very scared relapse!!

[vekiqf]

I always ask myself will I get rid of this or this will follow me my whole life..

I was felling very good past 2 months...had a wonderful honeymoon and great time in Vietnam but after my return I started to feel relapse....It is the same obsession and fear which I have last 15 months...the fear of schiz the paranoid type as I find out that I cant develop other type in my age..I am 33 old

Such irrational thoughts pop on my mind that I am freaked...I feel that I am loosing touch with reality. I received new offer for job 2 days ago from one big Israeli company which will be very good and I was first satisfied but after that thoughts started to come to my head...what if they are trying to trick me...why did they called me on interview to Israel..etc.. I know that it is irrational and that nobody is trying to do that but I was so anxious and still am because I had that thoughts...I started to think yes you are psychotic these are the signs, this is paranoia...normal people dont think on that way...I must say with all irrational thoughts I start to obsess as I see them as a schiz sign

I had a CBT with very good psychiatrist and also before him during last 15 months I visited 5 and all of them told me that I am not psychotic and that this is OCD. I stopped CBT in October because I felt great and stopped meds in July.

I had a very stressed things at work after I returned from HM...I had to move my office on other location, release the employees and I saw big decrease in business I dont know if this is the reason of relapse.

I still cant convince myself that I dont have schiz and always have doubt :(

I started to think what if this really is psychosis and that I all time in the past tried to convince myself that it is not but it is

What if I am really crazy and paranoid...

uf I think I want to cry!

[vekiqf]

anybody pls!

[Ikaeoph]

If someone is Schizophrenic they do not know it, they don't get these ocd fears. It is impossible for a Schizophrenic to think/know they are going insane. So the fact you are on an anxiety forum and saying you are worried you are a Schizophrenic is proof you are NOT a Schizophrenic. OCD is the worst illness I personally have had, and it will make you doubt everything and scared of random things. But it is only OCD not you personally so just stay strong and try to distract yourself from it, not as in ignore because when you try to ignore it it comes straight back, so just do something random like cleaning/walking/washing your dog(if you have one) random spontaneous things helps your brain to learn to move on from thoughts that are stuck. Good luck and you have OCD and judging from the research I've done on all types of paranoia you have 0% of Schizophrenia. Hope you have a great new year!

[Beckybooboo]

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I too, suffer with purely obsessional OCD.

To start, I just want to say that you should be very proud of how far you have come thus far with OCD. Remember, the thoughts you have are not true and they are not a clear representation of who you are as a person.

Secondly, what you need to remember with OCD is that it plays out your worst fears and hits you when you are weak. To elaborate, if you feel as i you are feeling down then your OCD will hit you like a ton of bricks and will begin to focus on your initial phobia that you had in the first instance. It's a repetetive process with OCD and one that unfortunately may occur time after time.

The above, is what you need to keep in mind every time you are struggling with your OCD. You know what it does to you, as you've been to CBT and also been on therapy, which may I add, you should be extremely proud of yourself that you managed to get yourself off of that and back on your own.

Do not feel ashamed for having a slight hiccup, these things do happen and they are totally part of living with OCD.

I wish you the best of luck, stay strong.

[vekiqf]

Hi Guys,

many thanks for your comments. Main problem is that I cant accept the thoughts and they freak me out. What is your proposal how to overcome this

[Volvoman50]

I too have intrusive thoughts and images and i know its hard but it is best to accept them as they are false and its the anxiety and worry that keeps them going! Your not schiz; I agree with Ikaeoph comments on this; you will have hiccups on the way but you will improve.