Really sad and disappointed

[scrumking]

That I can't be my normal self again
That I can't beat this anxiety
That all I do I worry about dying
That I can't shake this feeling that my heart is going to fail
That my brain tells me I will die suddenly
That the meds aren't working
That I have lost myself to this anxiety
That I don't know if I will ever get better
That I feel like I will die before I get better
That I am putting my wife and family through this

And lastly

That I have anxiety period

[katesa]

It can get better, I promise.

Maybe not today. Today is clearly a bad day.

Not sure what to say to make you feel better but I was there. The same exact emotions and feelings, just replace your heart fear with my old fear of terminal cancer.

[scrumking]

See that's what's so stupid I was just thinking about how I would rather about cancer as it's not sudden like my current fears

[katesa]

Well I watched somebody die slowly from cancer and he would have swapped an instant, unexpected death while playing football or crossing the street in a second if he had the chance.

It's all about perspective. What is terrifying to one person is not big deal to another. I have MS and am truly not phased by it. I read people on here so scared of it that they are having massive panic attacks and thinking life isn't worthwhile. I'm scared of terminal cancer, you think that is preferable to a sudden death. I'd take a sudden death over the alternative if I could choose.

Nobody is right. Fear is fear

[Pomchi]

Hi Kate,

What would you say worked best for you personally in getting a grip on HA? Was it CBT or a combination of treatments?

My Big Big fear is terminal cancer, the others I can deal with just about.

[MRS STRESS ED]

Scumking im sorry to hear how your feeling ,Im sure most of us know how your feeling ,Iv been were you are I thought I would never feel normal again ,its been along hard fight but im getting there I keep pushing forward and staying positive ,and yeah I still get bad days but I seem to cope better ,I hope you can do the same good luck :hugs:

[katesa]

Hi Pomchi,

I found psychotherapy worked best for me. It helped me understand WHY I am the way I am so that I could fight it. Then I tried to follow some simple CBT practices that I learned about online to help me.

I also started a new hobby - whether I liked it or not. And I took up yoga and some breathing exercises when stressed.

[Pomchi]

Thanks hon, the minute I read your reply I realised that I have actually asked you this question before - sorry! (Dementia? only kidding)

I remember you saying about hypnotherapy. I'm going to look into it as it's something I haven't tried yet and I want to try something that I can do alongside the cbt.

I already think that my fears about cancer stem from when I had my son and a month later my smear showed early cancer cells, which took nearly a year to sort out. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me , the fear of never seeing him grow up.

My HA returned with a vengeance when he left home to go to university 8 years ago. Maybe there's some Freudian connection there? lol

Thanks again

---------- Post added at 20:44 ---------- Previous post was at 20:43 ----------

Sorry meant to type psychotherapy. Still thinking of those iced mince pies...

[katesa]

lol bless you!

I had Cin stage 1 in June - had to have a......what was it called? That thing where they use a bloody great big magnifying glass to take a close up of your, um, bits. They want me to go back this June for a follow up. I'm assuming it won't spread too much in that time or a lot of people will get fired :D

Interestingly, mine was also after having a baby - always had clear smears till them!

[Pomchi]

Colonoscopy?

I'm sure you'll be fine, mine was CIN2 and I'm still here 24 years later. Just had 3 lots of laser treatment.

I think it's all hormone based, they go a bit wild when we're pregnant.

Weirdly, I have just had 9 months of hell worrying that I had cervical cancer again because it's taken 3 smears for them to get a result! In fact, it was this that started my latest bout with HA! This time round it's more than likely to be menopausal problems (hormones again! Lack of them this time)

Oh the joys of womanhood. Where did I put those tena ladies....

[Fishmanpa]

See that's what's so stupid I was just thinking about how I would rather about cancer as it's not sudden like my current fears

Ohhhhh noooo... I can 1000% assure you that you don't want cancer!!

Positive thoughts

[clover1201]

Its a colposcopy, i had cin 3 10 years ag, a loop incision and all normal smears since.