View Full Version : Stop feeling ugly

14-11-06, 11:22
I have a problem with social anxiety that I always think when I am around other people that I look ugly. I have red hair and freckles and I have been teased about these things growing up. So it makes me feel embarassed when walkng down the street or going out to clubs etc. I always think that people look at me and say to themselves that I am ugly.

I am pretty and alot of people tell me that but I put my head down when I go anywhere.

I want to feel confident and walk with my head held high and to stop thinking that other people are thinking things.

My husband is very good looking and was very popular at school with the girls and I think when we are down the street that people are saying "why is he with her."

I didn't really think much of it until I read this website.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can feel and be more confident?


14-11-06, 13:56
hi deb.
i know just how you feel. i've always felt ugly too and school didnt help with lots of teasing. on the rare occassions i go out with my friend i notice that all the blokes give her loads of looks and i feel completely invisible. i always feel like the ugly friend and if i see someone good looking in the street i go a different way cos i couldnt bear for them to see me.
not very much advice here i know but thought it might help to know you're not alone.
anyway, you have a hubby so he obviously thinks you're lovely!


14-11-06, 14:31
Hello fellow copper head!!I too have the red hair,i used to hate it when i was young ,but now i am 51 and dont have grey hair just golden /copper locks i am glad i was born a ginger nut!!Hey ,the ugly thing,hunny ,i could write a book,then use it to cover my face..I LOATHE MY LOOKS..FEEL REPULSIVE AND DEFORMED!!So i do understand where you are coming from,cept you said ....' am pretty.....'now this is good !You know you are pretty but your lack of self esteem is stopping you believing it!Look in the mirror every day and say ..i am beautiful...go on do it,you will believe it eventually!Having a hunky hubby can make us women insecure but hey he chose you.Now,,there is nothing more offputting than your other half hiding them selves away,the lowering of the face,hiding behind the hair[tho we couldnt do that really,it being like a pillar box..are you smiling yet!!??]...be proud of who you are,do not compare yourself to others and be the beauitiful,and unusal red head you were born to be,...that is an order!!Loads of love Mary Rose[yep!At least you were not lumbered with a ridiculous name too!!!lol!!]xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

14-11-06, 17:47
Hi Deb,dont put your self down girl.I used to be exactly the same as my ears stick out.Now I have had my hair cut short and I have my hair some days behind my ears.I used to be picked on at school,but now I dont care if people look at me.I to have a social phobia.Your husband loves you very much and maybe he was popular with the girls at school,but he married you.
Freckles are cute,and red hair.Have you tried having a new style or highlites,just to make you feel good.I always feel nice when Iv had my hair done,and Iv had all different colours.;)

Ellen XX

14-11-06, 19:13
Your husband is very good looking and why is he with you? Because he loves you just the way you are!!!

When I was going through adolescence I fely ugly and unwanted, stupid sticky out hair, spots and no one interested in being my girlfriend..not that I really knew how to go about it. It was just a phase and I turned that corner eventually...although still feel very adolescent at times...body just can't keep upthough!!

I feel the others have hit the nail on the head with their comments too.

Take care


Laissez les bon temp roulez

14-11-06, 22:40
Thankyou all for your responses. They made me smile.

I am going to try hard to be more self confident especially in social situations where I stay quiet to hide.

Thankyou all again.


16-11-06, 12:48
Hi Deb....
If you're pretty and people tell you your pretty why hide your face? You should be proud of the way you look (and even prouder you have a hot man next to you!)
Me...on the other hand, i am CONSTANTLY told my face looks a mess (acne scarring), i'm told my hair looks untidy and my husband has regulary told me that i look "scanky", that i am "Unattractive and unsexy" and my "Clothes are s**t".
I was bullied at school for being fat and ugly (with horrendous teeth), and the comments continue now...16 years on!!!!!
Whenever i go out with my husband particulary, i always walk in front of him, we NEVER walk together, 'cause i KNOW how he feels about me and IF HE DOES, WHAT THE HELL DO STRANGERS THINK? More often than not i wear a big hat and sunglasses so half my face is covered up.
To say i feel ugly is an understatment, i was once told that the best thing for me to do is get a big rubber (eraser) and rub myself out and start again.
I hate me!

19-11-06, 17:12
Hi Sarah

I think it is your husband that needs rubbing out and starting again. Everyone is attractive in some way, except your husband who is obviously ugly inside.


20-11-06, 23:27
It seems to be more and more common now that girls and even guys go round with inferiority complexes about how they look. Whether it's due to the over-critical media, the constant bombardment of airbrushed models on adverts and cosmetic surgery celebs I don't know. But, at least we can know we are not alone, many ppl openly admit feeling ugly, and most are not. It is a bit of a cliche and has been said before but "beauty is only skin deep". In a way i feel sorry for attractive ppl because for many this is what they are mainly viewed as their only quality, also many girls in particular get treated a lot more favourably becasue of good looks, but this doesn't mean they are happy on the inside. To be honest if people really see attractiveness as such an important quality (which i'm sure most intelligent ppl don't) then they are worse ppl for it. OK, i'll shut up now...

21-11-06, 18:38
debster, I know the feeling too! I'm pretty sure that I'm ugly too, although people tell me otherwise, including my partner. But I feel that they are being polite, its nicer to say "you're pretty" rahter than saying you're ugly.

I totally agree with Confused, I think the way that the media indiactes 'beauty' is making it too unrealistic. Everywhere I seem to look are these beautiful pictures of gorgeous women, scantly clad, looking stunning...perfect hair, perfect skin, etrc etc...its a tall order to live up to. We look at these images as a form of understanding what beauty is. When have you ever seen an 'average' looking women advertising something on tv or in another advert? And all those lads mags dont help either...intersting that they don't really have a female equivalent.....they have tried, but failed!

However, the pressure is also on for men too. I was talking a while ago about it with my partner and he said he feels the pressure of conforming to the medias view of what a man looks like. Funny thing is, I dont really notice it and I think my man is sex on legs! So both men and women face the daily pressure of looking good in the media's eyes.

Sarachc, I'm not going to sit here and judge on your relationship, but what you said about how your husband treats you looks wise, I'm worried hun. Like smithjam said, hes the ugly one on the inside. Thats just awful.

Trying to live up to modern day expectations of beauty are hard, if not impossible and I certainly look in the mirror (if I'm brave enough) and sigh....

22-11-06, 23:07
I am going to add to my social anxiety that during job interviews and when I talk to some people etc I get really nervous that I get a red blotchy rash on my neck and I find this then adds to the whole nerves because I know that it is going to happen before I even get there and that is all I am thinking about the whole time. I am so embarrased by it.

I know other people get this, but can you help me to deal with this or is there something that will help.


23-11-06, 17:25

Just like to say there is nothing wrong with red hair and freckles, in fact it is quite attractive.


23-11-06, 23:02
Thankyou smithjam. That's what my husband thinks as well.

23-11-06, 23:16
I am just blotchy all the time what with my acne and scars...!!!
Just a big ole' mess.

23-11-06, 23:26
Red hair and freckles - how cute is that!! I see loads of women colouring their hair to make it red, so be glad you got yours for free.

Sarah - much like the others I don't want to judge your relationship but when a person says those sort of things I'm tempted to think they have some insecurity issues of their own!!!

I was the skinniest child ever and cos it was the fashion (well it was where I grew up) to have short hair I think I often looked like a little lad. I remember a lad laughing at me in my halter neck top and calling me 2 backs cos of my flat chest!! Oh the mortification - I was devastated and it ruined the school disco for me. I tell you what though I'm a 36DD these days and not so skinny anymore (yes Piglet we know you eat Pringles).

Some of the most beautiful people I have ever met have not been beautiful in the accepted sense - and some of the unkindest cruellest people l have met have looked good on the outside till you got to know them that is - it really is an inside job!:)

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

11-12-06, 21:06
I got no hair at all it fell out ;)

17-12-06, 21:24
Hi Debs,
I know how you feel,I have red hair to and my face is not the "nice"pear shape.I get afraid to go out side. where ever I go people just have to have a good stare it does my head in.My husband says he likes me the way I am.I think if thats so then why do you stare at sluts.And when someone whos classed as pretty gets a nicer you than I do.I dont want to feel so bad about myself.And I know that if looks were not the big issue in this world than I reacon I would feel happy again.
I am so parinod about my face and body that I have to change it no matter what I do.Like I feel I have to brush my hair every 5 mins sometimes I am so angry whilst brushing it I make my head bleed.
bye kat

17-12-06, 22:28

Try this website - I think red heads are stunning and as my husband often says "you laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same"

Be proud - you are unique

24-12-06, 21:14
I think red hair and freckles are good things for a girl to have. Kee-yute!

31-12-06, 16:46
the one thing that hurts the most is not being able to open up and engage in everyday things. Going out and such, because I have such a horrible feeling about how I look. I, too, look down when I walk all the time. When I am with anyone I look down. I dont have any real close friends or whatnot, because I feel like I am too ugly and have nothing as an individual to offer to anyone. So i 'punish' myself by staying in my room and doing nothing, besides school and work of course.

I like shopping. I have stopped doig that as well. All i think about when i shop is how everyone looks so beautiful, and I look different. I see myself in those big mirrors they have and it hurts so bad inside. So, I dont go shopping, anymore.

I am 20. I am too young for this. I dont want to waste my life anymore. I am missing out on so many things and it hurts so badly, but I dont know what to do. I am so weak, I can't change anything.

Can someone tell me what they have done to help get rid of some of that anxiety they have because of their looks...any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

it only hurts when im breathing

05-01-07, 07:58
I love reading everyone's replies as they make me smile.

I went to my work xmas party and was talking to a guy and all I could think about was that I am ugly and have horrible hair. I was weondering if he was thinking the same also. Did the same New Years.

I would just like to enjoy social occassions without these thoughts as I do not go out very often.


10-01-07, 15:15
Hi Debs,sarah and all!Welli for one have joined the above redhead site and have bought a t-shirt and a car sticker!!Thanks for that J!My husband also unsulted me,put me on a diet at our wedding reception!Said from the side i looked as tho i had walkedinto a brick wall..mmmm nice I DIVORCED HIM!!Be wary of those who insult you folks it is usually their own inadequacies that make them so cruel,it's a power thing!Sarah Hun,you sound to me as tho you have body dismorphia and need to see your dr to get you some prper councelling hun.You are so young,dont waste your life hiding in shadows,Pm if you like..remeber the song..cause i am beautiful in every single way..so dont you put me down today!!Much love to you all.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

10-01-07, 15:26
Nice one Paddington. Your comment about other people laying their 'stuff' on you is oh so true.

The trouble is that if you're already hurting from a ton of stuff that's been dumped on you, often by 'well meaning' people of the 'it's for your own good' etc brigade it's hard to filter good messages from the rubbish.

In fact there are tons of people walking down streets right now thinking, 'I bet they hate me' ' I bet they think I'm ugly' etc. You're the brave one for talking about what you feel.

Somehere you were sold a bad deal. You're not ugly but that's not how you remember it.

Perhaps the reason why you have 'social anxiety' isn't totally related to red hair etc, but something somewhere set up those thoughts.

Taken to its extreme meds can help mask the feelings but perhaps at some stage you might want to discuss how you feel with someone. Perhaps then you can let those feelings go - as they won't serve you any purposes any more.

Whatever you do, good luck


23-01-07, 12:12
Hi everyone,

After a couple of hypnotherapy sessions to help anxiety I feel so much better.

This time when I went I asked him to help me with self confidence and that I don't want to hide behind everyone.

I will let you know in a couple of weeks if this has helped me.


23-01-07, 19:37
I know what you mean deb,i used to hate people looking at me,particularly men,since my rape memories came up in counselling last year.I know that im pretty too,but it doesnt matter how much people tell you you are,you have to believe it yourself.I lost all sense of who i was,so i didnt know who i was any longer.But that has been a positive thing for me,because ive since realised that you are who you believe you are,form follows thought etc.What you beleive is who you are,so if you believe you are pretty then you are,simple as that.You sound gorgeous to me,I love women with red hair..sorry,was getting carried away there!You know what i also thought lately? just who are these magical 'people' out there that think the things we think they do.Even if people think that we are bad,or whatever,it is just their opinion,not a fact.Nobody knows us better than we know ourselves.Maybe try thinking how lucky your husband is,to have met a beautiful woman like you,instead.There is more than one way to skin a cat...ie different ways to see things,if you see what i mean...

23-01-07, 19:42
oh and another thing,have you tried meridian therapy? I have been using it for my claustrophobia,and its great.Its based on the fact that the subconscious mind takes literally everything you tell yourself about yourself.So if you say to yourself,'i am ugly' then you will be.To do it,you have to tap your temples on your forehead and say something like 'i love and accept myself unconditionally'.It sounds daft,but it really works.You might have to do it several times a day for several months,but you will eventually believe it.

24-01-07, 14:51
i also want to stop feeling ugly. but i fell that way for 15 years now. i hate my body and my face. i used to think that everything would be better if i was beautiful.
it is so hard to start liking yourself because i am only looking at my inperfections.
when i look myself in the mirror i just hate myself......
i hope thing will get better!!!!

02-03-07, 20:21
I can relate to a lot that has been said on this thread too. I want to share my thoughts with someone but the trouble is I feel too embarrassed to do this on a public thread. Maybe this makes me inferior, I dunno. Anyway if there's anyone who doesn't mind me PMing them let me know.