horrendous thought :-( please help

[allalone]

I had a horrendous thought today. My friend's daughter was lying by me in.the car and I love her to bits then a thought entered my head that I could break her neck. What on earth is that about???? Where on earth did it come from??? :-( It is torturing me now. I would never ever do that. My thoughts are only thoughts but why am I thinking like this? :-( I just can't cope and wish I could just switch off. I am waiting to see a therapist and am.starting anti depressants for my anxiety. I have never ever felt so awful, scared and upset in my life. I am at my wits end and feel like I am going to go to Hell :-(

[valleybear]

Hi hun,
Please do not beat yourself up any further about this. These sort of thoughts are part of the anxiety/depression illness, and you would never act on any of them. They are thoughts..no more and I have experienced this kind of thing many years ago, but recovered and have never lookde back to these days. however I do know how upsetting it is and pray that you just forgive yourself as you had no real control over the thought. If you are on line please feel free to ask me anything that you think may help xxxxxx

[allalone]

Thank you so much for your reply..I have pm'd you x

[digta]

I relate so much. I think i have been having thoughts like this for over 10 years, the first one was I remember so clearly, chopping veg next to my gran. then I thought I could stab you and kill you, I had to get out of there, cried, disgusted, kept replaying it in hope of a different outcome. I love gran to bits, never would I hurt her, I know what it is today but, Im just started cbt and can not wait, keep strong, you are not your mind :)

[allalone]

I keep replaying it in my head too. I get obsessed with thoughts and often replay them over ans over. Last night's one worried me a lot because she waa being very annoying on the car and then I think that awful awful thing. It just makes me worry and concerned that I am a really bad person. I know I would never ever hurt her or anyone else though but am really really struggling as to why my brain thought that. Yes I was annoyed but was my thought out of being annoyed & if so then I don't want to think like that. I don't know if I can even tell my therapist this thpught. Scared I will be locked up. I also can't face my friend whose daughter it is. Please help me.

[Beckybooboo]

I keep replaying it in my head too. I get obsessed with thoughts and often replay them over ans over. Last night's one worried me a lot because she waa being very annoying on the car and then I think that awful awful thing. It just makes me worry and concerned that I am a really bad person. I know I would never ever hurt her or anyone else though but am really really struggling as to why my brain thought that. Yes I was annoyed but was my thought out of being annoyed & if so then I don't want to think like that. I don't know if I can even tell my therapist this thpught. Scared I will be locked up. I also can't face my friend whose daughter it is. Please help me.

Hi Hun,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this.

I too, suffer from thoughts like this and much worse and I had a long, strenuous process trying to find the answers as to why these thoughts happen and why are they happening to me when I'm not that type of person.

Think of OCD as a bully, it's a mind bully and what it does, is it plays out your worst fears and genuinely makes you think that you ARE that person. Along with that, comes the feelings of guilt, angst, confusion, upset and so forth. Then the spurring thoughts of "going to prison" or "feeling like a monster" will follow shortly after.

Do you want to know how you're not this person? Because when you think of these thoughts, they physically repulse you. They make you feel guilt. The chemical imbalance in your brain that causes OCD that makes you feel this way and makes you have these thoughts.

THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT AND WILL NEVER BE A REPRESENTATION OF WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.

OCD is a highly irritating and annoying mind bug which causes people to think all sorts of nonsense. You are and will never be alone in this. Don't feel as if you can't see your friends, because you're not this person. Also, if you can, look up harm OCD and also read Brain Lock which is a book specifically focused around OCD and what it does to the mind and has useful tools on dealing with these thoughts.

If you need anything at all, just ask.

All the best xxxxxx

[Tyler123]

I have had thoughts of harming my girlfriend lately and as we prepare to move in together, the anxiety just gets worse because I fear that if we are alone together I may lose control and hurt her. I know in reality I dont want to do these things, but the mind is a real pain in the butt, and makes you doubt yourself. I am starting therapy and hope to get on some type of meds that will assist in the recovery process. Ive read some things, and I think I am suffering from Harm and Relationship OCD. It is comforting to know that there are others out there who understand the mental anguish, and physical disgust that comes from these thoughts and I appreciate all who share their stories as it reassures me that things can and will get better even if it is hard to believe. I hope the best for everyone and if you ever need to talk please send PM me and we can work through this together.

-Tyler

[Bonnibelle]

You are not alone. I was diagnosed with GAD and OCD yesterday. My intrusive thoughts started last year and were about what if I stabbed myself or my children, what if I jumped off a bridge and then more recently what if I kicked or punched my daughter.... Now they devastate me, especially the recent one about my little girl. It is breaking my heart as we are so close. Now I feel I shouldn't be around her incase I hurt her, and if I ever did it how could I live with myself, she would hate me forever, I would lose her etc..... all awful and sickening.

Yesterday I was honest and told the man who assessed me about these thoughts and he said they are just thoughts, they come into even a health mind, they are not who you are. Thoughts are not actions and never will be because they repulse us so much. We run away crying, rumminating, worrying ourselves sick. I have barely eaten this last week because of the thoughts about my daughter, they make me feel so sad. He said to me yesterday that he wasn't at all concerned and he said for why. If I was sat infront of him showing no anxiety or guilt about these thought, and these thoughts were constant and I actually liked them then there would be cause for concern. The fact I am losing sleep, can't be alone with the children etc... all shows I want to protect them but I am labeling myself as a terrible dangerous person which is all wrong.

I will admit I am still struggling, this was only yesterday but he has helped me realise this is just OCD, anxiety causes these thoughts. Do not beat yourself up. If you want to talk you can PM me anytime. xxxx

[PhuzzBuzz]

Harm thoughts are powerful OCD agents, because in a lot of ways we do not recognize them for what they are. I had very similar experiences years ago, it involved sharp objects, anytime I got near one and someone else was around I would imagine myself stabbing that person with the object. It was hell. I kept thinking, "What the heck is wrong with me?!?!?!", "Am I crazy?!?!?", "Am I evil?!?!?". As disturbing as those thoughts are they are just OCD and nothing else. People who are violent think little and would not struggle like you and I with those thoughts and images. Seek treatment, medications and CBT can help a lot to quiet those thoughts down.


I had a horrendous thought today. My friend's daughter was lying by me in.the car and I love her to bits then a thought entered my head that I could break her neck. What on earth is that about???? Where on earth did it come from??? :-( It is torturing me now. I would never ever do that. My thoughts are only thoughts but why am I thinking like this? :-( I just can't cope and wish I could just switch off. I am waiting to see a therapist and am.starting anti depressants for my anxiety. I have never ever felt so awful, scared and upset in my life. I am at my wits end and feel like I am going to go to Hell :-(

[allalone]

Thanks so much for the replies. I start CBT tomorrow but worrying about it. Did it help any of you? I am on prozac which helped initially but last 3 days I've started feeling really down again :-(