My Prozac Diary - 26 Year old - Male

[BenCaraccio]

MY PROZAC Diary!

So I have been diagnosed with SAD and I have been having some quite bad anxiety attacks which have been getting in the way of living. I have been a pain in the backside for my family and my better half (MBH).

It was MBH that suggested I was suffering from SAD a few weeks ago. I haven't quite been myself. I have been feeling down for a while (since September) and the anxiety attacks have started. I also seem to want to hibernate! I have always seen this as a normal thing for me as it happens every year. This doesn't make it ok!

So after the chat with MBH, I tried to dismiss it (typical bloke thing to do). I left it a couple of weeks hoping it was just be being a little down. Things did not improve unforntuatley, so I did some research on SAD and decided it was time to call the doctors. I called them last Thursday and booked an appointment for Monday.

Monday came around and I was trying to convince myself not to see the doctor. Thank god I didn't. My Doctor asked why was I in to see her. I said "I am not quite myself at the moment!". I told her about my history with being a bit down and the anxiety thing. I told her that I think it is SAD. She asked for some more details and asked what course of treatment I would prefer. I asked for Fluoxetine as light therapy only has 67% success rate and I didn't fancy therapy at this point. We discussed how long I would be looking to be on the medication (until March it turns out). We also spoke about what we would then try if the medication proved to be ineffective (we are reviewing it in 2 weeks time) and spoke about other treatments.

I took my prescription and picked up the Fluoxetine (20mg once a day) immediately. I took the first tablet that night.

Day 1) There seems to be no change at this point. It was a little difficult to get off to sleep but not too much of an issue. The tablet was taken at 6pm.

Day 2) I didn't feel much change at all. Felt a bit stressed in the evening and got a bit of chest pain. Just rode it out. Again a little issue with sleeping. I took the tablet at 10am.

Day 3) I woke up fine. I felt a lot happier. I am not sure whether or not it was a natural swing for me or if it is a little help from the medication. I felt no stress all day...what a relief! I felt a bit more like me! It was a bit of a long day. Sleep wasn't really an issue. Tablet taken at 10am.

Day 4) Tablet taken at 10 am....I will update you tomorrow on it!

[GADandOCD]

After having lost all faith, I went on prozac 20mg fluoxetine and in 4 weeks I was another person, happy, motivated, smiling, positive, sociable and more and more enjoying life :) Give it a try trust me it's worth it!!!! BEen a year now, I don't want to stop fluoxetine! It saved my life!

[Pipkin]

Hi Ben and :welcome:

It will be interesting to see how you get on. It sounds like you've got a pretty good GP who listens to what you're saying and let's you stay in control of your treatment. Mine's like that but some aren't.

If you do start to have a few anxious days, remember that meds can do that in the first few weeks. Let us know how you're doing.

Pip

[BenCaraccio]

Thanks for the support guys!

Day 4:

It felt wave of well being must have swept over me. Quite a nice day actually. Was chatting to MBH on the phone and she was asking me what I had had for breakfast lunch etc. It turns out I had forgotten to eat as I didn't get the hunger reminder that I usually get... On reflection, Day 3 had been very much the same (I only had a small bowl of chicken and rice all day).

MBH suggested I keep a concious tab on what I am eating and when, as a reference at the moment as it doesn't appear to be a reflex action.

Sleeping was a little easier last night but waking up was a little hard this morning. Turns out it is turning me into the "snooze button ninja"!

Lets see how day 5 goes!

[BenCaraccio]

Day 5: Took my tablet at 10am. I woke up fine. Actually ate some food! Most of the day I felt like I was talking too much. I felt quite excited. In the evening I went for drinks with MBH and her mates. Did some throwing up before I had even started to drink (just after brushing my teeth...). I am not sure if this was me begining to get ill, a side effect or something in my head.

The last few times I had been out drinking, I wasn't myself. This time I was back to the old me. It was a good night. I crashed out at about 1:30 am.

[worrieraz]

Hi Ben, can I ask what dosage you are taking. I am on day 4 of taking 10mg and have not felt much of an improvement, in fact I had my worst anxiety attack in the middle of the night last night.

[BenCaraccio]

I am on 20 mg. I am not having an amazing day today. I will update you all tomorrow

[BenCaraccio]

Day 6: I didn't sleep much the night before and I was a little hung over. I went to work and that tired me out a bit. My recollection of day 6 is a little hazy. I took my tablet at 10 am. I had some dry heaving in the afternoon which was a bit inconvenient. I finished work and had to have an hour in bed. Went to a gig in the evening with MBH and started to perk up about 10pm. Usually if I am somewhere I am not familiar with I get a bit panicky about getting back but it was fine...it was quite refreshing actually!

Day 7: Slept quite well last night. Took my tablet at 11am. I had a lovely day. My memory for multi-tasking and processes isn't quite right (making a cup of tea but I couldn't work out what was missing for a few seconds...It was the water!) but isn't really an issue I am worrying about. Went to the cinema with MBH. This weekend I was back to the old me. I think my family and MBH are starting to notice the difference.

NOTE: I have sent the link for this forum off to my mum and some of my friends. It saves some awkward conversations and means I don't have to update them! I have received some really positive feedback from them.

[BenCaraccio]

Sorry I haven't been online the last couple of days. I was advised not to use this forum whilst at work (potentially a child protection issue).

Day 8: From now, I don't have much recollection. I took my tablet at 10am as per usual. I assume it was a good day. I haven't really had any bad days! processing memory is starting to come back.

Day 9: Got busy at work and ended up taking my tablet at 11am. It threw me off a little bit. No adverse sort of reaction. Still struggling to get up in the morning. I feel a lot more even and a lot more like myself. I think I am in a good place!

[BenCaraccio]

Day 10 – Quite a nice day. It was the first day I almost forgot to take my tablet (I took it at 11am instead of 10am). When I remembered I felt a little silly. The side effects seem to have stopped. I guess it must have been my body trying to get used to it.

*

Day 11 – Sleeping better now. I took my tablet at 10am. Today it was time for my review with the doctor. It was quite a busy day. I had a funeral to go to and I was worried that if my doctor was running late, I would miss my train. Luckily the doctor was on time (in fact she was early). We had a chat about how I was finding the medication, my Prozac diary and when we would be looking to start reducing my dose. As everything seems to be going well I was given a prescription for whole month.

*

So off I pop to grab my train(s). Usually I find travelling really stressful but I was slightly ahead of schedule and had very little to worry about. I met MBH at the other side of London and we travelled to the funeral. It was weird. The only way I could describe it is, I couldn’t really pick the right mood for occasion. I was feeling good and I was overly aware that my face may be showing it too much. I bowed my head and stared at the floor for most of the service. I think I got away with it.

*

Day 12 – I woke up early-ish and then went back to sleep…Took my tablet at 11:30 when I got out of bed. Went to work as usual and had quite a nice day. In the evening I went with MBH to her friend’s birthday dinner (in central London). It was 6 girls she went to school with and a couple of them bought their boyfriends. Needless to say, this situation could be quite intimidating. It wasn’t really an issue. I was a little tired during dinner and I still haven’t quite got my appetite back so I didn’t finish my dinner (which is very much unlike me). After dinner we went for a walk through London and ended up by Trafalgar Square to get a night bus home. Needless to say again, I find night buses stressful but I was fine and dandy.

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Day 13 – Had a major lay in and didn’t take my tablet until about 3:30pm when I picked up my new prescription. I almost forgot all about it, and that is what is slightly worrying. I am feeling back to my old self, I don’t have any real side effects so I forget about the tablet…MBH recommends that I take it as part of a routine i.e.: brush teeth, take tablet etc. I suppose she is right (as per usual). Had a lovely day with MBH. We went for a little bike ride and then went for a Drive/Ride (her on my moped and me in her car) so we could both practice. I was feeling a lot more relaxed in the car that I had previously. We went home and had some dinner and she then shot back home.

*

Day 14 –On my way to work I realised I had left my tablets at home, so I turned round and got them. I took my tablet at 10am. Today I felt ultra-productive and had a lovely day. In the evening MBH came round to stay for a week (she is doing a course in London). I made some cakes (because I really fancied it!) and made some chicken wraps. There isn’t really much more to say on the day!

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I am slightly concerned about my attitude towards my medication. It is clear to see that it is working and that is what is making it easy to not take it. there isn’t the panic or worry that there was before and therefore I am not seeing it as a priority. I need to break this cycle.

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Sorry for the length…

*

Ben

[teej]

Ben,

I've enjoyed reading your positive posts this afternoon. Thank you for sharing your story. :yesyes:

T

[BenCaraccio]

So I have been slightly disorganised recently...

I could make a million and one excuses but I am not going to.

I have been avoiding updating this because I am fixed.....

How wrong could I be?

So, the last time I updated this I said I was struggling to remember to take my medication. The main reason for this was that I was feeling "normal" and there wasn't the excitement or worry to remind me. I flagged this as an issue and said I would make more of an effort. Clearly I haven't!

My anxiety has previously stopped me taking any major risks such as forgetting medication or applying for jobs that I am clearly not qualified for. Without this anxiety, remembering to take medication is harder.

Whilst this is all sounding quite negative, how I feel certainly is the opposite.

so as a little exercise, I have decided to write a list of why taking the medication is important for me.

1) I like feeling good.
2) I am more likeable when I am feeling good.
3) I like being confident without thinking too much about consequence.
4) I like being stable.
5) Me being "myself" is good for my relationship with MBH and my family.
6) What is their to worry about?

I am sure I will think of more!

What I have noticed is that my recollection of the last few weeks is rather hazy. I remember events but not feelings. I remember things like laying in bed with MBH but not any real conversations. I am not going to let this bug me as lets face it, it is better than how I was feeling before (which feels like it happened to another person)

My 2 issues have been:
a) Take my medication
b) If I have already taken my medication

So I think I will start to cut the packet into groups of 7, starting from Monday. I am also going to start taking my medication closer to bed time to give me a memorable procedure to indicate whether or not I have taken my medication.


I will do my best to keep you updated.

Ben

[BenCaraccio]

So here comes the long awaited update...

Whilst not everything is perfect with the prozac it has helped me a lot.

After about 8 weeks I told my doctor that I would like to come off the medication. There were a few personal factors in making that decision.
1) I thought I was better
2) Some of the mild side effects were annoying (ED etc)
3) I thought the side effects were worse than the symptoms.

So I saw my doctor and we came up with a plan for me to reduce my dose to 20mg every other day (10mg is now unlicensed) and due to the half life (how long it stays in your system) every other day would be sufficient in getting off it. I was due to have a review a month later but she gave me 2 months worth of tablets as told me I could do it in my own time. Me being over excited, showing some bravado decided to start reducing from the Saturday (the day after the appointment). The first few days I was feeling fine but it got to the weekend and I started to appear withdrawn again (I wasn't aware myself). MBH asked me how I was feeling and said she had seen me yawning a lot and sleeping more than what is usual for me. I also wasn't as talkative and my appetite was abnormally large. I had noticed I was craving carbs more than I usually do. Uh Oh! sounds like someone is trying to hibernate again...The first outwardly visible sign that I was starting to regress into how I was feeling before seeing the doctor initially and before I was prescribed Prozac. If she hadn't had mentioned anything, I would have been completely unaware. I thought I better go back to 20 mg once a day and asked for her feedback on the matter. I was too concerned with one of the side effects to even worry about the actual problem...my depression.

So it turns out I can't rush these things but it has helped me realise...

Firstly, this isn't something that just passes!
Secondly, my mental health doesn't only affect me.
Thirdly, If medication improves my relationship with not only MBH, my family, my friends and my work colleagues, surely that is a good thing.
and finally, I prefer my side effects to my symptoms.

Now where I have been extremely lucky is that I have been able to talk about issues around my medication quite frankly with not only MBH but most of my family, most of her family, my friends and her friends. I have also realised that the more information I am able to give, the less scary it feels for myself and other people. The other thing is that it has given me a better grasp on the difference between what is normal and what is normal for me!

My next doctors appointment is this Friday. I am moving out of the area and have to change doctors, which I am not looking forward to. I have been fortunate enough to have some very understanding doctors who appear to be highly trained and passionate about what they do.

Church Lane Practice,
2 Church Lane,
Merton Park,
SW19 3NY

Here is their link: http://www.churchlanepractice.co.uk/staff.htm (http://www.churchlanepractice.co.uk/staff.htm)

If anyone lives within their catchment area, I highly recommend them.

I will update again on Friday after my doctors appointment!

Much Love

Ben!

[David_SE16]

Ben,

I'm touched by your honesty. Thank you for letting me read this.


David