...
Wish someone was here with me, but wishing doesn't help, does it? ;)

Thanks again :)

[teej]

Through the power of the internet, people can be with you.

I've found Youtube and Twitter to be of great help. A guy on Youtube called boogie2988 turned my life around earlier this year, even before I quit drinking and found this place. Just search on Youtube for him. He does some funny clips but suffers a lot and posts vlogs about it.

[annie54]

Hi Booties ,
Just joined myself, having a bad day and night, sorry you cant get out,
and yes I understand you, we are very similar,
t.v. on , background noise at the moment, computer on. talking to you,
face hospital on Monday, terrified, then holidays like you mostly alone, I want to
curl up in a corner, Hang in there, one more day,
did not listen to music for a long time, but have found when I listen to
Debusey (not spelt right ) , it is really helping me.
Take care
Annie

[Booties]

I'm sure I've heard of boogie2988... I'll have a look at that too. Anything to distract me...

Like you, Annie, I have the TV on, trying to ignore my own body.
I hope your hospital appointment goes well. It's never nice, but it's helpful to remember that a hospital is the safest possible place for you if you feel ill or get in a state.
One day at a time, eh? Things have a way of working themselves out, otherwise we all wouldn't have survived this long.

Note: Is there a thread anywhere about the possible causes of anxiety disorders? I'm really interested in that kind of research- whether it's caused by a hormonal imbalance or a dodgy wire in the brain or..? I couldn't find a thread...

[annie54]

Like his music too deadmanw, the girl with the flaxen hair is my Debussy
favorite, love rock music, but feel classical is helping me calm more.
Booties,
also feel broken, need more laughter in my life.
Annie

[Booties]

I listen to everything from pop to metal, opera to reggae, no judgement here!
There's something about a good classical piece that calms the soul though, huh?

It's taken me a good long while to accept, but I realise now that I'm the same as someone with a broken limb or a funny lung- it's just that MY illness is in my brain. Once I realised this, I started thinking that maybe it's possible that something physical is making us this way... I mean there are plenty of people in the most traumatic situations that get by fine- what have they got that we don't? How come they don't just crack, when I break down at the thought of buying milk?

[annie54]

I had a pal made me laugh the other day, first genuine laugh I have had
in years, done me good. if I can keep that with me I will be o.k. I hope
says she , tired of my mind in darkness. we all just need someone to say
it will be o.k.
Annie

[Shake]

Hi booties welcome to the forums

[Adam1987]

Hi guys,

I'm pretty sure this has been suggested many a time but exercise really helps.

If you can and you're in the physical condition to do so I recommend some strenuous exercise it also helps boost seretonin levels and if you get in to a good routine it gives you something to look forward to.

Again not sure if this has been suggested or if any of you are religious people but if there are any buddhist places around where you live try some yoga and/or meditation, very peaceful and soothing.

Take care