Have I given my daughter anxiety?

[hangingbasket]

My 9 year old daughter has suddenly developed a fear of choking. She says it feels like something is stuck in her throat and that she cant swallow. I took her to the doctor who looked at her throat and said it seemed fine. So I am now looking at a phobia I think.

She got a bone from a fish stuck in her throat about a month ago. It terrified her. She was hysterical. Eventually she got it out but for hours afterwards she was upset saying she was scared it would come back. Everything seemed ok for a couple of weeks and then she got a huge problem with eating.

She went a few days barely eating at all, and now, although she is eating, she is eating a LOT less than she usually does, and taking about an hour to pick at a meal. I made her 2 scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning, she sat for about half an hour and only ate half of it. She is chewing every mouthful for over 5 minutes until it's completely liquid in her mouth.

We are pretty close and she's fairly open with me, so we had a good chat about it earlier, and she told me she doesnt want to eat anything big, or hard or chewy because she's scared it will get stuck. I explained to her how the swallowing reflex works and how her food travels through her body, but the issue remains... she's terrified of choking.

I dont know whether to let it go in the hope that it's just a phase, or seek help for her. I dont want to make it more of an issue than it is, it may pass in a few weeks. But I worry she's not eating enough. She's a very tall 9 year old and I would imagine she needs quite a few calories a day. She's just picking at food and drinking about 4 glasses of water with each meal.

She was having major panics about it... saying her heart is beating too fast and she would go cold (classic panic attack symptoms) but these seem to have gone now, yet the eating issue remains.

This is what I've worried about. This was my main reason for working so hard to get myself better. I was worried it would pass onto my daughters. I think I was too late and I've already given my daughter the dreaded HA!!!

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Can anyone give me any advice?

(not about myself btw... about how to help my daughter overcome this)

[Fishmanpa]

Hi HBasket,

There was a thread a while back about whether HA is inherited or learned. It was interesting. My take on it is that mental illness is a combination of inherited and learned behaviors. One can have the propensity to develop mental illness but environmental stimuli is a contributing influence on whether or not it rears it's ugly head and to what severity, if at all, it does so. My Mom suffered from mental illness but I'm fine sans some depression. But my issues are from dealing with traumatic physical illnesses and are actually quite common. Katesa wrote a very heart felt post on Willous' thread earlier today that's worth a read.

My opinion is that your daughter had quite a scare. She also senses your issues as well no matter how hard you try to hide them. Some of the things like her heart beating too fast or going cold are things she may have experienced with your HA. It's been a month as you say since the trauma occurred. You've had a heart to heart with her as well. If it carries on much longer, I would seek some help. In the mean time, practice CBT exposure exercises with her. Go for a soft pretzel or other chewy food together to ease her stress. Here's an idea, learn to do the Heimlich Maneuver together so you can help each other should anything like that happen in the future.

Positive thoughts

[Tanner40]

I wish that I had some experience with this to give you. I don't have kids but I do have nephews and nieces. I know a couple of them had some phobias when they were very small and they outgrew them.

On the other hand, the earlier a phobia or anxiety is treated, the less severe it tens to be. Hopefully someone will have some words of wisdom. I just wanted to wish you well.

[hangingbasket]

Thanks tanner!

And fishmanpa... great response as always!! I love the idea of practising the Heimlich Maneuver together. I think that might help. I'm looking through all my CBT notes to see how I can apply them to her. She is a bright kid but most of the techniques are way too adultified for her :) I know they do CBT for children though so will definitely be something worth looking into if she carries on.

The thing I'm also struggling with is hubby's theory. He thinks that it is/was a fear BUT she has enjoyed the extra attention from me and is carrying it on for that reason. He thinks I'm being too soft and should ignore the behaviour. He could well me right but I cant ignore it. If she is genuinely suffering with anxiety/phobia, I would never forgive myself for not fully supporting her.

It's not a complete attention seeking thing though.. she's genuinely scared. And gets more than enough attention even when she isnt scared.

I'm hoping its a shortlived phobia.. maybe hormone related or something (clutching at straws there I know).

I think she came up with the fast heartrate idea all by herself... this has never been something that's really bothered me. If she'd talked about poo on the other hand.. I'd be sure it came from me!

Thanks for the good advice guys!

[cattia]

I think it is really common for children to have anxieties about things that they feel they can't control, and she probably is a little more pre- disposed to anxiety, having a parent who suffers. However, I ceftianly don't think you're to blame for ths, and I also think that you can really help her to deal with this now in a way that might in fact prevent her from devleoping full blown anxiety later on. If you can model to her that having anxiety about things is ok and that there are ways to deal with it, then that might help. I wonder whether allowing her to eat in front of her favourite tv programme as a weekend treat, or making her some snacks that she really likes, might help, as then she might eat without thinking about it, and later you can explain to her that if she can eat fine when she isn't FO used on it then that means she can eat fine all the time.

[Fishmanpa]

If she'd talked about poo on the other hand.. I'd be sure it came from me!

HA! Now that's good stuff right there! ~LOL~

Positive thoughts

I'll wipe my hands clean of that comment ;)

[katesa]

Oh HB love.

I know that at around the same age as your daughter, my husband suddenly wouldn't have anything around his neck at all. He wouldn't even wear collars and would freak out if my mother in law tried to make him. He was too scared of getting strangled.

My in laws are as mentally health as any person can be. My husband has no idea what caused it, maybe he saw something on TV? Who knows. But he grew out of it after a while.

What I'm trying to say is that children are strange little buggers and sometimes, no matter what we do, they develop strange little quirks. Usually, the grow out of them.

Don't beat yourself up. Some exposure to your illness is going to happen and you should feel no more guilty about that than a parent with a broken leg should feel about their child seeing the cast. We just have to mimimise the effect is has on them by trying our hardest and communicating with them, reassuring them that it's ok and not allowing our HA to consume us so much that they get too little affection from us. Reading your posts, I am positive that you do all that.

[hangingbasket]

We've done some research into how much food the body needs and what for. We've also made a reward chart together. She's currently making her way very slowly through one scrambled egg and I've left her and her sister eating together so she doesn't feel like I'm watching her like a hawk.
Thanks for all the response, I do feel guilty but at the same time, I know I've done and am still doing everything I can to get myself better and its worked. I'm good now.
Also I know my girls get plenty of love and attention. We do loads together. Hopefully this is just a short lived phase. She's a sensitive little creature :)