View Full Version : constant anxiety about my son *sigh*
I have posted about this before, so forgive me for going back on about the same stuff. My anxiety about my kids has often focussed obsessively around them being diagnosed with autism. I don't know why this is such a massive fear for me, possibly because I am a teacher who has some experience of working with autism (I am in mainstream education so generally I see high functioning students) and I have seen how much this can affect children when they struggle so much with peer interaction.
I have worried about this pretty much since my oldest was born. My son who is my second child is now 2.5 and I know that he has some behaviours that are concerning. He is very hyper active, and when he gets tired he is super hard to manage. He hums to himself NON STOP, all day long. He is clumsy and behind with fine motor skills. He is very much a sensory seeker, still puts things in his mouth, likes loud noises, always climbing, jumping etc.
Communication wise, his speech is gold for his age, so is his understanding. You can have a decent conversation with him. He has good imagination and plays well. He seems to interact well with other children, has no problems at pre school.
Mostly, it is the humming, hyper behaviour, poor stamina, poor fine motor skills, and sensory stuff that really bothers me.
My husband is dyslexic and sometimes I think he has asperger traits, like he is quite obsessive about stuff and doesn't really get certain things. He is however, highly social.
Anyway, where I am going with all this is that i have been spending a lot of time researching my concerns (ok, googling) and it all leads to sensory processing disorder and or aspergers.
Because of my anxiety, I don't know if it's reasonable to persue this. I saw the health visitor when he was two and they said they would see him again at three to look at his fine motor skills. I also saw the GP who said he has no signs of autism but i know it would be too early at this age to diagnose aspergers.
I don't know whether I actually have a hunch that something isn't right with him, or whether this is my anxiety. I can't let him not get a diagnosis because I am avoiding reassurance seeking, but what if everyone else is right and I am being paranoid? There is no doubt that he has sensory issues but does this mean asperergers? I know aspergers is not the worst thing in the world but I have built it up to be. We also want a third child but my anxiety about this is making me too scared to try. I have lived with this anxiety for two and a half years and it seems to be getting worse. What should I do?
As a parent we have gut feelings concerning our children. When my daughter was very young, she had her own language for lack of a better description. She communicated "Ok" but when an actual exchange took place, her speech would turn into gibberish. She understood everything she was saying and would get frustrated because we didn't understand. She would also be constantly talking to herself, mumbling something quietly under her breath, talking to her dolls etc. We knew something was up and had her tested. Turns out her mind was working faster than her mouth. Some simple therapy and exercises straightened her out. To this day (she's 20 and in college), she is an extremely fast talker and I still tell her to slow down ~lol~
I have no doubt you're sensing something is going on with your child and it's perfectly natural to worry. As parents, that never stops. However, you can't read into everything nor diagnose what's going on until they're older. In my opinion, your HA is being projected onto your child in that you're diagnosing via Dr. Google and you know darn well you shouldn't. Leave that to the medical professionals.
In reality, your son sounds like a normal kid to me. Maybe he hums because he's musical. Have you thought of providing him an instrument like a piano to help express himself? My daughter inherited my musical talent and was playing Joy to the World on her Playschool xylophone at age 2 and playing piano at age 3-4 without a lesson!
Positive thoughts
Maybe you could have a chat with the SENCO at the school where you work, & describe the traits in both your kids you're worried about, & see what they think. Also if you have any close friends who have kids of similar ages, talk to them about milestones and see if any of those mums think you have cause to suspect autism..
And most importantly, follow your gut feeling.. If you're absolutely convinced as time goes on, that either or both of them have something, then push for educational psychology assessment - the professionals will suss out if there is a diagnosis or not, and if there is, can help put the right educational support in place.
Don't worry though, your kids are still your beautiful precious children, no matter what diagnostic label may be put on their records in the future, so try not to cloud your time with them as they grow up, with these worries. :)
Thank you both. Fishman, I know for sure that I'm projecting my HA onto my kids and that's really part of the problem, that I just don't know how legitimate my concerns are. For sure there seem to be some issues, but not really communication or social ones, and I was worried from the day my son was born that he would have autism, same with my daughter who I have been watching out for symptoms their whole lives, which I know is sad and no way to be a good parent.
Daisy, I work in a post sixteen college so our SENCO wouldn't have much clue about asd in younger kids. I have spoken to my friends many times about this and none of them think there is a problem, but because I have read so much, I think they don't notice all the little things that I do.
I've read loads of stuff online about parents who always knew something was amiss and were fobbed off only for their kids to get an asd diagnosis much later. Since early intervention is so important, this would clearly be bad.
On the other hand, I've read stuff like this about health issues where people were fobbed off by doctors and turned out to have something really wrong, and this kind of thing has massively fuelled my HA in the past making me believe that I am one of those people, when I'm not.
I am plagued by this very fear myself. I have an 18 month son and he only says a handful of words. I m constantly worried about autism. I am a teacher as well. As far as figuring out if it's your instinct or anxiety look deep within yourself to that rational part and see if you feel there is something a miss. I don't believe my boy is autistic. I also had concerns about my 3 year old daughter and she is just fine.
Thank you Rose, I'm sorry that you have this too but gkad to know other people understand. Every time my son starts humming and singing to himself, which is basically most of the time, I freak out. I read in some places it can be normal, espcially for boys, then other parents say their kids did that and later got diagnosed with autism. When I see him with other children and playing so great with his sister and see his confidence and his great conversation I think he can't be, then something sets me off again and I'm back spinning round in the cycle of anxiety.
I understand please try to remember that all NT kids display some "autistic" traits.
My son is now 10. When he was your son's age I had similar worries. My son is diagnosed with sensory processing disorder & dyslexia. My 7 year old daughter has dyslexia and is very hyper (poss ADHD) . My husband is dyslexic. Dyslexia, ADHD, dyspraxia, SPD etc are part of the wider ASD spectrum which is why they have some ASD traits but are definitely not autistic (very social). I was worried before I knew all this but seriously it's no big deal. They are both doing so well - my daughter is very talented artistically and my son is a real character who is very popular. My son stopped humming when he was about 7. I'm very proud of them both & wouldn't change them for the world. Not saying your child has any of these things as children change so much between 2 & 10 but if he does it's not the end of the world (easy to say now!)
Thank you so much Dobbiedoo, that is very reassuring and interesting too since my husband has very severe dyslexia so it's always been a possibility in my mind that one or both of the children would have dyslexia and this is something I feel quite prepared for. My husband also had problems with fine motor skills, focusing in class and following complex instructions at school and even as an adult he is disorganized and struggles to focus on things which he believes is all part of his dyselxia. Perhaps there is a connection.
Yes there's a lot of overlap between all those conditions I mentioned and they tend to run in families. Dyslexia is very strong in my husband's family. He also has OCD and his niece is dyslexic. I know several families where several members have one or more of those conditions e.g. my daughter's friend is dyslexic/ADHD and her brother has autism. The spectrum is huge with people who are very mild at one end to severe non-verbal ASD at the other.
I supper this does mean though that if I had another child which is a possibility, there is a higher chance that they would have a more severe form of autism. Which is another of my worries!
---------- Post added at 11:51 ---------- Previous post was at 11:06 ----------
Wow, I just read on a dyslexia research page that if a parent is dyslexia then a daughter has a 25% of inheriting it and a son a 75% chance. That makes it pretty likely in my son's case. I kmow it sounds awful but one of the main things that stops me having another child is the worry about a more severe dorm of asd. I don't know how statistically likely this is. Whatever worries I have about my kids, neither of them have severe asd, that's for sure as they were both early talkers and get along ok with other kids.
I supper this does mean though that if I had another child which is a possibility, there is a higher chance that they would have a more severe form of autism. Which is another of my worries!
Cattia, I don't know if it was just the way you worded your above post but do you realize you've implied that your children already have autism? I know you fear that but I understood they have not been diagnosed as having it.
If we considered all the little possibilities that could go wrong with having children the human race would be an endangered species ;)
Positive thoughts
Sorry Fishman, I didn't mean to imply that. What I meant was that if it is the same gene that causes dyslexia then my husband has that gene since he is severely dyslexic so he would have a higher chance of passing that on to a hypothetical child. Neither of my kids are diagnosed with anything, despite my worries about them, I do see that they are functioning ok in their current environment.
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