Still a sufferer

[Jacsta]

Hi all

I don't post all that often in the forum (I mainly chill out in chat for a good distraction), but I've been thinking a way and thought I'd type it out to make some sense of it.

I am a long time sufferer of depression and anxiety and in the most part I'm recovered and able to live my life. Unfortunately as you all know so well we are never fully recovered, blips happen, and moons go up and down.

I recently started my new career as a newly qualified nurse....a goal I worked long and hard for, my best life achievement so far. I guess I'm still finding my feet with doing long shifts and having a bigger responsibility. I give it my all at work and unfortunately that has taken a toll on home life. I've become tired, and I just can't be bothered to do anything on my days off. I thought I was just being lazy (maybe I am?) but part of it is down to my depression and anxiety....I spend so much time worrying over everything and trying to be better that by the time a day off comes I'm mentally exhausted so I just spend the day on the sofa, thinking about what I should be doing.

I need a kick up the bum, and I need to learn to switch off from work so that I can enjoy the rewards from full time work pay cheque. I'm on holiday for a week now, and I'm a bit lost as to what to do, I've forgotten how to have fun. I think today (seen as I've been up since 4.30am) I need to think back to my cbt therapy, and remember how to challenge my own doubts, and get back on track.

So this evening I shall look back on today, and I shall post 3 positives of what I have achieved...I shall dig deep and somehow find some energy to carry on.

[sophieunderscore]

Big hugs lovely lady, you deserve them.

I am so sorry you are feeling low at the moment, but you know that you will get back out of this black hole, and you know that you have all of us here to support you.

Starting a new career is always going to be scary and hard, and anx and depression will always sneak back just to keep us on our toes. Remember that even people without anx and depression will find it difficult to settle into a new career and it's going to be tiring for a while, especially with weird and long shifts. Be kind to yourself, don't try and rush head first into doing everything in the world, pick some things you want to do, just small-ish goals, and you'll feel great when you do them and you'll be able to do more and more. Let yourself be lazy sometimes, and let yourself worry, but try and limit them. How about writing down your worries, and then putting them to one side, then setting aside some time to think about them when you've done the important stuff for the day? Easier said than done, I know, but it may help :)

And don't forget to let us know if you're struggling - you're here for us when we need you, let us do the same for you xx

[Tessar]

I found your post interesting jacsta & when I read what you say, it's pretty clear to me that you aren't lazy in the slightest!! no way.
You have worked your backside off to qualify as a nurse. That is a fantastic achievement & means you can do something rewarding every day. Since you know what it's like to be on the receiving end of illness yourself, that no doubt makes you even better equipped to deal with what is thrown at you every day.
You describe long shifts and having bigger responsibilities. Well these are things that will take their toll especially as you rightly say you are still finding your feet. Honestly, you are doing well, really well. You've battled through and got this far, no wonder you feel tired. Quite frankly I think you have earned a few lazy days at home. I really do. Rest by all means but dont beat yourself up about it. Rest because that may well be what you need. You have been working very hard to get where you are.
As time goes by and you get used to work patterns & gradually become more experienced then you will feel more energetic away from work. Anyone doing a new job is going to feel pretty darned exhausted. I am sure you will develop a way of switching off from work & enjoy the rewards of your pay cheque. Most new jobs come with a steep learning curve and one that does not involve the responsibilities you are dealing with. Give yourself a huge pat on the back because you deserve one.
You are also doing the right things to help yourself already. Type out how you feel to make some sense of it is an excellent idea. I find that it helps enormously & means you can reflect on the situation but in a positive way.
You're right that blips happen, and moons go up and down.
Definitely do think back to my cbt therapy. Get in there and challenge those doubts - or come here and ask us to help you challenge them. Good old negative automatic thoughts. Always worse when you are knackered. Imagine all that new stuff from working going round and round in your head..... no wonder it's all got a bit much. That's why you are mentally exhausted.
You will get back on track because you already have the right attitude towards it, otherwise you'd not have put your post up.
Sending you hugs & virtual energy too :-)

[Jacsta]

Thanks for the replies. Yes I know I'm hard on myself...I guess its sometimes hard to tell whether I am being lazy or need time to rest, and I thought I'd be used to my shifts before now. I always get over it, I just wish I didn't have depression tiredness on top of new job tiredness :/ Tomorrow is a new day an all

[oh no_1]

good on you. nursing i imagine is tough. i was teaching which unfort didnt work out.
depression is tough and im back anfd forth at moment with mine more regular than i would like.
it hard on days off i know wot u mean. it easier at work as u have stuff to do etc but i tend to just think and over think on my day off too.