Sunday dinner at in-laws!!

[bellesmummy]

We are suppose to be going to the in-laws for a Sunday roast today, I am so full of anxiety and panic about it, I don't think I can go! I have never been comfortable eating in public, we are suppose to be going to my mums on boxing day for lunch and I'm dreading that already!! Does anyone else feel like this? What do you do? My hubby will probably be in a mood with me if I don't go. I just don't know what to do! Just want to curl up and stay in bed all day!
Hubby knows how I feel but he thinks its 'silly' and that I've been 'fine' before but he just doesn't understand how I'm truely feeling!!!
What would you do??

[Tessar]

I do relate to where you're coming from. I was very much like this myself until maybe a few years ago....for me it's about remembering not to focus on me. Best to look around you and be aware of others instead. I don't mean watch them intricately, more just that you aren't thinking about yourself really. Enjoy the company. The surroundings. A lot of people don't like eating in public. I have seen it mentioned here many times but you can gradually get used to it.
When it comes to dreading things, its best to change the subject in your mind. Put your focus elsewhere in the lead up to something. For instance, boxing day is ages away the moment. don't worry about that now. indeed even on the day get that mind of yours focusing on other things. good things now, not other stuff you can worry about instead. Honestly, in the end there's no point. It can take time and practice but I have to say I worked on this for a long time and now, finally, I can go for meals (like with colleagues, friends, family even) and not feel like they are all looking at me or that I am going to say or do something stupid. Everyone is the same in the end. Even the confident looking ones probably have hang-ups of their own, we just aren't aware of them.
I understand the feelings of wanting to curl up in bed all day, it's warm and safe there. but ultimately as you know already, that isnt the answer and would only make things more complicated.
so you go out there and feel more confident in yourself. even if it takes time to feel that way, practice focusing outside yourself. even if you don't feel like doing it I can vouch for it really being worthwhile making the effort. because getting out there and doing it is what will help you feel better about yourself.
it is unlikely your hubby will understand your feelings since I often find that partners cannot always relate. he would probably like to as then he'd be able to help. I guess he is trying to help in his own way but its probably not easy for him to appreciate your feelings, fears and thoughts. but he's doing his best I am sure.
it is much more fun to focus externally, on others and your surroundings because you enjoy more about the day. plus you remember this: you are valid and just as entitled as everyone else to be there and enjoy yourself and that's because you are a worthwhile person.

[bellesmummy]

Thanks Tessar. I understand what you are saying but it is so hard!! I have problems eating at home with my hubby and kids as well sometimes!! I just feel like its to big a step for me at the moment but trying explain that to hubby is hard!

[loreen]

I understand completely. Christmas is such a difficult time for those of us who struggle with anxiety.

The rest of my family find the family get together s fun and part of Christmas. I on the other hand have a feeling of dread and doom until it is all over with. Its not that I don't love everyone,I just feel overwhelmed and trapped when in large social gatherings.

My husband tries to understand,but I know he feels let down if I can't go somewhere. As I have said to him,I don't understand it myself,so I don't expect him to understand me!!

The one thing that helps me is knowing I am not on my own. I would feel totally mad if I thought it was just me who suffered. :)

Loreen x

[Meewah]

Hope you managed it and looking back it wasn't so bad after all?

If you are like me it the anticipatory anxiety that is the worse. I map out the social event in my mind with all the interactions that make me fall apart. 99% of the time it is never like I thought it was. Most of the very anxious stages I can work around with help from a strong partner.

The problem is not thinking about yourself when in these situations is really easy to say and very hard to do. Sometimes some distractions help like singing to yourself a certain tune, mine is here comes the bride, also counting objects in the room, eg everything blue.

Let us know how it went.

Mee

[bellesmummy]

Hi Mee, thanks for your post.
It didn't go to bad in the end like you said, its the anticipation before hand!! I didn't eat a great deal as was still quite anxious whilst there and had the comments off the mil 'your not eating much' but I just shrugged it off!!
I had it again on boxing day at my mums but that wasn't quite so bad and once I was eating I was ok!!

[Meewah]

Glad to here. It can only get better from here. Not my favorite time of the year.

Take care

Mee