View Full Version : Scared and Nervous
I have never seen a human being in such pain. My Dad may have bone cancer or some cancer that has metastasized to the spine. It appears that I have become the primary care giver. Oxycodone every four hours isn't even cutting this pain. He is confused and doesn't know where he is and doesn't know if it's snowing or sunny. Now we have complete loss of bladder control.
I have called my brothers because I already need a break. I am scared and I don't want to be anxious. I don't want to have a panic attack. I am trying to just breathe and tell myself this is anxiety. I know it is but I HATE this feeling.
hangingbasket
31-12-13, 22:02
Tanner.. I'm so sorry to hear this.
I have just lost my mum to metastatic breast cancer in the bones and liver. It's a horrible thing to watch someone go through and I have no idea how you can possibly get enough support to care for your father at home.
Is there an option of him moving to a hospital or hospice where they can manage his symptoms better?
My mum had fantastic care in the hospice she was in.
Tanner can you get on to a macmillian nurse they can help with pain control and if need be get your dad into a hospice thinking of you Simi
Damn Tanner... I'm sorry!
Ok listen, I've been in that kind of pain. You're absolutely delirious and confused because you just can't think straight between the pain and the drugs.
It's good to call your brothers but from what you're describing, he needs to be at the hospital. I know it's a few days until he's seen, assessed and a team is assembled but if he's hurting that bad, he needs to be knocked out. We're talking straight morphine type knocked out or at the very least Fentynal patches. I went from oxycodone (20mg every 3-4 hours) to oxycontin (stronger time released) to the patch and that finally took the edge off. I didn't know where or who I was for a while but at least I didn't hurt.
Hospice is not emergency service and takes time to arrange and won't be until your Dad is diagnosed and it's determined where he's at.
My thoughts and prayers are with you...
Positive thoughts
Thanks everyone for all of the support. I'm just now responding because we had to call an ambulance at about 6:30 PM last evening. Fishmanpa and HB, you were absolutely right. We were not going to be able that level of pain until the pain cycle was broken. For a two hour period he had no use of his legs, due to the lesion pressing on the spinal column. Thus, the ambulance.
The hospital went ahead and did the MRI that was recommended by his oncologist, and the spinal lesion is definitely a cancer. The oncologist and a neurologist both feel that the cancer is a metastasis from a primary site. They did admit him and today, they are doing a needle biopsy of the lesion to determine the type of cancer and the possible staging.
Luckily, I am very familiar with Hospice, as my partner is a Hospice RN. We also used Hospice for my Mom and they were wonderful.
I am tired this morning but coping well. Every time I walked through the ER waiting room, I went past tens of people with the flu. I keep telling myself if I get it, I get it. Deal with one thing at a time. Funny place for someone with HA to ring in the New Year, at th ER. And not for myself and my "symptoms". The irony of it definitely wasn't lost on me.
TooMuchToLiveFor
01-01-14, 17:18
Hey Tanner,
I am glad to hear you were able to get some professional help for your dad last night. I know you must be exhausted today. Maybe buck up with a little extra vitamin C and D?
Know that so many people here have you and your family in their loving thoughts and prayers. :hugs:
Thanks Too Much. Back at the hospital now. A definite must on the extra vitamins. Now that he is admitted, things are moving more slowly. At least I can pause to catch a breath.
TooMuchToLiveFor
01-01-14, 17:55
Yes, he is receiving the most efficient care he can now, and you can have a bit of breathing space for yourself and relief knowing that he will (hopefully) receive some stronger pain relief.
Glad to hear he's getting the attention and care he needs. You have to be exhausted but I have to say, based on your posts, you seem to be handling things well. Make sure you get some Tanner time despite what's going on. You're useless to anyone if you're hurting yourself.
Words cannot express my feelings adequately as I know intimately the kind of pain that cancer brings and what you're going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Positive thoughts
MRS STRESS ED
01-01-14, 18:46
Tanner so sorry to hear your dads so poorly, I know how hard it can be, you will both be in my prayers :hugs:
Praying for you and your Dad and your family! I'm so very sorry. *hugs*
Thanks Too Much, Fishmanpa, and Mrs. Stress. I am tring my best to get some time for myself. The biggest problem I'm finding is that I've always had a bit of a contentious relationship with my Dad, due to my younger brothers death.
Dad is a horrible patient and tends to get sarcastic and mean. I have to work very hard not to take it personal. His outbreaks of sarcasm and meanness call up some bad childhood memories.
I just have to continue to remember this is not about me.
MRS STRESS ED
01-01-14, 20:35
Tanner this shows what a lovely person you must be, try and take some time for you if you can, sounds like you got alot to cope with, I Know its hard but you need time for yourself take care xx
cloudbusting
01-01-14, 20:37
Am so sorry to read this, Tanner. I know it is hard but remember to try to look after yourself and, should the anxious feelings spill over, then let them and don't resist. It's only natural as you are upset at the moment.
Big hugs to you x
clover1201
01-01-14, 21:22
So sorry tanner, must be very very difficult. Take good care of yourself. God bless.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I know how hard this is as I have been through the same situation with my Dad. Try and take time out even for just short spells. He is in the right place though and insure they will do everything they can for him
Thanks to everyone who has commented and sent well wishes and prayers. It's certainly been a long day, but I managed to leave the hospital at 7:00PM and am home now trying to unwind. Dysfunctional families just make life and choices more difficult. I just keep telling myself that I can't control anything but my own reactions.
Much love and appreciation to each of you. I can't begin to tell you what your words, thoughts and gestures continue to mean to me.
I feel for you Tanner,I can only hope things get easier for you as time goes on
Thinking of you.
Take care of yourself.
:hugs:
Breathing through this morning. Yesterday, between my Father's total confusion, screaming at me and pushing and hitting the nurses, and my younger brothers contentious attitude, the day definitely took it's toll on me. I was extremely stressed when I went to bed and had bad dreams along with restless sleep.
I woke up this morning, feeling much the way I did a couple of months ago. Tight muscles, nausea, aching arms and legs, very tight chest and rapid, shallow breathing.
I know this is anxiety and have managed to calm myself down. I have written in my journal. I went back and read my old posts on NMP, and YES, this is anxiety. My stress level has been tremendous. I think that I will feel better once I speak with my boss at work and come up with a game plan on that front. I'm very conscientious about work, and missing work is really bothering me. Getting a plan together around work will help me tremendously.
TooMuchToLiveFor
02-01-14, 13:16
Yes, getting a game plan together will definitely help. Those "loose ends" tend to make us feel even more unraveled when things are rocky.
You are doing great. Amazing job for recognizing your anxiety (adrenaline) for what it is, and not being scared of it. Yucky, yucky in the feeling department (I am right there with you this morning concerning those physical symptoms.), but as you keep working through them they will lessen. You can do it.
Lol-- my dragon wants to know if your dragon wants to get together for a playdate. I already told her no. She is grounded until she can behave.
A plateaus sounds good, but our dragons need to stay at home. I'm trying to give mine a one way ticket to Siberia but she doesn't like the idea.
---------- Post added at 13:33 ---------- Previous post was at 13:32 ----------
Should have been play date. Damn auto correct. Lol
TooMuchToLiveFor
02-01-14, 13:34
:D
Good for you for recognizing your anxiety symptoms. Praying for you and your today! :hugs:
Thinking of you Tanner what your going through reminds so much of what I went through with my mum she just pushed me away and in the end stopped eating and taking meds, very hard to cope with, just stay as strong as you can, thinking and praying for you. Simi
Thanks Simi. I know that you understand what it's like. My Dad is such a bad patient and it makes this so much more stressful. My one brother is arguing and sarcastic which doesn't help anyone. I've been handling it pretty well until this morning. My general anxiety level is high and my brain is spinning in circles.
Dear Tanner, I'm so sorry to hear this news, what a shock it must be for you and your family. It sounds like things have been very tough dealing with your Dad, I hope that he can get the right help he needs.
Try not to worry too much about how you're feeling. This isn't anxiety as you've known it before, what you're feeling right now is a totally normal stress reaction to a major life problem. Anyone would feel the way you do right now, so don't worry that your anxiety as you used to know it is coming back - you know far too much about how it works and how to deal with it for that to ever happen to you again.
It's OK to feel stressed, worried, anxious and not sleep well, given the circumstances it's all understandable. On top of all of that you've been dealing with so much over the last few months, trying to get on top of your anxiety - all of that is going to be tough on you.
So just continue to be gentle with yourself, make those plans to help you get through it and do whatever you can to reduce those stress levels. Just keep breathing, we're all here for you and will help you through xx
I'm so sorry!! Wish there was something to say or do to make u feel better :( xxx
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