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View Full Version : self destructive day. back on the wagon tomorrow!



hangingbasket
02-01-14, 20:27
So this evening I feel pretty crappy. My throat feels funny and I am very aware of my swallowing. I feel like I have a temperature (I dont own a thermometer so idk), my ribs ache, my head hurts and my anxiety levels are very high. I feel warm and tired and generally unwell.

Now...... it's my own fault!!

I woke up this morning and was aware of waking up in the night sweating. So..... I googled night sweats. How stupid?? I've been doing so well with not googling. It's been ages since I've done it and dont know what came over me. So this began to raise my anxiety levels. Then after being up for an hour or so... I got on the scales and weighed myself. Another thing I've not done for a while. This used to provoke my anxiety so I stopped it.
By tonight, I'll admit... I even did a pretty detailed poop check!! I'm so disappointed how I've given into these things today. Why do we do it?

And sure enough... now I feel awful and I'm feeling like there is something wrong with me. I'm tempted to look into possible reasons why I might be feeling warm or possible causes of a high temperature. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to make myself feel any worse.

It just goes to show that these things we do/dont do to make ourselves feel better are things that need to be stuck to. No days off and no slip ups. I feel very disappointed in myself, and very anxious. Tomorrow is another day and I'm determined to feel better.

Leslie735
02-01-14, 20:47
I'm sorry you are struggling today. Yesterday was a big struggle for me and I did a lot fo the same things. I hope you feel better soon!

Fishmanpa
02-01-14, 21:00
So this evening I feel pretty crappy. My throat feels funny and I am very aware of my swallowing. I feel like I have a temperature (I dont own a thermometer so idk), my ribs ache, my head hurts and my anxiety levels are very high. I feel warm and tired and generally unwell.

Now...... it's my own fault!!

I woke up this morning and was aware of waking up in the night sweating. So..... I googled night sweats. How stupid?? I've been doing so well with not googling. It's been ages since I've done it and dont know what came over me. So this began to raise my anxiety levels. Then after being up for an hour or so... I got on the scales and weighed myself. Another thing I've not done for a while. This used to provoke my anxiety so I stopped it.
By tonight, I'll admit... I even did a pretty detailed poop check!! I'm so disappointed how I've given into these things today. Why do we do it?

And sure enough... now I feel awful and I'm feeling like there is something wrong with me. I'm tempted to look into possible reasons why I might be feeling warm or possible causes of a high temperature. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to make myself feel any worse.

It just goes to show that these things we do/dont do to make ourselves feel better are things that need to be stuck to. No days off and no slip ups. I feel very disappointed in myself, and very anxious. Tomorrow is another day and I'm determined to feel better.

A lot of rationality and recognition in your post. A big difference from not too long ago. Back on the wagon tomorrow and no poop checks ;) (what is the obsession with poo and HA? I've never seen anything like it!)

Positive thoughts

hangingbasket
02-01-14, 21:04
Oh FMP your comments do make me smile :)

I can see what I've done wrong and I'm annoyed at myself for letting it happen but at least I know right? I know it was my own fault and I know what to do differently tomorrow morning. So.. that's definitely an improvement!!

And poo.... without poo my anxiety would never have even started. Poo is like the devil!!

Fishmanpa
02-01-14, 21:15
Oh FMP your comments do make me smile :)

I can see what I've done wrong and I'm annoyed at myself for letting it happen but at least I know right? I know it was my own fault and I know what to do differently tomorrow morning. So.. that's definitely an improvement!!

And poo.... without poo my anxiety would never have even started. Poo is like the devil!!

I just read an article that dogs like to poo based on the earth's magnetic field, facing in a North/South orientation. Maybe we're built that same way (thinking of bringing a compass to the bathroom next time just to test my theory ~lol~).

So you're saying that the devil's name should be Lucipoofer?

Positive thoughts

TooMuchToLiveFor
03-01-14, 03:39
Lol- FMP!!!

HB- you can do it! You may have slipped today, but you haven't fallen! You sound strong and rational tonight!

Tanner40
03-01-14, 04:40
HB - you're doing great. You are recognizing the irrational thought process. We all have slips ups and you should be proud of yourself for recognizing it. Right back on track tomorrow. Were all allowed one here or there. Great job!

hangingbasket
03-01-14, 08:34
Thank you guys. Today is going to be better. I'm sure of it.
I really appreciate the support I get from this forum :)