Crypton
30-12-13, 08:46
Hello guys, this might be a long post so in advance I apologize..
I am a 22yo male and have been suffing from anxiety since I was 17.
Growing up I was always alittle worried about certain things, I was never really emotionally strong, but I always tried to be.
When I was in highschool at the age of 14-15 one of my friends from school died of a heart attack (was born with the condition), this really rocked me since nobody close to me had died since this point.
I never really worried about dying of a heart attack at this point though.
at the age of 16 I got into my first proper relationship, I started drinking socially (getting pretty drunk) and smoking weed socially, and I am not going to lie I did have some fun times at the time.
Just before I turned 17 me and my ex broke up, I handled it pretty well and we both agreed we should break up.
After the break up I started seeing a lot more girls (flings) and started partying/drinking/smoking weed/ and was starting to get addicted to cigarettes.
When my troubles began.
After work one day I decided to buy my friend and I a heap of weed I got off my dealer friend, (turned out to be hydro stuff which is x2 as strong or something).
After taking 3 hits, I did not feel good at all, I could not chill out and laugh like I usually would after smoking, we decided to watch a scary movie (no idea why), during the movie I started zoning out and had 100% focus on my thoughts, I was thinking about my friend who died of a heart attack at school at the time, then all of a sudden, BAM! heart felt like it jumped out of my chest and was racing 100 mile an hour, this was my first anxiety attack and my friends reassured me I was ok.
Second attack.
Me and 2 other friends were at the beach one day, and thought we would order hot chips and walk up a headland and eat them overlooking the beach.
This attack was alot worse, I was 100% convinced I was having a heart attack, I almost fainted and I called the ambulance, the ambulance rocked up and told me it was a panic attack and was nothing serious...
After this, the phobia of having a heart attack began, I went to emergancy rooms atleast once a week. sore my local Dr once per 2 weeks, and got a ecg + blood test done and all came back fine, and got a X-ray + stress test and echo cardio gram thing and all came back sweet.
I stopped drinking / Smoking weed / and smoking cigarettes (thank god).
This went on for 1.5 years.
im 18 turning 19 in 6 months, I am on medication for my anxiety (trialed about 6 different ones and all made me feel x2 worse).
I was getting a little out of shape at 85kg (still looked fine though) and my normal body weight was 77kg roughly. (6ft tall).
so I decided to ditch the medication, and try to get fit again.
So I started lifting weights, 30minutes + of cardio everyday and eat smaller healthier meals.
I ended up getting in good lean shape, had a 6 pack and my anxiety was at a all time low.
And cardio is like my reasurence, if I can do intense cardio every day for 30minutes + it must be doing ok I figure.
My biggest anxiety attack of all time
This was truly terrifying, words cannot describe how brutal this attack was, I was 110% sure I was not going to make it, I had stayed awake for almost 48hours (yes I know this isnt good for anxiety) and I started feeling anxious, started having an anxiety attack, and my grandparents were there reassuring me I was ok, 5 minutes into the attack and my hands and feet start going numb, then my legs and arms, then my chest (this is when I was start freaking out), the ambulance rocked up, they took my blood pressure and it was 210, which is crazy high, eventually I calm down, and they forced me to walk to the ambulance, I was shaking so much, felt like my nervious system took a massive hit, and I went to the emergance and they sent me home within no time.
2 years goes by and I started getting pretty skinny due to having a image disorder and ate roughly 1800 calories per day and did so much cardio.
at 21 I still have a phobia of my heart. Had seen 4 heart specialist and had stress test and echo gram tests and still good as new, the reasurence from these test were short lived though (2months max) and I slowly fell into my old thinking habbits, I see my 5th heart specialist in april of 2013 and it was the same outcome.
So I decide to ditch my image disorder and start powerlifting and try to put on muscle, I still do cardio every day. I just make sure I eat the calories I burn.
But one night I was Cycling and looking at my heart rate / Calories counting watch when I was not feeling to good, and my pulse was at 190 (which I normally sit at 160, 170 max, and I freaked out then it jumped up to 210.
Long story short, drove out to the emergency and they told me I was fine aslong as theres no symptoms : /
and basically I still have almost no life apart from working out to combat my anxiety fears.
I dont smoke, drink, do drugs, no family history of heart attacks.
If you are still reading this post, I am extremely thankful that you are going out of your way to read all of this :)
Now my currently I feel like I might actually die of a heart attack.
I used to have athletes heart rate from so much cardio, 35-50 bpm was my average resting heart rate for a good year, now all of a sudden I cant get it below 50 and I wake up sometimes and its at 70. I know this is not high, but for me its abnormal since I still do alot of cardio and eat cleanly.
I am terrified I could talk myself into a heart attack (I feel like I am obsessed with having a heart attack) I think about it so much and it terrifies me.
I dont have a fear of dying, just dying from a heart attack scares me.
Sometimes when i relax at night, it feels like my heart skips / double beats and it wakes me up if im asleep and I will feel like im out of breath and have a massive pump of adrenaline.
I still get chest pains, and the fear of a heart attack stops me from living life...
I have had all the tests possible, my cholesterol was actually really low last time I had it done, I eat feel clean and count my macros and calories due to training, so I know my sodium / Saturated / trans / sugars are all in check, but yet I am still fearful.
I am currently 80kg in body weight on an empty stomache at the moment but in much better shape when I was this weight when I was 18-19...
Lately I was been calling my mum crying every night due to the fear of having a heart attack and have no idea what its going to take to convince me otherwise, I have even admitted to wanting to commit suicide just due to the fact my phobia is so strong and I would rather pick my own way to die.
I am not a suicidal person and I love life, I am just terrified of talking myself into a heart attack or something.
I am in tears writing this stuff down since the last 5 years have been agonizing and I feel like theres nothing more I can do to make the phobia stop, I exercise alot, I eat clean, I meditate, I have a good sleeping pattern now, and I am doing CBT therapy.
If anybody even thinks they could help me, even if its in the slightest possible way, Words could not describe how thankful I would be.
Thank you
...Bryce
I am a 22yo male and have been suffing from anxiety since I was 17.
Growing up I was always alittle worried about certain things, I was never really emotionally strong, but I always tried to be.
When I was in highschool at the age of 14-15 one of my friends from school died of a heart attack (was born with the condition), this really rocked me since nobody close to me had died since this point.
I never really worried about dying of a heart attack at this point though.
at the age of 16 I got into my first proper relationship, I started drinking socially (getting pretty drunk) and smoking weed socially, and I am not going to lie I did have some fun times at the time.
Just before I turned 17 me and my ex broke up, I handled it pretty well and we both agreed we should break up.
After the break up I started seeing a lot more girls (flings) and started partying/drinking/smoking weed/ and was starting to get addicted to cigarettes.
When my troubles began.
After work one day I decided to buy my friend and I a heap of weed I got off my dealer friend, (turned out to be hydro stuff which is x2 as strong or something).
After taking 3 hits, I did not feel good at all, I could not chill out and laugh like I usually would after smoking, we decided to watch a scary movie (no idea why), during the movie I started zoning out and had 100% focus on my thoughts, I was thinking about my friend who died of a heart attack at school at the time, then all of a sudden, BAM! heart felt like it jumped out of my chest and was racing 100 mile an hour, this was my first anxiety attack and my friends reassured me I was ok.
Second attack.
Me and 2 other friends were at the beach one day, and thought we would order hot chips and walk up a headland and eat them overlooking the beach.
This attack was alot worse, I was 100% convinced I was having a heart attack, I almost fainted and I called the ambulance, the ambulance rocked up and told me it was a panic attack and was nothing serious...
After this, the phobia of having a heart attack began, I went to emergancy rooms atleast once a week. sore my local Dr once per 2 weeks, and got a ecg + blood test done and all came back fine, and got a X-ray + stress test and echo cardio gram thing and all came back sweet.
I stopped drinking / Smoking weed / and smoking cigarettes (thank god).
This went on for 1.5 years.
im 18 turning 19 in 6 months, I am on medication for my anxiety (trialed about 6 different ones and all made me feel x2 worse).
I was getting a little out of shape at 85kg (still looked fine though) and my normal body weight was 77kg roughly. (6ft tall).
so I decided to ditch the medication, and try to get fit again.
So I started lifting weights, 30minutes + of cardio everyday and eat smaller healthier meals.
I ended up getting in good lean shape, had a 6 pack and my anxiety was at a all time low.
And cardio is like my reasurence, if I can do intense cardio every day for 30minutes + it must be doing ok I figure.
My biggest anxiety attack of all time
This was truly terrifying, words cannot describe how brutal this attack was, I was 110% sure I was not going to make it, I had stayed awake for almost 48hours (yes I know this isnt good for anxiety) and I started feeling anxious, started having an anxiety attack, and my grandparents were there reassuring me I was ok, 5 minutes into the attack and my hands and feet start going numb, then my legs and arms, then my chest (this is when I was start freaking out), the ambulance rocked up, they took my blood pressure and it was 210, which is crazy high, eventually I calm down, and they forced me to walk to the ambulance, I was shaking so much, felt like my nervious system took a massive hit, and I went to the emergance and they sent me home within no time.
2 years goes by and I started getting pretty skinny due to having a image disorder and ate roughly 1800 calories per day and did so much cardio.
at 21 I still have a phobia of my heart. Had seen 4 heart specialist and had stress test and echo gram tests and still good as new, the reasurence from these test were short lived though (2months max) and I slowly fell into my old thinking habbits, I see my 5th heart specialist in april of 2013 and it was the same outcome.
So I decide to ditch my image disorder and start powerlifting and try to put on muscle, I still do cardio every day. I just make sure I eat the calories I burn.
But one night I was Cycling and looking at my heart rate / Calories counting watch when I was not feeling to good, and my pulse was at 190 (which I normally sit at 160, 170 max, and I freaked out then it jumped up to 210.
Long story short, drove out to the emergency and they told me I was fine aslong as theres no symptoms : /
and basically I still have almost no life apart from working out to combat my anxiety fears.
I dont smoke, drink, do drugs, no family history of heart attacks.
If you are still reading this post, I am extremely thankful that you are going out of your way to read all of this :)
Now my currently I feel like I might actually die of a heart attack.
I used to have athletes heart rate from so much cardio, 35-50 bpm was my average resting heart rate for a good year, now all of a sudden I cant get it below 50 and I wake up sometimes and its at 70. I know this is not high, but for me its abnormal since I still do alot of cardio and eat cleanly.
I am terrified I could talk myself into a heart attack (I feel like I am obsessed with having a heart attack) I think about it so much and it terrifies me.
I dont have a fear of dying, just dying from a heart attack scares me.
Sometimes when i relax at night, it feels like my heart skips / double beats and it wakes me up if im asleep and I will feel like im out of breath and have a massive pump of adrenaline.
I still get chest pains, and the fear of a heart attack stops me from living life...
I have had all the tests possible, my cholesterol was actually really low last time I had it done, I eat feel clean and count my macros and calories due to training, so I know my sodium / Saturated / trans / sugars are all in check, but yet I am still fearful.
I am currently 80kg in body weight on an empty stomache at the moment but in much better shape when I was this weight when I was 18-19...
Lately I was been calling my mum crying every night due to the fear of having a heart attack and have no idea what its going to take to convince me otherwise, I have even admitted to wanting to commit suicide just due to the fact my phobia is so strong and I would rather pick my own way to die.
I am not a suicidal person and I love life, I am just terrified of talking myself into a heart attack or something.
I am in tears writing this stuff down since the last 5 years have been agonizing and I feel like theres nothing more I can do to make the phobia stop, I exercise alot, I eat clean, I meditate, I have a good sleeping pattern now, and I am doing CBT therapy.
If anybody even thinks they could help me, even if its in the slightest possible way, Words could not describe how thankful I would be.
Thank you
...Bryce