How do you deal with loosing a parent

[illgetthere]

It's been 8 months since my dad passed away and it's harder then ever I just don't no how to deal with it any more I feel totally lost the thing I want more then anything can't and will not never happen I understand that but the feeling inside is strong I feel like running away to get away from it last year was pretty intense. My nan passed away December my mom met a knew man and is moving a long way away it's all to much my brain won't process any of it aswell as all this my health anxiety is pretty intense I'm at an all time low just don't no what to do anymore really don't love and best wishes xx

[Hypo]

I wish I knew the answer. My three sons lost their dad four weeks ago, they are aged 14, 12 and 10.

Things seem to get harder, not better.

It is still very early days for you and grief is a cycle and you will go in and out of all the stages.

May I ask how old you are?

I would suggest perhaps getting some grief counselling and reading this book

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Grief-Grieving-Finding-Meaning-Through-ebook/dp/B002RI9NT2/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389695442&sr=1-3&keywords=elizabeth+kubler+ross

I am so sorry for your loss, there is no wonder you are so down and anxious. I hate to say an old cliche but time is a great healer. You will always miss him but the grief will stop being all encompassing in time.

[illgetthere]

I'm 31 I know I probably sound like a kid but I'm so consumed with it I just don't no I just keep saying it will get better give it time but it gets worse I'm so sorry for the loss of your children's father I feel for them I truly do it's a horrendous feeling thank-you for the link I'll go look now love and best wishes x

[lavender123]

Ilgetthere. Sorry if I spelt your name wrong, I lost my mother last year, and my father and sister in the last five years, I have only a younger brother left,who I never see, and an older sister who lives abroad, I use to see my mum everyday anda she needed care, I never got to say goodbye, as she passed away early one morning whilst in hospital, I think we are on auto pilot for a long while, I think it's natures way of protecting us, with the shock. What I did to try and help myself. Was even though it might sound silly, I got my husband to put up a little shelf, and put some angel statues and a candle , I a put a little phot of my mum there as well and a little flower, it's not like a shrine, it's just something for me,to cope with the grief, it might be early days for you, there are no right words, that pain deep inside eases then it comes back. I really feel for you, and offer my sincere sympathy to you. You don't have to put a photo there if you don't want to, .do what you want cry when you want. Hope I have helped a little bit. X

---------- Post added at 13:36 ---------- Previous post was at 13:32 ----------

Hypo, I am sending deepest condolences for your lost. X

[fruity]

im 29 & i lost my dad when i was coming 28. & it,s hard you never get over it but i suppose you have to learn to deal with it. it,s horrible i know. i still feel the pain but what can i do. so sorry to hear of your passing. god will be there to comfort you. x

[tracieann]

hi ill get there i dont think there is anyway to cope you just have to try plod along as best you can i lost my mum when i was 34 but it dosent matter how old you are they are your parent you are their child thats all there is too it its love thats it real love gives us pain but all i can say is i found that if i went to a new place ie shopping in a different town or swimming or a class the getting out and focusing on something other than the pain of your grief {and it is pain} can be helpful or do a bit of voluntary work for a charity even one or two hours a week and you realise you are not alone in suffering God bless and stay by you at this hard time but remember most of all there is no right or wrong way to feel only the way you do:hugs:

[mermaid]

Hi illgetthere

I lost my mum last year and it is very painful. Grief and bereavement have many phases and it is very difficult to endure.

Do you have friends or family or anyone at work you can talk to? I found comfort with my family and friends.

There are lots of books about loss and bereavement that can help too.

Bereavement counselling can also help.

Sending hugs to you it really does ease with time honestly.

Mermaid

[illgetthere]

Thank-you all for talking to me ❤️ I do have family and friend I was real close to my mom but she's been real funny since dad passed I have no clue who she is any more I just don't have nothing to say I think depression is hitting now I've always said I wasn't depressed but now I'm not so sure I just don't no how to get my head to accept it all I wasn't crying everyday I thought I was dealing with it all but I'm not at all x

[mermaid]

Perhaps go and see your GP? I found mine very sympathetic and helpful.

Mermaid

[Allyann]

My heart goes out to you .I lost both my parents within six months of each other when I was the same age you are now . The only thing I can tell you is that the pain does ease off but it's still very early days for you. Please try and be patient with yourself and accept that you are going through a very natural human process of grieving. You sound like a great person who is doing the very best you can. I hope you will take some comfort from others here who have been through similar things.

All good wishes
Ally

[sunday]

Hi

I lost my younger brother about 8 months ago too, and i feel the same. I thought i was doing ok, but since xmas and new year i have felt worse. the new start to the year as bought it all back i think, i didnt want to leave 2013 behind, as it felt i was leaving him behind too. Its such a big adjustment so it will take lots and lots of time but to be honest i dont think its something you ever get over, you just have to walk along side the grief and try and reach a new normality without that person. I know things will never be the same for me again. i also find it hard that there is an expectation from others that 'you must be over it now' its so hard to deal with. i am very private in my greif and tend to put on a brave face. hugs x

[amandaj]

I lost my dad 6 months ago it is so difficult and im finding it harder each day but we have to keep some sort of normality its what our loved ones would of wanted I cry everyday and it doesn't get any easier with time but its still early days for us all xx

[Antonio2301]

Yes one of the hardest things to cope with in life is losing a parent or a loved one
I lost my father aged 23 years old which is getting on for 18 years ago in May
Although I do miss him everyday, It does get easier as time goes on , although It doesn`t feel like it ever will at the time which is understandable . As they say time is a healer .. I've never missed paying my respects at Christmas & Birthday`s in the last 18 years at the cemetery and I never will
You may not see them, but they are always with you
The pain will ease as time goes on and my father wouldn't want me to be unhappy
It`s a very sad time I know for anyone to lose a parent but we find somehow the strength to carry on ..

[hangingbasket]

My mum died of breast cancer in October. I dont know how it will ever feel any less raw. It was such a hard, sad time that I dont know how it will ever feel any different.

I cant grasp the concept of death. I still forget she's not here. Sometimes I'll go to text her, or think I need to ask her something. I cant get to grips with the fact that I'll never see her again.

[mywaypasthope]

I lost my dad a year and a half ago and it's still hard. At least now I can look at pictures of him and not burst out in tears. I bottled in my feelings for a while until one day I just let all of that out to a friend and just started crying. It actually helped the healing. You'll get through this. You will never forget, but the pain will slowly disappear. If you ever need to vent to a random stranger, I am here! :)

[Pet59]

I lost my husband at the end of May after only 13 months of marriage due to a road accident. I was 34 at the time. It is so difficult at times.

[ricardo]

illgetthere hello.

This is a very personal thread and we all have different ways of dealing with the death of our parents.

May I ask you if you are an only child and where your parents happily married as I see that you wrote that only eight months after your father's death your mother has moved away to live with another man.
I was adopted and had no siblings and lost both my adopted parents within three years when in my mid twenties and it was one of the hardest times in my life.
That was over thirty years ago and I promise you that eventually your life will get back to normal and think of all the good times you had with your dad, I do on a regular basis and even now I still talk to both my parents as if they were still here.Fond memories can often act as a healer. If you want to open up more don't hesitate to p.m. me.

[lfc65]

Some great answers here and nothing I can add really. It does get less raw and painful, that's a promise. I still have bad days 8 years on from losing my Dad but most of the time I can enjoy my life and think of the happy times we had. Take care x

[illgetthere]

I thank-you all for your words of wisdom I really do hope it does get easier because the way I feel it's gets worse and worse the more whys I have and thers sadly no answers to any of them I feel for you all loosing my father is the worse pain I've even known. Love and best wishes Vicky

[Allyann]

Hope things are a little better today Vicky.
Ally