Ness
16-11-06, 03:49
I havent been on for a while as iv had a lot going on in the way of work and life in general but im in need of some real support right now. I lost my job today. Granted I was only working once a week and I have another one, but it made me feel like id let myself and the other people around me down again! Its my third job in a year! Just when i think everythings going well, a hiccup comes along.
The reason I lost this job was because friday night, I hit the bottle really hard. One minute I was feeling on top of the world, the next I was so low, I had three options. Cut myself, kill myself, or drink. I chose the third, and after lots of vodka and whisky, mixed with my meds, I was bordering on psychotic. I was up all night ranting and raving saying things Id never dream of in my sane state, things I didnt even remember saying the next day, until my poor boyfriend told me.
Obviously i was so ill the next day i couldnt work. I knew it was impossible to get in a pool and teach kids how to swim in that state. I missed my singing lesson too, and on top of this all i embarrassed myself hugely. Hearing those words from my boss just now "Ness I need to let u go, I need someone reliable" has torn me up inside. Once again Ive screwed up I sometimes wonder whether i should just not bother, and im scared that im going to resort to the bottle again, or worse. I want to have a job that lasts a bit longer than a month and I dont want to have the urge to hurt or kill myself everytime something goes wrong. Please help.
The reason I lost this job was because friday night, I hit the bottle really hard. One minute I was feeling on top of the world, the next I was so low, I had three options. Cut myself, kill myself, or drink. I chose the third, and after lots of vodka and whisky, mixed with my meds, I was bordering on psychotic. I was up all night ranting and raving saying things Id never dream of in my sane state, things I didnt even remember saying the next day, until my poor boyfriend told me.
Obviously i was so ill the next day i couldnt work. I knew it was impossible to get in a pool and teach kids how to swim in that state. I missed my singing lesson too, and on top of this all i embarrassed myself hugely. Hearing those words from my boss just now "Ness I need to let u go, I need someone reliable" has torn me up inside. Once again Ive screwed up I sometimes wonder whether i should just not bother, and im scared that im going to resort to the bottle again, or worse. I want to have a job that lasts a bit longer than a month and I dont want to have the urge to hurt or kill myself everytime something goes wrong. Please help.