So went to a&e tonight

[Sar89]

Well I'm going through a bad patch.. Ended up going to a&e tonight I haven't done that for a long time... Been having terrible palpatations again they have been scaring the crap out of me... I have had them on and off. A lot of my family have dodgy tickers my brothers only got discovered at age of 20 ! My grandma died age 40 from a complication of dodgy ticker... My daughter has 2 holes in her heart. My mood is so low arm I keep thinking horrible thoughts. About suicide ect though the thought dying actually terrifys me. All I have done for days is think about death in all manner of ways. Feel so horribly anxious and depressed

[scrumking]

I know what you are going through 100% feel free to pm me if u wanna talk

[Fishmanpa]

So this wasn't about your knee? Hope you're feeling better.

Positive thoughts

[nomorepanic]

What did they say then?

[Sar89]

No it wasn't about my knee fishmanpa .. That's still there but kinda starting to believe I have injured it in some way from the way the pain is... I was havin terrible palpitations last night and they really freaked me out... I haven't took myself to a&e for the longest time feel like I'm on a downwards spiral. Feel so black right now can't see the tiniest chink of light :-( Nicola well they have me ECG which they said was unremarkable and the doctor was really nice he wrote a letter to my gp to have a 24hr heart monitor thing I think maybe it's for my own reassurance ? Though I felt even more agitated when he said not all heart conditions can be picked up by ECG because its not on long enough !! X

[Timisnotmyname]

Hi Sarah, just like to say I have been in your position many times. When it happened I was at a complete loss as to what to do. I also had some very dark thoughts in terms of checking out. Reassurance from the Doctors does provide some temporary relief but I always found that the best way to recover from a panic attack like this was to surround myself with my friends who know nothing of my anxiety. Being alone made things worse for me.
I am sure that in a couple of days you will look back on today and think "what was I doing? I'm fine!

Hope you start to feel much better very soon.

Harry

[Sar89]

Hi Harry... Thankyou for kind message, I honestly think I have depression now I cry at anything like literally well up at Disney films, the washing up, the kitten attacking my feet (hate that cat lol) I just feel so lost and restless an bleak all the time have mad thoughts about committing suicide even tho I'm terrified of dying and then that thought scares me because I think am I losing it ? Would I actually try one day... And now on top of this horrible feeling I am besieged by the anxiety and terror.. Feel like how much more can I cope with.. Have some sertraline sat in my cupboard an I'm scared to take them but feel that desperate now I'm thinking the doctor has given them to me... Maybe I need to take them x

[Timisnotmyname]

The best medicine that I have come across is the realisation that I am not suffering alone. That might sound a bit harsh but for years I suffered in silence. Thinking that today was my last. That's been going on for 25 years now and when I look back at all the times I thought I was dying I feel that I have wasted so much time.
I am not of the mind that says we must accept this and learn to accommodate it, I firmly believe that we can "go back to normality". It's just finding the right path to take, the one that best suits you.
The next time you think of impending doom, just add to that thought that there are thousands of people (physically fit and healthy) that are thinking the same thing and have a chuckle to yourself :D

[Althea]

Sarah, you sound really low just now--I'm very sorry.

The good news is that your heart is fine and your knee isn't going to kill you either, though. What you're really facing now sounds like anxiety and depression. I hope you can see your way to taking the sertraline, since a doctor who knows about your anxiety thought it would be helpful to you, but even if you do, it might be worth looking into therapy. The online courses at CBT4Panic and Moodgym have both been recommended by users here--what about looking into those? I think you could feel a lot better if you had some help with the anxiety.

Good luck to you, and I hope you start feeling better.

[Sar89]

Hi Harry, when I'm not so low I joke about all of this with my mates. In every group of friends each person has a role mine is the resident fruit loop! I want to go to normality and not learn to cope I just want this to go away x hey althea I do believe I have depression and I think I need to take the tablets I have been referred for cbt recently so waiting on that... In my more coherent moments I believe it's anxiety and depression trouble is I'm not always coherent :-( ... I'm 24 and watching life pass me by I'm scared to go into loud nightclubs even incase the bass affects my heart rythem ! This isn't life is it. Scared of everything

[Jojomarymoo]

Hi Sarah, I totally understand ..I've been crying at everything, ridiculous things that I wouldn't normally cry at, I'm very anxious and depressed at the moment and extremely anxious about my health, due to serious illness in family and having a kidney infection has triggered this anxiety about my health which I've never suffered so badly from. I want to live in the now and now worry about what if..I never used to be like this, far from it. I had painful ribs which my boyfriend took me to A&E on Xmas day for as I was in tears.. It's not a way to live, your CBT will help, I had it for OCD (convinced my actions would harm family and intrusive thoughts). It helped me with OCD..could do with going back for health anxiety now...x

[Sar89]

Hey jojo... Sorry to hear ur feeling that way it's awful isn't it... If you want to chat just send me a private message xx

[Timisnotmyname]

It's great that you have friends try to hang to them. My advice would be not to talk to many of them about how you feel. "Normal" people do not understand what we are going through and find it very difficult to know what to do or say. I have lost most of my friends through my anxiety and depression and that only makes things worse. I thought that they would rally round but it's easier to do nothing and stay away.
At 24 you damn well should be out there enjoying life, although I thing you have hit upon a great excuse for not going to clubs :)
I am waiting for CBT too, it can't come soon enough.
I am also trying the Linden method, put the following into Youtube: "I will cure your anxiety disorder and panic attacks.
I hope that soon you will posting on here telling us what a great time clubbing you have had:D

Stay strong, you CAN do it.

[nomorepanic]

Tim - it is interesting you say you are waiting for CBT and doing the Linden Method. Do you know that Linden thinks CBT is rubbish and he has the only cure for panic etc?

We have an ongoing thread about him under the therapy forum.

[Timisnotmyname]

Yes, I have read that, but at the moment I am willing to try anything and everything.
I must say that the more I read about Linden's method the more attractive it seems. I have been left feeling that the medical professionals I have seen are cannot really understand what I am going through, Linden has been there, seen it, done it.
I will check out the thread, thanks.

[nomorepanic]

A lot of us have been there, seen it, done and don't say we can cure the world or charge money for it though lol.

If you want to do the Linden method then sadly you won't be able to post on here though as that is not complying :winks:

[nomorepanic]

Sorry that was just a private joke - good luck with the Linden method really. I hope it helps you.

[Sar89]

Hello people sooo Harry weirdly enough after speakin about not being able to go to clubs and distracting yourself with friends who don't know about anxiety... I went to see my friend who currently had my dog as a house guest (my dog has outgrown my house) moving to a new larger one soon.. Well I was sat with her then some friends from another town had come to Liverpool (my city) for a night out txt me asking what I was doing so they rolled to my friends house all very happy and high (I'm not going to lie I don't think it was on life) so I put some music on for them this little social gathering got quite noisy and I ended up dancing in friends dining room for about 2 hrs totally sober of course. I'm now at home and realising I didn't once feel anxious ! Infact I was laughing and joking. Though now Iv started thinking about anxiety it is coming back lol.

[Timisnotmyname]

That's fantastic Sarah, I'm very happy that you have managed to forget about your demons and have some fun:)
I do think that distraction is so important, and friends are the best way to get you thinking about other things.
Pet's too I think are a great help, since my cat died I have had to steal stroke's off neighbours cats! I would dearly love another cat but my anxiety has led to me being unable to work for several years and I can only just afford to feed myself let alone another furry thing.
Still, there are loads of cats near me and one in particular knows that she will get a bloody good petting if she comes close!
I live alone in a small town and have not spoken to anyone since Boxing Day, this just gives my mind all the time it needs to spiral out of control and send me into a continual state of high anxiety.
However my sister is turning up today for a couple of days so fingers crossed I will be distracted. I have not seen her for three years.

Who needs clubs when you have a dining room?:D

[Sar89]

Hi Harry I agree pets are very beneficial to a persons mental health especially dogs I think such amazing, loving creatures I love dogs. Oh dear since Boxing Day is a long time I think ur sister coming to visit will be very good for you... I'm back to feeling horrible and anxious today sadly :-( xx

[Timisnotmyname]

It's only ten days. I went for three months last year with taking to anyone except to say please and thank you at supermarket tills.
Sister is here and my mind was off all my worries until I left the room to go and pee or make a cup of tea and then it was back to the old ways.
But hey ho, brilliant to have a bit of time off from feeling that I am dying :)
Sorry to hear that you are back to feeling horrible again. I think that the fact that we can switch from having anxiety free times to being back in the dark room gives hope that there IS a way out and that it is not permanent. We just need to find a way of swapping the long dark times for the short happy times and then work on eliminating the dark time completely.
I am going to beat this this year, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It's a war raging in my head and I will not be beaten by part of my brain.
The fact that you had a good time dancing in your friends dining room proves that you can beat it. Hang on to those thoughts and lets beat this thing.
Take care,

H

[Sar89]

Well you sound very confident this evening I should like some of that ! U take care Harry if you ever fancy a chat/moan whatever just send me a private message x