Terrified to bump into my house mates

[Fonatie]

Hi,
I have studied in a uni quite far away from home, I dont get to go home at all except for christmas. I have moved in with two girls who go to the same uni and we seemed to be getting along for first few weeks.
After then they started leaving for the classes(we have classes at the same time in the morning) without waiting for me, talking behind my back, leaving stuff I forgot in joint rooms behind my door etc. I dont know what happened, they never say anything to me. One has even been stealing from me, I am sure. Before christmas I was asked to move out, I did all the research and my tenancy contract doesnt have a way out :weep: . So I have to stay with them. I was home for christmas and did not want to leave. I cried on the airport, airplane and even when we landed. I am not very good at making friends, so I dont know anyone here. I feel so alone. Since I came back, i ve been locked in my room, terrified of bumping into them. I can hear them chat, laugh and stuff and i am literally shivering and nearly crying. I dont know what to do:weep: . All I know is I want to visit my family asap. Dropping out of uni is out of question and I am pretty desperate :-(
What should I do? :-(

[Katie_cupcakes]

Awww sweetie :( this is awful.

Could you ask your Tennant if you found someone to replace you then you could !move out? You could try explaining the situation and they might be OK with that. Do you have friends in your uni class you could talk to? Perhaps a friend !might let you stay with them every so often to get a break from your own flat. You could also see if your uni offers any form of councilling or someone to talk to. I remember in my uni this guy kept getting into trouble for not showing up to lectures etc and when he was confronted about it, turned out his flatmates were having parties every night which kept him awake and he was too tired to go to uni, well the uni sorted everything for him and found him a new place to live.

I really sympathise as I was in a pretty similar situation when I was in first year. I moved into a flat with 3 girls and 3 boys. I was a month late in moving in and as soon as I arrived this girl madaline just looked me up and down in disgust. She did not want me there! Everyone else seemed mice enough but I kept myself locked in my room as I couldnt go anywhere near her without getting the evil eye and made to feel totally unwelcome. On my first night when I moved in she came in drunk at 3am and banged hard on my door. I just lay in my bed and cried. I never really spoke to anyone about it, and if I did I may have got help. Luckily my parents were only 20 miles away and I would spend a lot of time at home commuting into uni everyday.

I think you need to talk to someone and get help to move out. Perhaps the uni could talk to your landlord. Say its affecting your work etc ... Are you in student halls? You could possibly get a transfer to a different halls.

Good luck x

[Fonatie]

Thank you. I am not in the student halls, I am in a flat and I cannot talk to school because my flatmates already did and I got called into the office and got loads of crap for bullying them. I could not justify myself because the person didnt want to hear it. It seems so unfair and it is stressful to be punished for something I havent done. Ever since I came back from home I am jut looking up flight tickets for weekends.... Thats the only thing that makes me happy - to know I might gt a chance to see my family again earlier than in may :weep:

[gypcyg]

Fonatie does your tenancy end at the end of this school year in July? If so couldn't you just bury your heads in your books and concentrate on your course work?

You shouldn't feel bad about this - YOU are being bullied by two immature girls. YOU have done nothing wrong. You might even think yourself lucky that you never made it to be friends with those two f*ckwits!

The other thing I could suggest is to call them sad little bullies to their face everytime you see them. Make it seem like they haven't got to you and shame them for their appalling behaviour every chance you get.

Whatever happens keep your studying up to date otherwise they will have won! Good luck.

[Katie_cupcakes]

Where's home? How far away do you study?
Is there an option to do your course as a distance learning course and perhaps you could move back home. Sounds like you're in a really tricky situation. I really think you need to find someone that will hear you out and listen to your side of the story. Seems very discri!imaging that the uni won't allow you the opportunity to defend yourself.

Maybe it might be easier to try and resolve the differences between you and your flatmates. Easier said than done I know, but even if you just say to them, look I know you hate me but could we please just be civil as we all live together.

Have you told your mum? Maybe you should speak to your family about it. X

[Fonatie]

Hi,
Thanks for all your answers. I am from a different country, so distance course is out of question and yes, I have told my family...well I didnt have to they figured out. When I went home for christmas I went to see a doctor...my blood pressure was alarmingly high and the doctor put me on bromazepam. I refuse to take it though, I am scared I would get addicted to it:unsure:

[theharvestmouse]

You need to confront them about this and tell them you are not going to put up with it any more. You need to sit them down and explain your feelings, if they have any decency they will listen.

[harasgenster]

They just told you to move out? They didn't speak to you about what had happened? You said you got on at first then things changed - did something happen to make things change? Did they speak to you at all about it?

You have the opportunity here to be the bigger person. If they have not confronted you and told you what 'problem' it is they see with living with you then you should remind them of this - they have not told you what the problem is so what are you supposed to do about it?

Tell them that if they have problems with you that you can improve to make living together easier (so maybe they're not keen on you leaving stuff in joint rooms for example?) then they should say so. Explain to them that you are adults living together for a year - it is not easy to get out of a tenancy agreement - and they will just have to behave like adults and explain what changed. You can then set down terms by which they should live to make it easier for you to live with them.

They are not bigger than you, you are equal to them, they have to listen to you.

And I know it is difficult to make new friends - I have always struggled because I have little confidence in social situations and my mind goes blank so I find it hard to get to know people. But 'difficult' is not the same as 'impossible'. Are there people from your country at the university? Is there any way of getting to know them? It might be easier to speak to people from the same culture as you for a start. Or do you have a hobby? There are loads of university clubs and you could join one that reflects your hobby so then you will be surrounded by people with similar interests?

These girls are not behaving correctly. You are not beneath them - remember that. Sometimes that's what makes us feel so upset - the feeling that we are alone and that others control our lives (by deciding whether or not they will be friends with us) because of a feeling that we are somehow not equal to those around us. Actually, we are equal to everyone and we decide who we want to be friends with too - it's not just others calling the shots.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you deserve to be treated properly, then go talk to those silly little girls.

[theharvestmouse]

In my experience if you act timidly in this situation then it will go on, if you act strongly and tell them you are not happy they will have more respect for you and are more likely to change. Ask them how would they feel if they were the odd one out feeling like an outsider in their own home.

[pepsi]

I agree with the above post ..its hard to do but you have as much right to be there as them its tough of course you just want to avoid them but then they are taking over. Seriously some girls are such bitches arent they....

[jcd_gad]

Hi,

I've been there on two occasions

1 - At uni same as you with a live in landlord that made my life hell. My dad was funding my accom and his view was I had to stay there..... Thanks Dad
2 - at work sharing house with 3 people, parties till one in the morning or later while i'm sleeping. Turning the shower off (pump was in one of their bedrooms) so they'd just turn it off. THEY approached the landlord and said I was messy, never cleaned up and never did hoovering.... One moved in with her boyfriend shortly after I left, the other ended up getting evicted!

What goes around comes around.......

I'd find another tenant to replace you or, failing that... Spend more time at uni and focus on your studies... My highest grades were when I was in with that psycho (he did try and throw someone off a balcony at a students union party)....