I'd really appreciate if anyone would read this.

[nojmac]

Hi everyone - after struggling for two weeks with a bout of anxiety i am posting here in the hope that just getting it out will make me feel better. A major part of my worry, however, is how crazy my thoughts have been recently and that i'm "going mad" - i know that is a common fear - but these are some REALLY weird thoughts im having. Before i start i should tell you that i am usually a fairly rational person who doesnt believe in god/the supernatural - so these specific recent fears are really odd for me.

Basically a fortnight ago, ironically the night after a really relaxing weekend at a health spa, i woke up in the middle of the night from a dream. I don't remember more than a few details of the dream and whilst they were fairly dark it didnt seem to be a particularly terrifying nightmare. However, a few seconds after i woke up i started having a really really horrible feeling and the intrusive thought of "what if i die in my dreams". Now this is an intrusive thought i have had before, based on a stupid horror movie i saw years ago. Normally it passes and i think no more of it, but this time the thought stuck and i feel like it has "infected" my brain. Now, i have found myself scared to go to sleep in case i have nightmares. The rational part of my brain knows this is obviously nonsense, but i feel like that part of my brain is at war with a crazier part of my brain.

What's happening now is that every time i am about to drop off to sleep i can feel myself trying to examine the thoughts im having during that hypnogogic state. And then i'm waking up in a lurch. I don't really know how to explain what my thought processes are because a lot of the time it feels like there are thoughts going on underneath my thoughts (if that makes any sense). And the more i try to pin down exactly what im thinking the more scared i get because it feels like my head is just filling up and then freezing. I can't even get a fix on exactly what is scaring me. But then i start to think that something MUST be happening to me in my sleep for me to feel this scared - almost like a phobic response to something that i don't know i'm scared of.

I realise how incoherent and disorded this message is - but i'm feeling fairly strung out. Today has been a good day but waking up and going to sleep are causing a lot of anxiety at the minute. I am just terrified i am going to feel like this forever. And every time i try to speak to my mum (my usual go to person) the thought of doing so further escalates my anxiety because i realise that i cant articulate what im feeling?

Has anyone ever felt anything like this or have any tips on how to break the cycle?

---------- Post added at 01:57 ---------- Previous post was at 01:55 ----------

One final thing - what really bothers me about these types of superstitious and supernatural fears (dying in a dream etc) is that they are unresolvable using rationality, as i would normally. Because they are already totally irrational i cant apply logic as i would with my health anxiety or something like that.

Does anyone else get scared of this sort of stuff - i feel so totally nuts!

[hheavenlyangel]

Gosh, you're not going mad. I view dreams as a glimpse into your subconscious mind. Its not necessarily that you are afraid of dying in your dreams its most likely something totally unrelated but as you say, your rational mind cannot rationalize THIS particular fear so therefore your conscious mind automatically thinks its a sign of sort, I believe your dreams can say a lot about how you're feeling about the world around you.... Its also an outlet for your anxious and exhausted subconscious mind. To dream someone dies in your dream could mean you miss that person and it could be time for a visit. So to dream that you are going to die in a dream, could mean that you need to pay more attention to yourself, go for a massage, get a manicure, pedicure. Small things like that. I used to dream horrible, horrible dreams but over the years I have learnt that although they seem frightening and its so easy to think that these dreams are some kind of message from afar, its just your subconscious mind relaying messages to you in a way to get your attention.

Start a dream diary along with a mood diary and you may find that in times of stress your dreams become dark and scary. Just because you dream it, doesn't mean its true.

** Just remember, that, that movie you are referring to, was just a movie. Its not something that could occur in real life. It really isn't. Its fantasy and made to scare the crackers out of you.

I hope that helps you somewhat. :bighug1:

[David22]

This is pertinent to me right now.

My story, for the first 6 months of the year I had a variety of symptoms. Felt I was slurring words, mixed up words in my head and when I spoke, a period of lightheadedness that lasted a month. Went to a neuro and had a complete work-up including MRI. Everything was negative. I asked if I might have an anxiety disorder. He said maybe and referred me back to my primary to possibly get counseling. My insurance won't cover that till next year. No counseling yet but the symptoms went away totally for 3 months.

Then, after my first trip in years, I get back and notice what I guess is the hypnogogic state. Suddenly. Like a few days after the trip (which was fun) I couldn't get to sleep and I started to doze off a bit and have a weird half-asleep/half-awake dream. Not nightmares. It's be like I was at the beach fixing a bench. I'd wake up and try to figure out where did that came from. Then I'd have a different half-dream, then another. its taking me an hour to get to sleep because of this unless I put the radio on. Tried a mantra but that doesn't seem to work.

The dreams are not complete so I can't totally place them, like why was I at the beach, how did I get there) and I worry why did I dream that. I say dream but its really the edge of a dream as I now wake up immediately and start worrying.

I don't know if it is the same thing as you experience as these aren't nightmares or even always lucid - they are sort of vague at times and maybe that is the subconscious coming in.

This has become my new fixation.

So far the earlier symptoms have not returned. It's this new one and it bothers me and I wonder if we are both going through the same general thing. You describe yours as a nightmare and mine isn't. I'm not afraid to go to sleep - I'm afraid of this string of hypnogogic states every night.

One thing, I was having trouble sleeping during my, earlier this year, anxiety situation and, even when the symptoms stopped for 3 months, it would take me a while to get to sleep. But I can't recall having the problem of going into and out of the hypnogogic state during those 3 months. It literally came on overnight.

This has replaced the lightheadedness and slurring worry that pre-occupied me the first half of the year.

[David22]

Just to add, I assume what you are describing is the hypnogogic state. That term is fairly new to me.