harasgenster
26-12-13, 01:32
Hi
I was wondering how others would feel about this and any advice.
Me and boyfriend have been together for around 4 years. During that time, I've gone from quite ill to very ill, to full recovery, and now a bit shaky again as I go through discontinuation syndrome.
I knew my boyfriend suffered from mild depression/dysthymia when I met him and if i'm honest it worried me slightly at the time as I thought two unhappy people together isn't a good thing, but I really liked him and I knew I had the drive to get better so I thought we'd both probably get better together and it wouldn't matter.
But I've been on several different medications in the time I've been with him, I've been through several types of therapy - I'm constantly trying to knock it on the head. He's done nothing. I don't want to force him to do anything because I think that just wouldn't work - he would feel resentful, it would cause arguments, and I don't think therapy works if you're not into it. But I have been trying to gently encourage him. He says he'll give it a go (he doesn't want to see a doctor but he has said for a few months now he'll have a look at free online CBT courses - he hasn't got round to that yet...)
There's two complications here as well. I've just recently got a lot better and I was ill for 14 years from the age of 13. It completely turned my life upside down and now that I feel better I want to change my life. Up to this point, my life has been defined by my limitations - it had to be, otherwise I wouldn't have functioned at all. Now I want it to be defined by what I actually want to do with my life. But it's difficult to make changes and motivate myself when I'm with someone who is so down all the time - it's kind of contagious, if you see what I mean. It's not that he's always very unhappy, or that it affects his functioning to a really great extent, it's mild depression, but I guess that means he rarely smiles, doesn't seek fun, and rarely enjoys anything.
The second thing is that his dad passed away last month. Obviously that really hasn't helped his mood and I feel terrible for him. But to be honest the way he is hasn't changed at all (from the outside, I'm surely he feels a lot worse) than how he's been for the last four years. There's part of me that's just really frustrated and wants to tell him to sort it out, and another (large) part saying that would be extremely unkind at this time. But this is tearing our relationship apart.
I keep imagining how it would be if he was alright or happy more often than depressed. He's great when he's in a good mood, and we're a great match for each other. I keep clinging on to that image and hoping that at some point it will come true and we will be happier together. But I just don't know if he's ever going to try to get better.
I feel guilty about feeling frustrated with him after all he's been through recently - although it's a product of four years of this, not because of what's happened - and I also just want to have another attempt to help him seek treatment and get better. We could be so good together if he could find happiness.
What would you do/say in my situation, do you think?
I was wondering how others would feel about this and any advice.
Me and boyfriend have been together for around 4 years. During that time, I've gone from quite ill to very ill, to full recovery, and now a bit shaky again as I go through discontinuation syndrome.
I knew my boyfriend suffered from mild depression/dysthymia when I met him and if i'm honest it worried me slightly at the time as I thought two unhappy people together isn't a good thing, but I really liked him and I knew I had the drive to get better so I thought we'd both probably get better together and it wouldn't matter.
But I've been on several different medications in the time I've been with him, I've been through several types of therapy - I'm constantly trying to knock it on the head. He's done nothing. I don't want to force him to do anything because I think that just wouldn't work - he would feel resentful, it would cause arguments, and I don't think therapy works if you're not into it. But I have been trying to gently encourage him. He says he'll give it a go (he doesn't want to see a doctor but he has said for a few months now he'll have a look at free online CBT courses - he hasn't got round to that yet...)
There's two complications here as well. I've just recently got a lot better and I was ill for 14 years from the age of 13. It completely turned my life upside down and now that I feel better I want to change my life. Up to this point, my life has been defined by my limitations - it had to be, otherwise I wouldn't have functioned at all. Now I want it to be defined by what I actually want to do with my life. But it's difficult to make changes and motivate myself when I'm with someone who is so down all the time - it's kind of contagious, if you see what I mean. It's not that he's always very unhappy, or that it affects his functioning to a really great extent, it's mild depression, but I guess that means he rarely smiles, doesn't seek fun, and rarely enjoys anything.
The second thing is that his dad passed away last month. Obviously that really hasn't helped his mood and I feel terrible for him. But to be honest the way he is hasn't changed at all (from the outside, I'm surely he feels a lot worse) than how he's been for the last four years. There's part of me that's just really frustrated and wants to tell him to sort it out, and another (large) part saying that would be extremely unkind at this time. But this is tearing our relationship apart.
I keep imagining how it would be if he was alright or happy more often than depressed. He's great when he's in a good mood, and we're a great match for each other. I keep clinging on to that image and hoping that at some point it will come true and we will be happier together. But I just don't know if he's ever going to try to get better.
I feel guilty about feeling frustrated with him after all he's been through recently - although it's a product of four years of this, not because of what's happened - and I also just want to have another attempt to help him seek treatment and get better. We could be so good together if he could find happiness.
What would you do/say in my situation, do you think?