depression setting in...really low and worried

[sgp64]

God I don't know where to start. I first found this site after experiencing my first panic attack and susequent health anixiety. Prior to that I think, in retrospect, I've been suffering with GAD for a long time. My Gp recently prescribed me Xanax which I take infrequently as I don't like taking pills and when he did so asked if I felt my anxiety was linked to depression I said no but deep down I guess knew that I had always struggled. Now after my recent and ongoing episodes of anxiety my girlfriend, the one positive part of my life, has decided that she needs time apart after 9 years. Low is not the word to describe how I feel. Bereft is more like it. I've never felt so alone. I've already been on to a local helpline for a depression support group but this whole thing just seems to be me sliding into some terrible unknown place. I'm gonna see my GP tomorrow...come clean on the depression and ask for his help but I'm so sorried about taking anti depressants and them not working/making things worse. I feel so bloody needy and it's so hard for me to deal with. People have always viewed me as calm and self assured and now I think it's obvious that I'm not coping. I may have to tell my boss (Jesus I work in social care..if anybody should understand!) but admitting you're not coping well is so hard, especially when your job is supposed to be helping people in a similar position. This whole thing is awful. If anybody can throw something positive my way I'd really appreciate it. Do anti depressants work?

[mooks]

hi there
So sorry you've had a rough time ... its hard when people close to you dont understand what your going through..one thing we learn is that there is a long way to go before the stigma of depression is lifted totally...but its an illness like any other..Im not preaching as its taken me many years to accept it.
Again medication is given for many illnesses and if you see my other posts and other people you'll see many people have taken meds...its by no way a cure..and its takes a while to take affect (you can feel worse for the first few weeks) but after a while they work to relieve the symptoms allowing other therapies to help you...
what Im trying to say is please get help we've all done it...there's no miricale cure its tough work and ups and downs as Im experiencing at the mo but you do not have to suffer...

I always remind myself that its often the deep,analytical and emotional people that suffer this illness ...so maybe that makes us a bit special
wierd thought hey but many famous historical figures suffered with this

take care you can PM anyone for help when you need itxx

[sgp64]

Thanks Sarah..I really appreciate your reply and sorry to hear you may be having a down period at the mo. I so want to not feel this way but, in a funny way, I would not want to be the sort of person who was not emotional and analytical. That's who I am. I just wish there was more people around me who, like here, would understand why I simply am not the life and soul of the party. Maybe this support group thing will work.

Take good care xx

[Ness]

Hey :)

Just want you to know that you are in the right place for help. I suffer from a mood disorder, which is a result of constant anxiety and depression issues, and I really dont know how I would have gotten through some of my most difficult times without support from the wonderful people on this sight.

If theres one piece of advice I can give you its take your medication, and take it regularly, otherwise it will not work as well. I was very much like you, very reluctant to take meds, but once I realised how much they were helping me to cope, especially with lifes little ups and downs, my reluctance disappeared. Sure I still have my days, but now I can deal with them in a better frame of mind. I can enjoy life without constantly being bombarded with depressive thoughts, and do the things that I enjoy. Things that I previously would never dreamed of.

Another thing - dont ever be ashamed or embarrassed. For so long i denied there was a problem, and god it made everything so much worse. Now I'm upfront with people, and you'll find that because depression and anxiety is such a common thing in today's society, people will understand, even bosses, and are usually very willing to help. Its better than making excuses, which I now realises makes life a hell of a lot harder!

Good luck and let me know how things go[^]

Love Ness xoxoxoxo

[sgp64]

Thanks for the support Ness...much appreciated. I saw my Doc today. He's a decent bloke and we had a good chat and he put my mind at ease. He's given me Lexapro 10mg for an initial 4 weeks during which time I should also start my counselling (this I am very unsure about...I know where my anxiety/depression issues are rooted and unless someone can wave a magic wand and make it all go away I don't see the point) Anyway...have taken my first Lexapro and am concerned now that I will of course be one of these people that has monster side effects. Hoping that it helps though. I need to be a better happier person for the people around me and for myself. I'm determined to nail this **** frame of mind I've been living with for years. Tomorrow I'm telling my boss...tonight I'm telling a good friend who has no idea how low I can get. Basically I'm gonna take all available help and get this sorted because life is too damn short.

Thanks again[8D]

On edit: Blimey....first pill is taking effect and I feel very jittery. Almost feel like I could "take off" through the roof Superman style (have put my pants on outside my trousers just in case this happens) Different kind of jittery though to my anxious state... I realise it's the medication and not some unkown fear gripping me. Perhaps I should have waited till the morning as if I feel like this later there's no way I'll be sleeping well and I really need sleep after 2 crappy nights.

[Ma Larkin]

We are all human and all have feelings of unhappiness and loneliness. I've felt like that for a long time now. I'm on my own with 3 kids, work full-time (my job also touches on social care as I work for the Councillors of the local authority and I work for the Chair of Social Care and Health and Services for Children, Young People and Vulnerable Adults). To be honest, working in this area doesn't help sometimes. I get some "horror" stories, if you like, that I can't get out of my mind, even when I get home; I've even cried at some cases and couldn't stop thinking about them for weeks. Still, I don't know which part of social care you work for, but I have been in the same boat as you as far as my nearest and dearest deciding he wanted "space".

Don't worry about taking anti-deps; you haven't failed in any way. Any Counsellor will tell you that they are there to help you temporarily, this isn't permanent and you will see things positively again. Never give up hope, you won't feel like this forever. I can honestly say it's just taken me nearly 3 years to feel near normal again. I've just stopped taking Prozac (only a week ago), but I will not let this fight me any more. I will get back to normal and I will get a life and I got to this point by taking the meds, and coming on this site and meeting so many wonderful and helpful people. I've made some really special friends and I'm sure it will be of great help to you too.

We all have to help ourselves in this world, and by taking meds and admitting we have a problem and not trying hide it, is half the battle.

Good luck.

Les

[sgp64]

Cheers for the support Les. Yes..my work has really got to me at times (I work in front line services for the homeless) as well. That is just one of the many areas of my life that needs working on. I think I can honestly say that I don't feel a failure for taking meds after all this time in an attempt to give my mind some breathing space. I've really struggled since I was about 15 but ignored my issues and kept my head down hoping that it would all go away. Well of course they haven't. Am trying to be optimistic and view this as an opportunity for development and growth and that something positive will come out of it all. Bit difficult when only on the second day of meds and feel well odd.