Marie1994
02-01-14, 23:44
Hi all, I am relatively new to these forums, so I suppose I will just give it a go.
I have suffered with POCD, Clinical Depression and Anxiety for almost all of my life. (I am 20.) It was not until around late 2009 that I began to have intrusive thoughts, mostly about things that seem common among these forums - suicide, harming others, etc. It was incredibly hard to deal with then but seemed to fade away gradually with time. I took no medicine at the time and I would guess that these feelings lasted around half a year - possibly a bit more.
This past summer, it all came back 100x worse than before. I was in and out of the hospital for my horrible Anxiety, and finally put on (gradually) 150 mg of Zoloft a day, which has helped TREMENDOUSLY. I have had no side affects and find the medicine quite helpful with my struggling.
However, I find from time to time that these intrusive thoughts come crawling back, although they are not as prominent and in the front of my mind as they were before. The thing that troubles me the most now is that before when I would get these thoughts, a terrible, anxious feeling would come over me and I would feel incredibly depressed and overwhelmed. Now, I do not seem to get that feeling, so I worry that I actually want to act on these thoughts, which is awful in itself. I feel so guilty and confused by it all, and it really drives me insane! I feel like I am a horrible human being that wants to commit these actions.
Sometimes I still feel as though I am at rock bottom and it is very easy to feel hopeless and insignificant. I am currently going through CBT which is somewhat helpful, but sometimes the holiday letdown and being on break from college really gets to me! I also (sometimes) struggle with the fact that I have all these mental "disorders", although I know they are no different than an illness such as Diabetes, it just affects the brain. I just wish there was not such a stigma attached to it all.
I apologize for the length of this post, but I suppose I am just looking for some reassurance/advice/anything in general that may be deemed helpful! Thanks in advance and I hope you all have a happy new year.
I have suffered with POCD, Clinical Depression and Anxiety for almost all of my life. (I am 20.) It was not until around late 2009 that I began to have intrusive thoughts, mostly about things that seem common among these forums - suicide, harming others, etc. It was incredibly hard to deal with then but seemed to fade away gradually with time. I took no medicine at the time and I would guess that these feelings lasted around half a year - possibly a bit more.
This past summer, it all came back 100x worse than before. I was in and out of the hospital for my horrible Anxiety, and finally put on (gradually) 150 mg of Zoloft a day, which has helped TREMENDOUSLY. I have had no side affects and find the medicine quite helpful with my struggling.
However, I find from time to time that these intrusive thoughts come crawling back, although they are not as prominent and in the front of my mind as they were before. The thing that troubles me the most now is that before when I would get these thoughts, a terrible, anxious feeling would come over me and I would feel incredibly depressed and overwhelmed. Now, I do not seem to get that feeling, so I worry that I actually want to act on these thoughts, which is awful in itself. I feel so guilty and confused by it all, and it really drives me insane! I feel like I am a horrible human being that wants to commit these actions.
Sometimes I still feel as though I am at rock bottom and it is very easy to feel hopeless and insignificant. I am currently going through CBT which is somewhat helpful, but sometimes the holiday letdown and being on break from college really gets to me! I also (sometimes) struggle with the fact that I have all these mental "disorders", although I know they are no different than an illness such as Diabetes, it just affects the brain. I just wish there was not such a stigma attached to it all.
I apologize for the length of this post, but I suppose I am just looking for some reassurance/advice/anything in general that may be deemed helpful! Thanks in advance and I hope you all have a happy new year.