Won't be here next Christmas

[Darren1]

Is it just me thinking I won't be here next Christmas? As in alive!

[Andrea2607]

Why not Darren, this day was hard for me too but I got through it.

[Darren1]

i think i have a terminal illness, im going for a private mri in january when i get the courage/money

[Andrea2607]

Have you been to you GP for tests? Why go private? Do you mind me asking what you think your illness is?

[Darren1]

ive been to the gp about 20 times in the last 6 months.

it all started with neck pain which they said was caused by swollen glands but after blood tests and a CT scan no reason was found.

through my research and self diagnosis i think i have advanced skin cancer because i had this really suspicious thing on my leg before this all happened.

at the time i thought it was an insect bite but now ive seen photos which look similar to skin cancer. the thing on my leg is gone now but that doesnt help.

if i get a clear MRI scan i have no idea where to turn next because my neck is in agony !

[roxy90]

Not just you. I fully believe this is my last Christmas. Its heart breaking. Good luck to you in the new year x

[Annie0904]

Your neck pain is quite possibly related to tension from your anxiety. The doctor would have picked up anything serious. Inset bites can look really nasty, I has some and they took ages to heal and looked really bad.

[Andrea2607]

Trying to self-diagnose can make your anxiety so much worse, Dr Google is not always right. It's good that you tests came back negative and the thing on your leg was probably just that, an insect bite. I think the pain in your neck is caused by your anxiety as you are so tense and stressed. I would urge you to talk to your doctor about your anxiety, there's lots of help out there.

[Fishmanpa]

Dr. Google is being sued for causing undue stress to HA sufferers. It's been said he's just a computer algorithm and has no compassion or human emotion.

Sorry you're feeling this way. It would be in your best interest to seek professional help to assist you in dealing with the feelings you have. Best wishes and good luck.

Positive thoughts

[cattia]

Christmas is a sort of landmark that causes you to reflect. If you're in am anxious state it's very doffict to imagine a positive future. I have found my anxiety is always worse this time of year, this year is no exception. It's an emotional time when you don't have your normal routine to occupy your thoughts. I bet you'll look back on this Christmas this time next year, and hopefully you'll be in a happier frame of mind by then.

[Darren1]

Not just you. I fully believe this is my last Christmas. Its heart breaking. Good luck to you in the new year x

i know its sad isnt it, i am usually in bed by now on xmas day but enjoying the last few hours and back to reality tomorrow and need to book that mri scan.

how the nhs have left me in this position is just disgusting, somebody should go to prison if i am diagnosed with anything serious. if i get the all clear then i will be writing a sincere apology to my surgery and doctors.

[Hypo]

Ok.. neck thing... not long ago I started getting a numb neck. It was tension.

Skin cancer wouldn't just go.

There isn't one logical reason to think you won't be here next year.

I know anxiety doesn't work on logic though.

You will be here next year.
I will see you posting here on Xmas 2014 and I can tell you I said I told you so :)

---------- Post added at 23:38 ---------- Previous post was at 23:38 ----------


i know its sad isnt it, i am usually in bed by now on xmas day but enjoying the last few hours and back to reality tomorrow and need to book that mri scan.

how the nhs have left me in this position is just disgusting, somebody should go to prison if i am diagnosed with anything serious. if i get the all clear then i will be writing a sincere apology to my surgery and doctors.

The only thing they have left you with is perhaps not enough help for your mental health condition.

[AuntieMoosie]

Darren these sorts of questions are quite common in everyone, it's normal for us to think about our own mortality every now and then, I guess we all do it at times.

But...........yeah! you knew there had to be a "but" didn't you!! lol

We could spend every waking hour thinking about if we let ourselves, but why just Christmas? I could say, "will I still be here this time tomorrow, this time next week, this time next Month" and so on.

Problem is, none of us know and we're never going to know and, truthfully, would we even want to know? I know that I wouldn't.

The only certainty in life, is that we will all eventually die, we have no control over how that might happen or when it might happen.

But you are alive now, and that is all that it's important, live your life as best you can, enjoy it, have fun and let Mother Nature take care of herself :)

A favorite line of mine is this one..........

"you'll die if you worry, and you'll die if you don't, so what is the point of worrying?"

:hugs:

[Catherine S]

Hi Darren
Sorry you feel so down, but if the mark on your leg has now gone then it won't be cancer. If it was it wouldn't have disappeared. Its also a good indication of your health anxiety if the fact that it disappearing hasn't made you feel relief. I hope you feel better about things once we get through the depressing winter months...no good for anybody especially with all the coughs and colds and aches and pains, it just makes anxious people feel more anxious.

Take Care

[Brunette]

Darren, what you should be looking for is referral (or self referral) for physiotherapy or, perhaps, acupuncture that will help relax your muscles and lessen your pain.

If you had been suffering from untreated neck cancer for 6 month you would be seriously ill by now. I'm not sure why you don't believe that muscular pain can be severe and prolonged because it can. I have suffered from it myself.

[unsure_about_this]

Hi Darren

Let Brunette has said and others you would be serious ill by now if was cancer. Please get the help you need. I am a bit like you and may be wanting to write a letter to my doctors about my health worries (not trusting them it was IBS from the start)

[Darren1]

thanks guys. i really do read what everyone says on here.

i have decided my line in the sand will be the MRI scan and at first I was worried i january would come and i would start my usual delay-tactics. However now xmas is over, I feel a strong sense of 'lets get this over' once and for all.

I am going to phone the surgery on Monday and book the first appointment with my regular GP

I suffer from health anxiety, that is without doubt. I suffer from generalized anxiety and depression, fact.

I also have undiagnosed neck pain - this is also fact. The NHS will not fund further investigations so I have to take matters into my own hand. This could very well be tension/stress/muscular/anxiety but I need to know either way. I have never paid for a private test before (or felt the need to) and whilst I've had CT scan already, the MRI may just well stop the 'what if's' in my mind.

i am hoping they find out what's wrong because i can't keep taking all these pain killers for tension!

[HoneyLove]

Darren what I just don't understand is why for months you've been continuing to ignore everyone's suggestions about getting physio?

It would be so much less expensive than getting the MRI and the chances are a physio will be able to tell you much more about your pain. Surely with your symptoms it makes far more sense than an MRI?

[i love tea]

I have to agree with HoneyLove - you could have sorted this ages ago with physio / a chiropractor / an osteopath. I even recommended someone nearby... You're one stubborn guy, aren't you!

I wish you well but truly believe an MRI will be a waste of time & money.

[Catherine S]

Due to being a fairly new member, I didn't realise this was an ongoing problem and that you have already had alot of input about the neck pain, or that people have been, for a long time, recomending seeing an osteo' or physio'. That's the problem with new members I guess, we are reading problems for the first time and responding as if they are new problems, so in that way we are kind of feeding it if you see what I mean? Its a bit frustrating, and a little embarassing to then look more deeply into it and discover that what I said has been said before...lots of times :wacko: But I guess that's the nature of HA...not believing that its nothing serious. Also, could doing your new house up have made the muscles in your neck much more painful?

[Fishmanpa]

Due to being a fairly new member, I didn't realise this was an ongoing problem and that you have already had alot of input about the neck pain, or that people have been, for a long time, recomending seeing an osteo' or physio'. That's the problem with new members I guess, we are reading problems for the first time and responding as if they are new problems, so in that way we are kind of feeding it if you see what I mean? Its a bit frustrating, and a little embarassing to then look more deeply into it and discover that what I said has been said before...lots of times :wacko: But I guess that's the nature of HA...not believing that its nothing serious. Also, could doing your new house up have made the muscles in your neck much more painful?

ISB,

You can view previous posts by looking at a person's profile, click on statistics and you'll see "all threads started by" and "find all posts". Often you'll see the same issue being posted a number of times and for a long period of time. If it's been an ongoing issue, it will be evident.

Positive thoughts

[Catherine S]

Thank you Fishmanpa, I will try to do that in future.

[Apple81]

Darren - is an MRI honestly going to give you peace of mind? Are you going to be able to believe what it tells you? I have to say that I agree with everyone else on this thread. Seeing an osteo or physio would be a better thing to do. Skin cancer honestly wouldn't clear up - and I know that these things can be worrying and scary. Please try and stay calm.

[nomorepanic]

Darren - get the physio referral and not the MRI and please please do it as we keep telling you to.

You could have had this done and dusted months ago if you listened to us on here and gone to see the physio.