New to this

[Deckardblues]

I found this website by accident today. I was looking up side effects for Citalopram which i started 4 days ago, since i had this crushing low, and felt worse, than i did a week ago. This is common i hear, and you have to work through it. If it cures my depression or even helps me by 1% it will be worth it.
I have often wondered if i do get panic attacks, since this morning, it wasnt outwardly, but i was lying in bed, and i just felt my mind going totally out of control, i just wanted to scream, almost tear the room apart. I somehow kept it inside, and my partner never woke up. I managed to calm myself down. I have had the odd attack over the years, events like this, sometimes brought on by sudden changes in my life. But more recently since i felt my depression coming on again last month.
I overdosed in 2002, and i found my way back, having got through that horrible chapter, but now its come back again, this depression. I am starting counselling in a couple of weeks. Maybe that will help.
Anyway, apologies if i am waffling on. Not quite sure what to say here, how much to say. But thanks for listening.

[MRS STRESS ED]

Hello and welcome to nmp you will find lots of help and support here and good luck with your counselling :D

[clare_201086]

Welcome feel free to message me

[Deckardblues]

Thanks Clare for your message. Just trying to take life one day at a time. I see your living with someone. How does that person cope with what your going through. I ask this, since i finally admitted to my girlfriend that i am depressed. She is struggling with it. I try and down play it, but it isnt easy.

[clare_201086]

My partner is very understanding having been through mental health himself I am so very lucky to have him, I have quiet severe anxiety panic attacks, hope you are ok? Are you taking anything?

---------- Post added at 17:47 ---------- Previous post was at 17:47 ----------

Sorry I've just read your post!

[Deckardblues]

Just started on Citalopram 20mg. Nothing for attacks, just reaching for the Jack Daniels which is the worst thing i can do. But i just needed to numb the pain of how i was feeling. I have cut my drinking down though, at advice of my doctor. But sometimes you just need that fix to heal yourself.

[JITTERBUG1]

Welcome! Don't downplay your depression to your partner. Tell her exactly how you feel. Just make sure it has nothing to do with her. I would suggest to cut out the drinking. It is very bad for depression and anxiety. I have severe anxiety and also depression, but I am very open with everyone n my life including coworkers. I never want anyone to feel like they have done anyhing wrong and I also find that most people are extremely supportive.

[Deckardblues]

Well last night was a bad night. I slept poorly, and my whole body felt like it was going into spasm this morning. It was terrible. Eventually I gave up sleep, and went for a run, which was good for a while, and my mind closed down. But now I am home, and my depression kicks in again. Just taken my daily Citalopram, and I begin the process of just getting through another day, which is really hard, but least I am working, so that helps keep the bad thoughts at bay. I am getting counselling at the end of the month, so am hoping this is going to make some difference. I just feel so sad at times, it is almost unbearable.

[Select]

Welcome and this site helped me so much.:) I agree with jitterbug1. If you feel you can talk to your partner please try, they will be as scared as you. They may feel it's their fault. Talking is one of the best healers I find but I know it isn't always easy. I decided to come of my drug last night :ohmy: hardly slept. I also took to drink then one day I had to much and decided enough, but I am very strong willed, I didn't drink for 6 weeks and my sleep improved no end but I have to say it's not easy to stay of it as it makes everything go away. Maybe your partner can help with that :). I know you will find help in this site night and day. Hope you feel better soon

[Deckardblues]

I talked to The Samaritans today which i found useful, and also there is a mental health help line. When you have no friends, sometimes strangers provide the most comfort. This site, i think is going to help me a lot though.

There is this song by Todd Lundgren called Tiny Demons. I listen to it a lot, and the painting that goes with it on youtube, kind of sums up how i feel sometimes.

[Deckardblues]

Well. I slept okay. Taken my next Citalopram and am at work. But just about holding it together. Doing my best to hide it from everyone. The mornings are definitely the worst.