View Full Version : Personal battle
Hi guys,
I wonder if any of you can relate to this.
I'm 38 and despite having a 'normal' life, I've never felt like I fitted in to anything fully. Others would find me crazy for saying this but it's true. I've always felt 'different', like I'm not like anyone else but not sure how or why. I went into an acting career so I suppose that answers a few questions but it still doesn't fully. I can honestly say that I have had very few moments during my life where I feel fully happy and relaxed or just content.
At my age I now realise that I don't like the things that are considered routine to many. I know everyone is different but generally its work, marriage/partner, kids (maybe), socialise. I am married with no kids but I actually don't want to have loads of friends that I go out drinking with. I'm happiest when I'm sat at my laptop writing a script and doing my OU degree. Okay, to me that immediately sounds a bit, well, sad.
My problem is this, I've spent YEARS - literally, trying to make myself conform and feel a sense of normal. Yes, normal is a spectrum but I'm sure fellow anxiety sufferers will understand. I try to make special effort with girlfriends going to lunch, having coffee etc but it feels forced and like hard work. I am suddenly becoming aware that this could be because it's not actually what I want to do. Now and again it's nice, yes, but not on a regular basis. And its not anxiety - its a choice. The downside to this is that I end up feeling like a billy no mates who no one cares about!
How the f*£$ do you just accept? How do you embrace who you are and ride with it without battling it? I guess its how gay people feel when they're trying to come out in many respects (except I'm not gay!). Help!
I don't know if that's really all that "different". Like you, I'm an artist (musician,singer). I certainly am social in that I interact well at work and my work requires that I interact and speak with people all day. I'm engaged and have been married before with kids etc.
I have friends and do occasionally get together with them but like you, I'm most content home with my fiance', watching a movie or documentary, playing my guitar or putzing around. When I go out, I enjoy solitary things like fishing, hiking and camping. I enjoy the solitude. I've never been one who liked to go out drinking in bars or the like. In my younger years I was on tour in a band and got my ya ya's out so things like partying and hanging around a lot of people all the time. The last thing I want to do on a Friday night or weekend is go to a bar or club.
What are you trying to actually "conform" with? Being who you are and true to it is what freedom is about. Who cares what anyone else thinks? ;)
Be true to yourself and embrace it. No shame or reason to feel any different :)
Positive thoughts
moonspirit
08-01-14, 12:03
Hi
I think being normal is over rated yes we seem to have it programmed into our minds that we want to be normal but what is normal? far better being unique and what does it matter what others think.
Im also a bit of a loner i have friends but no one really gets me any more or maybe they never did and i just fitted in because its what i thought was expected!!!
We seem to question ourself to much instead of just accepting who we i know its easier said than done and i struggle to find a slot where i fit in too but one things for sure coming on this site i have met many like minded people so there must be a lot of us unique people out there :D
Thank you both so much for taking the time.
Fishmanpa, a lot of what you say really resonates with me. It isn't so much as wanting to be 'normal' because nothing is that generic. It's the fact that I don't feel like I really fit. I do with family of course and when I used to act, there were times then that I had that 'hell yeah' feeling. But I sort of feel like I'm watching myself in some respects, devoid of any real knowledge of what I want or like.
It sounds like we're similar characters, I think creative types are as a rule. An ex partner of mine really gets me though we obviously never worked as a coupling. We just had that same feeling of not fully fitting anywhere.
Networking sites such as Facebook are the work of the D man whereby we're impressioned with people talking about social gatherings and uploading photos. I should take myself off it but it's damn good for my business so its hard to not get sucked in at times.
I wish, more than anything, that I could just settle and be me. In peace. Without feeling like I 'should' do more of this and that. I'm an actress and writer, am doing a degree and have my own business. I consider that okay going. I socialise now and again. I can't get the nagging feeling away that I should make more plans and do more...
:ohmy:
Yes, I agree. Artistic/creative types are definitely a bit "different" than most. I tend to get along best with other creative type people.
My fiance is an amazing artist. She paints, creates jewelry and crafts and she's incredible. It's funny, she sees my writing and performance and wishes she could do it. I on the other hand, wish I could create as she does. When it comes down to it, it's all relative ;)
Read the quote in my signature. Having faced death intimately, I've found those words to be especially true and I live by them. I used to stress about a lot of things but now? Nahhhh.... it truly is just chasing the wind ;)
Positive thoughts
That's what I really, wholeheartedly want to do. :) I mean that. I'm a doer not a sayer. Yet I continue to stumble. I'm content yet I seem determined to self sabotage.
I'd like to hear more about your story :)
You can contact me directly if you'd like?
Rennie1989
09-01-14, 11:07
I worry about this too, you know. I'm a 24 year old married woman who would rather sit writing my book on my laptop then going out to the pub. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the odd social drink with friends and in laws but I am quite social awkward so will rather enjoy the evening to myself. I also enjoy knitting, I write blogs, I want to learn to play the violin and enjoy the finer things in life whilst my peers are at University (I go back to college soon) where studies and revision is a nuisance, get hammered every weekend at the clubs or bars and basically do what young adults do. I think I'm 24 turning 84.
Don't feel like you must comply to social norms. If you want to write a script then write a script, if you don't want kids then don't have them. Be your own unique person.
Contrary to what you may perceive, only a minority of young adults are going out and getting hammered at the clubs and pubs on the weekends ;) Having worked in some of those places, I got to see these young adults make complete asses of themselves ~lol~ I'm not saying I didn't have my moments but I quickly realized it wasn't for me, even in performance and music. I played in bands and knew many, many musicians that were waste cases. I cannot perform or create to the best of my ability impaired.
Positive thoughts
I worry about this too, you know. I'm a 24 year old married woman who would rather sit writing my book on my laptop then going out to the pub. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the odd social drink with friends and in laws but I am quite social awkward so will rather enjoy the evening to myself. I also enjoy knitting, I write blogs, I want to learn to play the violin and enjoy the finer things in life whilst my peers are at University (I go back to college soon) where studies and revision is a nuisance, get hammered every weekend at the clubs or bars and basically do what young adults do. I think I'm 24 turning 84.
Don't feel like you must comply to social norms. If you want to write a script then write a script, if you don't want kids then don't have them. Be your own unique person.
You know what is so frustrating and in fact bizarre about all this, Rennie? I find people like you (and probably myself!) so interesting! When you watch films it's always the more awkward people that stand out. The social butterflies are always the normal characters. Isn't it strange! Yet I battle against it rather than simply accepting it. Today for example, I'm spending another day on my uni work. I'm alone in the house as it's required. I'm thinking about the fact that its the weekend and about how people are starting to get ready for lots of fun and wondering what I'm doing, am I doing the right thing? Am I crazy boring? The problem now is that I don't know the answers...
---------- Post added at 10:26 ---------- Previous post was at 10:24 ----------
Contrary to what you may perceive, only a minority of young adults are going out and getting hammered at the clubs and pubs on the weekends ;) Having worked in some of those places, I got to see these young adults make complete asses of themselves ~lol~ I'm not saying I didn't have my moments but I quickly realized it wasn't for me, even in performance and music. I played in bands and knew many, many musicians that were waste cases. I cannot perform or create to the best of my ability impaired.
Positive thoughts
It's less the getting hammered, I think its more to do with the female socialising that girls so commonly do. They call them 'girls nights' and they're all over facebook. I've never been one for them though I've tried to get into it. I want to be accepting of this rather than fighting against it!
I'm thinking about the fact that its the weekend and about how people are starting to get ready for lots of fun and wondering what I'm doing, am I doing the right thing? Am I crazy boring? The problem now is that I don't know the answers...
It's Friday and I had a LONG week at work. I'm tired and I really want to sleep in. I'm looking forward to coming home from work, getting my comfy and warm sweats on, chilling out for a while and getting to bed early with my Chiquita to watch a movie. I'll be asleep before 11pm ~lol~ What the hell is wrong with that?? ;) Saturday is shopping day for food and things we need. Unless the weather is nice and we can get out for a hike, we're homebodies. Nothing wrong with that!
It's less the getting hammered, I think its more to do with the female socialising that girls so commonly do. They call them 'girls nights' and they're all over facebook. I've never been one for them though I've tried to get into it. I want to be accepting of this rather than fighting against it!
Female socializing? You mean like the way TV and "Sex in the City" portrays? Pfft... As a male, and I believe other men reading this would agree, when there are three or more ladies together talking, we avoid that gathering of cackling hens like the plague! ~lol~ And let me add one more thing as you've mentioned it a couple times now... F&^% Facebook! I have a page for my music and it's a good marketing tool and I have a personal page to keep in touch with my kids, family and a few friends. I don't advertise my everyday life for the world to see like so many. I don't need to know you pooped or cooked eggs for breakfast, nor do I need a freakin' blow by blow account of your vacation! "I'm getting on the plane".. "I'm on the plane".. "I landed".. "I'm in the taxi".. Arrrggg.... and selfies with kissy faces make me want to barf!
Believe me Munki... you're just fine as you are ;)
Positive thoughts
Rennie1989
10-01-14, 14:43
There is no rule book that says we all must have amazing social lives. Don't worry about what other's think, because you should do what makes you happy, rather than what makes other people happy.
If you are happy with your script writing and University work then you know the answer ;)
Fishmanpa, while I wholeheartedly agree with your views on Facepuke I do wish there was a "Like" button or similar to approve of your answer :D
Facepuke:D
:roflmao: I like that!
Positive thoughts
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