EKB
05-01-14, 21:03
Hi all,
I've actually been reading this forum for the past month and a half. I think I've always been a worrier. Been mildly anxious. But in November I had a panic attack. It started with shaking - at first I thought I was cold, our house is always cold. But no matter how many blankets I piled on and heating pads I put on, and tea I drank, the shaking just wouldn't let up. Then I was filled with a sense of dread. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to go to the hospital.
Since then, I have gone through a few more of those, a few ER visits, more than a few medical tests and blood draws, and a shifting cornucopia of physical symptoms that had me running to Dr. Google. The only thing wrong with me is a pretty marked vitamin D deficiency, which I am now treating with supplements (doc was quite shocked on how low they were... I have a good doc, so of that I'm thankful). I'm on PPI's for GI stuff and awaiting a GI referral. Also awaiting a psych referral and have an appointment with a counsellor.
Through all this, I've been looking back and realizing that I've been under a significant amount of stress for the last 5 years or so. I graduated from a pretty intense graduate degree program, couldn't get a job in my field, got engaged to a man who was caring for his grandfather with terminal cancer, moved in with him and his widowed grandmother after getting married, the grandmother does not want me there and sees no benefit in the care she's getting from my husband, had a job I hated every waking minute of for almost 3 years. I am essentially a ghost in my own home (which is not really my home) and my husband gets very emotional (sad, cries) when we talk about leaving. However, I have now told him if WE don't leave, I have no choice but to leave.
I think, looking back, that this IS anxiety, even though I thought I was coping. Maybe the vitamin D deficiency was the tipping point? Maybe the GI symptoms further pushed me? I had been sick just prior to the first panic attack, and anticipating going to a few conferences for work (which I did). It was also after I landed my dream job... which has defied all expectations of a dream job (it really is the highlight of my life right now... doing what I went to school for... working with excellent people)... so I thought I was happy. And happy should mean no panic, right?
I'm at the stage now where I distrust the improvement I've made. And I have made improvement. The GI symptoms are slowly but surely clearing up with PPI's, tums and diet. I've been on 2000 IU/day of Vitamin D3. While I do feel some panic at different times of the day, it's not hitting me out of the blue. I can feel myself getting worked up and I can tell myself that's all it is. But I'm also sore - I have muscle and joint aches from what I assume is the constant tension of the past couple of months or more, I have a constantly irritated throat (which could be GI, but I also wonder if it could be muscle tension from nervous swallowing, it improves when I'm laying down in bed and more or less relaxed). I lost 15 lbs, and my body now feels foreign to me. I look at my legs, arms, fingers and wonder "Is that how I always looked?" I am hypersensitive to everything my body does - every twinge, function, feeling...
I think I'm getting better... but I still have this little tickle in the back of my mind telling me that something is horribly wrong. I'm hoping that some counselling and a new living arrangement will be beneficial.
Thanks for listening, and it's been a real help to me reading this forum. xo.
I've actually been reading this forum for the past month and a half. I think I've always been a worrier. Been mildly anxious. But in November I had a panic attack. It started with shaking - at first I thought I was cold, our house is always cold. But no matter how many blankets I piled on and heating pads I put on, and tea I drank, the shaking just wouldn't let up. Then I was filled with a sense of dread. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to go to the hospital.
Since then, I have gone through a few more of those, a few ER visits, more than a few medical tests and blood draws, and a shifting cornucopia of physical symptoms that had me running to Dr. Google. The only thing wrong with me is a pretty marked vitamin D deficiency, which I am now treating with supplements (doc was quite shocked on how low they were... I have a good doc, so of that I'm thankful). I'm on PPI's for GI stuff and awaiting a GI referral. Also awaiting a psych referral and have an appointment with a counsellor.
Through all this, I've been looking back and realizing that I've been under a significant amount of stress for the last 5 years or so. I graduated from a pretty intense graduate degree program, couldn't get a job in my field, got engaged to a man who was caring for his grandfather with terminal cancer, moved in with him and his widowed grandmother after getting married, the grandmother does not want me there and sees no benefit in the care she's getting from my husband, had a job I hated every waking minute of for almost 3 years. I am essentially a ghost in my own home (which is not really my home) and my husband gets very emotional (sad, cries) when we talk about leaving. However, I have now told him if WE don't leave, I have no choice but to leave.
I think, looking back, that this IS anxiety, even though I thought I was coping. Maybe the vitamin D deficiency was the tipping point? Maybe the GI symptoms further pushed me? I had been sick just prior to the first panic attack, and anticipating going to a few conferences for work (which I did). It was also after I landed my dream job... which has defied all expectations of a dream job (it really is the highlight of my life right now... doing what I went to school for... working with excellent people)... so I thought I was happy. And happy should mean no panic, right?
I'm at the stage now where I distrust the improvement I've made. And I have made improvement. The GI symptoms are slowly but surely clearing up with PPI's, tums and diet. I've been on 2000 IU/day of Vitamin D3. While I do feel some panic at different times of the day, it's not hitting me out of the blue. I can feel myself getting worked up and I can tell myself that's all it is. But I'm also sore - I have muscle and joint aches from what I assume is the constant tension of the past couple of months or more, I have a constantly irritated throat (which could be GI, but I also wonder if it could be muscle tension from nervous swallowing, it improves when I'm laying down in bed and more or less relaxed). I lost 15 lbs, and my body now feels foreign to me. I look at my legs, arms, fingers and wonder "Is that how I always looked?" I am hypersensitive to everything my body does - every twinge, function, feeling...
I think I'm getting better... but I still have this little tickle in the back of my mind telling me that something is horribly wrong. I'm hoping that some counselling and a new living arrangement will be beneficial.
Thanks for listening, and it's been a real help to me reading this forum. xo.