was my therapist right?

[tricia56]

hi firstly sorry this post is quite long ,but as you can see from my older posts ive had anxiety for over 8yrs now and it never seems to settle down and have it allday everday no matter what I do. and have had cbt once was about 2yrs ago but didn't help much .and in November I started again with a different cbt therapist which only lasted 3 sessions because she said that because of my problems at home it would be no point in carrying on with the therapy because she said we would be just going round in circles as she says I need to resolve the problem that I have as that is what is keeping my anxiety going. so ill try and explain my problem with you to see if you think she is right in wat she is saying. I have a sister who is 50yrs old who has lived with me for 2yrs now who depends on alcohol and has clinical drepression for over 30yrs now and has tried to kill her self many times over the years including a few times at my home. and its always been me that has had to try and get her help get to hospital ect. ive always helped her and put up with her because ive always felt that if she did kill herself I would never forgive myself as I should of helped her more.
Over the years its always been me that she came to when she was drunk and drugged up and got all the abuse off her and a lot of times in was in front of my children too. she went to prison 5yrs ago for life because she set fire to her flat to try and kill herself and charged with arson with intent she came out 2yrs ago and had noware to live so her probation officer pleaded with me to let her come and stay with me until they found her a place of her own, I didn't really want her with me because the way I was suffering bad with anxiety but because ive always been a soft touch with everybody I agreed.as even tho I have 2 other bro and a sister they washed their hands with her many yrs ago after our parents died so I was all down to me to deal with her. las year she tried yet again to kill herself at my home and was put into the local mental unit for help she was there for 3mnths and I told her many times while she was in there that I culdnt have her back living with me because I couldn't cope no more with her and it was affecting me mentaly but she kept pleading and crying begging me to let her come back and the hospital and probation kept asking me so in the end I gave in yet again , so she has been living with again since last year ,she has to sleep in my living room as I haven't got a spare bedroom as I have my son and youngest daughter still at home. she doesn't get up till afternoon time doesn't do nothing exept watch tv. so a lot of time I spend in my bedroom doing nothing exept watch tv and feeling very anxiouse all the time. as I cant go and sit down stairs or clean up until she gets up it effecting my youngest daughter too as she spends a lot of time in her room because she cant sit down stairs thro the day.now I cant seem to stand being down stairs with my sister as I keep feeling that she has caused me to be the way I am now and that's seems to worry me quite a lot as I do love my sister and im not sure if im just trying to find someone one or some thing to blame for me being the way I am ,and because of what my therapist said I keep thinking that once my sister leaves then my anxiety will go but that might not be the case , im just so confused and don't know what to think anymore . sorry

[Fishmanpa]

Tricia,

Without a doubt, your therapist was right. Sad but true :(

Positive thoughts

[harasgenster]

Ok:

1) Your therapist is right that you will not feel better until the situation at home has been resolved: i.e. your sister living elsewhere.

2) Your anxiety will not resolve itself just because your sister isn't there anymore - it's going to take more work than that - but if she stays you will never feel better.

3) Why did your therapist discharge you exactly? It seems to me you feel overly responsible for your sister and the thoughts and emotions you are having are making you very anxious and causing you to make decisions that are detrimental to your life. Exactly why is it not the job of a therapist to lead you through that and begin to believe that you are not responsible for your sister? The therapist may be right that you won't feel better unless you remove your sister from your home, but you don't need to remove your sister from your home before you can engage in therapy - it sounds more like you need therapy to help you remove your sister...

If this therapist has discharged you, go back to your GP and ask for another therapist - explaining the reason.

If the therapist has not discharged you and you left because you didn't want to face up to making changes with your sister, then that is a different matter and you will need to start seeing that in a different light.

[tricia56]

hi harasgenster thk u for relpying my therapist discharged me and the reason she gave was what I said in my post the sister situation as she says she felt we would just go round in circles and just gave me list of things to work on which is keep busy, resolve situation at home. medicication even tho I told her I am petrified of taking meds, go for walks, find a hobbie, and that she will refer me a organization called MIND, which ive now heard from and they want me to join a wellbieng course. the only help she offerd me regaurding how I feel responsible for my sister was that not feel responsible for my sister nomore as my sister is adult and responsable for her own actions what ever she chooses to do. I know deep down my sister problem wont get rid of my anxiety but maybe reduce it alittle, its just that ever since the therapist said that 90% of my anxiety is caused by sister ive got it in my head that i will be better and I just want my sister to leave so I can try and get better

[PanchoGoz]

Hi again Tricia,
I can identify with you as I yearned for my older brother to move out as I felt vulnerable and opressed by him, and it was a huge relief when he left but it wasn't the cause of my anxiety. When you're trying to improve and you still have a big situation for you mind to turn to and broil over it makes things difficult.
You definately can't stay in this situation, the wellbeing course should help you with that although I don't know what exactly it entails. MIND is a trustworthy institute and they will help you.
She is an adult and can't rely on you to look after her forever, hopefully one day you will find the strength to give her an ultimatum and she will have to look after herself. I'm not surprised your siblings washed their hands of her. I can't advise how best to proceed with dealing with her, I'm sure others will have ideas too.
Best wishes

[trish1955]

Hi pat was going to text you today after reading this post but my net work on my phone as been down all day still not working rember me telling you when I asked my therapist how do I desperate my own anxieties to the ones happening in my home as I was asked to do that but she could not tell me how to doit short of me moving out lol iI could not do that one my agoraphobia to bad and two the house is mine and kids had no were to go even though they were in there teens to twenties and then there was grandchildren in toe well Feb second my daughter and two yr old grandson are to move back here and I told you how lazy she is and how I end up looking #fter the two yr old who is a hand full blesss. So yep my anxiety is through the roof to its bad enough struggling with ho anxieties but my kids pile it on any way I be in touch when net work on me mobile sorted or you no you can ring me anytime take care xxx

[times71]

I disagree. There will always be an excuse for your panic attacks. Right now it's your sister, if it wasn't for that it would be something else. Seems like you need to deal with the real issue.

[tricia56]

Times71 I'm not quite sure how to take your reply as i did find it abit harsh as I'm not that niave to think that my anxiety will go when my sister does move out and yes I have to deal with the issue of my anxiety but to me both my sister and my anxiety are real issues so pls quote me if I'm wrong

[PanchoGoz]

I think Times's post is very matter of fact personally :shrug: There always can be an excuse for panic attacks and you can't rely on a change of situation to change your fear habits. I suspect the real issue is the fear cycle, could be wrong, just how I interpret it.
"If you can't change the sutuation, change your attitude to it" may be an ultimate goal in your situation, will have to see

[tricia56]

I think your right pancho it is the fear that is the real issue but I don't know how to overcome it or chamge my attitude towards it as it's that I struggle with the hardest

---------- Post added at 20:20 ---------- Previous post was at 20:19 ----------