Went Docs this Morning - Now at Work and Fell Ill Again

[Female healthanxiety]

I swear I just feel like giving up...

As you may be aware from my post yesterday and the day before, have been experiencing Tiredness, tight head, dizziness (like whenever my car stops, I feel like it is still moving), eyes are heavy like they feel drunk, till have that feeling in my throat where I feel like something is continuously there.

I have been off work since Monday this week and feel like a failure. Even to get u and get dressed makes me so tired, also feel clumsy and that in itself, brings on the dizziness.

I made an appointment and attended the DRS this morning and just broke into tears, and said I have been feeling like this for 2 weeks and I feel that I m someone that wants to do stuff, but just do not have the energy, like I want to be able to get up, I want to be productive in work, I want to be able to join the gym in 3 weeks and not have to worry, but me being like this ad having no energy and feeling fatigue, is making normal things like that seem a struggle.

My DR took my blood pressure, which was 121/86 (which admittedly is a little high), but my BP has been so much higher in the past, and he said K, I know you very well, and I can see that your pulse is fast on the machine, so you are very anxious. He gave me a tissue and said there is noting physically wrong with you today, your BP is fine, your chest sounds OK, you are not lacking iron (he looked inside my eyes), and explained that he does understand that I actually feels like this, and that I should not be scared to exercise, as it would be good for me.

My first day back at work is dreadful, I have come back and have 70+ emails (all of which half of them are problems) and also my colleagues are continuously asking me work related questions. I said I was off sick due to a stomach bug.

Now I have a numb feeling in my left arm and I am panicking, just feel like going in the toilet and crying. (My HA is based on the heart and stroke worries).

I am 30 years of age and am wondering is this all life is going to be? 

[Darren1]

Oh K, I really feel for you. I know what it is like for Doctors to be so dismissive. I just hope they are right that there is nothing wrong with me, and the rest of us, except anxiety.

[barbn]

Ugh - you are not alone! I feel like crap today and want to crawl under my desk. My HA is cancer and heart/stroke. Just a bad day in general. I am so sorry you feel like you do. Let's take it an hour at a time and we will get through today!!

[Female healthanxiety]

Yes, one hour at a time! - what a good idea...

I just feel like I am going to have a heart attack :-(

[barbn]

Me too!!!! I want to crawl under my desk!! It's only 9:00am here where I am...so I have the full day to go yet! Yuck! But, I will do it!!

[Fishmanpa]

Oh K, I really feel for you. I know what it is like for Doctors to be so dismissive. I just hope they are right that there is nothing wrong with me, and the rest of us, except anxiety.

The doctors are NOT being dismissive. There's nothing "physically" wrong!

Positive thoughts

---------- Post added at 10:49 ---------- Previous post was at 10:18 ----------


I swear I just feel like giving up...

As you may be aware from my post yesterday and the day before, have been experiencing Tiredness, tight head, dizziness (like whenever my car stops, I feel like it is still moving), eyes are heavy like they feel drunk, till have that feeling in my throat where I feel like something is continuously there.

I have been off work since Monday this week and feel like a failure. Even to get u and get dressed makes me so tired, also feel clumsy and that in itself, brings on the dizziness.

I made an appointment and attended the DRS this morning and just broke into tears, and said I have been feeling like this for 2 weeks and I feel that I m someone that wants to do stuff, but just do not have the energy, like I want to be able to get up, I want to be productive in work, I want to be able to join the gym in 3 weeks and not have to worry, but me being like this ad having no energy and feeling fatigue, is making normal things like that seem a struggle.

My DR took my blood pressure, which was 121/86 (which admittedly is a little high), but my BP has been so much higher in the past, and he said K, I know you very well, and I can see that your pulse is fast on the machine, so you are very anxious. He gave me a tissue and said there is noting physically wrong with you today, your BP is fine, your chest sounds OK, you are not lacking iron (he looked inside my eyes), and explained that he does understand that I actually feels like this, and that I should not be scared to exercise, as it would be good for me.

My first day back at work is dreadful, I have come back and have 70+ emails (all of which half of them are problems) and also my colleagues are continuously asking me work related questions. I said I was off sick due to a stomach bug.

Now I have a numb feeling in my left arm and I am panicking, just feel like going in the toilet and crying. (My HA is based on the heart and stroke worries).

I am 30 years of age and am wondering is this all life is going to be? 

Hi FHA,

No, that's not what your entire life is going to be unless you allow it to be ;)
Definitely understand how work can be stressful and based on your post, that appears to be a trigger to your anxiety. Unless your job is a Fireman, putting out fires definitely can be stressful!

Just so you know, a BP of 121/86 is not a little high. It's within normal range. I've had heart disease/issues for some time so I know about such things ;)

I'm not a doctor but it does sound like you're a bit depressed. I've been going through a bit of depression after my cancer and your description of feeling tired, lack of motivation and such sounds familiar. I sought counseling and I'm doing much better :) I've also been using the free CBT course offered here. It's really good! I don't suffer anxiety but it's helped me with my depression and in other ways.

Let me ask you... what is it that you do for a living? Do you truly enjoy it? What's your dream career? At 30 years of age, you have a lot of life ahead of you.

Positive thoughts

[Female healthanxiety]

Hello Fishmanpa,

Thank you for your reply, it really really is APPRECIATED.... I have seen you post a lot on here and you seem to know so much.

Before I posted this my latest 2 posts this weekend; I hesitated and had a bit of time on my hands, so I looked through my existing posts.

I am an Office Manager for a Property Company, however, have done this sector of work for the past 12 years (not within the same company). I used to enjoy it, but just feel so tired to enjoy anything, others that have left my company though, have said that the place is depressing and sucks the life out of you. I think I need to look for new job. I leave my house at 8.00 and get in my house at 7.30pm, and to even think of cooking, cleaning and bathing makes me feel exhausted!

My dream job would be something to do with helping people; and have looked into it many times, and to be honest and always stopped by the salary, as I am paid for my experience within the current field I am in, so would have to take at least a £10k pay cut, which is such a shame, and not do-able.

Do not want to solely base it all on my work, but have other things going on which re quite normal like money, family probs etc. But nothing I didn't think waqs immediately bothering me to be honest with you.

I have a fear of heart/stroke related HA for the past 15 years now, plus it has just been fuelled by hearing of other heart attach/stroke sufferers, TV, news, and my grandad has heart disease, and the majority of my mothers side of the family have high BP, so am always scared I am going to have high BP when I go to the DRs - I hate having it done.

SORRY TO BABBLE ON....

My thought process is:

I feel stressed out -- I am taking on to much then I can handle (but anyone that knows me knows I am like that) -- then I think I will get high blood pressure - which will then lead onto me having a heart attack/stroke, or such like. It is like I AM SCARED to get stressed out, so in turn makes me feel more anxious and so-forth.

I am quite scared to actually admit that I may have a bit of depression; but then I feel like I need to be strong for others, and do not want them thinking that they can't rely on me for strength.... silly I know.

I am sorry to hear of your cancer, I do hear from other friends that after there treatment; they feel zapped of energy, which in turn starts the cycle of everything HA. I feel so sorry for moaning when there are good people like you that are on here giving advice. I hope you are feeling better, and remember this does not help, so added motivation is needed!

What is the CBT that you refer to?

I am quite angry with the NHS to be honest, I do not qualify, so they said I can pay for it!!! - I can't afford it!!! - I have paid NI since I was 16!, so the free CBT sounds great - what is the course?!


XXXXX K XXXXXX

[Pomchi]

I just wanted to agree with FHA and say that Fishmanpa gives some outstanding advice on this forum and I would like to ask him how he got to be such a wise owl (was going to put wise OLD owl but thought better of it) :D

[Fishmanpa]

Thanks Pomchi :) Wise?... maybe.. experienced... yeah...I've been through some stuff for sure ;)

FHA,

I've had two heart attacks, bypass surgery and most recently stents (right before my cancer diagnosis!) ... brutal right? Anyway, I;'m still here and doing Ok so the Big Guy must be keeping me around for a reason ;)

Here's the link to the CBT:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=131665

It takes work, I'm not going to kid you but I bet you'll have a few "Ah Ha" moments as you read through it. You'll need to keep a notebook and journal. Read Tanner's posts. She's been using it with great success.

I understand about the financial obligations and work. Sounds like you need a change in environment/employer. That might do you wonders. Also, what about some part time work or volunteer work in social services? Even a few hours a week would enhance your life and help fulfill your desire to help others. And here's a big one. Get well and heal from HA... come back here and help others ;)

Positive thoughts

[Female healthanxiety]

Hello Fishmanpa,

I think you are right re: the job..... change is good however even looking for another job seems overwhelming at the moment; as much as I normally enjoy these things.

Thank you for the link - makes so much sense - I have watched part 1 already - and will watch the rest later on tonight.

Again, I would love to do something voluntary, however, my tiredness leaves me feeling like I can barely cook after I get in!

Today - am at work - feeling a tad better (Just don't feel as worse as I felt yesterday).....

Came on my ladies (sorry if too much info, just feel may be relevant!).

I have had 2 Ladies sessions within 1 month!!!!!!!

Hope your ok xx

[Fishmanpa]

Thank you for the link - makes so much sense - I have watched part 1 already - and will watch the rest later on tonight.[/I]



???? You mean you "read" the book 1? They're not videos.... ;)

Positive thoughts

[Female healthanxiety]

Hello Fishmanpa,

There are videos, under the Audio Section on the website! :-)

[Fishmanpa]

I signed up and downloaded the PDF books/workbooks. Printed them out and put them in a binder. I've gone through each one and while some don't apply as I don't have anxiety, a lot did and has helped me with my depression and other issues I'm dealing with in my life.

It's imperative that you use the books as opposed to the videos. The videos just talk about what it is and contain no meat and potatoes so to speak. The books are in depth and help to reinforce what you're learning. No different than studying for an exam in school. It's like physical exercise for the mind. I assure you it won't be beneficial unless you make it a part of your daily routine.

I equate it to things I have to do now as opposed to pre-cancer days. For instance, due to the radiation, I have to be extra vigilant concerning my oral hygiene. I have to brush after everything I eat and use the between teeth cleaners as well as floss 2-3 times a day. If I don't, I stand the chance of losing my teeth and major dental/jaw/bone issues down the line. The same applies for CBT. There are many here who will affirm what I'm saying.

Positive thoughts

[Female healthanxiety]

Hello Fishmanpa,

Sorry for the late reply; Manager has been in the office!

That is interesting to know - I will download them; but at the moment do not have a laptop apart from at work - maybe I could download them on my Iphone and read them in the Kindle AP!

You must have lovely teeth - I think we should all brush at least twice a day! Hope your feeling better by the day, you sound very confident and positive :-)

I hope I am able to relax this weekend and not experience what I did last weekend and have to have another Mon/Tue/Wed off work...

K X

[Fishmanpa]

You must have lovely teeth - I think we should all brush at least twice a day! Hope your feeling better by the day, you sound very confident and positive :-)

Oh I wish! They're not bad by any means but far from perfect ;) Yeah, the PDF's are the bomb! I read before going to sleep so some of the tips and methods are absorbed.

I guarantee you that you'll read the books and have several "Ah Ha" moments. It also goes into depth about the physiology behind anxiety and why your body reacts the way it does.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I had never heard of Squamous Cell Carcinoma. So I set out to learn as much as I could about it and the treatment. It helped prepare me for the battle. The same goes for anxiety. The more you can learn about the dragon, the better prepared you'll be to fight him off.

Concerning being positive and confident? I struggle just like everyone else but I work at it every day. Having been face to face with death, I understand the value of life. Read the words in my signature. That's TRUTH right there. I live by that. I have it printed and placed where I can see it all the time. It's even my wallpaper and screen saver on my computer ;)

Positive thoughts

[Female healthanxiety]

"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

How Lovely! :-)

the weirdest thing is, I appreciate things in life so much - but these feelings are so strong, does not help as I get so angry!!! It is like someone/thing trying to control you!

I must admit the Adrenalin superhero character in the CBT video really made me chuckle!

I am so glad you are on this Forum - your experience is so heroic and you have come so far! God repays goodness and am sure you have so much goodness coming your way, either immediate or in the near future; for all the hard work you have been doing on here....God bless you!

K X

xxx