So afaird of intrusive thoughts

[CazzMarie]

I have had problems with anxiety for a while but recently I have been having intrusive thoughts with it. I am also currently seeing a Neurologist because I have suspected partial or absence seziures, where I kind of go into a rather dream like state and I have trouble remembering afterwards. I normally get a warning beforehand, which is a rising feeling in my stomach and deja vu. I usually look for comfort, like ask my mam for a hug to try and snap me out of it. This is due to be investigated. What is worrying me so much is that I will lose control of myself during one of these episodes. Because I don't remember afterwards and it takes me a little while to feel normal again, and I have to ask other people, who were present what I did during. I do think I am aware what I am doing during, but it is a rather dream like state and it is just after that I don't remember. But I'm so afaird that I will hurt someone.
I would never intensionly hurt anyone, especially not someone I love.
But these intrusive thoughts are making me believe I will hurt someone during these episodes and not be able to control myself. It's making me so afaird to sleep, incase I sleepwalk, something I have never done, and hurt someone I love in my sleep. The fear seems so real and scares me so much.
I feel so ashamed at having these thoughs, as I would never want to harm anyone.
I am so afaird I'm going crazy.

[Bonnibelle]

You're not going crazy. I'm going through a similar fear. I wake in the night fearing what if I've hurt my children. I run into their rooms to check they're ok.

It's a horrible intrusive thought.

Have a chat with your doctor, I'm sure they'll be able to make you feel better about these fears. They are anxiety fueled, my gp told me I have anxiety and OCD.

[Oosh]

It's anxiety, fear, suggestion, imagination. To fear you're gonna lose control is classic. But that's all it is.

Imagine a man on a plane. Starts imagining all sorts of nightmare scenarios. The next thing he's panicking and screaming we're all gonna die.
The plane isn't gonna crash and they're not all gonna die.
All that's true is he's scared himself with his imagination.

See what you see in your imagination for what it is and forget.
You know what it is, imagination, don't explore it, you'll feed it.
Instantly forget it and focus on something else.

You're in control of what you focus on.

[CazzMarie]

Thank you so much for your replies.
Bonnibelle I do the same thing, I always go to check on my children as I fear I have hurt them.

I am so scared that I feel bad for even going to sleep as I see this as me putting others at risk.

I mean, even if I am having partial seziures or absence seziures would I hurt someone?
Or after never sleepwalking would I start now?

[Bonnibelle]

Thats a great way to think of these thoughts, thank you so much, that's helped me a lot xx


It's anxiety, fear, suggestion, imagination. To fear you're gonna lose control is classic. But that's all it is.

Imagine a man on a plane. Starts imagining all sorts of nightmare scenarios. The next thing he's panicking and screaming we're all gonna die.
The plane isn't gonna crash and they're not all gonna die.
All that's true is he's scared himself with his imagination.

See what you see in your imagination for what it is and forget.
You know what it is, imagination, don't explore it, you'll feed it.
Instantly forget it and focus on something else.

You're in control of what you focus on.

---------- Post added at 20:45 ---------- Previous post was at 20:43 ----------

You're not going to hurt anyone. I wake in the night scared incase I've done something whilst sleep walking or something. It terrifies me but I realise it's my OCD making me think that. Your thoughts are very similar to mine.

Your health condition won't make you hurt your children. There's no reason why that would happen. You have to believe its intrusive thinking.

Xx
Thank you so much for your replies.
Bonnibelle I do the same thing, I always go to check on my children as I fear I have hurt them.

I am so scared that I feel bad for even going to sleep as I see this as me putting others at risk.

I mean, even if I am having partial seziures or absence seziures would I hurt someone?
Or after never sleepwalking would I start now?

[CazzMarie]

Thank you so much for your reply.
it is hard to convince yourself that things will be okay, it is much easier to convince yourself that something terrible is going to happen.
Sorry if I am being a Burden.
Just very scared!

[Bonnibelle]

You're not a burden at all. I can relate to your fears. I don't know if you've seen my posts on here but I've been suffering from horrific intrusive thoughts about harming myself or my children. I find it so hard to believe it's just anxiety and that I'm not suicidal. I worry daily.

Xx


Thank you so much for your reply.
it is hard to convince yourself that things will be okay, it is much easier to convince yourself that something terrible is going to happen.
Sorry if I am being a Burden.
Just very scared!

[bluebottle]

The mind isn't us. OK? If you look into mindfulness they'll explore this more.
Please get into mindfulness, it is a life saver.

[Bonnibelle]

Can you recommend some good reading on mindfulness?

QUOTE=bluebottle;1259805]The mind isn't us. OK? If you look into mindfulness they'll explore this more.
Please get into mindfulness, it is a life saver.[/QUOTE]

[CazzMarie]

It is terrifying, cannot get it off my mind and I find myself dreading night time as I just don't want those thoughts and that fear.
I try and tell myself it is intrusive thinking and it will not happen, but then I think, what if.

So scared I am going crazy.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

[Bonnibelle]

I feel the same at night time. I also worry about losing control and I'm going crazy.

It's all anxiety and OCD.

[CazzMarie]

I fear this too. I am terrified of this.
Seems to be worse also when I am feeling poorly. I'm also having trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep.

What can I do to stop this?

[bluebottle]

Can you recommend some good reading on mindfulness?

The Mindful Way Through Depression http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mindful-Way-Through-Depression/dp/1593851286

This stuff is on YouTube too. Good luck.

[CazzMarie]

I am very scared to mention these intrusive thoughts to my doctor.

[Bonnibelle]

Don't be. Look at my posts and what I've told 3 GP's, all not at all concerned. I thought I'd lose my children or be locked up myself. My gp laughed when I said that.

---------- Post added at 01:40 ---------- Previous post was at 01:39 ----------

Thank you :)


The Mindful Way Through Depression http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mindful-Way-Through-Depression/dp/1593851286

This stuff is on YouTube too. Good luck.

[CazzMarie]

I'm so scared I would lose them or get locked up.
That is why I'm afaird to tell them. I feel so ashamed at having these thoughs as I love my children more than anything, as I know you do.

I want these thoughs to stop now

[Oosh]

Don't fear the thoughts , forget the thoughts.

You've got yourselves into a habit now. And you may think you're actively trying to forget the thoughts but it doesn't sound like you are.
It sounds like you're saying they won't happen but knowing/fearing/dreading they will. This keeps them in your mind.

Trick is to genuinely distract yourself so for a certain amount of time you HAVE forgotten them.
Throw yourself into something that absolutely needs your attention or something you enjoy.
Then, you know and I know they're going to pop back into your mind, because that's what yours and everyone's mind does.

(Mindfulness is developing the ability to stand back and observe your thoughts. From that perspective your thoughts are then not you because they can't be if you are observing them. You observe the river of gobbledygook passing through your mind and let it keep flowing.)

Now, at first it may be only seconds before any thoughts you don't want pop back in there. Instead of holding onto the thought, thinking somehow you can solve it, immediately break that habit/pattern up by thinking/doing something else or even just drowning the thought out with noise in your mind so the thought/feeling can't properly form/develop/complete.
I use to fill my mind with SHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Or repeat shut up shut up shut up to stop it even completing.
Interrupt, break it up, replace it.
It's the first step of breaking the habit you've gotten into.

Then the important thing is to replace the thought.
Shopping, plans for this year, interests, a book, a list of positive things you can do fir your children this week, ANYTHING.
The important thing is to stop it in its tracks before it forms, break it up and replace and forget. GENUINELY FORGET.

I do not mean "oh yeh err make a cup of tea for everyone and put TV on. Oh it happened again didn't it. Why won't it stop"

I mean...

"What if I ... SHHHHHHHHHHH (drown it out with whatever words, sounds you want so it is immediately stopped) 100 99 98 97 96 , what am I doing tomorrow to move forward, that's right, more exercise, I wanted those new shoes, laptop, what was the site, what else, a good distracting book, search amazon best sellers, ill do it now, (the more distractions, the more it fades and becomes buried, the more it's buried the bigger distance between you and it.) take that thing into work, get it now (you've forgotten)

At first you'll learn to break it up briefly but it'll become longer and longer until one month when it pops back in there, you'll be inclined to grab it and hold onto it again because with it will come a hike in anxiety that leaves you numb and empty so it'll be hard to carry on. But you'll just do this again.
SHHHHHHHH etc Stop it, break it up, bury it, forget it.

The habit, will break and a new habit will develop.

I used to think thinking about the worry was the thing to do.
But I realised that when I was thinking of OTHER THINGS was when I was free and normal. The trick is learning to spend your time there and completely forgetting. They get smaller, weaker and so much easier to break up and squash.

If you have too much time on your hands to think then fill it !

[CazzMarie]

Thank you for your reply.

I do try to break this habit, by distracing myself with something. I just haven't been successful yet.

This is affecting me during the day alot now too, I am questioning my sanity and questioning can I trust myself and scaring myself into thinking they are urges. Although please be assured I would never want to do anything to hurt anyone.
Could you give me some advice on how to explain this to my Doctor without him having me sectioned or taking my children from me?

[Bonnibelle]

Be honest. Read my posts on here, 100% I am the same and going through the same fears as you. I was totally honest with my GP and I cried my heart out.

I am still here as are my children.

This is OCD, he/she will tell you that and sympathise with you. Join a good OCD board and you will get some fantastic support and understanding. Feel free to pm me.

Do go and see your GP, you will feel so much better when you do. I did and it was helpful to know I wasn't going crazy, I thought I was evil and dangerous before I saw him. xxx