View Full Version : Musings: The Dragon Within
TooMuchToLiveFor
27-12-13, 17:43
Journaling just does not do the same thing for me as writing where it feels someone is listening, so I am going to post my "musings" (a.k.a. ramblings) here. Maybe they will help someone, or maybe they will just be another way to pass the time.....either way, it feels therapeutic for me, so I appreciate the space to exhale these thoughts that may-- or may not-- really make sense.
I am in the journey of recovery from what my newfound favorite author, Claire Weeks, calls "nervous illness." My doctor calls it Acute Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia. What has probably been building for a lifetime rose to the surface briefly a year ago, and then moved in full force at the beginning of October. Didn't have a clue what was happening to me. As these musings will not spill out in linear fashion I am just going to write what I have been thinking this morning. These thoughts have rolled together as a compilation from what I have gathered from my new community here at NMP, Claire Weeks, Nothing Works, and my own ever-whirring brain.
I have been trying to "get to know" the assailant known as Panic who keeps attacking me. I have tried to sit with him. I have tried to banish him. I have pleaded, begged, threatened, exorcised, and bargained with him. But, he is obsessed with me.....and I am obsessed with him. I call him The Dragon Adrenaline. The Dragon is relentless. He invades every part of me. His wings beat so hard in my stomach that I feel it will actually open me up. His fire breathes hot into my brain and I can feel it start to simmer and boil from the heat. His talons claw into my arms, legs, neck, face. He releases a poison inside me that makes me feel like I am being electrocuted from the inside out, and my heart is affected most by his poison as it beats so hard and so fast that I am sure it will just explode at any moment.
And, then.....I finally broke though. I finally got to see this beast for whom he really is. .......And, he isn't a he-... my dragon... is a she. And, not just any she......she is ME. I am the dragon. Well,....dragon-ness (not a word, right?). And,....get this. I am not trying to hurt me. I am a fierce protector giving all I have to protect me. To help me fight with all I have or flee with all my might from this adversary Panic who is attacking me.
But, wait again.....If I am the dragon.....and I am protecting me from these "attacks"......then they are not really attacks because they are my own best defensive mechanisms. Uhhhh.....there is no attack? Then what is this that I am feeling??? What is this that is making my life unbearable?
Miscommunication. Mixed Signals. I am not communicating with my dragon-self very well. We don't always speak the same language. We more or less "read" each other's body language and feelings. And, all my dragon-self knows is I am scared, miserable, and frozen due to my feelings, so my dragon-self goes crazy in trying to help me and protect me.....cycle, recycle, recycle, recycle......
The Dragon and I are now in couples therapy. We need to learn to speak each other's love language.....and we will.
TooMuchToLiveFor
28-12-13, 15:28
Good morning, Dragon Adrenaline- I want to reassure you that I am not in any danger today. You really don't need to be coursing through my veins the way you are this morning. There is no present danger that I need to "fight or flee", and I'm not going to "fight" or "flee" you either. You can come with me because I am going to make myself go ahead and do the things I would do if you weren't here. Maybe then one day you will save your strength for when it is really needed and will just rest calmly in the meantime.
So- here we go. Let's go move the laundry from the washer to the dryer.
Yes, you will have my heart pounding just in that one little task, but that's okay. My heart is strong. With every beat I will remind myself that I am thankful for my strong, pumping heart.
Yes, I will have shaky hands and dragon wings beating in my stomach, but that doesn't hurt me. (It does feel terrible, but it won't hurt me.) And, I can still get those socks in the dryer with shaky hands- even if I drop them a few times.
I can also go brush my teeth with those shaky hands, wash the baby bottles, and pack up food to take to my sick mother.
It is beautiful outside today. I have too many things to be thankful for, so I will think of them instead of looping through the same thoughts of "will I ever be well again?".....because I am actually well now......I just have FEELINGS of un-wellness....
Okay, Miss Dragon-Adrenaline-Me......I'm going to live as if things FEEL normal for the next hour....and then, if needed, I will sit down and talk to you (myself) again in order to live in the next hour,....and the one after that.....
craigj1303
28-12-13, 16:14
I really loved reading your two posts here. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself and because I can completely relate to everything you are saying it made me cry a little and smile a little!
I wrote a song once called "The Fire Inside" in relation to my struggles. I guess one mans fire is another persons Dragon!
TooMuchToLiveFor
28-12-13, 23:07
Hi Craig,
Thank you so much for your post! It really gave me a boost that has stayed with me the whole day!
Wanted to tell you- I also found and read "The Fire Inside".......really, really liked it!
TooMuchToLiveFor
29-12-13, 13:51
Well, I do have to say- Miss Dragon-Adrenaline-Me and I had a very amiable day yesterday! In fact, it was probably the best and most "like myself" day I have had since the breakdown/breakout/breakthrough two months ago. The Dragon was still pacing around and threatened to get stormy several times, but overall she just kept pacing and finally took a nap for a short while. Yesterday morning during one of her stormier episodes I just went about my business as usual. Well, it was slower going than usual, and I had to keep reminding myself I didn't need to put my hand to my chest to feel how hard my heart was beating, and I didn't need to keep holding my hands out in front of me to see how strongly they were shaking. I just kept putting one jelly leg in front of the other.
It was so lovely to catch a glimpse of myself- well, my "old" self, my "whole" self.....as I am still myself now, but I am fragmented- as if I am looking at myself through a kaleidoscope. Sooo,....last night when I went to sleep I was feeling very positive about how great I would feel when I woke up this morning.....
BUT, ALAS,....ALL POINTS EVAPORATE AT MIDNIGHT.
I awoke at 230am and could not get back to sleep. Tried to think nothing of it and just let myself be. By 430am the Dragon was picking up her pacing and was starting to thrash her head around. Now, here I am at 740am...trying to remember how I did what I did yesterday. I am even talking out loud to myself to coach myself, but I seem to only be able to hear my heart pounding in my ears. I know I need to get some food in my stomach to stabilize my blood sugar after a long night, but I can only feel my nauseated-adrenaline tummy. And, I should try to get breakfast together for my kids, but the dragon has electrified my arms and they feel useless.
Maybe I will try to breathe with her....deep breaths, Miss Dragon. We aren't in danger. That's right. Deep breath in.....and exhale.
....Oops. Bad idea. Dragons breathe fire........
Awesome post. It sounds like you have the handle to accept this dragon and eventually make your fragmented self whole again. Congratulations on putting one jelly leg in front of the other. Really enjoyed reading this thread.
TooMuchToLiveFor
29-12-13, 15:25
Ahh, Tanner, thank you for the encouragement! Right now writing these internal thoughts out and hearing back from my community here is really one of the best tools in the "recovery toolbox" that I have found.
TooMuchToLiveFor
30-12-13, 03:34
I always thought of dragons as being nocturnal beings, but mine awakens about 4am and these days storms around until about 3pm. At that time she curls up in my stomach and rests there.....unfortunately, she is a very light sleeper and wakes up very freaked out at the slightest provocation.
I have noticed though- she seems to be ever-so-slightly shrinking. She has seemed larger than life at times...., but maybe, just maybe, she is deflating just a tiny bit.....
You've perfectly put into words how it feels to have that thing lurking within.. I did something similar years ago, wrote a poem about it, in fact it was called 'It'.
Funny how so many of us give it a separate identity.
Tell that dragon to go on vacation :)
TooMuchToLiveFor
31-12-13, 14:34
Thanks, Daisy Sue! :)
Mr. Andy, I liked your suggestion. :)
TooMuchToLiveFor
01-01-14, 15:22
So, I have been thinking more about Miss Dragon-Adrenaline-Me (see original posts to be introduced to her)......most of these musings tend right now to be based on my understanding of the sympathetic nervous system, parasympathetic nervous system, and limbic system (thanks due mainly to the works of Dr. Claire Weeks and http://nothingworks.weebly.com).
The last few days I have been thinking about how my dragon (sympathetic nerve system) is very comparable to a guard dog......you know the kind.....my guard dog would NEVER hurt me, but she is a ruthless, relentless, vicious, machine if she even IMAGINES something is putting me in danger. The problem is- she needs a bit of a doggie obedience school.....she needs to be conditioned and socialized, so she knows that when my heart speeds up a bit because my hubby gives me a kiss, or when my eyes open in the morning it doesn't mean I am under attack. The kitchen and laundry room aren't war zones from which she needs to chase me away, and she needs to learn that she can trust my friends...they love me too, and I am safe when I am with them. The only way she is going to learn these things is if she sees me continue to do them. Over time she will realize that not every single thing in life is something from which she needs to protect me, and she will calm down. I will stay calm even when she isn't. I will let her bark, growl, pace, but as I breathe deeply in and out and just lovingly let her know all is well- she will find peace too. I love my guard dog...she is my fierce protector, but she is very high-strung these days and needs some days, weeks, who knows how long for sure....of me showing her normal, everyday life is a good thing. So that is what I will do.
TooMuchToLiveFor
02-01-14, 16:54
Well, Miss Dragon,
You are doing pretty well considering the following.....
Yesterday you had yourself all worked up. You were even starting to get me worked up since the day before that we had the best day we have had in months and it was so hard to see you in such a state again so quickly....., but we did it. We made it through without spiraling (thanks- FMP and Tanner :winks:)!
Then, today you woke me up at 445am...., but that's later than 430am-- which you are usually right on the dot about our wake up time. So, I am going to focus on that extra 15 minutes you let us sleep in. Moving in the right direction is huge success! Good girl!
And- the biggie....Today is the first day since the beginning of November that I have not given you your Xanax vitamin! Now, I have been weaning you off of them for sometime now.....you were originally taking .5 4xs a day (with an extra .25 thrown in when you were flying yourself into circles)....and over the last few weeks you have dropped down more and more....., but today- the fact that you are definitely up and awake, and yet we are making it through (even being productive!) without reaching for that pill.....is a HUGE SUCCESS!
So wear yourself out, Miss Dragon (adrenaline). Then take a nice, cozy nap. I'll let you know if I really need you....., but today all I really need is to remember how far we have come.
TooMuchToLiveFor
02-01-14, 17:16
Thank you, dear, Mr.Andy. :)
How is work going? Do you feel like you are starting to level out yet?
TooMuchToLiveFor
05-01-14, 03:06
Shhhhh.....the dragon has been sleeping since about 2pm. I have enjoyed a lovely evening with my family. I find myself getting excited that maybe, just maybe she'll stay sleeping in the morning......, but, her training hasn't been going on for that long, so I can't let myself get discouraged if tomorrow starts out rough. Turns out I might have been forcing her off her Xanax vitamins a little too early and a little too fast. So, she can have them for now...., but only a very small amount, and only when absolutely necessary.
Oh, how I treasure these few hours at night when my blood isn't humming, tummy isn't full of electricity, and face and arms aren't heavy with the feeling of fire ants. I'm not scared of what those feelings mean or what they can do to me, because I know they just mean I have an excess of adrenaline- and they can't harm me in anyway. But, I want those feelings gone. I will float above them and do my best to function anyway....., but I will get myself (my dragon- my sympathetic nervous system) under control. Tomorrow is another day closer to wholeness- regardless of how I wake up.
too much to live for
i have read this whole post and can i say you have a beautiful way of describing this whole thing we are going through,
its like reading a story ive laughed at parts and shed a few tears too,
can i just say keep up the fantastic job you are doing i have every faith in you that you will one day soon have your dragon fully trained x
TooMuch, Your 'dragon within' analogy is helping me so much as I feel exactly the same but could never put it into words as you do!
Thankyou
Mermaid
Too Much, great job that you're doing while training the dragon. I love the guard dog analogy. I have a German Short Haired Pointer that needs that same training. A squirrel in the yard is a vicious attack on his property. My dragon is pacing around this morning, lodged in the center of my chest and throat. I wish she would take a vacation and fly to Peru.
TooMuchToLiveFor
07-01-14, 03:58
It is so hard to find that perfect balance between dragon slayer and dragon trainer.
Since I know that my dragon is really me- my sympathetic nervous system pumping adrenaline into my body because it thinks I am in danger- it hardly makes sense for me to want to slay the beast-- she is only doing what she is supposed to do to help me, to guard me, to protect me. She is me,...well, rather, a part of me. But, she is completely out of control with her views of what is dangerous, and makes me miserable with her storming about! And, as much as I want to train her, and as much as I KNOW that is the only way back to the land of the free.....sometimes I just want to put a dagger in her heart I just hate her so much for all that she has stolen from me in such a short amount of time.
Fighting Fire with Fire:
Today my therapist did some biofeedback. I had no idea what we were doing when he handed me two little wires to hold attached to a little black box that he was holding. He wrote down a number that was on the box, and then he had me close my eyes and repeat after him (not out loud- in my head)- "My right leg is getting warm. My right leg is getting warm."......This went on for awhile, and then we moved to my right foot. Then we moved to my left leg, and then left foot- followed by my right arm and hand, and left arm and hand. It took about 10 to 15 minutes, I think? He then had me open my eyes. Turns out the original number he had written down was the temperature of my extremities when we started....and now that number was between three to four degrees higher! I had literally raised my body temperature in those areas purely by repeating a positive statement to them....and our body temperature is involuntary! If that can happen....then wouldn't it stand to reason that I can eventually learn to slow my heart? Relax my muscles? .....Dare I even say- teach my body to not release adrenaline into my bloodstream outside of when there is a legitimate need for it?
I have realized today that I have an unknown amount of untapped power.....and I am going to unleash it. Dragon, watch out. We're going to boot camp. I love you (myself) too much to give in. This body is MY castle....you just live here.
TooMuchToLiveFor
07-01-14, 15:02
Oh, the "lovely" mornings.....the castle is under "lock down mode" from my over zealous body guard- Miss Dragon-Adrenaline-Me. Agony that I will try to accept, ignore, work though.
When that blessed morning comes when I wake up blanketed in peace.... Able to just enjoy the fact that it is a new day....may I never take it for granted, but may I never live in fear that it could be taken away just as fast.
The inner demons whisper- what if that day never comes?
That is a lie from Hell, and I refuse to believe it.....even if that means casting that thought out 1,000 times today.
TooMuch it will happen for you, it's happened for me.
Strangely in going back to work I have had such support that my dragon has shrunk considerably within the last few days. I woke up feeling almost human this morning.
Remember how much you do for your young family every day and how you carry on dragging the dragon around with you it's only a matter of time before she can shrink down too.
Mermaid
TooMuchToLiveFor
07-01-14, 22:42
Mermaid, I am so excited for you! Oh, how wonderful to hear that you are doing well! It gives hope to all of us waiting, waiting, letting time pass.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It is amazing how much the support here truly helps. :hugs:
There's a movie this thread has been reminding me of. You need to tame the dragon so he's just like Falkor the Luck Dragon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBUOACCdZi8) in The NeverEnding Story :)
Positive thoughts
TooMuchToLiveFor
09-01-14, 21:19
LOL-- I'm here, Mr.A!!! :D
FMP- Can you believe I have never seen that movie?? My husband loved it---now we are going to have to watch it soon!!
Mermaid- how's work? How's the Diazepan going? I think I was rushing my Xanax out the door a little quickly as I am very concerned about dependence, but I am still down to only .25 2xs a day. Way down from 2.25 -2.5 a day.
How has everyone's day been?
I've had a really good day. I've never seen that movie either and will have to watch it.
its a classic movie ,old and dated but great for the kids to watch
its a classic movie ,old and dated but great for the kids to watch
And the big kids in all of us :) And you're right Andy. 1984 was a long time ago!
Positive thoughts
TooMuchToLiveFor
10-01-14, 22:06
Soooo....there has been some improvement in the way in which my dragon and I are relating to each other.
I have had a few (very) rough moments over the last week where she and I were face to face. She was huffing and puffing- the smell of her smoky breath had me reeling and dizzy. All I could hear was my own heart pounding in my ears, and I was shaking in my snow boots so badly I thought I couldn't surely stay standing......, but I did.
And the dragon shrinks.
Face to Face- I stared her down. I didn't speak. I didn't cry. I just stared her down. My lungs kept taking the breaths they know to take. My legs remembered how to stand even though I was sure my brain didn't know how to tell them to do so. The outside world melted away and it was just her- and me. The longer I stood there and just stared her down- the calmer she became. Until she finally just....I don't know....got bored? And, went on about her business. I could still feel her in me, but we just ignored each other.
And the dragon shrinks.
So, that's where we are at the moment. She seems to have her particularly touchy times of day- so I just let her have her space in those hours-- for now. She hums around through me most of the rest of the day as well, but the more I ignore her- the more she ignores me......, and the more I ignore (not run from, but just accept and move on anyway) the way she makes me feel when she is all fired up- the less those physical feelings affect me.
And the dragon shrinks.
One of the biggest combat/training strategies I am working on mastering right now are snuffing out the polluted thoughts..., the catastrophizing thoughts, the "what ifs", and the self pity (this is a big one), the negative self talk, and the OVER-THINKING thoughts (huge one). It is as if once my dragon has let out a few series of fire breathing....the tendrils of smoke turn into these poisonous thoughts. I am now taking them on in the same way I am taking on my physical symptoms- except with these....I am just shutting them down. I shut them down and replace them immediately.
And the dragon shrinks.
Today I attended my first play group with my two kids, and four of my best friends and their kids- for the first time since I "broke." It was work on a hundred different levels to get there today- but I did..., and the dragon came too- in fact, she was growling and carrying on quite a bit here and there.....but I was laughing too loud with my girlfriends to hear her.
And the dragon shrinks.
You need some fire proof boots to face that dragon, not snow boots. On second thought, maybe the dragon is afraid of snow boots. Massively awesome job, Too Much! Keep it up, girl. You're doing everything that you need to quell her fire.
TooMuchToLiveFor
10-01-14, 22:17
Tanner- just so YOU know....my dragon is afraid of you. She sees you as such a powerful dragon fighter/trainer.
And, so do I. You are inspirational, and I am happy to have you as a friend and fellow warrior!
LOL. I am happy to be on this journey. Now if only my own dragon was afraid of me!
TooMuchToLiveFor
10-01-14, 22:21
She is--- don't let her bluff you. :winks:
And the dragon shrinks.... what an awesome post :)
Positive thoughts
As you Americans say 'awesome' post!
TooMuch you are an inspiration.
Mermaid
TooMuchToLiveFor
10-01-14, 23:38
Dear Friends- I wish you could see how big the smile is on my face! Thank you for your love!
FMP- you know your support means so much to me!
Mermaid- As you Brits say..I think you are "Brill!" :winks: (I think that's how I've seen it used- LOL!)
TooMuchToLiveFor
11-01-14, 16:36
:D Thank you, Mr.A!
Man, it is amazing how much the feedback from you and my other buddies empowers me. Your support here has been such a big part of my ongoing recovery!
How is your Saturday? Any plans for today, my friends?
I went to an organic cafe this morning and stuffed my face full of food,my mood was very low this morning but much better now
Glad you are feeling better
TooMuchToLiveFor
11-01-14, 17:04
Yum! What did you get to eat? I am walking Top Chef right now.....making me hungry for good food!
Glad to hear your mood is lifting for the day. I keep stumbling this morning, but I am determined to stay on my feet. Dang dragon keeps "clinging to my ankles" as Tanner put it in an earlier post. Makes it harder to walk, but dragging that dragon weight around while I keep going is just going to make my legs stronger.
I saw this and it reminded me of this thread.
http://cdn-premiere.ladmedia.fr/var/premiere/storage/images/series/news-series/game-of-thrones-saison-3-la-promo-commence-3497358/63583486-1-fre-FR/Game-of-Thrones-saison-3-la-promo-commence_portrait_w532.jpg
The Dragon
Positive thoughts
Loved that show. Winter is coming.
TooMuchToLiveFor
13-01-14, 16:34
FMP- I LOVE the pic you posted! So funny, I was actually looking this weekend for a new avatar that represented a dragon slayer, but couldn't figure out how to add one....anyway, I had run across some of these shots, myself, and totally thought of our dragon training/slaying university here at NMP!
Tanner- have you received any more information on your dad? How did the day alone at home go yesterday?
Mr.A., I am doing way better these days! It is hard not to get impatient and greedy. I am well enough now that I am not satisfied with a few hours of relief or even a relatively good day. LOL. Just shows how truly far I've come in around three months. There were weeks in November I was clawing through each second- looking for even the tiniest of relief. Thinking of those days makes me shudder. Also, brings me back to gratitude for the progress I have made.
How are you doing? How's it going with your little girl?
today i had a very good day ,im working hard with my little girl its not easy and it might take a long time but im going to win this fight :) shes beautiful and thats all that matters at the moment
FMP- I LOVE the pic you posted! So funny, I was actually looking this weekend for a new avatar that represented a dragon slayer, but couldn't figure out how to add one....anyway, I had run across some of these shots, myself, and totally thought of our dragon training/slaying university here at NMP!
I thought it especially relevant as the girl is in chains as the dragon's fire surrounds her. Much the same as anxiety can hold you captive... It's actually an image from the "Game of Thrones" promo...
Positive thoughts
Hey there Too Much! The day at home went great. Lost my temper with my partner over some unrealistic expectations but managed to do all that I needed in order to have a calm and productive day.
As for my Dad, we had the appointment with the neurosurgeon and the treatment course will be 2 sessions of 3 days each, high dose, highly focused radiation, in hopes of shrinking the tumor. After that there will be at least two surgeries. Just have to wait and see how it goes.
TooMuchToLiveFor
23-01-14, 21:03
HOW TO MAKE YOUR DRAGON GROW BIGGER AND STRONGER:
Feeding your dragon:
The most important thing you can do to grow a big, strong Anxiety Dragon is- FEED IT. How else will it grow? Anything that isn't fed eventually shrivels up and dies, so if we are going to help our dragons be powerful enough to take over our lives we must pay close attention to their diets. Also, remember DRAGONS ABSOLUTELY AREN'T CAPABLE OF FEEDING THEMSELVES. WE MUST DO THAT FOR THEM.
Diet Suggestions:
First and foremost- FEAR.
Now, what is the best form of fear for optimum dragon growth? After much research, it seems without a doubt that GOOGLE is the best known source for FEAR FOOD. It is highly sustainable as the amount of Google available is infinite, and no matter how finicky your dragon is-- if you look long enough there is absolutely a flavor and texture that will suit him perfectly.
For example- your dragon is craving something that lines up with the following:
Tooth ache
Peeling Toenails
Racing Heartbeat
Itchy Skin
Guess what? In ONE CLICK you can find several recipes that have those ingredients!
What about if you don't know what your dragon is craving? Well, just be sure to pay attention online to news stories, "health sites", etc. Power of suggestion is sure to make something sound good. Also, since you are just sure your dragon's favorite food is cancer, heart, or breathing related....there are many sites dedicated just to these flavors---have a look around and eventually there is sure to be something that will get that dragons juices flowing. Once your dragon has started eating- it is amazing that they will consume almost anything!
Other great form of dragon food is simply your own thoughts! Amazing how you can get that dragon growing by leaps and bounds just by letting your mind wander where it will. Now, the mind can be controlled and thoughts can be captured, but if you want a dragon so big that none of your friends or family will even be able to comprehend how it came to be.....just give your thoughts permission to roam as wild and free as they would like. (If you think Google's possibilities are limitless....wait until you see what an unbridled mind can do! Amazing stuff!)
PAYING ATTENTION TO YOUR DRAGON:
Now, once that dragon has been given a fully, nutritious diet you can sustain and enhance his growth by paying lots and lots of attention to him and the symptoms he makes you feel. Some examples of this are:
Feel your pulse. Constantly. Time it. Watch it beat through your clothes. Have someone watch to see if they can see your pulse beating in your neck.
Hold your hands out in front of you- watch how terribly they tremble. (Of course, it's totally harmless, but your dragon will surge with pride at how you are reacting!)
From top of head to bottom of toes- do a thorough self-body scan. Pinch, prod, rub, poke every bit of yourself until you find something that you YOU THINK is abnormal. If you don't find anything the first time through-- keep going. Eventually something will turn up. If it because your manipulation is what has inflamed it- that's ok. You can surely find a reason to justify its existence.
Listen and wait for every gurgle, ache, pain, itch, twitch, vision "issue", weird head feeling, forgetful moment, etc. (Your dragon will be so excited by your complete focus on him that he will start throwing you new things to think about just to please you.)
Be sure to isolate yourself so you and your dragon can live a little life together just the two of you.
One of the more interesting ways to keep that dragon growing strong is to avoid anything that gets him riled up. I know, I know, that sounds counterproductive, but it's true! Proven again and again!
If your dragon starts kicking up a storm when you go to the gym- DO NOT GO! He will grow two sizes!
If your dragon throws a fit about supermarkets, family gatherings, driving on the interstate, even leaving your bedroom or taking a shower- AVOID THOSE THINGS AT ALL COSTS and you will have a dragon ready to enter in the Guiness Book of World Records.
Get reassurance wherever you can. Again and again. It is like a drug for your dragon. Picture your monster size dragon just rolling around in catnip or bigger than life on speed.....that is what reassurance does for your dragon. And he gets even bigger.
THINGS TO AVOID WHEN GROWING A DRAGON:
*Do not heed the advice or listen to the reports of your doctors. This will shrink your dragon faster than you can believe. It doesn't matter that the doctors have studied for years, have years of experience with health issues you haven't even yet found on Google, and that they see the various diseases you are obsessing about and actually KNOW what they look like. It doesn't matter what the tests say, the scans show, or the bloodwork comes back as. You just keep believing the thoughts that dragon whispers in your ear...., because afterall....anxiety knows best, right? Doesn't that make the most sense?
*If your doctor prescribes you medicine- DO NOT TAKE IT. It will shrink your dragon.
*Whatever CBT gives you to take on- give it a polite nod, and then file it with the other things that are not good for your dragon.
*Above all- do NOT read anything by Dr. Claire Weekes. (My dragon has never been the same since. She is truly a small, pathetic, wounded little thing. I actually feel sorry for her.) Do not try to understand any of the REAL physiology behind the anxiety symptoms of the dragon (links for panic attacks, symptoms, and more on the left of this page- STEER CLEAR!). Once you do- whether you like it or not,.....your dragon will melt away into a teeny, tiny little version of himself. Truly not impressive if you are wanting the type of dragon that can rule the world....or at least your world.
^^^^ Wow, this is great!
I may have to find a way to print this out, it's a great little reminder :D
TooMuchToLiveFor
23-01-14, 21:54
Thanks, Luna!
Been thinking of you the last few days- was thinking this might help you take on making that room of yours back into your own little castle......maybe sleep in your brother's room at night, but spend the day in your own private castle where the dragon is not allowed anywhere but the moat.....and only there if you allow him the space.
Great Post TooMuch! I love the feel of it ;)
Positive thoughts
TooMuchToLiveFor
23-01-14, 22:07
Thanks, FMP! Have had a "heart-racy, hands-shaky" afternoon, so channeled that into this....and the dragon tucks its big, scaly tail between its legs and shrinks away. :winks:
Thanks, Luna!
Been thinking of you the last few days- was thinking this might help you take on making that room of yours back into your own little castle......maybe sleep in your brother's room at night, but spend the day in your own private castle where the dragon is not allowed anywhere but the moat.....and only there if you allow him the space.
Awh, thank you!
I think I should of taken that advice sooner as I spent last night in there, it didn't go the best. I've started writing a little diary on here though which I started yesterday. so that's helping me a little :)
I've tried to make it more homely, but the dragon in my ear is still there :l
Too Much, you are too much! Terrifically amazing post. Tomorrow I am going to print it off and post it on my office wall. I do believe I will frame it. Take that Dragon!
TooMuchToLiveFor
24-01-14, 12:58
Yeah, take that, Dragon!! :yesyes:
Tanner, I think I was smiling for two hours after reading your above post last night. So cool that we can help each other- makes going through all this have so much more meaning and not seem so..."unfair" as when we just focus on ourselves and how this has/can affect our lives. When we start realizing how we can use having this disorder to affect others' lives- in a positive way....it is just so empowering.
Read several of your posts this morning- all spot on. I get excited when I log on in the morning and see any posts from you, FMP, or Mr.A. I always zip straight to them as my "get up and go" for the morning. Used to be coffee....miss the coffee, but you guys make a great replacement. :winks:
TMT you are a true Ninja warrior :D
Hello Toomuchtolivefor
You have a way with words and I think its great that you can be so descriptive.
I feel like you write but am not able to put it into words.
To me my anxiety is just a feeling. I cant view it as anything else.
BUT I am trying to beat this nasty feeling (I agree with you - it is ME feeling).
I also feel better when talking about this anxiety, but I must say I prefer to listen.
My CDs are very helpful (MINDFULNESS is one of them) and, of course, reading positive threads, similar to yours.
Many thanks
Hopey:hugs:
TooMuchToLiveFor
24-01-14, 21:13
Mr.Andy, my buddy, I feel as if I trained under you, FMP, and Tanner. LOL. "Ninja Warrior".....I really like the sound of that. :winks:
Hopey- Thank you so much for your kind post. We are all on this journey together. :)
Too Much, I bought a frame on my lunch break today and hung this post in my office. Quite a few of my employees have already asked me for a copy of it. Anxiety is so common. Much more so than we think. You are helping people that you don't even know. A true dragon slayer.
TooMuchToLiveFor
25-01-14, 00:04
No way, seriously??? Wow! That is SOOO exciting! Thank you so much for telling me this, Tanner!
Seriously. It's right on my office wall. Phenomenal post!
Such an inspirational thread full of amazing posts! I hope you've made time to watch The Neverending Story! It's an old favorite of mine and now one of my daughter's favorites as well. :D
TooMuchToLiveFor
31-01-14, 21:39
Hey, Rushie- Thanks!
I actually haven't, but it is on the list for "Family Movie Night." :)
TooMuchToLiveFor
02-02-14, 12:54
Here is the conversation I am having with myself this morning:
Hmmmmm......the dragon seems to have gotten cabin fever. She is not content to stay in the small space I have given her, and is charging the gate of the cave, ramming her big, strong head against the opening- trying to break back through to roam free.
I have been doing so well- to be honest though, this whole last week I have felt her rising up again. Physical symptoms increasing in strength, length of time they last, and the general anxious feeling has been stirred up again. I am doing all the things I am supposed to be doing, aren't I? I guess my diet could be better- too many fatty, processed foods this last week. I want to kick my diet coke (caffeine free) habit as I know aspartame is not good for me....., but other than that- I'm on track. I've even started back at the gym....
Let time pass.
Oh, yeah.
How many times have I pushed the amazing Dr. Claire Weekes' works on people?
What is the final step in healing "nervous illness" in her approach?
Let time pass.
But, I have! It's been three months now of fighting my way out of Hell! I only have four more weeks at this dose of Sertraline, and if I am not where I need to be we are going to have to discuss either switching meds, or upping the dose again! I can't handle the thought! I finally leveled out.
Calm down. You are not where you were when this started. You also completely cut out the Xanax this week, so that could be playing into this too.
But, I was taking only half of a .25-- doc doesn't even think that amount could have any effect.
But, you felt it did, didn't you?
Yes.
Let time pass.
I know, I know, but what if time keeps passing I don't get any better than where I am now. I'm not content to stay here! Even though I am out of crisis mode- I don't want to live like this.....and WHAT IF I START GETTING WORSE???
Stop. Listen to yourself- do you not think these thoughts aren't a negative pattern that is just going to feed that dragon and fire her up? I cannot almost see her evil eyes twinkling and lips curling back in a smile, because she almost has you where she wants you.
Here's the plan. Let time pass. At least the next four weeks while you get to the 12 week mark on Sert that Doc has been pushing all along. Things won't get awful before then, because you know what you're dealing with now and you are certainly strong enough to handle it. Worse comes to worst you can resume some Xanax- you just spoke with Doc on Thurs and she is fine with that. Aren't you always telling folks to trust their doctors and take their medicines? In four weeks we will reevaluate, but until then. Get your float on and quit checking in with yourself.
Let time pass.
Let time pass.
Let time pass- you need time to heal.
Sigh.
I mean, ..."deep breath".
Okay.
Too Much,
Yes, deep breath... and perspective...
They say it takes a week to catch a cold, a week to have a cold and a week to get rid of it. With a Dragon as big and strong as your's is, progress must be measured in weeks and months. Much like my recovery from the Beast, it takes time and time passes. Sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly. Sometimes you level out for a week or so and sometimes you even get knocked back a step. But keep your perspective. If you look at the big picture, you've made incredible progress in keeping the Dragon at bay. It's Ok to cruise a bit and let time pass. These are the times to take a breath and be proud of the progress you've made.
Perspective, perspective, perspective Too Much.... You got this!
Positive thoughts
Good Morning Too Much. So the dragon is getting restless. Don't they always? They are used to having your full attention. They are like a petulant child in time out. Or like a child in the back seat of the car on the way to a vacation. "Are we there yet."
Dragons aren't known for their patience. We are the ones that have to reach down deep into our reserves of patience. All of those "what if's" are feeding the dragon and can make you doubt your successes. The dragon knows that nit is being beaten and is bellowing louder for your attention.
Let time pass is correct. Also who cares and go away is correct. Maybe it's time to add a new dragon slaying tool to your repertoire. How about humor? What are you doing to make yourself laugh? I heartbeat dragons hate the sound of laughter.
All will be well. No more what if's! Just more of this is how it's going to be. You're in charge here. Remember that!
TooMuchToLiveFor
05-02-14, 03:47
FMP-
Exactly what I needed to hear. In fact, I've been a little quiet around here the last few days as I have been trying to be still and reflect. The word "perspective" broke through to me very, very well, and as I do put things into perspective- the truth becomes clearer…..and the truth is- I am doing well.
Acceptance=Healing.
Healing takes time.
Accepting that healing takes time is the current battleground- but it is a fight only won- by not fighting, just being.
Tanner-
You made me literally laugh out-loud! When I read your bit about the petulant child in the back seat (the picture in my mind has the child kicking the seat in front of him because my 4 year old does that sometimes- and it drives me batty. Lol.), and the child is yelling, whining, and won't quit with the "Are we there yet?, Are we there yet?, Are we there yet?"……It hit me….I AM BEING THE PETULANT CHILD!!! Here we are- on our way to Recovery Land, and, quite honestly, moving along at a pretty good pace,….and all I can say is "How much longer? We're never gonna get there. Why aren't we there yet? This is taking too long."
So, since "perspective" is my focus right now…..you, too, have said exactly what I needed to hear in order to gain perspective as to how impatient I am to get where I want to be….., but I can't go any faster than what I am going, so I may as well enjoy the ride, because I am well enough these days- that there is enjoyment in life again.
Thank you, friends!
Wow, TMT you are really helping so many people. I am following your posts but still did not comment because of my own situation being so poor.
You ARE doing a good job and you are setting an example for some of us.
It makes me feel less alone. I felt such a miserable failure as daughter, wife, mother (above all as mother) and somehow as friend.
Accepting is currently for me a really hard theme.
Please continue your posts and thank you for also sharing the harder days with your loyal fans!
TooMuchToLiveFor
06-02-14, 19:53
Hi LeFi,
What a lovely note to send…..I am SO, SO grateful to receive it today. Last week and this have been a bit yuckier than a few before it, and your encouragement means so much!
Just having friends like you makes me feel much less lonely too!
Now, you are NOT a failure as a daughter, wife, mother, or friend-- however, I have definitely felt all that guilt at times, and, like you, especially as a mommy.
I find that accepting everything I have is due to anxiety the easy part for me….., but accepting "why" I have anxiety and the fact that it isn't going away as quickly as I would like….the hard part right now.
To be honest, I didn't realize there were people really following this except a few particular buddies. Every time I hear something like this- it really makes me feel that something good is coming from this journey….., so thank you so very much for taking the time to post this to me.
:hugs:
DustingMyselfOff
06-02-14, 22:25
Add me to the list of followers and people that you are helping by posting. I have read every word of this thread and hesitated to jump in and comment since you and I aren't officially friends or even acquainted (yet), but since you seem to enjoy the feedback, here I am. I've been fighting the dragon for decades and have had long periods (years) of anxiety-free life, but sometimes events occur or health issues arise and wake the dragon again. I've been fighting him for the past 14 months and am getting to where I can have very acceptable days but I still can't get back on the highway (yet).
Patience. Yeah, right - never been one of my virtues. :blush:
I think the most distressing and upsetting things we go through are the "2 steps forward, 1 step backward." I get so elated with my steps forward that when the backward comes, I am devastated and defeated. Thank you for reminding me that the "steps back" WILL happen, but they don't have to take over.
Wonderful thread!
Sue
TooMuchToLiveFor
07-02-14, 01:41
Hi, Sue!
Well, consider us friends now! :)
The feedback is so appreciated! As I have mentioned before, this site (and especially this thread) have made going through this have some purpose. Something very positive in the midst of all the negative.
Thank you for reminding me that there can and will be long periods that are anxiety-free…..and we both need to remember-- one of these days…it will stick and we won't slip back the other way.
I see you're from the states- I'm from Kansas. :)
helena8888
07-02-14, 07:59
Hi TooMuch, I am glad I found this thread. Your posts are so well written I loved reading them and they did lift up my mood. Thanks !! :yesyes:
Too Much, I have a feeling that you have no idea how much you are helping people on here, myself included. You keep right on posting about this dragon. Weakened or strong, the dragon must be talked about.
TooMuchToLiveFor
07-02-14, 14:16
*Thank so so much, Helena. I hope you have a wonderful weekend full of calm, positive moments!
*Tanner- thank you for helping me stay focused. I feel as if I am on a new battleground with the dragon. Need to get my mind around it a little bit, and then let it out in words.
For now- Happy Friday, dear NMP friends. Remember that for some us, our dragons like to kick up their heels on the weekends…., so get a plan now. Mine is going to include some structured, planned out days, healthy food, exercise, and worshipping at church. I am going to steer my thoughts instead of letting them steer me-- as that is totally in my power. I just have to do it.
---------- Post added at 08:16 ---------- Previous post was at 07:57 ----------
(Started this as a new thread, but adding it here too as this is my "journal" of the journey.)
When it comes to steering our thoughts…..
We wouldn't steer our car for a limited amount of time and then think that we can let go of the wheel and still get to our desired destination. In fact, exactly the opposite. We let go of the wheel and we will inevitably crash before too long.
It is the same with our thoughts. We are in charge of them. We can steer them where we want to go. But, we can't expect just because we have stayed attentive to steering them for awhile that we can just let them go and they will stay on course.
My negative thought pattern right now tends to be obsessing and being consumed with "how I feel." Noticing the physical anxiety symptoms. Letting them bum me out. Noticing I feel anxious. Letting it irritate me. Noticing the mud puddles of depression I seem to have fallen down in, and then just sitting in them instead of getting up and out of them as quickly as I can.
Today I am steering my thoughts. The WHOLE day.
I don't let my physical symptoms stop me from doing anything physically- now I need to stop them from consuming me mentally.
I don't let my anxiety take over my life- but I need to kick it out of my thoughts. So it's there- so what?
I won't let depression become a way of life for me. We all have down moments, but this is different and I can tell. I will not sit in the mud puddle.
Gratitude. Constant gratitude will keep one hand on the steering wheel of my thoughts, and being others-centered instead of self-centered will keep the other.
Mindfulness- feeling and embracing each moment God has given me today will keep my eyes focused on the road directly in front of me, and Perspective will help me navigate the road ahead as I move forward remembering where I have been.
And- where are we going? Well, the Land of Recovery, of course!
Would you like to go with me?
Another great post TooMuch!
I like car analogies. I use them myself :)
Think of the physical symptoms like the gas pedal in that car you're steering. You have control over just how hard you push on the pedal. Just remember speeding (letting anxiety dictate the speed) can get you a ticket ;)
Positive thoughts
Absolutely wonderful thread.. I've cried reading your incredible discription, your dedication, and more importantly your love for yourself. And not allowing to be defeated by this.
It's inspiring that you have managed for me to clarify 'anxiety' from the the very pit of many of us. Giving me a better understanding and more importantly hope. I've soaked every word you've typed and will revisit it on a daily basis, when I need reassurance.
Thank you,
Spondoolicks
07-02-14, 17:50
Another fantastic thought provoking post ,too much. I look forward to your posts as they always give me food for thought. You are a very talented author. I do hope that when you feel well enough that you consider putting your thoughts into a book as I believe it could help many people that do not know about this wonderful forum. FMP I also thought your post was fantastic. The anology of using the gas pedal made me think long and hard about the day I'm having. Very symptomatic today and your thoughts have made me release my foot off my gas pedal just a little as at the moment I think I've been going full throttle lol. Time for a meander through the country lanes me thinks.
Yes! We have to steer our thoughts and a tough job it is! To be honest, I hate driving ;) But only a fool will deny the benefits of being able to drive.
If you think back to your first driving lessons you will remember how stressful it was. :scared15: But by now, we do it automatic. We know the roads, the curves, the traffic...it DOES get easier.
I never drive alone. I always ask God to drive with me.
Inspirational post TMT! Thank you.
TooMuchToLiveFor
08-02-14, 04:16
FMP~ Loved the additional car metaphor! Thought about it a lot as I "drove" through the day. No speeding tickets here today! ;)
KLP~ I am so, so happy that this thread has helped you on your journey! I have to tell you that you said something that I never really realized, but the fact that you commented on "my love for myself" is very, very precious to me. I never really thought of it like that- thank you!!
Spondoolicks~ what a lovely thing to say. Thank you so very much. I will keep on saying this-- the positive feedback and the thought that I am somehow helping anyone else that is fighting their own battle against the dragon---has given me a special gift that makes going through this war not only tolerable….but worth it.
Thank you, my friends!
---------- Post added at 22:16 ---------- Previous post was at 22:13 ----------
LeFi~ WOW! You added some wonderful points to the idea of "steering our thoughts"…..I actually have just reread your post several times as it keeps hitting home for me in different areas.
I hope your weekend is beautiful, calm, and full of joy!
May I add a quote of the day inspired by TMT x
LOVE YOURSELF, MORE THAN YOU HATE THE DRAGON.
big love and support to all.
May I add a quote of the day inspired by TMT x
LOVE YOURSELF, MORE THAN YOU HATE THE DRAGON.
big love and support to all.
Yes!
It feels marvelous, no fantastic to be able to share these thoughts.
Thx TMT and everybody here.
:flowers:
After a terrible day, being emotionally mentally and physically exhausted, your post has made me smile :-) Relate SO much it's untrue x thankyou x
morning TMT I i wish i could steer my belly away from KFC :)
Self statement, but missing the updates in this thread. No pressure truly. X
TooMuchToLiveFor
26-02-14, 06:03
Thanks for the feedback, dear friends!!
I have had some thoughts circling around in my brain, and I think they are about to land, but I wanted to check in long enough to encourage you all in your continued fights against the dragon. Mine has been behaving very well lately, but I need to remember to keep my sword sharpened and my shield up!
I am also very excited to say….I think I will be posting my Success Story very soon!!! …….Recovery is the closest thing I can think of to being resurrected from the grave…., and I am finally, truly back among the land of the living. Thank God!
Too Much, good to hear from you and glad that your dragon is behaving. My dragon is pacing the floors tonight and will not let me sleep. Oh well, there are worse things than sleepless nights.
helena8888
26-02-14, 07:18
Too Much nice to see that you are almost there ! My dragon is playing hide and seek but I start to feel better.
Toomuch, firstly I am giddy with joy that you are there. As an inspiration to many I will be excited to know exactly how you did it. How long it took, you approach, your symptoms throughout and if they have 100% gone, I could keep on writing but I think you get the gist! Have a wonderful day klp
TooMuchToLiveFor
28-02-14, 04:55
Blink.
Blink.
Rub my eyes.
Blink.
I am here. I am really here. I am in the LAND OF RECOVERY!
As I look around expecting to see an unknown land for the first time..... things start to come into focus, and I slowly begin to realize that everything is ....familiar, but it is brighter, crisper,....as if I had always been looking through fogged up glasses, but have now wiped them and put them back on.
Recovery Land looks a lot like where I came from before I “broke”, but in addition to being more vivid- it also spreads out farther- with more possibilities, more opportunities, and I turn in a circle, arms stretched out at my sides, head tipped back and eyes closed-- mindfully appreciating every peaceful moment. So thankful not just to be “back”, but to be “better” than just back.
However, while turning in a circle I realize I am entangling myself in something- when I open my eyes and look....I realize that it is the leash I am holding in my hand that is coiling around my legs....., but what is at the end of that leash?
It isn’t a puppy.......it is a dragon. A well-behaved, well-meaning, healthy, and obedient dragon. A dragon who has accepted she will be on a leash under my direction.
So, it seems that after much training- it appears my dragon can be tamed. Can be convinced. Can be reined in. She still needs a slap on the nose every now and then when she starts to get riled up over some “danger” that only she can see....., but overall she is being a very good girl. And, now that she is getting some self-control, and I have proved who’s in charge.....all I have to do is give her the command if there is real danger and she goes into vicious protection mode. I don’t mind fire breathing dragons when they are exhibiting some self-control!
When she is going crazy due to a real threat....she has still not quite learned how to calm down after all is resolved. We are still working on that, but I am confident now that we are on the right track she will never be able to storm around and take charge of the castle again. And, should she decide to get out of line in a big way- she will be put in time out in her cave until she remembers the way we do things around here.
well done TMT ,it was worth the pain and the long wait
TooMuchToLiveFor
28-02-14, 14:50
Thank you, Mr. Andy!
How are you doing these days?
How about my other fellow dragon slayers/trainers?
(For those who have asked me….I will be posting a more direct thread soon about my actual recovery process details, etc. It will be under "Success Stories", but I may add it to this thread too as this is my journal of sorts.)
Thank you, Mr. Andy!
How are you doing these days?
How about my other fellow dragon slayers/trainers?
(For those who have asked me….I will be posting a more direct thread soon about my actual recovery process details, etc. It will be under "Success Stories", but I may add it to this thread too as this is my journal of sorts.)http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showpost.php?p=1283862&postcount=74
Yay! it's great to here both you and Andy are doing so well! :yahoo:
'Normality' is just dawning for me, I'm putting into place and applying all of the things I've learnt, it's just the final push now.
To, TMT, Andy & Luna.
It's incredible to see your improvement, I want to as you guys a few questions maybe queries!
Lately I too have been feeling a wee bit better, my realisation that I may not have impending doom lurking round the corner, and my symptoms are still there but lessened slightly. I keep reflecting on a few weeks/months and see the very gradual development. I'm not scared anymore, I accept my symptoms even though thy still changing on an daily/hourly basis.
I've been reading Dr. Claire Weekes & nothingworks.weebly.com. Trying to put the teaching into practice.
The question I have, if you don't know what the 'triggers' are, and continue to have the same symptoms day in day out. How do I fully know if I too will ever reach the end goal of recovery?
I'm still clouded by this and finding it hard what direction I need to take to enable to be a success story. Don't want to hard on myself, I tell myself I've got this far without meds, and like claire weekes encourages 'let time pass'. I don't know what 'tools' I need to get well?
Thanks xx
Too Much, glad to hear that your dragon is finally beginning to learn who the boss is around there. Just remember to keep your hands on the wheel and the dragon in the trunk of the car. Being in the Land Of Recovery is still a daily maintenance process, I have found. The dragon loves for us to forget that. Don't ever let her in the passenger seat again. Great job and I'm thrilled to hear that you're doing so well.
It's so great to see many on the road to healing and recovery. You all are an inspiration to me and to so many here on the boards. This thread and TooMuch's analogy of the "Dragon" has given many a name and identity to the beast and in doing so, has given many a focus and determination that has taken a life of it's own throughout the forum. Becoming a "Dragon Slayer" makes fighting this affliction doable.
Here's to donning your armor, sharpening your swords and licking so Dragon arse!
Positive thoughts
cymraig_chris
02-03-14, 10:28
To, TMT, Andy & Luna.
It's incredible to see your improvement, I want to as you guys a few questions maybe queries!
Lately I too have been feeling a wee bit better, my realisation that I may not have impending doom lurking round the corner, and my symptoms are still there but lessened slightly. I keep reflecting on a few weeks/months and see the very gradual development. I'm not scared anymore, I accept my symptoms even though thy still changing on an daily/hourly basis.
I've been reading Dr. Claire Weekes & nothingworks.weebly.com. Trying to put the teaching into practice.
The question I have, if you don't know what the 'triggers' are, and continue to have the same symptoms day in day out. How do I fully know if I too will ever reach the end goal of recovery?
I'm still clouded by this and finding it hard what direction I need to take to enable to be a success story. Don't want to hard on myself, I tell myself I've got this far without meds, and like claire weekes encourages 'let time pass'. I don't know what 'tools' I need to get well?
Thanks xx
You answered your own question ... The triggers are the sensations expressed by the body.
These sensations are just expressions of energy, the body is just trying to release this energy. You are resisting the escape of this energy.
There is not one energetic release expressed by the body which is bad, unpleasant, scary etc. These words and descriptions are the labels we apply, and are reinforced by conversations with other people who describe them in a similar way.
Everyone in the world gets all these sensations at times without exception.
A panic disorder (crap term) is a collection of irrational phobias of certain sensations.
The body can produce about twenty core sensations during an adrenaline release.
Each panic attack (yet again ... a crap term) consists of about four or five of these.
The anxiety state is a table ... The legs holding up this table are the sensations.
So panic is a table with 20 legs.
You will find that you only fear about 3-10 of these legs.
So if you removed the fear if these 3-10 legs (none of which can ever do you any harm) your table would collapse under its own weight.
Question is .. How.
Now realise this ... You can remove the fear of these legs ... Inside your own comfort zone, in fact you can do it from your own bed.
What tool to use?
I would recommend EFT ... It looks kooky, but it works, it works every time and it works permanently if you are specific enough.
Why does it work?
Personally I have researched it intently and and close the knowing exactly why, but unfortunately I don't have the language as yet to translat this into a few snappy phrases with the usual knob-gags to make this understanding easy.
But you don't need to understand it. I know it works, it always works.
There are no side effects.
If done correctly, you could effectively collapse your entire (panic disorder on a matter of days if not sooner.
The best approach would probably be to find a local EFT practitioner who really understands NLP sub modalities.
This is the history of therapy
Psychoanalysis
Can take up to a decade.
Medication
Can take months
CBT
Can take months to a year.
Hypnosis/Guided meditation ... They are the same thing
Can take weeks to months
NLP alone ... Can take weeks on complex conditions
EFT alone ... Can take weeks on complex conditions
EFT and NLP combined ... Can take days.
Sensation only targeted EFT with NLP and then just going out and living life to the fullest.
... Hours.
This last approach, according to my research, collapses the panic algorithm (the table) in such a way that, it also removes the negative emotional content from many panic memory or anticipatory panic in the future.
Alll in my opinion of course.
And if anyone ever tells you there is no magic bullet ... Remember this ... This in only what they believe.
First ... Just look at an EFT phobia cure on youtube. See that it can work in as little as 10 minutes.
Then remember your panic is a collection of sensation phobias.
Then realise that with these two concepts, you do indeed have a magic bullet.
I'm not a professional and you are quite entitled to argue with me.
These are just my opinions.
But remember this ... The notion that a panic sensation is scary, uncomfortable or dangerous is also just an opinion.
I hope this helps.
God speed.
To, TMT, Andy & Luna.
It's incredible to see your improvement, I want to as you guys a few questions maybe queries!
Lately I too have been feeling a wee bit better, my realisation that I may not have impending doom lurking round the corner, and my symptoms are still there but lessened slightly. I keep reflecting on a few weeks/months and see the very gradual development. I'm not scared anymore, I accept my symptoms even though thy still changing on an daily/hourly basis.
I've been reading Dr. Claire Weekes & nothingworks.weebly.com. Trying to put the teaching into practice.
The question I have, if you don't know what the 'triggers' are, and continue to have the same symptoms day in day out. How do I fully know if I too will ever reach the end goal of recovery?
I'm still clouded by this and finding it hard what direction I need to take to enable to be a success story. Don't want to hard on myself, I tell myself I've got this far without meds, and like claire weekes encourages 'let time pass'. I don't know what 'tools' I need to get well?
Thanks xx
You have to let go and not think about how long recovery will take ,I was obsessed with it at first and quickly learnt it wasn't helping.Take each day as it comes and be patient
It isn’t a puppy.......it is a dragon. A well-behaved, well-meaning, healthy, and obedient dragon. A dragon who has accepted she will be on a leash under my direction.
So, it seems that after much training- it appears my dragon can be tamed. Can be convinced. Can be reined in.
And it appears the Dragon's name really is "Falkor" :)
Positive thoughts
Having a blip with my dragon. I felt the creature had been well and truly shut away only to find it rearing it's ugly head again over the last few days.
It's a bad month for me as it's a year next week I lost mum. It's my birthday tomorrow and have been spoilt already but last few days feel the old symptoms starting again.
Can't even recall the strategies that my counsellor told me to use in a relapse situation.
Sorry to be so negative.
Mermaid
Mermaid, sorry to hear that you're having a bit of a rough time right now. Events like the anniversary of your Mum's death can bring feelings back to the forefront that evoke anxiety. This is normal for people that don't even suffer from anxiety. Recognize the anxiety for what it is, normal, and let it go.
Go back and read some of your old posts. Read some posts of recovery by people that you resonate with. You will remember the coping techniques that you used. Everything can and will be fine. Recovery from anxiety requires daily maintenance. You can do this.
Y
I would recommend EFT ... It looks kooky, but it works, it works every time and it works permanently if you are specific enough.
Why does it work?
Personally I have researched it intently and and close the knowing exactly why, but unfortunately I don't have the language as yet to translat this into a few snappy phrases with the usual knob-gags to make this understanding easy.
But you don't need to understand it. I know it works, it always works.
OK Chris, what is EFT? NLP?
Nothingworks is really working for me btw (no irony intended, this credit should be dedicated to the author). :flowers:
TooMuchToLiveFor
08-03-14, 03:41
Well, as you may have read from my other thread today…..I had a panic "episode" today. Woke up with it. Bad enough my husband had to come home from work to take care of the kiddos, but the "attack" ended somewhere around 2pm, and now I am just dealing with the yucky after feelings.
I haven't been around here much the last two weeks- mainly because life just got incredibly busy. So busy, in fact, that I felt the physical anxiety stuff start creeping back over me. I have been dwelling a bit more on my mom's cancer. The housework started piling up a bit as I have been running 24/7 out and about. I wasn't getting enough sleep at night. I was cramming too much in a day and although getting things done successfully- it was at the cost of me running from the minute I woke up until the minute I went to bed- and my heart was back to racing full time most the day. I even said several times in the last few days that I knew I was pushing it. I was running too hot all day and night. But, it felt so awesome to be "back." To be kicking butt and taking names with all I was taking on. However, that is where I get into trouble, and I end up getting my own butt kicked.
(I have heard my wise friend, Tanner, say over and over how important it is to keep tending to your self even when things are good…..I won't be taking that advice lightly from here out.)
There has been a lot going on around our place.
My mom is getting ready to start radiation. We just got the date for her first big scan since her radical mastectomy- June 3. We all already have FMP's "scanxiety" biting around on us.
My husband just got approved to purchase a third store (we own two restaurant franchises and now are going into a third).
Both my husband and my two, little monkeys have been sick with one bug after another. (Come on, Spring!!!) Thank God (literally!) I have managed to stay pretty clear from getting any of it.
I joined a gym at the beginning of Feb, and have been working out a couple of hours a day as often as I can make it happen. After recent pregnancy and months of hospital bed rest (followed by my nervous breakdown) it is wonderful to sweat and have sore muscles from good, old fashioned, hard work!
I have been back in the kitchen cooking away. Organizing play-dates, going on dates with my hubby, church stuff, and more…..VERY BUSY.
Then two weekends ago my baby girl (six months) was up at 130am snorting and hacking with a cold, so I decided to go sit up with her in the living room- thinking that if she was upright for sleeping she would be more comfortable. Well, I got halfway down our stairs and missed a step falling forward into the air. My sweet baby girl got launched out of my arms and hit her head on the stairs, flipped hit her head again, and landed at the bottom of the staircase on the wood floor- landing on her head. It was the most terrorizing thing ever. She had quite a few abrasions (rug burn) on her head and a pretty good dent above her forehead. We went to the ER at our local children's hospital, and they put her through neuro testing and then a cat scan. She was cleared. (Of course, they had to explain to me that there are risks of radiation to her developing brain- makes me sick to think about it, but we had to do it…..so I am not going to use catastrophizing thought processes about this subject. I am going to have immense gratitude that she came through the ordeal whole and fine.) Two days later an almost cartoon-like lump started raising on her head……doctors were quite concerned as it was right on the edge of her soft spot, but turned out to be a delayed hematoma. She is truly fine.
I think I am going to discontinue my talk therapy. I don't feel it is going to be beneficial for me, and my GP agrees. My CBT therapist has "turned me loose" as he considers me completely recovered, but I will go back to see him for tune ups. Saw my GP yesterday and she also said I am at a place now to just give her a call if I need her, but to keep on, keepin' on. She did remind me that I will continue to get better and better as my nervous system heals, but that my physical nerves can take a long time to heal…..however, mentally my healing seems to be progressing really well. MY moods are great! (Other than the dang panic attack I had earlier today….I am doing great! LOL!)
I have several "dragon musings" I need to put into words, but at least I have finally gotten caught up around here. :)
Awesome to read your post. Regardless of future participation on the boards, the term "Dragon" has made it's mark and will live on in name only ;)
Glad the little one is Ok. My son had such an episode when he was little although not from launching him in the air ~lol~ He was messing around on the sofa not long after he began walking and was standing too close to the edge. I kept warning him but he wouldn't listen. I turned for a moment and heard "BANG, BANG BANG" and then "Waahhhhh".... he went off the edge hit his head on the wood steps and then bounced off the wall to the wood floor. I was terrified he hurt himself but he was fine too.
You've made tremendous progress and are an inspiration. I hope many here take your courage and determination as a queue that they too can tame the Dragon and get back to living.
Positive thoughts always!
Glad the baby is fine. That would have been a terrifying experience. Sounds like you are handling everything as well as can be expected. Keep your head up and the dragon down.
TooMuchToLiveFor
08-03-14, 19:53
So……awhile back I posted a thread (and included it here) called "Steering Our Thoughts." This last week I have had another car analogy come up (which is funny because I am so not a gear head in any way! LOL!).
We were driving along and I was watching our tachometer, and I asked my husband if cars that ran "hotter" always had something wrong with them. He told me that there are actually cars that are designed to run at that higher level. The more I have thought about it…..I think that applies to me too. I naturally run at a hotter level than most of those around me. I wake up and I am ready to hit the day. I'm a go, go, go and do, do, do type of gal. I used to never be able to just sit and watch a movie on the couch…..I would also have to be surfing, reading, writing to-do lists, …sometimes several of those options at once. It SEEMED to be working for me. I was driven. I was successful. My friends call me a hummingbird as I am a pretty small little thing that zips around constantly. Now that I think of it…..I can't picture a hummingbird's wings stopping even when it sleeps.
Okay, so I'm a hummingbird……, but long term my wings started wearing out. Now that I am "recovered" (I still say that although I just had an attack yesterday.) what does my hummingbird personality mean for well-being?
I think it means that it is fine to schedule my plans where I go, go, go,…..as long as I am scheduling balanced time for me to slow down, pause, stop. Too much flitting about is like living life in fast forward. There is no feeling what is happening. There is no savoring every precious moment. There is no human BEING, but only human DOING.
So, back to the car analogy-- my tachometer does run higher and that is fine. I really like who I am in that regard……, but I need to put it in park sometimes. I need to just park in the shade sometimes-- otherwise I end up overheating.
Summary:
REST WITH REASON. MOVE WITH PASSION.
TooMuchToLiveFor
09-03-14, 17:41
Oh, you rascally, dragon, you.
Can't figure out for sure how you escaped your pen…..have some pretty good guesses though.
The thing is- now you are out. You are making the most of it too. Gosh, I hate you.
You seem to not care about my breathing exercises. You seem to be laughing at my fight for positive and rational thoughts, and you are definitely taunting me as I am trying to get one foot in front of the other today.
Okay- acceptance.
Let me really pause there for a moment.
I had accepted I had anxiety-- but then felt I had defeated it.
Now I have to accept it again. Is it possible it is a little more bitter to swallow this go around?
I had accepted none of these awful feelings can hurt me.
Now I have to accept that even living off and on long term is okay.
I had accepted that I can still do everything I need to do even in this state.
I now have to accept it again.
More than anything right now what I have to accept is that I WILL BE BACK WHERE I WAS. It may take a little time for me to get back there, and I have to accept that too.
Say it, Too Much. Say it.
I ACCEPT THAT I WILL "RECOVER" AGAIN.
I ACCEPT THAT THIS IS NOT WHERE I WILL LIVE, BUT MAY VISIT FROM TIME TO TIME.
I ACCEPT THAT THERE IS A STILL A PURPOSE IN EACH PART OF MY LIFE-- EVEN THIS.
I ACCEPT THAT TODAY CAN STILL BE FULL OF BLESSINGS.
I ACCEPT THAT SOME DAYS THE ARMOR IS MUCH HEAVIER THAN OTHERS.
I ACCEPT THAT JUST BECAUSE I AM HAVING A HARD TIME IT DOESN'T MEAN I AM BACK TO HELL AGAIN.
I ACCEPT THAT I NOW NEED TO GO BACK TO THE TOP OF THIS LIST AND SAY IT AGAIN. AND SAY IT AGAIN. AND SAY IT AGAIN.
Too Much,
One of the things about acceptance, especially with an illness is the recognition that recovery is just that.... recovery. You've recovered from the illness but it doesn't make you immune like you would be with a vaccination against a disease.
My MO (medical oncologist) told me I'll always be a survivor. I'm "cancer free" but still a survivor. I'm healing as are you, but as a survivor we're reminded of the battle we've been through.
Just like I have my reminders, so do you in the form of a blip now and again. Eventually, as we recover more and more, the reminders become less and less. As I'm sure I'll feel better a year from now, so will you. Keep in mind it wasn't that long ago you were grappling on all fours with the Dragon. Give yourself some slack. I know it's tiring and frustrating but at least this time you're standing on two feet wielding a sword..
Positive thoughts
TooMuchToLiveFor
09-03-14, 19:54
Thank you. :hugs:
I think the uncertainty of where/when/why the dragon rears its ugly head is part of what makes the fear loop so bad. This was once again "new battleground" as having it raise up so strong after doing SO well for quite awhile…..made it a new fight and acceptance experience.
I also found myself so frightened and discouraged because I thought if the dragon did get out of line again-- I was way farther along in my training and it wouldn't phase me too much. However, when it gets bad--- it is so hard to get past the feeling of doom and fear. (The doom I guess relates to the awful feelings in the present, and the fear relates to the fear of continuing in them.)
One thing I already know I am taking from this is how serious blips are for people. Without support and encouragement I almost feel a bad blip can put people back to square one and even farther because it is easy to really lose hope. It also reawakens my compassion to those in the early throes of these disorders. I've gotten fairly good at my jousting and sword fighting skills, but this morning I felt several times like I couldn't even remember how to put on my armor.
My husband is amazing though- after his initial fears and worry at seeing me slipping back…he first tried to just start taking everything on again…., but today he kissed me on the forehead and said I'm taking Colt (our four year old) for a drive. He needs some fresh air as he's been so sick and stuck inside. I started to panic that they were leaving. I wanted them here in the living room with me. It also meant I would have to get up to care for Evangeline (our 7 month old). Well, that sneaky, smart man knew just what he was doing. It did force me to get up. It did force me to not avoid being alone in this state. And, by the time he came home I had made some major headway in our piled up kitchen. Got more "sick kid laundry" going, fed the baby, and was playing with her. Wow, I love that man.
I'm still getting some very bad waves, but at least for the moment…..I am doing better.
Sending you positive thoughts TMT
TooMuchToLiveFor
09-03-14, 21:50
Ahhh…hey, Andy. Thank you. I was hoping to see you around here today.
LOL- my life reminds me of those quality control counts you see on movies for factories….."We have gone 63 days without incident."
Well, starting the count back at zero. LOL.
You will get back starting with Day 1, Day 2, etc... One day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow is never promised to any of us.
TooMuchToLiveFor
09-03-14, 21:59
Very true, Tanner.
How did surgery for your dad go today?
TooMuch thankyou so much for your wise words. I too have been struggling this week and you hit the nail on the head as always so eloquently. Your description of feelings and thoughts mirror my own and I also have a wonderful husband who understands, cares and supports me.
Let's sort out these blips together!
Mermaid
TooMuchToLiveFor
09-03-14, 23:19
Gosh, Mermaid, you are too kind. I don't feel wise or eloquent at all right now……I feel nauseated! LOL!
Have been napping on and off today as I have had to rely on some low doses of Xanax to get through the worst of the waves. I just awakened to feeling terribly sick to my stomach…..since my kiddo has been sick, I'm not sure what is sickness and what is anxiety.
I go back and forth between looking forward to tomorrow and dreading it. Tomorrow is one day closer to being well again, but tomorrow also is a long day of caring for the kids by myself and my son is still really sick.
Do you have work tomorrow?
Yes have been to work today and was so busy I had no time to think about myself! I had to rely on few doses of diazepam last week to help me. I am just so shocked at how quickly and violently the dragon returns without any warning signs.
We talked about relapse strategy at my counselling sessions and how to recognise the stages leading up to them but it just came back out of nowhere.
How have you been today?
Mermaid
TooMuchToLiveFor
10-03-14, 19:50
Honestly,…..I'm working to just get through the minutes right now. :weep:
Can you call a friend? You should not be alone :hugs:
TooMuchToLiveFor
10-03-14, 20:03
Not really…..all of my friends have young children, and we have too much illness going on here.
I'll be okay. I've been through it before, but nothing this bad since I was in the dark, dark days.
What's up Too Much? Just saw your post and wanted to see how I could help. I remember those days when there were times that I didn't know how I would get through the next five minutes. Each time I didn't think that I could do it, I did it. If you ever need someone to physically talk to, just let me know. I'm just a couple of states away. I can PM you my phone number. You can and will do this. You are strong. Keep repeating that to yourself.
I don't know if you've done this but go back and read this thread from the start. I spent a bit reading your posts and it's like reading your journey through hell and back. One thing that stands out throughout is your inner strength and determination. You haven't lost it. It's still there albeit a bit charred at the moment but it's still there and as strong as it ever was.
One thing about the tempered steel of a Dragon Slayers sword. No amount of fire can melt it nor take it's edge away.
Positive thoughts
"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
Back to basics TMT and dont forget to be gentle with yourself :hugs:
How are you feeling today TooMuch?
Sending hugs
Mermaid
TooMuchToLiveFor
11-03-14, 15:47
Thank you so much, dear friends.
I am feeding my dragon warrior self by reading over and over the advice and support you are sending me, and it is keeping me from going under right now.
FMP- I did go back and read this thread. Wow. I sat and wept as I read it as it is so hard to recall the darkest days of my life, and it is so hard to be tasting them again. But, I KNOW deep down this will be a storm that passes, not even a season.
MrA- I am trying my best to go back to the basics. Man, I forgot how hard it can be to force myself up from the couch where I am frozen.
And, the depression. Wow. Along with the waves of panic- the depression just feels suffocating.
Tanner- your new thread today is fantastic. Thank you for being there for me yesterday.
Mermaid, LeFi, KLP,….all of you…you have truly become friends (along with many others here), and I am so thankful for you.
I am fighting through again today. I am fighting my own weakness to give in and be swallowed up by this by accepting it is how I feel today, but I still have a beautiful life to lead! I am going to be okay, and although (if I am honest) I am devastated to be back here--- I will be a warrior. (Do warriors weep all the way through writing that they will be strong?)
I have to get up off this couch. Think I am going to set my timer for small intervals that I have to get up and do something. Can't believe I am back here. But, I do have say in how long I stay……or at least how I proceed in the storm.
It's ok to cry, I mean really cry. Sometimes it is another way of releasing the tension that the dragon as sat on. We're all here for you now, later, tomorrow.
My thoughts are often with you. Just try to take care of yourself as best as you can now. The wheel turns. Slowly. But it does turn!
:flowers:
TooMuchToLiveFor
11-03-14, 21:03
Thank you, Ladies. :hugs:
Well, another day is half done. It's amazing how when I am not having to walk against a stream of dragon fire how the days go by so fast. They are filled with the whirlwind of life, ….but on days like the last five-- they drag on, and on, and on. I notice several of the patterns from the dark days….I just want it to be night so that my hubby will be home in the living room with us, watching some kid appropriate, mindless television. I don't want my four year old to go down for a nap, because I don't want to be alone in the living room. I have to force myself off the couch just to make that same peanut butter and jelly that I was having so much trouble getting up to make two months ago. I obsessively stay on this site……which in itself isn't a bad thing…., but it isn't balanced with "real life." I am just clinging to all of my safety nets.
As evening comes on I start to have a bit of reprieve. This is the same as the dark days too. But, you know what else happened in the dark days?? They came to an end.
One of the things that is so hard about this time is how saddened and frustrated my husband is that we are back here again. He has WAY more faith than I do that I will come out of this again (although I do believe it), but it has really rocked him that we only got me back for a couple of months before this relapse happened. I have just been reveling in watching him walk around the house smiling because "he had his wife back."
He will have me back again. BUT WHEN???? That is what my brain keeps screaming……and that is not true acceptance, I guess.
I am also finding myself dreading and trying to figure out how to get out of any commitments (particularly social) that are coming up. I know this is avoidance, and is a very slippery slope back to agoraphobia. How amazing the power our body chemistry has over us….I am very strong willed, but since all this- I have to fight so hard not to just cower before the dragon in order to appease her in anyway I can.
But I will fight. I will. I will. I will.
I am spewing out all these words so that if/when I have to travel the relapse road again I will see that this is the same old pattern. The same old maze my mind and nervous system are trying to work out……, and hopefully it will help me remember how to navigate myself out of it more quickly next time. (And, hopefully, next time will be ages and ages away.)
FYI... I have as much or more faith than your husband that you'll weather the storm. Despite your current struggle TooMuch, your posts are rational. You clearly recognize what's going on which is light years ahead of your starting point.
Positive thoughts
TooMuchToLiveFor
11-03-14, 21:18
Thank you, FMP. :hugs:
Wish I would have found this site a month before I did…..that was the worst of the worst. It would be very good to be able to look all the way back there to truly see the journey.
May I suggest something, not now, when the time comes and you are driving down that road again, I want you to wind the window down and scream as loud as you can (not with the children in the car, it might scare them!).
May I also mirror FMP.
TooMuchToLiveFor
11-03-14, 21:34
LOL!!!
Road rage at anxiety…..I like it. :shades:
Whatever works right? :doh:
TooMuchToLiveFor
12-03-14, 14:40
Whew. Another day. Another fight for any semblance of normalcy.
The physical symptoms are so rough, but the mental anguish is really kicking my butt. If I had a specific worry, or health anxiety, somewhere to focus my retraining of thoughts….it would give me a goal of where I need to work on my thought skills…., but I was flying high and got blown out of the air. I think because I deal with PTSD these things rise up in me subconsciously. Logical sense says this relapse could be in part to my daughter's recent fall down the stairs, both kids being pretty sick, and today is the anniversary of my baby brother's head on, highway collision. He survived, but the other woman did not, and it was one of the most traumatic events in my life. It hadn't even crossed my mind until last night, but I'm sure my brain/nervous system have been dwelling on it. It is also almost a year since the very dangerous season of my pregnancy and journey into my mom's advanced cancer, etc started. So, I think the changing of the season to Spring is also bringing some of those things up subconsciously. It is just hard to know how to move forward, find recovery, etc.- when I am not dwelling on those things, nor have I buried them. I understand the physiology of my nervous illness, and am not frightened of "it" --- just living with it, I guess. I feel as if I accept the waves of panic I keep getting, and yet- the thing is-- they are PANIC WAVES, so even accepting them as panic does not mean they do not still feel exactly like panic- which is a terrible, terrible feeling. Ugh.
Again, anyone following this- just know that I am needing to release all this somewhere.
Those of you in the journey, but farther back…..know that we all struggle here and there, but I am determined to get back to the beautiful place I was for the last two months…..this will not be the summary of my story. It is just a dark chapter---and, hopefully, a short one.
Those of you right in this same spot with me-- one step in front of the other. C'mon. No giving up. Weep if you need. Express your fear, your discouragement, your confusion…..BUT DO NOT DESPAIR!
Those ahead of me-- please keep calling me to you…..I need a voice to follow, a light to look for,…..and when I catch up with you--- you will get a hug so big it will squeeze your guts out (as I say to my babies).
Okay- forcing myself off the couch again. Deep breath. Beyond getting closer to recovery again….here's to a day with no more (or at least limited) kiddo puke, snot, pee, poop, and and every other bodily function that my living room and myself have been wearing for the last six days.
I think your absolutely right that the culmination of the resent events have set things off again, guilt, grief and so on. Again we're all here of you.
TooMuchToLiveFor
12-03-14, 18:59
Girl, I know you are. And, even though I'm in the deep end right now…..I want you all to know that I still have lots to give to you, so don't ever hesitate to reach out to me too. In fact, being able to in anyway help others right now is one of the things that makes me feel most healthy.
XOXOXO
---------- Post added at 13:59 ---------- Previous post was at 10:02 ----------
SO,….when dragon fighting it has come to my realization (much from Tanner's thread on "How to Tackle Anxiety") that although I am heaving my dragon slayer arsenal around….I don't actually need all the weapons at once. I need to have a really good strategy. A specific battle plan, and then a "plan B"-- called a contingency plan, I think?
I need to bring out the exact weapons for the specific fight I am in.
More to come on this….
Keep fighting my little angel :)
TooMuchToLiveFor
12-03-14, 20:40
Keep fighting my little angel :)
I will. I am.
Damn it's hard.
But, I will, sweet friend!
I referred to a recurrence like falling in the river in another thread and it seems you've gotten yourself a bit wet. The beauty is that you know how to swim and there's dry towels in the linen closet. If you need a few more, just know they're in the dryer ;)
Positive thoughts
TooMuchToLiveFor
12-03-14, 21:52
I referred to a recurrence like falling in the river in another thread and it seems you've gotten yourself a bit wet. The beauty is that you know how to swim and there's dry towels in the linen closet. If you need a few more, just know they're in the dryer ;)
Positive thoughts
:)
Also, after falling in the river there are two great females that have summed up two great strategies:
1.) FLOAT (Dr. Claire Weekes)
2.) JUST KEEP SWIMMING; JUST KEEP SWIMMING (Dory- from "Finding Nemo")
:yesyes:
I like both. Xx
---------- Post added at 22:00 ---------- Previous post was at 21:59 ----------
I referred to a recurrence like falling in the river in another thread and it seems you've gotten yourself a bit wet. The beauty is that you know how to swim and there's dry towels in the linen closet. If you need a few more, just know they're in the dryer ;)
Positive thoughts
Great analogue FMP x
:)
Also, after falling in the river there are two great females that have summed up two great strategies:
1.) FLOAT (Dr. Claire Weekes)
2.) JUST KEEP SWIMMING; JUST KEEP SWIMMING (Dory- from "Finding Nemo")
:yesyes:
Good stuff TooMuch and thanks KLP ;)
Speaking of Nemo... they say laughter is good for the soul. I agree
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dydATFUp4KE
Positive thoughts
Very good, FMP, buuuutt I don't think I'll let my 2yr old view this version.
Very good, FMP, buuuutt I don't think I'll let my 2yr old view this version.
Uhhhh no ~lol~ There are a couple others this guy did... "Frozen" made me almost spit my drink on the keyboard!
Positive thoughts and laughs
Too Much, how is the day turning out? I love the Dori analogy of "just keep swimming". There are actually so many parallels in that movie, in comparison to the fight against anxiety. The fear of living kept the clown fish from living. He was so afraid of being afraid, so afraid of all of the "bad what if's" out there, that he couldn't enjoy life. He couldn't allow Nemo to enjoy life, which almost cost Nemo his own.
It was only in feeling the fear and doing it anyway ( great book by the way) that he was able to learn to conquer his fears, live life and find love and laughter again.
Sound familiar? Remember the sharks trying to change their mindset, that fish are friends. That's all we have to do. Live and learn from the anxiety. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Too Much, how is the day turning out? I love the Dori analogy of "just keep swimming". There are actually so many parallels in that movie, in comparison to the fight against anxiety. The fear of living kept the clown fish from living. He was so afraid of being afraid, so afraid of all of the "bad what if's" out there, that he couldn't enjoy life. He couldn't allow Nemo to enjoy life, which almost cost Nemo his own.
It was only in feeling the fear and doing it anyway ( great book by the way) that he was able to learn to conquer his fears, live life and find love and laughter again.
Sound familiar? Remember the sharks trying to change their mindset, that fish are friends. That's all we have to do. Live and learn from the anxiety. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Bang on. I've watched this film more times than I'd like to say. But I too love the ethos behind it.
---------- Post added at 22:50 ---------- Previous post was at 22:49 ----------
Uhhhh no ~lol~ There are a couple others this guy did... "Frozen" made me almost spit my drink on the keyboard!
Positive thoughts and laughs
I'll have to watch it now. ;)
TooMuchToLiveFor
13-03-14, 12:20
Good morning (afternoon for my overseas friends)!
Will be back later to reply to the wonderful posts from yesterday, but just a quick stop as I am putting on my armor-- and a big piece of comes from my community here.
Today is the only March 13, 2014 that will EVER be! No matter where you are in journey….move forward today. You can do it! I know it is hard (BELIEVE ME, I know), but move forward. Even if the progress is so small only you know it is there.
I am getting ready to shower. I am getting ready to tour a kindergarten, take my son to preschool, meet with some home maintenance people, and go to a birthday dinner tonight for a friend. I WANT to cancel every single one of those things and just curl up in the same chair in my living room, shaking, sweating, and doing nothing but living on NMP today. But, I won't. I am going to run this dragon around so many places that she wears out and falls asleep early today.
I am going to fix my eyes on my faith and the One who brings me peace.
I am going to remember the basics that the dragon will probably be going with me everywhere I go….., but she will not keep me from going.
Am I feeling strong today? …..No. I am not. ….., but I am feeling determined. And determination is strength for the long haul.
your acting strong ,thats all that matters.
have a good day :)
Morning,
Broad shoulders is required for today.
TooMuchToLiveFor
13-03-14, 20:59
Whew- I have got some good battle scars from the war I'm waging on the dragon today….., but it was time for some hard core offense since I've been just surviving through on defense for the last week. (Gosh, has this Hell really gone on a week??)
Now,….I may look pretty beat up from the fight today……, but you should see that fire-breathing reptile. :shades:
Woo hoooo, yay.
You go girl, you go girl!!!
Scars are a lovely reminder you are a fighter. And came out winning.
Atta Girl! :yesyes:
Positive thoughts
Way to be Too Much! Show that dragon who works for who!
TooMuchToLiveFor
14-03-14, 13:21
Hey All,
Well, the only downside to fighting with all the gusto you can gather….is that the next day comes, you are going to need to fight that hard again,…..but you are just spent from fighting so hard the day before. Groundhog Day on the battlefield.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…….
Woop woop!!! Swim, float or whatever. The battle has been won but the war rages on. Hehe. Fortunately we may enjoy ourselves while we go on with life.
Enjoy the dinner celebration!
TooMuchToLiveFor
14-03-14, 14:35
Good morning LeFi!
Made it through the dinner last night and had a really good time. This morning the dragon is up and snarling, but I am just getting on with my life and dealing with the fact she is going to be trying to get in my way as much as she can.
How are you doing these days?
Also,-- Tanner, how did your dad's hip surgery go?
I knew you'd be just fine. Glad you had a fib fab time.
TooMuchToLiveFor
14-03-14, 15:50
Aw, thanks, KLP-- how are you doing today?
You feeling any better mon ami ?
TooMuchToLiveFor
14-03-14, 17:35
Oui. :)
I'm not near fully back yet, but I am certainly on my way, and SOOO glad it is THIS Friday, and not LAST Friday when it all started up again. No actual panic waves today (so far)- just higher anxiety than is comfortable and exhausted…., but I am optimistic!
How are you today? Happy weekend! You must be off work and home by now? Any plans?
How's your little girl and wifey?
We are taking the kids to the production of "Cinderella: The Ballet" tonight at the former performing arts school I used to own. It is a rather stressful environment for me as there are LOADS of people I will be seeing that I haven't seen for over a year- and none of them have met Evangeline yet or talked to me since my mom came down with cancer. I am sure they will all want to go into lots of details over both….., (and it is almost two hours there and two hours back- with two monkeys in the car) but I know it will be a good night in the long run and there is no use in getting worked up over how I "might" feel tonight. :)
I'm good ta,the weathers good over so we are going to spend the weekend sorting the garden and I might take the little one to tumble jungle :D
TooMuchToLiveFor
14-03-14, 17:50
Oh, that sounds like a lovely weekend!
Yes, weather is starting to perk up here too, so we are going to spend some time cleaning out the garage and our basement storage room.
I am so excited to garden this year! I tried last year, but was in the hospital from June 7 on pretty much, so this year I am extra excited.
What do you plant?
Oh, that sounds like a lovely weekend!
Yes, weather is starting to perk up here too, so we are going to spend some time cleaning out the garage and our basement storage room.
I am so excited to garden this year! I tried last year, but was in the hospital from June 7 on pretty much, so this year I am extra excited.
What do you plant?nothing the wife does it :) it looks nice but I have no idea what the plants are called
I cut the grass and hedges :D
TooMuchToLiveFor
14-03-14, 17:56
LOL!!! :D
Well, …..teamwork is the best route anyway…..and, I am sure she would WAY rather be in the garden than cutting the grass and hedges!
Aw, thanks, KLP-- how are you doing today?
I'm good thanks, therapist has signed me off unless I need her! Think I can see the light, not quiet there, but nearly.
Soooo glad your feeling better.
On my gig trying to hide the black eye :shades: just about to go on gonna sing 'happy' by pharrell . Going to dedicate it to you. :roflmao:
'Because I'm happy, clap along if you feel like a room without a roof'.......:whistles:
Come on folks sing along!!!!
Xxxxx
Charlotteee89
14-03-14, 23:49
Just love how you call your anxiety 'The Dragon'! :)
Deffo think I should stop thinking I am my anxiety.. I need dis-associate myself with it & class it as something that actually isn't me.
My obsessional thoughts are making me feel low today. I hate feeling like this as I know it's not how I truly feel but my anxiety is trying to convince me otherwise. :glare:
Unfortunately my next session of CBT won't be for another 5 weeks as my Therapist is going on leave so I'm worrying about that.
I think I need to re-read the 'Obsessional Thinking' EBook as I find reading it a few times a day really lifts my spirits.
TooMuchToLiveFor
15-03-14, 15:07
I'm good thanks, therapist has signed me off unless I need her! Think I can see the light, not quiet there, but nearly.
Soooo glad your feeling better.
On my gig trying to hide the black eye :shades: just about to go on gonna sing 'happy' by pharrell . Going to dedicate it to you. :roflmao:
'Because I'm happy, clap along if you feel like a room without a roof'.......:whistles:
Come on folks sing along!!!!
Xxxxx
LOVED FEELING LIKE I WAS A PART OF YOUR GIG!!! You rock!! Hope today is awesome for you!!!
---------- Post added at 10:07 ---------- Previous post was at 10:04 ----------
Just love how you call your anxiety 'The Dragon'! :)
Deffo think I should stop thinking I am my anxiety.. I need dis-associate myself with it & class it as something that actually isn't me.
My obsessional thoughts are making me feel low today. I hate feeling like this as I know it's not how I truly feel but my anxiety is trying to convince me otherwise. :glare:
Unfortunately my next session of CBT won't be for another 5 weeks as my Therapist is going on leave so I'm worrying about that.
I think I need to re-read the 'Obsessional Thinking' EBook as I find reading it a few times a day really lifts my spirits.
Hey Charlotte!
Lol- yes, the "dragon talk" has really taken on a life of its own here at NMP. It is interesting, because in some ways the "dragon" is us, but at the same time it is almost like we have to look at it as something different from us so that we can "fight it."
Glad you are here at NMP-- it is a truly wonderful community!
So how are you doing, Too Much. Sounds like your evening out went pretty well. I'm proud of you for the fight that your waging. Keep sharpening that sword.
Charlotteee89
15-03-14, 16:19
LOVED FEELING LIKE I WAS A PART OF YOUR GIG!!! You rock!! Hope today is awesome for you!!!
---------- Post added at 10:07 ---------- Previous post was at 10:04 ----------
Hey Charlotte!
Lol- yes, the "dragon talk" has really taken on a life of its own here at NMP. It is interesting, because in some ways the "dragon" is us, but at the same time it is almost like we have to look at it as something different from us so that we can "fight it."
Glad you are here at NMP-- it is a truly wonderful community!
I don't see my anxiety as truly who I am, I see it as a stressed, low confident part of me over-analyzing & over-thinking everything trying convince myself of several things. :wacko:
My mind can't seem to stop over-analyzing everything at the moment but I think that's due to my anxiety I had before... I just learnt to calm it down to a point where it became not a problem anymore or that I just never noticed it. But now it's been unearthed x100 after having a bad panic attack 5 weeks ago. :/
But it's great to know that I'm not the only one... So many people go through this! :D
TooMuchToLiveFor
15-03-14, 16:33
So how are you doing, Too Much. Sounds like your evening out went pretty well. I'm proud of you for the fight that your waging. Keep sharpening that sword.
Hey Tanner! I have been thinking of you and glad to visit with you this morning! Thank you for all the support this last round….it was a doozie, but I am regaining ground with each day. Evening out went well, and last night did too (took the kids to the ballet), and the morning anxiety is even starting to ease up again.
Going to start easing the Xanax back off (only been using a low dose to get me through the worst of the panic), and going to try to get back in the gym Monday.
I will not let this last big blam be for naught though-- I think it has not only sharpened my sword, but is giving me more arsenal to share with others.
Will hit your thread from today to catch up on your stuff. Hugs, Sister!
Sounds like you are coming out of this doozie much stronger. So did the kids enjoy the ballet? Sounds like a wonderful evening out. As for the help, you're welcome. That's what this is all about, right?
TooMuchToLiveFor
15-03-14, 17:28
The kids loved it and were both so well behaved!
It is all about helping each other--for sure!
I award you with the latest in Dragon Slaying Swords and hand knives. Well deserved too!
http://i3.squidoocdn.com/resize/squidoo_images/400/draft_lens16506881module140802881photo_1295580597D ouble_dragon_slayer_fant
Positive thoughts
TooMuchToLiveFor
15-03-14, 19:16
I award you with the latest in Dragon Slaying Swords and hand knives. Well deserved too!
http://i3.squidoocdn.com/resize/squidoo_images/400/draft_lens16506881module140802881photo_1295580597D ouble_dragon_slayer_fant
Positive thoughts
FMP- that made me smile so big! Those are B.A.!!
…Perfect timing too, as I just had a bad panic wave hit again, but I'm excited to try out these new weapons…..:hugs:
I keep remembering the word you gave me awhile back….perspective.
Wow guys, you just have the special power to make me smile with warmth! TMT I am so happy you are doing better!!! Do you feel stronger? Better equipped now?
It is like the "growing pains" of children. For anxiety sufferers these pains are really scary and traumatizing to a certain effect. But you "leveled up" now again!
So you were working in the performing arts? Ballerina?
TooMuchToLiveFor
05-05-14, 01:12
Greetings fellow warriors!!
Well, first off for those of you that have been wondering…..I was not eaten or burned alive by my dragon….nor did I ride my dragon off into the proverbial sunset with a happy ending to my tale of traveling to the Land of Recovery.
There really isn't anything too exciting to report at all. I have just been living day to day, taking the bad with the good, and trying not to let the fact that I still struggle (although I am out of the darkest of days) not sum up who I am and what my life is.
I have had some wonderful days and some far from wonderful days. The majority of my days are good and look very normal from the outside looking in…..from my inside looking out- I know that I fight through lots of yucky moments, foggy brain feelings, and disheartenment with the whole lot of the situation quite a bit.
I stopped coming by here without intention….one day I just realized it had been several days, and then before I knew it that turned into several weeks.
I have realized through this time that many of the HA posts had actually started prompting me to have thoughts of that nature, so I think it is good that I took a little NMP vacation, and that I take more care to not get pulled into that line of thinking in the future. I have so many symptoms that I actually did something I never do----I googled. Of course, since I have never had HA I didn't think it was a big deal….however, when a huge list of symptoms agreed with a diagnosis of MS and it took me several days to really get that out of my head I realized that is a slippery slope from which I stay away.
The thing that I feel bad about is that I have quite a few friends here with whom I should have checked in with way sooner. Tanner, MrAndy, and KLP-- thank you so much for your PMs! I am so sorry to have just disappeared. I have realized upon returning that it was quite rude to not have sent the three of you (and a few others) a little note to let you know all was well, and to see how you were. If some of you had just disappeared I would not just have missed you, but been very concerned, so please forgive me for being insensitive!
I am very behind in how everyone is doing, so please- if you feel like it- let me know how you are!
One of my latest revelations in the fight against my dragon's bad side is that my meds are not going to be my cure. I have been doing all the many other things I knew to do along the way, but I think I have realized that my true hope was relying on these meds to fix everything and then all the other weapons in my dragon slayer's kit were just going to take me above and beyond. Well, the other weapons I have will still take me above and beyond……, but the medication is not my cure. It is the cast that goes on my brokenness, and then TIME is what will actually be my remedy. I have to heal. Healing takes time. This is not a new concept. It is even one on which I have read many threads and on which I have written myself,…….but I think I am truly starting to understand the concept on a deeper level. So, I will keep my cast (Sertraline) on until my doctors say it is time for it to be removed, and I will remember that even then I will need to give myself time to regain strength, mobility, and agility.
I do wish this condition was not a part of my life…..,but it is. So, now the only thing is…..what am I going to do with it?
I am going to keep working with my dragon…..some days fighting….some days training… and some days just biding my time. But in each of those days is the gift of life. And, I will not take it for granted.
My dear NMP friends-- let's head into this week with our armor polished, swords sharpened, and battle plans clear. Onward toward the Land of Recovery!!!
Good Morning Too Much! Glad to see you back and know that the dragon's fire has not consumed you. Although riding that dragon into the Land of Recovery sounds like a wonderful aspiration. Reading all of the HA posts on NMP and becoming too involved can become a slippery slope. I think that many of us have had that happen to ourselves in the past.
It is always a tough realization when we figure out that the medication is merely a cast for our brokennesss. I prefer to think of it as my opportunity to heal and become stronger and more durable. Being broken just means that there is a high opportunity for mending. The tools that you have spent time developing will be the means to that healing process.
Time is the great healer. Time can also be the great destroyer. We can choose which side time will be on by choosing our actions and our reactions to life. Time is merely life to be lived. I say, let's live it.
We can choose which side time will be on by choosing our actions and our reactions to life.
That's it right there! It truly IS a choice. To seek help, to allow the negative self talk and anxious thoughts to take over your life.
What will you choose?
Positive thoughts
cloudbusting
05-05-14, 13:50
Great to have you back TMTLF :hugs:
I missed seeing you around x
Lisa x
TooMuchToLiveFor
05-05-14, 13:53
Good morning, friends!
Thanks for the replies! This morning is one of the many I have had in the last six weeks where the yucky feelings are surging….., but I've got too much to do so they are just gonna have to try to keep up with me today!
My little boy has been sick again (yucky tummy bug and fever)- I swear, the first four years of his life he never caught anything and now that he is in preschool he brings home every dang bug out there! I spent all yesterday on the couch with him and then slept next to him in his little bed last night. He awoke bright eyed and bushy tailed today----I, however, awoke (wait, did I sleep?) with a very aching back! Lol!
I also have my first appt with a personal trainer at the gym today! Excited and dreading it all at the same time. I have always been petite and slender…..I guess I still am by most standards,…..but it appears that I am going to be one of the "lucky ones" for whom SSRIs cause some weight gain. Bummer. Overall though, I think it will be another blessing in disguise. Because I was always naturally able to just get by eating whatever and how much I wanted…..I definitely didn't make too healthy of choices in that department. I only really was concerned with how my diet affected my weight-- not how it affected my health-- so now that it seems those days are over…..I will actually end up being healthier- which is a good thing. Just another "new normal" to which I have to adjust. Of course, the fact that my resting heart rate was often in the 100s before I developed panic disorder just goes to show that I running too hot for quite awhile. Now that I am in a normal range for a resting heart rate (due to meds)-- my body isn't able to burn through the amount of calories that I like to consume. Lol.
Well, my baby girl is getting impatient, so better run. Hard to believe she just turned nine months old and that I am planning her first birthday party! When I started this journey (at least when it turned into a full time part of my life) she was three months old.
Choose life today, my friends! It is waiting before us. A gift that each of us awoke with this morning. Even if some of us awoke with some pesky dragons biting at our ankles. :winks:
---------- Post added at 07:53 ---------- Previous post was at 07:52 ----------
Thanks, Lisa!!…..how are you doing these days? :hugs:
helena8888
07-05-14, 05:00
Hi Too Much, I also kept away for a while and can relate to your latest posts. I managed to stay away from the HA posts... I am now in 3 months into my sert treatment and 10 days at 75mg. I upped up my dosage after a bad week before my "special time of the month". I feel definetely much better even if hyperventilation has become my daily companion. In fact when I am busy I do not notice it. The thing is I am very fine in my head, but I am somatising my anxiety.
Like you and many others I realised that medication is not the full remedy. It definitely helps but I tought it was a magic wand that would sweep away my anxiety. I does not and I am trying to find out what deep inside of me is causing this anxiety. I am exploring semi-conscious hypnosis, went back to my childhood, re-enacted some stressfull moments, tried to deal with them. It helped but there is no miracle cure. I think I inflicted a lot of stress on my body over the years, but I guess no more than an average person, it is just that some of us are more sensitive. I have learnt to accept that and that I need to rest and take care of my body and my mind which for me was a waste of time before. Well I am still positive and hopefull that I will get better with time.
Take care all of you
TooMuchToLiveFor
12-07-14, 08:03
Ai, yi, yi,……and here I am again.
Haven't been around here for months as I have been trying to "just live" and not dwell on my issues with panic disorder; however, I have felt the dragon heating up over the last few days,…..and sure enough- it is 2am and I am dealing with a massive panic attack.
I know in my head better than to panic about the panic……and, yet, the thoughts are waging an attack on my mind. "What if this turns into a big panic loop? What if I am still like this in the morning? What if this time I return to those dark days I found myself in last fall? Nobody understands, nobody knows what I am going through….." And, so I find myself back here……because many of you do know.
My last panic attack was April 30. Today is my anniversary- spent last anniversary in the hospital on strict bed rest with a complicated pregnancy. We have special plans for a fancy dinner and stay in a downtown hotel tomorrow- and now I am afraid I will ruin it. Tried my techniques for awhile to simmer the dragon down, but she just started getting angrier and angrier. Now resorted to my "panic pills"-- Xanax……and just praying they will put the dragon to sleep soon.
I HATE THIS. Why can't I just have a normal freakin' adrenaline system? Ugh.
TooMuch! I was wondering about you! Sorry to hear you're having a blip.... And that's all it is... a "blip". You're one of the fiercest Dragon Slayers out there. It's Ok if he gets a lick in here and there because you have armor and skills.
I have all the confidence you'll fend off this attack.
Positive thooughts
TooMuchToLiveFor
12-07-14, 14:19
Ahhh, good morning, FMP!
It took a good couple of hellish hours, but it has subsided. Today I just have the "I think I was hit by a train feeling" from it…., and, of course, some residual fear of it reoccurring,….and the question that does not in my case necessarily have an answer- "Why did this happen again?"
It is very interesting that over the last few months I felt like it was/is better for me to distance myself from here (even though I honestly felt like I was abandoning my friends here- and although I know we all agree we have to do what furthers our health the most- I have still felt guilty about disappearing….), and yet last night in the throes of panic- I knew this was where I needed to turn. So thankful for this site.
FMP- My congrats to you! I believe you and your Chiquita were married at the beginning of June? How are you doing? Any upcoming scans, etc? My mom has her first big screening since finishing chemo, her radical mastectomy, and radiation coming up in two weeks. I am sure that is feeding my dragon. Everytime it crosses my mind I feel that wave of palpable fear course through me.
Also, just wondering how my other dear cyber friends (Tanner, MrAndy, KLF, LeFi, Luna, just to name a few) are doing…..I so hope that all are well and living in peace!
Thanks for your reply, FMP. It truly is good to connect with you again.
Good Morning Too Much! This is quite a coincidence as I haven't been on here for awhile myself. I tune in and here you are. Good to see you but not glad to hear that the dragon is raising it's ugly head a bit.
You know it's just a blip it's an anniversary of a stressful time in your life. This time last year, you were a bit worried. It's also a time of excitement over a good anniversary. And I'm sure the worry about your Mother is bringing up some uncertainties.
You will handle all of this and will handle it well. Just remember it's a blip and you have all of the tools on that dragon slayer belt. You can do this.
TooMuchToLiveFor
12-07-14, 16:32
Good Morning, Tanner!
How are you? I would love a catch up on how you, your partner (and her mother), your dad, brothers, work,…..lol, basically, how your world is going. :)
This morning I keep wanting to just cancel our plans and lay very low. That sounds comfortable. That sounds safe. However, I am NOT where I was in the dark days. I'm just having some very "uncomfortable" (there has to be a stronger word for what I am feeling) moments. Because I know that I can and will get through everything well tonight I am going to put a smile on my face, one foot in front of the other, and draw on the strength I know I have- even if I don't feel like it. And, bottom line, is I am going to show the dragon who is boss by not giving in, and not letting her steal joy from my husband and I tonight!
I hope you are well, Tanner! I actually think about you quite often, and want the very best for you! :)
DustingMyselfOff
12-07-14, 19:04
I have no words of wisdom that you don't already know - I'm just replying to let you know that I've felt everything you're feeling, and maybe you'll find comfort in the fact that I do understand, I have been there, and I'm sure I will be there again.
If a genie were to grant me a wish I would wish for a few days in which I was not "watching" what was going on in my mind and body. I would love a vacation from being so aware and alert to every little change and blip. I envy people who experience illnesses and setbacks and just accept them, rather than panic from them and turn them into mountains. Yes, intellectually you and I know what these attacks are, what we need to do to get through them, and that they will pass, but I have yet to find a way to not let the panic instantly turn into "what if', why now, why me, not again!" etc.
Sometimes I almost think having a string of good days is bad for me because I am SO disappointed, disheartened, and defeated when I have a blip or setback. I want to throw in the towel, give up on trying to ever have a "normal" life, and want to just quit my job, shut out the world, and hole myself up in the house. I've told my husband to go find someone more "fun" because I am so tired of forcing myself to try to live a full and active life.
And then, a day or two later, I am back to feeling the anxiety recede, I find the courage and desire to go out and live again, and I become an active, happy, fun member of life.
But yet, when we're in the midst of it, I'm not sure it's possible to talk ourselves out of it with common sense and past experience. It's the nature of the beast - our panic attacks aren't only for those few intense moments but also the short while leading up to them (we get pretty good at knowing when they're coming) and then for a day or two afterwards while we recover. That's when I go through the defeated "why bother" stage and just turn into a hermit.
Sorry for the blip, good luck trying to figure out why it happened (that's my biggest obsession - I always want to know WHY!) and remember that you will be back to your old self soon.
We're here, and we understand.
Sue
Too Much,
Just checking in on the off chance that you would look in on your post. Hoping everything went well for you last evening and the pesky dragon stayed in her cave, where she belongs.
As for me, I have had a few blips myself but nothing major. I would just like to feel spectacular every day. Not much to ask for, huh? I find myself thinking of you often as well. Too bad we're not close enough for a cup of coffee.
Tanner
hey hey hey...
I am not going to let this little reunion pass without popping in my head!
Congratulations to the new marriage, to the anniversary of a loving relationship and to having the courage to come to this place to speak to others about your suffering and fears!
For it does take courage to openly speak about what we experience.
Sue - your words also touched me deep. For I believe accepting the setbacks is perhaps part of the whole process and should not be neglected.
I too had several setbacks the last months. Being on holiday also set me off and as usual, enjoying the extra cappuccino and glass of wine did not help me at all. Now I am also again clearing the way for myself to go forward. Not easy but I do so so so hope to grow stronger with each attempt.
My husband once told me that I have to accept myself for who I am. I shrugged his advice off and thought that after six months, a year, surely I will be my old self again. Which I am in fact, but not without panic disorder. Not without a new approach to life.
As soon as I neglect my approach and things get hectic...then I tumble down that deep dark well again and end up feeling miserable and very much alone (to quote TMT). I often check up in the forum but seldom post. I guess I need the essence or reminder that I am not fighting alone.
Alas, the truth is I am trying to accept myself. I want to change the things I can and work on it.
Keep us updated if you like. I hope your anniversary celebrations was pleasant!
yours,
L
Hello TMT hope your moving forward and staying strong :D
Hi,
I agree with you. Once the Panic/Anxiety attacks hit you then there is no way that you can stop it. I found out that the best cure for this is reassurance that you still have your friends and family around you and supports you. Don't give up you are not alone. I was able to managed my attacks by facing my fear and deal with it. Do some deep breathing exercise that can help you relax. Our brain is very powerful, if we think of happy thoughts and positive outlook it life we can attack positive energy as well.
Best of Luck,
Kris:)
TooMuchToLiveFor
15-11-20, 15:31
Good morning, Dragon Slayers!
Wow. I am currently walking through the beginning of taming the dragon with a dear friend. This site came to mind to share with her, and prompted me to go back and read through the thread in entirety.
Goodness. Saying how far I have come, and how intense the journey has been...would be an understatement!
I am wondering about the many friends that walked along side me during that time, and I am also wanting to post in this thread in that hopes that new friends may be helped in their journey.
I will be popping back on here more often, and will give a more thorough update later.
Much love to all of you warriors today!
Too Much
WiredIncorrectly
15-11-20, 16:29
Been on NMP for years. Never seen this post. Having a good old read through now thanks :)
Searchingforinfo
01-02-21, 01:15
Great post. I'm reading now. 👍👍
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