ryan.divall
21-12-13, 14:32
Hi all.
I was a member on here some years ago due to constantly feelings of worry and massive panic attacks that made my life unbearable.
I thought I had got over all of that with the help of medication... However, I've realized that my medication just suppresses what I really feel. (Which isn't a bad thing really!!)
I've had an awful year this year, my mother is in hospital with COPD. A lung condition for those that don't know. My father also died of a heart attack when I was 3 years old (Though it was drug induced. He was a heavy smoker and a heroin addict)
Now.. Due to all the stress my health anxiety has been through the roof. I have applied for CBT and am on the waiting list. I'm also using moodgym that is helping a lot.
My problem is, I smoke, about 20 roll ups a day. I made the choice to quit as my resting heart rate is fast for someone of my age (20)
I'm fairly overweight and have never been the sporty type. PC gaming and sitting around has always been my thing, possibly due to my diagnosed depression. A quote my friend made has made me realize this "happily miserable"
I don't want to be overweight and lazy anymore as most of my fears are about my health. My main concern is my heart and my lungs, probably due to my mother and the fact that my dad died of a heart attack.
My anxiety fever pitched a few years ago when I experimented with taking MDMA. I had tinnitus and a very rapid heart rate as a side effect. Obviously went to A&E and they said it's expected after taking a street drug.
Since then I've not touched drugs due to the massive fear I have of them after that night, which is a good thing, I know drugs are a bad habit.
My main problem is I'm a deep thinker by nature, and I'm struggling with my warped thoughts and wondering if they are even warped at all and I feel like I'm in catch 22 mode.
I HATE exercise as it increases my already fast resting heart rate. When I joined a gym a few years ago I used a treadmill and it said my heart rate was 200. (Damn dangerous if you ask me)
Due to this I have always been consistently worried about my heart... I recently decided to stop smoking and have failed miserably.. Due to the fact I started using an E-cig and it's made my heart rate worse (IMO) I have obviously stopped using the E-cig and gone back to smoking.
I just want to talk to a doctor and can't until monday. I hate sitting there and feeling like a hypochondriac which I can accept I am, it's just hard when my thoughts take over my actions. When I'm engaged in activity I don't even think about my heart, when I'm thinking I notice it more (Anxiety, I know)
The point is, I want to be healthier, as if I was, I feel I wouldn't worry about my health as much but I am absolutely petrified of exercise due to it increasing my heart rate by sooo much. Also the tablets I take Venalic XL can increase your heart rate. My point is, I'm doing a lot of things that probably aren't great for my heart and I'm so scared I'll drop down dead with a heart attack at any moment or of the damage I've already done.
Any reassurance/advise would be brilliant. I know reassurance only makes the anxiety wheel go round and round but right now I feel like crap because I can think of is my heart and how unfit I am.
Thanks for reading,
Ryan xx
I was a member on here some years ago due to constantly feelings of worry and massive panic attacks that made my life unbearable.
I thought I had got over all of that with the help of medication... However, I've realized that my medication just suppresses what I really feel. (Which isn't a bad thing really!!)
I've had an awful year this year, my mother is in hospital with COPD. A lung condition for those that don't know. My father also died of a heart attack when I was 3 years old (Though it was drug induced. He was a heavy smoker and a heroin addict)
Now.. Due to all the stress my health anxiety has been through the roof. I have applied for CBT and am on the waiting list. I'm also using moodgym that is helping a lot.
My problem is, I smoke, about 20 roll ups a day. I made the choice to quit as my resting heart rate is fast for someone of my age (20)
I'm fairly overweight and have never been the sporty type. PC gaming and sitting around has always been my thing, possibly due to my diagnosed depression. A quote my friend made has made me realize this "happily miserable"
I don't want to be overweight and lazy anymore as most of my fears are about my health. My main concern is my heart and my lungs, probably due to my mother and the fact that my dad died of a heart attack.
My anxiety fever pitched a few years ago when I experimented with taking MDMA. I had tinnitus and a very rapid heart rate as a side effect. Obviously went to A&E and they said it's expected after taking a street drug.
Since then I've not touched drugs due to the massive fear I have of them after that night, which is a good thing, I know drugs are a bad habit.
My main problem is I'm a deep thinker by nature, and I'm struggling with my warped thoughts and wondering if they are even warped at all and I feel like I'm in catch 22 mode.
I HATE exercise as it increases my already fast resting heart rate. When I joined a gym a few years ago I used a treadmill and it said my heart rate was 200. (Damn dangerous if you ask me)
Due to this I have always been consistently worried about my heart... I recently decided to stop smoking and have failed miserably.. Due to the fact I started using an E-cig and it's made my heart rate worse (IMO) I have obviously stopped using the E-cig and gone back to smoking.
I just want to talk to a doctor and can't until monday. I hate sitting there and feeling like a hypochondriac which I can accept I am, it's just hard when my thoughts take over my actions. When I'm engaged in activity I don't even think about my heart, when I'm thinking I notice it more (Anxiety, I know)
The point is, I want to be healthier, as if I was, I feel I wouldn't worry about my health as much but I am absolutely petrified of exercise due to it increasing my heart rate by sooo much. Also the tablets I take Venalic XL can increase your heart rate. My point is, I'm doing a lot of things that probably aren't great for my heart and I'm so scared I'll drop down dead with a heart attack at any moment or of the damage I've already done.
Any reassurance/advise would be brilliant. I know reassurance only makes the anxiety wheel go round and round but right now I feel like crap because I can think of is my heart and how unfit I am.
Thanks for reading,
Ryan xx