Starting to 'notice' that people don't like me

[harasgenster]

I'm much more aware of my emotions now and am becoming aware that when my mood dips, I start to "notice" that people don't like me and this causes a spiral of thoughts that ends with me falling into depression or panic.

This has happened a number of times and once - in my worst state as an adult - I was pretty convinced that no one in my direct family (parents/brother) liked me either. I felt 'tolerated' but essentially disliked.

So I've started to notice this feeling again. Before Christmas I felt that me and my workmates got on fine - and in fact that I was liked - but I spoke to my boss on the phone again today (I don't work Mondays) to sort something out and felt like I "noticed" she didn't like me. It's difficult to put into words. It's like I get a feeling, as if I'm picking up a vibe, that a person just wants shot of me. That I'm being tolerated, but not liked.

I'm aware that me suddenly "noticing" that others don't like me is a warning sign for me - it means I'm already unhappy. I think this is because I've quit smoking (that always makes me feel depressed at first), there are major problems in my relationship with my boyfriend, and I had an argument with my dad this week.

If I let myself believe that people don't like me "just because" then I'll dig myself a hole. It's not possible to prove definitively whether or not people like me (even when they do nice things or say nice things to me it's because "they pity me" or "they think I'm a charity case" etc. My thoughts are inescapable sometimes), so can you suggest any ways I could look at the idea that people don't like me without letting it control my life.

Any thoughts or thought-challenges that have been useful for you, perhaps?

[Annie0904]

It sounds to me that your self esteem is low and you need to work on liking yourself more. You are worthy to be liked and I am sure most of these people really do like you. You are feeling low and inafequate. Work on your self esteem and tell yourself you are aa good person and worthy of good things. You will soon realise that you are liked :)

[Birdsturds]

I used to do the same thing. If you think they don't like you, you will believe they don't and you will only notice the negative. If you believe they love you, you will feel the love and be a happier person. There's a saying, "I used to walk into a room and wonder if the people liked me, now I walk in and wonder if I like them." Be positive.

[Brunette]

I'm willing to bet the reason your boss sounded "off" was that someone or something else at work had ticked her off and you just happened to phone at a bad time.

[harasgenster]

Thanks everybody for your messages and support.

As I said, there were things going on in the background that were making me feel bad. I ended up leaving my boyfriend of 4 years yesterday. We lived together so I'm now technically homeless.

To cut a long story short on the job front, the boss I was talking about is actually my ex boss as I have a new job, but she kindly offered me freelance work while I wait for my start date. Considering everything that has happened - not currently having a home, being in a complete state - some members of my family offered me money so that I could just take this couple of weeks off until my new job starts (if it starts in a couple of weeks, I still don't know :weep:) So I have texted the boss this morning to explain the circumstances and apologise for messing her around but that I will be taking the time off instead.

She hasn't texted me back so now I'm sure she hates me - but she probably doesn't. She has a lot on her plate in the office, I know that. I just feel like I've let everyone down and I'm TERRIFIED about money. I have a tax return this month which will not be cheap, and I don't know if I'm going to have to put a deposit down on a new flat before I get the deposit back on the one I shared with the boyfriend. I also don't know if I can get out of the contract for the shared flat so I might end up paying for two flats at once. And I've just turned down work. So....panicking like hell...

My family think they can look after me financially but no one I'm related to is well-off and I don't like taking money.

GAH! This is horrendous. Anyway, I'm just going to rant if I continue. Thank you for your messages of support.

[MrAndy]

get your home life settled 1st then worry about work,i am sure people dont hate you
hope you feel better soon :)

[harasgenster]

Thank you Mr Andy.

I know you're right and I'm trying to focus on what's important :) I think I just feel so horrible right now that absolutely everything in my life seems horrible!

This too shall pass.

[Rennie1989]

I get this worry too, and like you it gets worse when you feel low anyway.

It sounds like this the bought of low mood is making you doubt. It's worth just reminding yourself that it is only doubt. And with everyone suffering from the blues with these constant storms it's no wonder why we're all a bit short tempered.