50shadesofmessedup
08-01-14, 10:40
Hello everyone, I don't often post on here because I find even though I'm behind a computer screen I'm still quite shy and embarrassed and still have the whole "ohh why me? People will think I'm a weirdo" stigma about the whole health anxiety thing lol :/
I have suffered ectopic beats (now known to be PVCS) for two years. Since I became pregnant with my daughter 2 years ago. If I told you how many times if ran to the doctors crying, sat in a and e planning my own funeral, kissing my babies goodnight and wondering if I would see them in the morning. Torturing myself for two ENTIRE YEARS through two pregnancies , even through giving birth twice that my heart was going to tha thump tha thump .... Thump FLATLINE ! Lol . But it didn't? The hot flushes, the sweats, the ectopic runs (so so scary) the hammering chest vibrating. I checked my pulse 24 7, I could never find any comfort in anything the doctors said about my heart being normal. My ecgs were always fast but fine. I tried everything from propranolol which gave me an asthma attack, to Valium and citalopram ... I tried counselling, nothing could convince me I wasn't about to have a fatal heart arrhythmia and drop dead.
Well Sunday I had a run of ectopics that made me faint and smash the bone in my elbow. I've been on a cardiac ward since coming to a and e Sunday morning, I'm hooked up to heart monitors having my heart monitored 24 7 around the clock. I've had an echo which showed the muscle of my left ventricle is on the upper limits of normal thickness, and I'm having a cardiac mri scan tomorrow to wrk out if this is dangerous or not for me. I will also be leaving hospital with a heart monitor implanted in my chest to record any other fainting episodes I might have in the future . And do you know what? I'm NOT scared anymore, because I will have answers. Doctors think it is due to my hormones, and that my heart is healthy , yesterday I got so cross and missed my children so much that I ripped my wires off and ran up five flights of stairs twice and ran back to my bed and said to the docs "right here's what happens" my heart was at 170 a minute the palps were coming thick and fast and I felt faint and they immediately did an ecg and u no what? My heart was fine. They think I'm fine and they also think in funny lol :) I had to prove to myself I am okay. I'm sure my mri will be ok, and if it's not? Well we can deal with that tomorrow . My cardiologist is amazing and he thinks the thick bit of my heart is due to pregnancy and stress on the heart and that I'm gonna be fine he's just giving me a full work up while I'm here so that I can go home and NOT PANIC! I can smile with my babies and not hold back tears, I can go to bed at night knowing my heart is ok. I don't have to live in fear anymore. I am missing my children so much but I am lucky to be having these investigations to make sure I'm safe and sound :) i want you all to know u can beat health anxiety. I'm no where near better yet and I still feel panicky sometimes, but I'm facing my fears head on and I won't waste another two precious years of my three babies lives . Always here to listen and chat , 50.
I have suffered ectopic beats (now known to be PVCS) for two years. Since I became pregnant with my daughter 2 years ago. If I told you how many times if ran to the doctors crying, sat in a and e planning my own funeral, kissing my babies goodnight and wondering if I would see them in the morning. Torturing myself for two ENTIRE YEARS through two pregnancies , even through giving birth twice that my heart was going to tha thump tha thump .... Thump FLATLINE ! Lol . But it didn't? The hot flushes, the sweats, the ectopic runs (so so scary) the hammering chest vibrating. I checked my pulse 24 7, I could never find any comfort in anything the doctors said about my heart being normal. My ecgs were always fast but fine. I tried everything from propranolol which gave me an asthma attack, to Valium and citalopram ... I tried counselling, nothing could convince me I wasn't about to have a fatal heart arrhythmia and drop dead.
Well Sunday I had a run of ectopics that made me faint and smash the bone in my elbow. I've been on a cardiac ward since coming to a and e Sunday morning, I'm hooked up to heart monitors having my heart monitored 24 7 around the clock. I've had an echo which showed the muscle of my left ventricle is on the upper limits of normal thickness, and I'm having a cardiac mri scan tomorrow to wrk out if this is dangerous or not for me. I will also be leaving hospital with a heart monitor implanted in my chest to record any other fainting episodes I might have in the future . And do you know what? I'm NOT scared anymore, because I will have answers. Doctors think it is due to my hormones, and that my heart is healthy , yesterday I got so cross and missed my children so much that I ripped my wires off and ran up five flights of stairs twice and ran back to my bed and said to the docs "right here's what happens" my heart was at 170 a minute the palps were coming thick and fast and I felt faint and they immediately did an ecg and u no what? My heart was fine. They think I'm fine and they also think in funny lol :) I had to prove to myself I am okay. I'm sure my mri will be ok, and if it's not? Well we can deal with that tomorrow . My cardiologist is amazing and he thinks the thick bit of my heart is due to pregnancy and stress on the heart and that I'm gonna be fine he's just giving me a full work up while I'm here so that I can go home and NOT PANIC! I can smile with my babies and not hold back tears, I can go to bed at night knowing my heart is ok. I don't have to live in fear anymore. I am missing my children so much but I am lucky to be having these investigations to make sure I'm safe and sound :) i want you all to know u can beat health anxiety. I'm no where near better yet and I still feel panicky sometimes, but I'm facing my fears head on and I won't waste another two precious years of my three babies lives . Always here to listen and chat , 50.