SERIOUSLY SAD

[linjane]

Hi Everyone,
Just wanted to let you all know what I've been up to. Those who know me knew I was having problems with my marriage, well I eventually left at the beginning of September after another argument and now me and the children are living in Telford. I'm not particularly happy, but he has made no effort to try to get me back or get in touch with me, so everything is out of my hands. the children are ok and settled into new schools and I have rented a house for us to live in, we actually live next door but one to my best friend. Her and her family are the main reason for me moving here, because at least I have got support, but I hate being on my own and I miss being part of 'my family.' Even though we had bad times, I still miss the good times.

Anyway still having ectopics, but have been checked out and had all results. The cardiologist even gave me an ultrasound on my heart, to be 100% sure, but they still scare me when I get them!

Try to be in touch soon, I'm not online yet at home.
Linda.xxx

[Piglet]

Linda,

How lovely to hear from you - thanks so much for posting!

Obviously alot of changes for you in the past months then but I have to say you sound remarkably firm and decisive - good on ya hun!!!:)

Hope you manage to get online again soon.

Love Piglet x

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[carlin]

Hi there, good to hear from you. You have made some of the most diffcult decisions you will ever have to make, and i so admire you for that, of course, you will feel lonely and alone, it is early days, one day at a time, as long as the kids are ok, and you are getting support things will very gradually improve for you all. Good for you darling, look forward to hearing how well you are doing. xxjean

[linjane]

Hi,
Thanks for replying. I must have sounded ok when I posted but truthfully I'm not. I feel like I need something to cheer me up but don't really want to go down the road of anti depressants but I just can't see any way forward. I met someome when I first moved up here and he is so lovely and I thought I was fine and had fallen in love. How stupid was I? All I was doing, as usual, was covering up my real feelings and now I'm going to end up hurting this guy because I think he really does love me. I'm not sure if I want my husband back, but thats pointless because he hasn't ever tried to stop me moving or tried to contact me. He has only seen the children twice in 11weeks and expects me to take them to him because he gave the car back to the finance company. I am in absolute turmoil and hate being on my own. I feel history is repeating itself, my mom and dad split up when I was 10 and she drank herself to death. I'm not saying I'm an alcoholic but I am drinking (and smoking) more than I should.
I just want to be happy but I have never not been part of a couple and I can't handle it?
Please can anyone help?
Linda.x

[LickeyEndBlues]

Hi Linjane

I have just read your post here and your reply to Phils posting about his Swedish girlfriend.

I can see similarities in what you and Phil are saying and feel that the important thing for you is to be in a loving, stable relationship where you can give love and be loved...securely.

Your anxieties are based on what you have experienced yourself through not only your marriage but your parents trauma.

Your feeling of wanting your husband back is because, I feel, he provided you with a sense of security when it was all going well. It is the security you want not necessarily him.

The "new man" in your life is possibly too soon after your break up and that realtionship may be driven by your need for security..it may be too soon. You speak of your best friend a couple of doors away, use her but seek help for YOU. I'm not sure of your past here having only been on the site for 6 weeks but getting support for your mental state is important as is counselling.

Keep us posted Linjane, I'm sure you have many friends in here who will look out for you.

Iain

Laissez les bon temp roulez

[Piglet]

Aww hun I am so sorry that you feel quite as you do - I can relate to your situation on two counts, one cos I have been there myself and two cos someone close to me has just gone through the same and has just met someone new too.

It is very early days yet and I am not surprised at all to hear how you feel - it sounds very much par for the course. It does not stay like that forever however. Yes it does feel weird to be not part of a couple but eventually that feeling fades. For some people this is the worst part and I suppose it is tempting to rush into another relationship just avoid being alone.

Allow yourself some time mate - it doesnt happen overnight.

Love Piglet xx

[linjane]

I know and thankyou both for replying. I just don't feel like me any more, I'm used to having a man in my life and how pathetic does that sound? Got a docs appt for next week, see what they say?
Linda.x

[LickeyEndBlues]

Linjane...what you need is the right man

TC
Iain
x

Laissez les bon temp roulez

[linjane]

Hi,
Totally hit rock bottom now, constantly crying, not eating, not sleeping, drinking and smoking too much, not interested in anything...need i go on?
I want my husband back and I am trying so hard, but don't think i have got much chance he says he can't accept i slept with someone else. He left me. He had an affair 3yrs ago. We weren't together when i did that. I know I've messed up but i just want back what we had and i know i could make it work. Its nearly xmas and i want us all back together so much. don't thjink i'll get him tho
linda

[Piglet]

Aww mate I don't like to hear you sound so sad!

I have had so many friends go through this and I think this is one of the many stages that you go through. Whatever happens nothing stays static forever, so even if you don't get back together you won't feel this manic about it forever either.

Some of this is down to change hun and we don't always like change which is why we hang on to things long after we should let them go. Examine your reasons for wantin him back. Is it him you really want or that sense of security (sometimes misplaced) that you are missing.

You don't know what the future holds for you a little further down the road do you and it might be much much better than what went before.

One very valuable lesson for us all to learn is to be responsible for our own happiness and not try and find this through one person. I am always telling my piglets not to put all their eggs in one basket and when you split up you really see why.

<center>((((((((L))))))))</center>

Can you get out a bit with mates to try and distract yourself at all?

Love Piglet :)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[hopeful]

Hi Linda,
I dont 'know' you but Ive been in a similar situation.
I had left my husband and was living in a refuge waiting to be rehoused. I felt awful,noone knows unless they have been there.Id left him many times and always gone back cos of how anxious/depressed I was and cos I wanted my marriage to work.Anyway,on this occasion I didnt go back, I went to see a doctor and told him everything and he put me on anti depressants.They didnt make me happy but they managed to lift me up just enough to cope with life. Once I was rehoused the depression hit me again and I wanted him back again.We got back together but only lasted 3 weeks.This time he had to leave and I stayed in the house. I told myself that it was the last time,and it was.
I put in for a divorce and Ive not looked back. Im now remarried and Im so glad that I finally called it a day with my ex.

I do understand how you feel.You still have feelings for your husband and you're going through the grieving process for the loss of your marriage. If you do get back with him then I wish you well,if you dont then have faith that you will be happy again in the future. I really feel for you.
Take care
julie x

[linjane]

Hi,
Thanks Piglet and Julie.
I know what you're both saying is so right butnothing anyone is saying right now is helping me.
I just hope I can come out of this at the other end. I know part of my problem is all the things that have happened to me in the past that I didn't with are now coming out as well. For those of you who don't know...here goes- my dad died when I was 21, my mom died when i was 27 and pregnant with my daughter, then I lost both grandparents four years later who had replaced my parents for me, I then had our little boy who is now 5 (good thing!!!) I fell pregnant again 8months later but lost my baby boy when I was five months pregnant, my husband had an affair not long after that and then this time last year I lost another little boy again at 5months pregnant. I gave birth to him on my own because my husband couldn't face up to it either. We have been through so much together, if only he would give it a chance I know we could be happy because I have finally buried the past.
Thanks for caring, it is helping knowing I can talk to you all still.
Love, Linda.x

[Piglet]

<center>(((((L)))))</center>

Feeling for you hun - I really am.

Love Piglet xx

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Linda, I really know what you are going through here. I've been married twice and both hubbies had affairs with my best friend (not the same one lol!) I was alone twice at Christmas and lst 3 stone in a matter of weeks, couldn't eat or drink, couldn't even get a Build-up shake down me. My GP prescribed me tablets to stop me feeling sick and anti-deps, but when you feel so low, I don't think anything takes the edge off that feeling. You don't have the energy to look after the kids (I have 3), just want to sleep all the time or doss about the house wallowing in self-pity that you feel was through no fault of your own (my personal experience, not yours).

All I can say is time is a great healer. If I had a penny for every time someone said to me "It will get better in time Les" I'd have been a millionaire by now, but it is true hun and if I can do it anyone can.

I'm feeling tons better now, at home on my own with the kids, house is full of laughter, but I am lonely Linda, for male company especially. I don't mean sex (although it helps haha!!) but just to have a conversation with someone to give me a cuddle and tell me that I've done a great job getting through all the crap that's been dealt at me. Every time you feel lonely and down, just give your little boy a big hug (my son is 6) and you'll have a smile on your face every time.

I have found comfort by drinking (only lager though, and smoke too much as well), but I don't get drunk, just have a couple of a night time to help me relax. I can get upset and have a good cry when I am really lonely, but I feel loads better afterwards.

I hope things improve for you soon. I can understand you thinking that you want to get back with you husband, but is that what you really want or is it just so you don't have to be on your own? Please make the right decision Linda for the sake of your son, he's the one person who matters the most to you darlin.

Let us know how you get on and take care.

Les xx

[hopeful]

Hi Linda,
just sending you a BIG HUG. Youve been through so much,but you will come through it. I know nothing anyone says will make any difference about you wanting to reconcile with your husband,only time will do that. You'll get there.
Take care
julie x